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An old friend of mine is getting married and is throwing a swanky party. Nearly all of my old friends from back in the day are going. These guys are almost like brothers and I really want to see them. It should be an amazing time.

I'm sure that there will be lots of drinking, there will probably be some coke, and there might be some pot and who knows what else.

My friend needed a response to the invitation so I had to call him and explain that I can't go because I have a problem and that I would most likely drink if placed in that environment. Other than my therapist he's the first person I had to tell (including my wife).

I know by comparison to what some of you have gone through this isn't all that bad, but it felt like a kick in the gut.

But he said, "Wow that was extremely courageous of you and I'm so glad you didn't give me some ******** excuse. I understand you gotta do what you gotta do." He's a better friend than I gave him credit for.

*sniff*

suki44883

Yeah, sometimes it's hard to do the right thing, but it appears to have worked out well. You discovered that he's a better friend than you thought, so that must mean something.

The more you guard your sobriety, the easier it will get. Those who understand are the only ones who matter. Hang in there, you're doing fine.

bellakeller

That was totally courageous! I admire you for doing this.

sunrise1

I too admire you... it takes a good amount of courage to be honest. You do indeed have a good friend there.

TheEnd

You've got to do what's best for you.............., but does that mean you won't be going to the wedding also??

Reset

Yeah it's out of town at a ski resort. Can't really go to the wedding without going to the rest of the festivities.

MsCooterBrown

Well Liquor..we can *sniff* together. I am not going to a dear friends 50th birthday celebration. I did tell her to call if they found they need a DD. I know the drill with these guys..it will entail bar hopping..LOTS of shots. Drinks. And some of them ..a little pot. BUT I was a bit conflicted. I could have gone and stuck to my club soda/cranberry but I have done that before. It just isn't fun watching people get hammered. When I was drinking with them I could keep up with the drunken humor. Sober..not so much. Anyway..I chose not to go. But if they call..I will drive them to where they need to go.

LexieCat

Good for you!

I don't think everyone needs to be given the "whole truth" but this is obviously a good friend you felt you could trust.

I always shake my head over the people who feel they have to give elaborate (aka "bullsh*t") excuses. You decline the invitation, expressing regret, or you simply say "no thanks" when offered a drink. The lies are more exhausting--and how many times can you use the "I'm on medication" excuse?

soberbythesea

Good for you for doing what you knew you needed to do. And good for your friend for understanding.

ZZworldontheweb

Sounds like you handled it perfectly. Very tasteful.

DayTrader

that's one of the blessings to come in sobriety......you'll better see ppl for who they truly are and they'll see you for who you truly are.

well done

reggiewayne

LQanddrugs.... GOOD FOR YOU. Recovery is all about honesty. Like my parents told me, and my parents parents told them, and I tell my kids - honesty is always the best policy... Also, recognize that this is a big step in your recovery. I have not had to face that kind of situation yet, and hope when I do I'll be as honest as you were.

Good work!!!

Reset

Thanks everyone, I didn't really post that for accolades but it was nice to see anyway.

artsoul

I had to turn down invitations too, and it's really hard. I felt sad/jealous for a month or so that others could do what I couldn't.

After about 6 months, though, I could go to things without being tempted. I just found that I left at a reasonable hour (with the "normal" people!). There's always a few that want to party hard and I could sense when things started changing into that mode. I really had no desire to hang out with drunk people. That surprised me (because some of them are friends!), but they just acted stupid (not charming, or witty at all!).

For everyone it's different - you have to know what you can handle. But I've heard so many people here that they could be around alcohol after some point in their sobriety and it didn't bother them. Still, I doubt most people want to sit in a bar or go to a drunkfest. It's just not appealing.

They're will be plenty of opportunities to see friends in the future, too, so remember that! And give yourself a big pat on the back - you're doing good!