gold1009

First off:::::These are all true statements about myself and the fight I have in my head daily. I know that not any of these one statements by themselves make sense and alot of them contradict each other...and alot of them are the same on both sides!!!...but when I collaborate them together they stand strong to either side of the argument. I AM an alcoholic OR I am NOT an alcoholic.


Why I am NOT an alcohlic::
1) I never drink liquor, do shots or drink to get drunk
2) I am rarely hungover
3) I always feel the need to be in control of everything...including my drinking. It bothers me to see people stumbling, vomiting or "out of control" when drinking. I don't let myself get that way
4) I only drink beer or wine
5) I am fit, in shape, attractive, petite (5'2" 105 lbs) I care about my appearance. I am thought of as attactive or "hot".
6) I exercise.
7) I eat healthy foods. Not all the time but I care about what I eat
8) I take vitamins
9) I live in a middle/upscale suburban yuppy-ville neighborhood
10) I have been with the same man for 16 years. We are financially secure.
11) I have a great family and lots of friends
12) I am a mom of one 2 year old son and we participate in playdates, library classes, swim classes, etc. I am the typical yuppy stay at home mom. I do all the cheesy stay at home mom things and I love it. He is my world, my joy and I love him beyond words. I would step in front of a speeding truck or a bullet for my son. He is amazing.
13) I've never had an OWI and if I know I will be out drinking I take a cab or plan for a DD
14) I'm a SAHM <(stay at home mom) My house is spotless, I cook dinner every night. I do all my grocery shopping, laundry, errands. I run my household very efficiently and I absolutely LOVE taking care of my family and taking on the traditional female role. My husband does not clean or do any of the "woman" chores around the house. It is my job. His job is to provide for us financially
15) Before I became a SAHM I worked for 12 years at the same job and was very successful.
16) I do not have physical withdrawals from not drinking.
17) I LOOVE the taste of wine and beer
18) I am in constant control of when I drink and why. For example, my husband's holiday party is in a couple weeks. He has a great job. But I know that we will drink that night. I already line up a ride for us both. I won't get waay drunk and make a fool of myself. I will be the attractive, fun, outgoing wife and make a great impression like I always do....but I will drink excessively. But...I am always in control. My son is staying overnight at grandma's house so I know that I won't have to worry about caring for him that evening
19) I never go out and my son hardly EVER has a sitter. The only people I will trust with my son is my mom and mother in law. I am home with him literally 7 days a week. I feel guilty if I am away from him. He is my world.
20) I hate drinking when it gets dark or its close to bedtime. I like to be in control of it and go to bed as clear-minded as possible. I would rather drink while its light out and be "sober" by bedtime

21) I am usually the most sober one if we go out with our friends. They always try to pressure me into taking shots and I NEVER do and I won't. I want to stay in control and I know my limit with beer and wine

22) I never throw up. Actually I have emetophobia for real. That's a whole 'nother forum but its the fear of vomit

23) I am successful in almost everything I do or have done in life. Its like I can't let myself fail. I am blessed with a charmed life. I feel very lucky

24) When I tell myself not to drink..I don't. Its simply that easy ( because I can't fail. I have to control myself)

