Jackedjohn

I recently joined looking for an alternative to AA. However, I found that a lot of the people I have talked to on here do not relate to my feelings on AA and this site is an extension of it. I was wondering if there were any like minded people who enjoy sobriety WITHOUT the crutch of AA and who chose life over AA. AA completely destroyed my confidence and it wasn't until I separated myself from the self defeating ideology of AA that I felt good about myself. I do not want this thread to turn into a argument over AA and nonAA people. Just looking for like minded people.

scared1

I have been going to a few meetings this week but I noticed that I get sad there. So many problems, and it makes me feel like drinking. That is why I am not going tonight. It's my first sober Friday but I don't want to get sad.
I will try another meeting next week

Dee74

interesting first post John.

Neither do I, but I think if you make statements about AA like 'crutch' and 'self defeating idealogy' that you have to expect some..er...vigorous feedback here John

I'm not in AA and never have been. There are other ways to get sober.

You may find the Secular Connections forum more to your liking...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...r-connections/
D

CarolD

Welcome....

Yes many here do use AA and many members do not.
There is no wrong way to win over alcohol.

Instead of telling us what did not work for you..please do
post what you are doing to benefit yourself....

AA is not nor has it ever said it was for everyone
No membership drives have ever been launched either...

Benowhere

Hi John,
I enjoy abstinence without AA. I cannot be bothered arguing with people about it, but I just want you to know there are many here who agree with you. You will probably receive a load of pleas to go to meetings, you don't understand it, you can't be a 'real' alcoholic if you're sober without AA etc etc. I think you know the answers to all this. Don't let them undermine the confidence you've gained in yourself.

There is a phrase in another system of recovery- 'Recovery Group Disorder'. I certainly used to experience this. It sounds like you did too. It's where your self-confidence in your ability to handle life and make decisions is undermined, where you feel more guilt and more anger and more resentment as a result of attending meetings, where you experience more cravings, and more mood swings.

I have posted the stats here before, where it's estimated that only 1 in 10 (approx) of addicted people ever receive ANY interventions, from Dr's, AA or anywhere else. They quit their addictions at the same rate as people who receive 'treatment', so, make of that what you will. I was told when I went to meetings originally that noone gets sober without AA, yeah right!

All the best with things, stay strong.

MsCooterBrown

Ahem...*clears her throat*
I am not in AA. I read alot of recovery books ..I check in to SR daily. I am not sure what you have witnessed. Debates pop up every now and then but my thinking is WHATEVER works for you to recover is the thing to do. I have come to the acceptance that alcohol no longer has a place in my life after witnessing a few deaths and accidents that were alcohol related. That sealed the deal in my mind. Not looking back. Glad you joined us..Welcome.

oak

I don't use AA either. Tried it but did not like it. It's good that there are so many options for being sober. There was a time when I thought that most people here use AA, but I don't think that's accurate. I have gotten better at finding the non-AA posts.

You might also like the non-AA websites (SMART, RR, WFS, SOS). There is a sticky somewhere with URLs (maybe at the top of this forum).

Jackedjohn

Good luck on your first Friday of Sobriety. I remember the uncomfortable feeling. It gets a LOT easier the further you get away from your last drink. If I had any advice for anyone new it would be to be honest with a few close friends and family members with your decision to stop drinking and ask them to help you out in early sobriety with activities that do not involve drinking. You'll find out who your real friends are. I'm trying my best not to shoot down going to a meeting because of my personal bias with the way I was treated... however... I will say ANYTHING is better than picking up a drink. I just believe there are much more effective ways to achieve that success. You DO have the power to not drink. If you want it... you will make it happen.

sleepie

Hi Jackedjohn. Did you look into the "Secular Connections" forum here? It says it's got alternatives to 12 steps.

least

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

Mark75

I think you will have a much much much better experience here and in life itself if you make your own journey about recovery and sobriety and not about your own experience with AA!!

SSIL75

I have found the same thing! Stick around. There are a lot of us recovering without AA.

