sleepie

I have been a near daily and heavy drinker now for almost 9 years. That's a chunk of time. I don't like to feel bad about it but I am robbing myself of a life... It was fun for awhile but now it's a struggle. This makes me so sad. I just can't feel optimistic about my future... the few times I have obtained a few months sobriety I was so sad and worried. I am sure I will die of some awful ailment due to abusing my body. I try not to worry but I don't succeed so much. Maybe it's the loneliness and stress of recent interviews that has me so down. Today is another day one for me. And I am trying so hard not to think of the last guy I dated, he was mean to me but I miss him, I am that lonely. I wish I could handle total solitude but I can't so much. I am going for a short walk to grab a movie. It's 17 degrees out and snowing, I like this weather... I ordered a meditation cushion a few days ago, I hope it gets here soon. I will not contact the guy, I will not, I will not. I'll just keep saying that.

Veritas1

I heard a good speaker cd tonight about a lady that felt so badly about the lost years.

She said, though, in sobriety we get a second chance.

ZZworldontheweb

Sister, when you stop drinking, the life you inherit is TWICE the one you had, so you start making up for lost time very rapidly. I urge you to keep trying! Go team Sleepie!

Dee74

slight repetition alert Sleepie...

change the guy to a girl and I could have written that post in 2007 sleepie.

I'm no longer so sad about the lost years - there are what they were, and I've done more in 4 years sober than I did in 20 drunk. I've found someone who not only really loves me but makes me feel good and a better person too. I would never have done that without recovery - I was not equipped to handle that kind of a relationship as an active drinker.

The first step to get out from where you are and I was is putting down the drink - and finding other ways of dealing with life so you don't pick it up again no matter what.

It's hard, it's sometimes painful, and you have to be indefatigable in your search for other ways to solve your problems, but I've never regretted it.

D

rws177

Being lonely down right sucks but you certainly don't deserve to be with someone who is mean to you. I hope the right guy comes along and treats you with the kindness and respect that you deserve along with respecting your sobriety.

gravity

A couple of cliches became mantras for me in early sobriety:

"You can't change the past."

"You only live once."

So do what you gotta do to make changes 'cos there is an amazing life right in front of you!

As for the loneliness, my sister (who was making bad relationship choices) went to a counsellor and was told that she was "relationship dependent." I was that way about a year ago when my marriage ended but am now quite content being single, dating, in a relationship, whatever - as long as it feels good!