25) I don't want to quit drinking

26) I never black out


Reasons why I AM an alcohlic:::
1) I drink 4-6 days a week
2) I am a SAHM and I drink while my son is napping
3) For my size (see above) I can drink ALOT and not be "that" effected. I can out drink a lot of men and still be up walking and functioning fine
4) On the days I drink I usually drink 1/2 bottle of wine (low side) TO 1 bottle of wine and a couple beers (high side)////// OR 4 beers (low side) 10 beers (high side)
5) I drink during the day--- starting when my son goes down for his nap at 1pm
6) I believe that alcohol makes me a better person. I loosen up. I feel I can be the perfect housewife and mom that my image reflects
7) I LOOOOOOVE the taste of wine and beer
8) I sometimes feel that the only thing I look forward to is when I can drink
9) My dad is an alcoholic
10) My family and inlaws (my husband is Irish catholic) are ALL drinkers. Every holiday/family event/dinner has alcohol and I like it that way
11) I started drinking at age 15. I will be 33 years old in a couple weeks. Up until my son was born 2 years ago, my hubby and I were out EVERY weekend with friends drinking.
12) I need alcohol to have fun
13) I am in constant control of when I drink and why. For example, my husband's holiday party is in a couple weeks. He has a great job. But I know that we will drink that night. I already line up a ride for us both. I won't get waaay drunk and make a fool of myself. I will be the attractive, fun, outgoing wife and make a great impression like I always do....but I will drink excessively. But...I am always in control.
14) I will plan on events in the future that I will get drunk at. For example::The couple times I've gotten to go with my husband to the college football games we have season tickets to (since my son was born I don't get to go anymore-I think I've went twice) I will plan on binge drinking.
15) I will forsake food in order to drink. I don't want to consume too many calories. So I will drink my calories rather then eat them. I don't want to be fat (<-another huge fear of mine-getting fat) but I don't want to give up drinking.I would rather drink than eat. And also I know that after drinking, I can eat to get "sober"
16) I can't imagine life without alcohol. I love it. I love the taste, the way it makes me feel.
17) I hide the extent of my drinking from my friends and family. They all know I drink (because we all do!) but they don't know I drink alone and as much as I do. I don't really hide it from my husband but I don't think he realizes. Well, I guess I lie by omission. For example, when he comes home from work and I'm cooking dinner and having a glass of wine he thinks that is fine. Even though I have drank since 1pm that day. However, I never act "drunk" so I don't think he knows it
18) Somehow I am perceived by others as perfect. I don't want to be and it is HORRIBLE. I have this image that I feel I need to constantly live up to. Our friends envy us. My mom and dad (when he's sober enough to realize) are extremely proud of me. I feel like alcohol helps me take a break from that AND also at the same time help me keep up that image. You have no idea how exhausting it is. Ever since I was a child I have been type A personality. I can't fail. Rules are important. I care what other people think. I can remember feeling like this in kindergarten
19) I think about alcohol alot. When I'm not drinking, its about when I can drink again. I have dreamt about alcohol
20) I don't want to quit drinking
21) I am a better, funner, kinder person when I'm drinking.
22) I feel sorry for people who don't drink but yet I envy people that don't drink
23) I have drove in the past when I shouldn't have (never with my son in the car though) 99% of the time I'm very good about getting a ride or a cab. But its not like I haven't chanced it before. I wake up the next morning with EXTREME regret and disappointment in myself



So, give me ALL your thoughts. I have researched and studied addiction so I am assuming that most of you are instantly going to say, yes you are an alcoholic and you are in denial. OR, at the very least you have a problem with alcohol.But I can't help but wonder about things that I do that I feel I can't relate or am not like other alcoholics. Maybe you could label me high-functioning alchoholic?



And finally, the BIGGEST question here...is if I am ALWAYS in control and I won't let anything bad happen--how do I find the need or motivation to want to quit drinking? Because I don't want to at all. But, nothing bad has ever happened to me because of my drinking. I'm sure if I continue like this, something bad will eventually...but I don't want it to get to that point but I need to know how to find the "want" to quit drinking.

Sugah

If you've done your research, you have read, I'm sure, that alcoholism is progressive. So, if you're alcoholic, eventually, your "why I'm not" list will become smaller and smaller, and as it does, you may find the desire to stop. Or you may not. We all have to find the willingness, and what it takes to do that varies from person to person.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

tsmba

The issue is how alcohol affects your life. Most of us have created "reasons" why we are not alcoholic, its part of denial. If alcohol is causing problems in your life, yet you cannot seem to stop....you need help!

BobGT

Hi and welcome to SR gold1009!

You have certainly put a lot of thought into your situation and that is a good start. But it is hard for anyone else to diagnose you as an alcoholic, and we really don't do that here at SR.

The main characteristic of an alcoholic is someone who can't control their drinking. That includes both failure to be able to stop once started, and failure to stay stopped once stopped. So I would suggest that you go 30 days without drinking. What happens during that time, as well as how you feel about drinking during the 30 days, will probably give you some valuable information.

It's just a suggestion. I'm no expert. Best wishes.

Mark75

You said a lot... Welcome to SR! Number 19, that's the one that I found most concerning.

Keep posting!

skg

If you're convinced you're not an alcoholic why are you asking? That's quite an extensive analysis--it's obviously a serious question tumbling around in your mind.

Do yourself a favor and attend an OPEN AA Meeting--see if you find similarities. Maybe you can try some controlled drinking--have one or two drinks and stopping. Stop for an entire year. These are just a couple suggestions put forth by the authors of Alcoholics Anonymous, the text of the AA fellowship.

If you want to drink, that's your business. If you want to stop, AA can help.

Paraffinalien

The great obsession of every abnormal drinker is that somehow, someday they will be able to find a way to control their drinking. You say you have complete control yet you dont seem to be able to control how you THINK about alcohol. Alcoholics are generally but not exclusively control freaks, egotistical, narcissitic and incredibly willfull. Infact i would say that strong willed is characteristic of us all, we have to have a strong will to even become alcoholic, it takes dedication ;-) Only you can know.

doggonecarl

Normal drinkers don't devote 1/1000th of the time you do to thinking about your drinking.

>> I always feel the need to be in control of everything...including my drinking.

I read here once, if you have to control it, it's out of control. You are trying to control something that eventually will spin out of your grasp.

Forget alcoholic/not alcoholic for a moment. For health reasons alone you are exceeding what medical professionals recommend for alcohol consumption.