Jackedjohn

Unfortunately a lot of what I do is what I found to be the opposite of what I was taught in AA, but here is what I do.
1. I believe we are all (every one of us) are powerful. Once I got the idea that I was diseased/powerless out of my head, my acceptance of not drinking became remarkably easier.
2. I stopped putting the idea of MY sobriety at the forefront of my life. I made life my idea of sobriety. I stopped making life a part of my sobriety and started making sobriety a part of my life.
3. Stop being self defeating and started trusting myself.
4. Figured out who my real friends were by telling them honestly about my problem with alcohol. I DID NOT discard everyone who I ever had ever drank with. I have a lot of amazing friends. I did separate myself from the ones who refused to accept my choice.
5. I realized that it takes hard work. Turning it over to a higher power because I am "incapable of doing it" on my own caused negativity and lack of confidence which lead to several relapses.
6. Happiness comes from doing what you enjoy and enjoying what you have.
7. Time heals pain and resentment
8. I never force myself to do anything to stay sober. Including not forcing myself to NOT pick up a drink. I understand that it is unsafe for me to do which gives me the power to not pick up. Anything that is forced and unnatural is detrimental to my sobriety.

Justfor1

The biggest thing that ever destroyed my confidence was alcohol. I got tired of doing obnoxious and crazy things while intoxicated. I use AA but I know a guy who runs 35miles a week and insists that's the only thing that keeps him sober. Not God, AA, Sober
Recovery, family,friends ect... Whatever you find that works.

least

SR is NOT an extension of AA. There are a lot of AA members here but it is NOT an AA site. I have noticed that a lot of AA members who post here are very 'vocal' and enthusiastic about AA - perhaps because it works so well for them.

I still go to my home group meetings, once a week if possible. But I am grateful to AA and its members for the help and support I got (and still get) from them. I mostly depend on my weekly sessions with my addiction counselor and SR to stay happily sober but won't tell anyone else how to stay sober themselves. I can only share my experience and offer my opinions if asked.

tomvlll

What exactly do you find objectionable about AA?
I just want to get a non-satisfied customer's perspective.

Jackedjohn

My life is great. Sobriety has become something that fascinated me and I enjoy talking about it. I just wanted to meet people who had similar feelings about AA because I'm AAed out. People who wanted to talk about sobriety within their life and without the overtones of religion. AA was detrimental to my recovery and in turn... my life. I'm much better now.

Jackedjohn

See... I don't want it to turn into an argument over what works. I only wanted to find people who had issues with the way AA was conducted... not to bash AA, but to find other people who found better ways.

I will try to keep it as civil as possible.
1. When AA says they are not religious only spiritual. It is 100% religious. They say they are the only true way to sobriety. They have a "Bible". I was told to cut all ties with anyone I knew before AA because they were Dangerous. "Your disease is talking to you... it wants you back" equates the devil.
2. The clingy co-dependency of the "fellowship"
3. The negativity and telling you that you can't do it without them
4. Giving credit to a "higher power" or AA for anything good, but when someone relapsed it was because "they took their own will back." Self defeating.
5. The number 1 reason why I not satisfied was that once I stepped away I felt much better about life and myself. I had to "clear my head" of AA.

Supercrew

Jacked, there are alot of us here just like you. I like the way you look at recovery, and my thoughts are exactly along the lines of "if I don't enjoy it I probably won't do it", Drinking is easy, but it became work for me, and it wasn't enjoyable, recovery, although not easy all of the time, has become interesting and even enjoyable for me.

Everyone on this site is trying to accomplish the same thing.....happy, content, sobriety. And you already know there are many differents paths, and many people on this site, (all with good intentions), are trying to help other posters with what is helping them live sober. Everytime I type something regarding my beliefs about recovery and what I think would help someone else I'm doing it because it is information that has helped me...whether that be past experiences, or vitamins that I take, or the way I handle situations. When I read a post that goes completely against what I believe it is human nature for me to want to debate it. I'm trying to stick with the rule of thumb that if I don't have anything positive to contribute I try not to get involved in the thread...(which I am not always successful at because I am a hardheaded argumentative person at times).

Likewise I feel that most people want to let people know what they think is best, and I can't fault them for being just like me, even though we may have differing opinions. There is alot of great information on this site and alot of support no matter what you believe and I feel I learn stuff everyday here from everyone AAer's, non AAer's, newbies and longtimers, and I give SR a ton of credit in helping me stay sober on a daily basis. Stick around for awhile and keep posting!

Isaiah

Hello,

Actually, I share a lot of your criticisms of AA. Pretty much your points 1-5 I can agree and identify with in one way or another.

I still do it. The whole business. I feel like I get more out of it than I lose by doing the program. Yes, AA is a religious organization. Yes, it claims it isn't. And yes, the Big Book lies its ass off when it says AA accepts atheists and agnostics. The non-religious have never been welcome in AA, ever.

It's a matter of personal choice and tolerance. If you don't like AA, you don't have to do it. If you don't like AA, but like it enough to keep using it, join my club!