Bored3

Day 30

It's strange, while I understand the conscious efforts some people in recovery make to avoid alcohol, on the few occasions I've been around alcohol and drunk people, it helps if anything. I can still see myself at my worst points in the drunker people. I wouldn't like to think that I judge them, it's for themselves to judge their own actions the next day.

I won't lie and say I don't miss it at all because there is a part of me that does, but that small part of me is missing the small part of alcohol that was fun, it's the three second thought that gets put in it's place by the memories of sickness, worthlessness and self pity.

Thanks for all of the support

Dee74

Congratulations on 30 days Bored3

I get what you're saying but I had to come to terms with that part of me that missed alcohol before I could be around the social scene again.

It may be different for you, but the 'aversion therapy' of being around drunk people only went so far for me.

D

Bored3

Currently on Day 36, going okay nothing much to report. Still occasionally getting urges to drink to get the feeling of escape but I haven't caved in and to be honest haven't felt close to caving. A conscious difference I've made is in the past if I felt I'd had an unproductive day I'd drink and start again another tomorrow, these days I tell myself if I've went through another day sober then I've achieved at least something.

Thanks for the continued support and always being here.

Bored3

Day 37

Starting to find it tough for the first time in a while. I don't know, couldn't sleep last night just feeling really disillusioned with things at the minute, feeling a bit down, but I know deep down that alcohol will in no way help those things. I've started to watch TV shows and see people with a drink and think, "am I never going to have that again?". The only thing I keep thinking is if I drink after that I'll feel the same things, the same things will be disappointing to me with one more to add to the list, my loss of sobriety.

Ugh, I dunno, just having a rough time at the minute.

UniqueNewYork

Boredom in early sobriety is really common. For me it helped if I found something productive to do. Lately I work out and go to my job and work hard. I socialize mostly on the phone because I just moved. I spend some time every day thinking about what I would lose if I went back to drinking. Namely my health, my job, my physique, my friends and relationships come to mind. When I do this, suddenly spending a little extra time at the job or calling a friend ive been holding off on calling seems like a good idea. I guess it makes me realize how lucky I am.

LexieCat

While I think it's good that you're still not drinking, I am definitely getting the sense that you are counting down to one.

Are you doing anything to make your life better, to replace what you were trying to do with the alcohol?

artsoul

Hi Bored - Congrats on day 37! That's a real accomplishment!

The first couple months for me were like a grab bag: I had great days, and really bad days when I held on by my teeth. I was tired and unmotivated until almost 4 months and thought the cravings would never go away. But they did....... it just took longer than I wanted it to.

I'll bet if you thought about it, each week has gotten just a little better....(?)

It OK (infact very very normal) to feel what you're feeling. Things are still getting better for me after 9 months, so stay positive and do something nice for yourself today.....

Dee74

I agree with artsoul...I remember feeling that way and thinking those thoughts too...

I kept working - when I felt disillusioned I kept doing my best to make my life what I wanted it to be...when I couldn't do any more on that, I trusted the people here who told me it did get better. They were right

Keep reaching out Bored
D

mtnmagic

Hi again Bored. I'm still following along behind you.
Have good days and bad days, but none so bad
like I had every time I drank!

I like what Lexie asked, cuz I need to do that
myself....what are you replacing drinking with?
I actually need suggestions for myself. Not sure
what to do about that.

Bored3

Day 38

Thanks for the comments.

I'm sorry, I use this thread to vent a lot, but I have no idea what this means. The closest I've came to drinking again during this period was a couple of few second lapses, I've stayed as positive as I can and I'm proud of myself, I have absolutely no idea where you've picked that up, I refute that claim.




To be honest, yeah there are a lot of hours to fill on slow days, but I've just put my time to as good a use as I can find, or even simply rested, lord knows I haven't done much of that through drinking. I don't work, unfortunately and not for the lack of looking, a job would possibly be a bigger help but there's nothing I can do until I gain employment. In the meantime since I've given up alcohol, I have been able to focus much more and much more successfully with my part-time education and have managed to take care of myself better. I have put on weight, but to be honest feel and look much better. I have bad days but I am fully focused in sobriety, as I said previously, if that's the only thing I accomplish on a bad day it's something.