Your post reminds me so much of myself. Drank over 30 years. For most of that time I thought I was vigilant and would recognize when alcohol got to be a problem. Yet, I was almost too late. When it became apparent there was a problem, I had difficulty quitting. Kept putting it off, using many excuses similar to the ones you posted in your first list, and continued to drink. In 2007 my mom died and my drinking took off.

Then, one day, I had my eye-opening fall from grace (my bottom, I guess) and knew there was a problem and vowed to quit...

Couldn't do it. Relapsed after two weeks. The difficulty I had during those two weeks, the constant craving proved I had a problem. I needed to drink! Redid all my reseach on alcohol and addiction, not to prove I wasn't an alcoholic, like I had always done, but to verify what I knew in my heart. Joined SR and have been sober four months. In hindsight, I was in denial for much of my drinking period.

Gold, the plummet from "in control" to out of control is swift and terrifying. I hope you don't have to suffer through it.

Lushwell

People who drink fall into three categories:

Use

Abuse

Alcoholism

"Users" are occasional drinkers, and other than the predictable hangover from overdoing it, experience no consequences.

"Abusers" do experience consequences in various forms, such as drunken misbehavior, hangovers, possible legal ensnarements.

Alcoholism includes the compulsion to drink. Loss of control of the choice to drink or not drink. Withdrawal symptoms are situational, and vary. Increase and / or decrease in tolerance to alcohol. There are other social and psychological indicators as well.

An online forum is a poor place to form an assessment from others based on a self described lifestyle. The picture described in the OP may differ greatly from the picture drawn by a skilled observer. While well stated, the OP resembles an articulate defense of a lifestyle. Defensiveness is a psychological protection mechanism, which in its self sends up red flags. If one's value system is OK with the activities in our lives, there is no need for defense. The first warning sign might not be out of control drinking or social / legal consequences. It may be the guilt and shame of living outside of our value system. Child endangerment / neglect might be an example.

I subscribe to the idea that alcoholism is progressive. We don't necessarily start with full blown symptoms. Often the symptoms get progressively worse. Sometimes there are other underlying issues to our drinking.

I roomed with guys in college that didn't draw a sober breath for years, and today lead healthy, productive lifestyles. A few of us found ourselves on a much different path. Luck of the gene pool maybe.

DayTrader

Gold....... most of what you described has more to do with being or not being a problem drinker. Alcoholism is a step beyond problem drinking. How about you find our if you are or not?

I posted this in another thread but it's appropriate for this one too.

1. When you start drinking, are you able to control the amount you drink or, once you start, do you develop a craving/desire for more? Could you have just 1 or 2 drinks...on a schedule...for a period of 6 months? If you can't, and 1 or 2 typically = more.......even if you planned to only have 1 or 2, then this sounds like the physical craving for more alcohol once one or two drinks are taken.... no "normal drinker" experiences this more than maybe once or twice in their lifetime (and it's usually early in their drinking career)

2. Can you stay stopped when you put your mind to it? if no, than that sounds like the mental obsession. If this is true for you, you're probably alcoholic. Move on to the next question. Maybe you can't put your mind to it at all......that would indicate (to me) that you can't control stopping. But, just for giggles, try to stop for a period of time.....say 6 months.

3. When you DO stop...does life seem to lighten up and get better....or do you tend to get more irritable, restless and discontent? In other words, does a life "not drinking" sound more painful than a life OF drinking?

1, 2 and 3 cover the mental obsession that keeps us from staying stopped, the physical craving that keeps you going once you start up again, and the spiritual malady that makes the times you quit sheer agony.....until u start again and trigger the physical craving which usually ensures you'll drink more than you want and for longer than you planned... wash, rinse, repeat. Unfortunately, it always get worse over time, never better.

So, if those 3 check out, rest assured........like it or not........you're almost certainly an alcoholic. The final call, of course, is yours to make. It's not up to us or to me.....it's up to you to decide.

You're here, so I assume you probably want to know if you're an alcoholic or not. Go through those 3 things above and answer them with actual experience from your life.......disregard, as best you can, what the answer will mean to your future. In other words, try to be as truthful with yourself as you can no matter what the outcome may be. Don't answer them from a "if I had done this or that then I could have controlled the amount" point of reference either...... look at your past and what really happened to you. ie, if you decided to have 2....could you stop at 2 and could you do it every time?


From there, if you're an alcoholic, it's important to determine what "type" you are. Do you have the power of choice or not........but I won't go into that just yet. Find out whether you're an alcoholic or not........or maybe that you're studying hard to be one......and decide if you want to do something about it or not. let us know.

