MsCooterBrown

"Last night around 3am i woke my wife to feed our new born, and pulled her to the computer, to show her that i started this thread.
She stood up and hugged me not saying a thing - then after reading all the information i put here she told me - that she will help me . "

This is the kind of love that some people have never known. Sounds like she for sure is on your team..it touched me to read this...

The self loathing is something that every alcoholic knows I think..it stems from actively drinking knowing the insanity of making yourself sick after self medicating time after time. I understand this. I was in the cycle for YEARS! I hope you find your way to the other side with whatever it takes support wise. Alcoholism sucks. But maybe we have to go thru it to understand the joy and peace of sobriety. I wish you well.

newby1961

Dessy this is the 1st day of the rest of your life. I went through what you are for to many years I can't even count. I wanted so bad to drink but not have any of the consequences or self hate and loathing. There are scores of people just like us in the rooms of AA. I also wanted to share with you that they told my ex the same thing. He started going to the ER from drinking, then he started having his organs taken out while the Dr's kept telling him if he kept drinking he would die. Well my friend he was only in his 40's when he did die he bled to death in his sleep from complications due to drinking. He left behind his teenage daughter, ex wife, me and his mom and brother. He said everything you said on many, many, occasions. He didn't get the chance but you do please don't leave your kids fatherless. Keep the Faith

Veritas1

You looked up AA and found a group! You included your wife in your quest for recovery!

So happy for you!

Like someone in AA I know always says..."You want sobriety? Come and get it! There it is...in the rooms of AA...among the people, there is the love, support, wisdom, collective experience, strength and hope."

I hope you will be able to go to a meeting tonight. Sunday night is a nice time to go. You can start your week off right, then do it again daily. Do the next right thing. Take care of yourself, and your health. Perhaps a visit to your doctor is in order to make sure that you have a safe detox away from dependence upon alcohol in your body.

You can always call the AA hotline, and have someone talk with you for awhile. That may be helpful. Someone who has been there to encourage you. One alcoholic talking to another...we stay sober together.

Unity.

Dessycrate

Just wanted to do a follow up with everyone - I have not had a drink since this first post in this thread - I have had temptations and physical problems since then but the battle is still on everyday. I have told my friends what i am doing and they have changed the way they talk and view my new life style, they are all very supportive. Now when we hang out they bring juice or soda, and I am very happy today then i was when i posted this.

My wife has supported me 100 percent and makes sure that the temptation and any feelings I get are discussed immediately to keep me on track. I personally am dealing with head aches and some minor body issues i think that were related to 15+ years of heavy drinking. but so far none are worth going to the hospital for.

I am not in AA, I have to admit i really am not religious and please dont hold that agents me. I have changed my daily habit's so i drink more water / juice. My Diet is allot more healthy I have lost a few pounds. I am exercising and that helps with the aches and pains sometimes.

I read some of the forums from time to time and seeing and reading the pain other people are going though puts my addiction in check.

thank you.

artsoul

I'm so glad you posted - I was reading along, thinking you were in dire straights (not realizing your orginal post was over 2 months ago!)..... then to see that you have been sober all this time - it just make my night!!!

I find that staying tuned in to this place helps me stay grounded, too.

Glad you are well on your way to a new, better life!!

Chris2011

Keep reading Dessecrate....what is keeping me from drinking are the horrible, endless after affects...feeling bad is just one thing...I lose at least two days of home stuff, eat twice as much as usual, being a total recluse and hating myself, am a total slug at work...the thought of all of that just makes me sick. I have a long way to go...but being here means you do want better for yourself and your kids. Get the help you need.

Chris2011

Me too artsoul...lol...doing great, love the update!!!

Dee74

thanks for the update dessycrate - way to go!

D

CarolD

Glad you are making positive choices...

Nirvana1

Your situation is like most do it yourselfer's (myself up until recently). You can easily stop for periods of time, even months. What happens is that something comes up, good or bad, and you take a harmless drink or have one "fun" night.

You relied on your own experience and power to stay stopped, but when temptations surfaced you only have yourself to ask if it is ok or not. This will just cycle until you hit a lower bottom or worse.

What AA is to me is a place where there are people with common problems, temptations, thoughts, and experiences. When you have any sort of inclination to drink, you will have multiple people looking out for your well being who can explain from experience why you need to let it go.

AA is about the people who can help you, and yes a higher power is part of it. What you have is the choice to try something that works or to find easy excuses why AA is not for you. I'm as stubborn as they come but no full well it will take all of my will power and help from AA to beat this addiction. I had the same thoughts on AA as you did but I want to shout from rooftops how different and better it is compared to what you would think.

GodsHolyWill

Hi! Have you considered asking God's help through working with AA? Many miracles have happened through that program! God bless you! Don't give up hope!

SSIL75

Happy to hear it!

No apologies required for the AA thing. I am one of many here who is happily sober without AA!

LexieCat

Is it that, or is it this: The reason I bring it up is that you have quit drinking before, and were able to "hang on" for awhile, but you keep returning to drinking.

Just FYI, you don't have to be "religious" to benefit from AA. I don't consider myself religious, and I know plenty of agnostics and even atheists in AA. All you gotta do is accept that there is a Power greater than yourself. Think about it. Are you the source of all the power in the universe? Does the sun rise and set because of you? Are you in complete control of every aspect of your life, including your job, your health, your income tax rate? Do you control gravity?

We are all subject to powers greater than ourselves. Alcohol is, for alcoholics, one of those powers. We can't control it, it controls US.

Wouldn't it be great if this were the very last time you had to go through the cycle of drinking, remorse, desperate withdrawal? Think about it. AA offers a great solution for being done with drinking once and for all.

cabledude

Well, so far you've become aware there's a problem with your drinking, told on yourself here, involved your wife to add her strength to yours to overcome this problem and have become confident that you will now follow through and things will be allright.

Hope so, see how it goes.