Hopeworks

My husband and I despised AA. I mean we hated it... trashed it... disparaged it. The meetings seemed tortuous to us with people often rambling on about their problems/disappointments in others and even silly stuff like their weedwacker being broken. We spent years on every other recovery path known to mankind... every medication, every diet and supplement, counseling, Christ centered rehabs, secular rehabs, rational recovery etc, etc, etc... Before anyone else had even heard of baclofen I was in touch with Dr. Ameisen and we started getting baclofen from India! We tried every single drug on the planet and then some ...

Despite our knowledge on addiction strategies my husband had always been stage four "hopeless" alcoholic and chronic relapser and last July he binged and got arrested (only the 19th time for an alcohol related misdemeanor) and detoxed in jail (we were split up due to the relapse). I wouldn't bond him out until he agreed to residential treatment that ended up lasting 4 months. During his treatment he attended over 300 AA meetings ... some good, some bad and many more that were a mix of both. He met big book thumpers, meeting makers, newbies, men and women with a lot of good sobriety and lot of very sick people struggling to find their own path.

Something happened after about 100 meetings ... he turned off the hate and started listening and opened his mind to consider the principles. Being researchers we began to study AA and learne the historical roots of AA and what it was like when it was in its infancy and had a true 75% to 90% success rate. Early AA and the modern day AA do not resemble eachother at all and the success rates are vastly different. His first sponsor was not to well himself and Chris had to take the difficult step of changing sponsors. His second sponsor was a "meeting maker" (just go to meeting or meeting every day) and is still in Chris's recovery circle. But Chris started to get well when he met Jack who mentored him and took him through the steps the way Dr. Bob, Bill and Clarence did it in the "old days".

Things began to change for him and I as the miracle began to unfold each day. Chris graduated from the rehab and kept working the program and every day was better than the day before.


So, we AA haters became convinced of the power of working the steps when it set Chris free from the death sentence of his alcoholism. In the past 2 years he has been in the hospital 6 times blacked out with at least a .48% blood alcohol (should have been dead). 3 out of 6 hospitals he actually pulled the IV's and "escaped" to get beer. The other 3 times he was handcuffed to the hospital bed until his blood alcohol dropped low enough to be baker acted. He had been in jail twice due to stupid acts like guzzling purloined beer in the bathroom of a conveinence store - this was after having visited his barber and gotten a mohawk while under the influence.

Yes... hes a "real" alcoholic...the type that everyone believes to be hopeless. But today for the first time in fifteen years he has NO CRAVINGS and he is off of all medication including antidepressants, sleep meds that he always believed he "needed" to survive.

Tommorrow we are going to the detox center that Chris has personally dried out in 5 seperate times but now he will be returning sober and walking through the front door to do his first 12 step call at the request of the man who is detoxing on day 3 and his wife. The man has been a binge black out drinker for years and this last go round he wanted to commit suicide and his poor wife is at the end of her rope. This man who wants to talk to my ex-jailbird hubbie is a very prominent man in the community who is a multi, multi millionaire. Alcohol is an equal opportunity destroyer and no respecter of persons.

We can offer them our experience, strength and hope as we have been down every path of recovery more than once ... but the path that brought true freedom from addiction and the happiness and joy we both now have we attribute to his following the program of AA and its spiritual principles through the 12 steps as it was done in the old days.

The miracles are out there for each and every person who doesn't give up looking for their own personal path of recovery! I commend you for your taking the time and asking for advice and this forum is an excellent place to get lots of ideas and suggestions.

So, follow your heart and mind down whatever path you believe might work for you and you may end up experimenting and incorporating many different paths in your personal recovery plan. And if you try it all like we did and end up back at square one don't be afraid to try AA again (just shop around like a consumer) or Celebrate Recovery until you find the right group of support folks that you can identify with.

Good luck and God bless!

north

I'm not a regular AA member.

Just a mild recommendation based on your first bad experience. If you live in a larger metropolitan area, there will certainly be more than one group. You might find that there are distinct cultural or philosophical differences between groups.

And, you'll certainly find some pretty wacky people (as in any group). One longtime member cornered me after a meeting with this incredible wild-eyed intensity about him and declared I needed to be going to at least 3 to 5 meetings a week ... "or I would absolutely relapse". Then he proceeded to tell me what a committed Communist he was and how he made trips to Cuba...

The guys that I remember and appreciate however was the visiting i-banker from NYC on a business trip, who had been sober for six years and simply told me after a meeting to never give up. Simple and timely stuff like that, I'll remember and appreciate forever.

I also worried some very well-intentioned longtime AA members and friends who were deeply concerned about whether I completed all 12 Steps. In one friend's mind, he was firmly convinced that I would absolutely unequivocally relapse without doing so. I was pretty certain that I would be fine and didn't need to go through a list of people I had harmed and 'make amends' (step 4 or something?).

Anyways, I am coming up on my second year of having quit drinking with no relapses. My friend conceded last year that "perhaps I wasn't really an alcoholic after all...". Maybe he's right too. I never had a hard bottom experience or craved a drink so badly I'd be downing ridiculous substitutes. However, I do know I have no desire to start drinking again or test the waters as to whether I can handle moderate drinking. That's why between every few weeks or months, I still come to SB .. it's a board for those who wish to abstain 100%.

Figure out what works for you. And, sometimes it's the small pieces of advice that help. For example, like how to handle situations after work,while traveling or what have you ... chances are others have successfully navigated around similar challenges.

yeahgr8

I've met a few people who had bad experiences with AA their first time...who knows why it happened? But i'm sure it's not a bad experience with the solution of AA which is working the steps to a spiritual awakening through the instructions in the Big Book...

There are a lot of people in AA that are doing their own thing and a load of people who just aren't drinking anymore begrudgingly so take the guy from the bar with a temper, take his booze away and then sit with him for an hour and a half...you ain't going to have a lot of fun...but there are plenty of people in AA who do work the program and do have a solution for you...in my experience bad experiences come from your expectations being unrealistic...if you want to ever go to AA again, look for the long-term sober guy, ask him if he has worked the solution outlined above, ask him to help you do the same and understand that you are sitting in a room full of sick people...some of who have gotten better because they were ready to be honest, open-minded and willing:-)

Benowhere

Jacked has clearly stated his objections to the 12 step program of AA, yet people continue to talk to him like he's stupid and 'just doesn't get it'. It's always along the lines of 'try another meeting, there must have been something wrong with the ones you went to'.

Why can't steppers get it into their heads that there are many people who cannot and will not and don't want to conform to the 12 steps?

Is it step 12 that drives these people to keep push push pushing at dissenters? This man has CLEARLY stated he wishes to connect with non-steppers, he is solidly abstinent, yet the big book boyos here keep trying to convert him.

Paraffinalien

Big book pg 98.
Burn the idea into the consiousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house.

Dee74

As I note the OP has moved on, both sides of the argument have been presented, and we seem to have a number of threads plowing more or less the same field at the moment, I think we're done here.

thanks everyone
D