Nikkle

Welcome to SR gold1009! I like you, you're a hyperthinker! You can analyze and process a situation faster than a speeding bullet! Has anyone ever told you you would make a fantastic lawyer? I've heard that a lot because I can convincingly argue both sides of an argument with fervor and passion! I wont bore you with one of my long drawn out posts, I'll just make one opinionated observation. I think your "alcoholic" self is a beautiful, loving person that wants true and meaningful connections with others. That wants to be heard and understood and loved without fear of rejection. I think your (I/C) "in control" self is like a terribly cruel mother to your (A/S) "alcoholic" self, like one of those high society mothers in those Lifetime channel movies that forces her daughter to paste on a smile and project an image of perfection. Weakness and failure is not tolerated, GASP! What would our social circle think if mommy's dirty little secret was exposed? Your I/C self looooves alcohol and no whiny little girl is going to get in the way. "oh, boohoo, I want to feel, I want to be real, I'm hungry, I don't want to die"!

Okay, I'll stop there, but I hope you get what I mean. I'm so glad you are here, and I look forward to your further posts.

SSIL75

There are so many misconceptions and generalizations in your post that I find it almost insulting (and I'm not easily insulted). You're a thin devoted mom with a clean house so you can't be an alcoholic? Come on now.

It's pretty clear you have a problem with alcohol. So, now what?

Untoxicated

I can only tell you that the normal drinkers that I've met in my life wouldn't be on a recovery site listing the above under a column entitled, "Why I am not an alcoholic."

Just sayin'

I wish you the best!

ReadyAndAble

"I'm sure if I continue like this, something bad will eventually..."

Well, there's your motivation to quit right there. Because I worry that you're absolutely right, that if you continue to drink that much, sooner or later it will kill you. It's probably just a question of when... and how much collateral damage occurs in the meantime.

Maybe you're not an alcoholic, maybe you're just an abuser or problem drinker. I think you should spend less time pondering what to call it and more time figuring out how you're gonna stop it.

I hope that doesn't sound too harsh. I'm glad you're here. I hope you'll take some time to read the posts of others.

mswg

A Doctor once told me if you think you may have a problem you most likely do. I am a high functioning alcholic. I have a high level professional job and travel extenstively for work. I tried the moderation route last year and finally decided I need to stop all together. So far a couple months and hanging. Good luck.

freya

Not for nuthin', but how many non-alcoholics do you suppose bother to log onto a site like this, come into an Alcoholism forum, and write a post like your OP?

How many non-alcoholics do you suppose do the amount of research you appear to have done and micro-analyze their drinking and its relation or lack thereof to the rest of their lives just so they can argue with themselves and others about whether or not they're alcoholic?

How many non-alcoholics do you suppose really give a sh*t about whether or not other alcoholics (or anyone else for that matter) think they are alcoholic or not.....let alone go around asking them?

How many non-alcoholics do you suppose spend their time and energy doing all of the above in a very public venue and then seriously expect anyone to entertain the possibility that their life is not deeply insane and grossly unmanageable?

freya

AWOL

Hi Gold and welcome here!
I find it very difficult to label anyone an alcoholic according to various criteria, because as someone so rightly said, we try to avoid being judgemental at SR. However, the debate you are having with yourself made me think of a question I should have asked myself many years ago: Am I an alcoholic in the making? As Sugah rightly points out, alcoholism is a progressive disease and I think that often we make definitions or judgements of our own behavior without seeing the full evolution of that behavior. Technically, I may not have been an alcoholic at 17 or 23 or 30 when I was a high-functioning athlete and drinker, but I was certainly an alcoholic in the making, and time answered the question that I had asked somewhat hesitantly in the embryonic stages of my drinking career: Am I an alcoholic? Yes, I am.

bdiddy5522

Only you can decide Gold. And since you have put so much thought into your lengthy post, you obviously feel on some level that you may be better off if you didn't drink. But if it is not causing you any problems, why do you want to stop?

I too did not experience any job, family, or legal issues. I just got tired of alcohol constantly being on my mind. Sounds like you think about it a lot. I found that after I stopped my mind had room for other, more pleasant thoughts.... like thinking and being there for my child more.

Constantly thinking about, craving, and wishing about alcohol is no way to live, in my opinion. It sounds like you care a great deal about what other people think about you and how they perceive you which may be part of the problem. I know I watch TV shows and see people drinking, and it looks like they have the perfect life and alcohol just seems to go right along with it. But I can guarantee you that even though I don't drink anymore my life is even better. I attend all the functions that alcohol is served at and I am fine with leaving it alone.

I hope you find the answers to your questions. To be honest, I think you are going to have to answer this for yourself though. Bottom line is: Would my life be better without alcohol?

CarolD

Welcome....

Motivation? you have a precious child to mentor and care for

I've never met anyone who said....
"I'm so proud my parent was a drinker"

tsmba

I once heard a simple phrase: "People without drinking problems rarely wonder whether they have one."

There is a story somewhere about a man who drank three times. The first time he lost his license, the second time he lost his family, and the third time he lost his freedom!