Anytime I get down I try to be thankful for what I've got. I'm in my early twenties, on one hand I've ruined some of my 18-21 period being a drunk, on the other hand I've "caught it early" and have opportunities some people more unfortunate won't have. I have my health. I was recently watching a documentary about a man who had locked-in-syndrome and was campaigning for a law to be passed so that he could be killed, he had a wife, two daughters, and had been cut short of his active life suddenly. There was a local woman in my village who was diagnosed with lung cancer in December, she passed away last week, she was 41. These things help me try to gain perspective on how lucky I am to have realised the error of my ways and pushes me to kick myself in the ass when I get down and I feel I'm becoming a stronger person when I'm sober, alcohol robbed me of my self confidence.

I live in a very rural area and so indeed as well as finding work being hard, I have a very inclusive group of people I would call friends, and a lot of the socialising I'm used to includes pubs and bars. It is hard to adjust, I find myself alone a lot and that doesn't help, however it's amazing how often when I do socialise how dull I find it and wish for my own company, my own sober company.

Sorry to vent or whatever. These are the things I find hard, but deep down I know I'm doing the right thing for me.

Bored3

Day 40

Feeling good, the many goods outweigh the few bads and I think it sometimes helps to stand back and realise just how long it's been so far. When I look at it as an ongoing number of days it helps, but it's a good feeling to know how many times I have now not drank when before I would have.

I do appreciate all comments/opinions in this thread, perhaps I got worked up on a previous post, almost defensive, it happens.

Going strong.

Bored3

Day 42. Six Weeks.

Things are feeling better after a rough period, don't have a desire to drink and have successfully turned down drinks whenever anybody has offered, most people have been very understanding.

Thanks.

Dee74

congratulations on your 6 weeks

D

Bored3

Hey all,

Making this post on the evening of Day 52, who knew?! Continuing to live a sober life and it's going pretty good. Only complaint is that my social life has dwindled with much less frequent visits to bars (yes I know, find new people etc. I'm happier in myself now, but "losing" friends is fact).

Hopefully somebody reading thread this will associate themselves with my story and can see that it does get easier.

Thanks all

MsCooterBrown

Day 52! Good for you...It is good that you are logging everything on this thread. All posts help somebody..Congrats on day 52!

artsoul

Glad to hear you're doing well! Congrats on 52 days - that's awesome.

Getting sober is definitely a change, but at least for me, I've noticed I'm actually more connected with people now and my business is improving too. I liken it to moving into a new city - it takes time to connect, make friends, discover things, but after a while it feels like home.

Keep up the good work!

Bored3

Time for an update.

I didn't realise I had made it to Day 52, and having read that you can safely assume that I didn't continue. I gave into temptation, so anybody who had me down for that give yourself a congratulatory schadenfreudian pat on the back. I can't say I truly went on a crazy binge, just started moderating again, getting lazy.

I'm not sure where I'm at at the moment. I'm not happy because I have been drinking, and I'm not unhappy, I'm just kind of there. I had a realisation a few weeks ago when I had an upcoming exam and had two days to prepare because I'd let my focus drop, I admit that drinking again set my focus way off. I ended up passing the exam, but I felt almost relief rather than satisfaction, like I'd cheated death.

Anxiety has appeared if I had drank too much or had drank moderately for two days at a time which I've hated, ugh I can't explain it. I think I'm reaching out for some reassurance that I was extatically happy and peaceful when I was sober, I'm not sure I was and then I'm wondering whether or not it was worth it. It's almost like my head and my heart are at odds with moderation against sobriety. Logically, I know there is only one answer, but I'm not sure what I would get out of it. When I have asked around the few people who knew I'd given up said I seemed happier and more content, but were they just saying that because they felt that's what I wanted them to say?

Like I say I'm not bashing away at my keyboard in a drunk addled state looking for the answer, I genuinely haven't been overdoing it on the drinking the way I thought I would have fallen off the wagon, I'm just a bit drawn out.

Thanks for reading, any advice is always welcome.

MattM316

Yeah I get the mood swings too, altho I even had them when I was drinking my heaviest. It is so hard because one minute you feel fine and motivated and think "this is bloody easy!" and then minutes later you feel miserable and so unmotivated that even the thought of sitting down to watch a movie feels like too much.

Bored3

Right, come on let's give this another go.

Been feeling down all morning after having had a couple of glasses last night, it didn't feel that good, just habitual and boring really. It's a lovely day today and I have nothing to do and I was starting to think about having a drink tonight for something to do but it's not going to make much difference, is it?

If nothing else, I'll look better, have no secrets and save a bit of money, and who knows, maybe I'll find something more rewarding again.

Thanks

Bored3

Or not. I've had a couple of drinks and feel as lonely as I did. Hell I don't know...