New and a loss for words
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Reno, NV
Posts: 4
New and a loss for words
Stumbled across this board and seems to be the place for me. I know anything I add is probably what you've all heard a million times but maybe it's the first step for me. Forgive me if I ramble.
I suppose when I say am I drinking a bit much, then yeah, I know I'm drinking a bit much. I started drinking when I first met my (now) hubby socially. I am an admitted hypochondriac and wow after a few drinks.....I wasn't anxious and scared anymore! Which is all too addicting of a feeling.
I'm at a point when I know I have to do something for two major reasons.
1. I woke up last week happy and noticed a giant hole in the bedroom wall. Only to find out that the night before I'd been so out of control yelling and cursing at my husband he lost his temper on the wall. To have no recollection of this floored me. I couldn't believe that such a huge fight had gone down and I didn't remember it. I called him names I could just cry for...as he is so wonderful and it's so unlike me.
2. I don't feel good until I drink. I have horrible stomach pains, nausea, and all the daily yuck that goes along with overindulging every night. After about 3 glasses of wine and 3 - 4 shots... I feel physically just fine. I smuggle drinks back with me at lunch time and pray I wont have to go on an errand only to feel sick to my stomach 3 hours later when it wears off.
I know I have to do something... I dont know how though. And shamefully most of me doesnt WANT to, maybe I'm scared of being sober I really don't know. I keep thinking I can just "cut down" but no - doesnt seem to work like that.
Anyway...there's my rant. Hoping I can find some advice and support here. Thanks for reading.
I suppose when I say am I drinking a bit much, then yeah, I know I'm drinking a bit much. I started drinking when I first met my (now) hubby socially. I am an admitted hypochondriac and wow after a few drinks.....I wasn't anxious and scared anymore! Which is all too addicting of a feeling.
I'm at a point when I know I have to do something for two major reasons.
1. I woke up last week happy and noticed a giant hole in the bedroom wall. Only to find out that the night before I'd been so out of control yelling and cursing at my husband he lost his temper on the wall. To have no recollection of this floored me. I couldn't believe that such a huge fight had gone down and I didn't remember it. I called him names I could just cry for...as he is so wonderful and it's so unlike me.
2. I don't feel good until I drink. I have horrible stomach pains, nausea, and all the daily yuck that goes along with overindulging every night. After about 3 glasses of wine and 3 - 4 shots... I feel physically just fine. I smuggle drinks back with me at lunch time and pray I wont have to go on an errand only to feel sick to my stomach 3 hours later when it wears off.
I know I have to do something... I dont know how though. And shamefully most of me doesnt WANT to, maybe I'm scared of being sober I really don't know. I keep thinking I can just "cut down" but no - doesnt seem to work like that.
Anyway...there's my rant. Hoping I can find some advice and support here. Thanks for reading.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Posts: 93
Hi, guess I can't offer much advise myself, I'm at the same stage you're at. Knowing I've got a big problem and wondering just how I deal with it. I've read a lot of enlightening posts here which have helped me already - I only posted for the first time yesterday. For me I found the warm welcome to be comforting - and I wish to welcome you warmly. I've been reading through the threads, and I've found a lot of comfort there too. By ppl who have been where we are now and have learnt from it. I particularly find "Don S" posts to be very wise, but that's just me. Know you're not alone, I've thought I was for way too long now.
It is what it is!!!
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Sobriety
Posts: 5,767
I would like to welcome both of you to SR. there is some great recovery and support here.
Dmorgan - have you thought about asking for help? I mean I know you asked here, and that is wonderful, but what about AA? have you thought about that? I am and addict alcohalic and have found sobriety one day at a time through the program.
Stick around here and read the posts at the top of the forums, there is some great info here.
I am glad to meet you and look forward to getting to know you both.
Dmorgan - have you thought about asking for help? I mean I know you asked here, and that is wonderful, but what about AA? have you thought about that? I am and addict alcohalic and have found sobriety one day at a time through the program.
Stick around here and read the posts at the top of the forums, there is some great info here.
I am glad to meet you and look forward to getting to know you both.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Reno, NV
Posts: 4
I think I've been skirting the asking for help because for one, how ashamed I am and two...if I ask for help I WILL have to stop.
It's so strange to me to want to feel better, to want to get my slim belly back, to not be shakey and sick to my stomach always.....and at the exact same time try to find a way to still have some booze!
Suppose it's easier to just tip em back than face it. Ugh. No fun.
It's so strange to me to want to feel better, to want to get my slim belly back, to not be shakey and sick to my stomach always.....and at the exact same time try to find a way to still have some booze!
Suppose it's easier to just tip em back than face it. Ugh. No fun.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
*smile*.. and your not alone in this thinking DMorgan!.. I also feared, truly feared sobriety not to long ago, though I didn't drink everyday, it was everyother nearly and one day for hangovers. Your going through the physical need of alcohol as well.
I didn't want to quit either, I didn't want to stay sober long enough to find out what I was missing.
You have to decide for yourself how bad your gonna let it get, how sick are you willing to get, when are you going to have enough. Then you decide what your going to do about it.. if you quit you should see a doctor first.. sounds like you already suffer withdrawls so you might even want to consider a detox facility.
I know it's a horrifying thought.... AA, detox, giving up your best friend.. but what is the alternative for you... I'll tell you it ain't pretty! You have suffered your first blackout perhaps.. can you imagine missing day's and weeks...because your headed there my friend.. no softening the facts D... get help, we'll help, I'll help, it can be done.. because I have done it after 20 years of batteling the demon.. pm me if you need to talk..
I didn't want to quit either, I didn't want to stay sober long enough to find out what I was missing.
You have to decide for yourself how bad your gonna let it get, how sick are you willing to get, when are you going to have enough. Then you decide what your going to do about it.. if you quit you should see a doctor first.. sounds like you already suffer withdrawls so you might even want to consider a detox facility.
I know it's a horrifying thought.... AA, detox, giving up your best friend.. but what is the alternative for you... I'll tell you it ain't pretty! You have suffered your first blackout perhaps.. can you imagine missing day's and weeks...because your headed there my friend.. no softening the facts D... get help, we'll help, I'll help, it can be done.. because I have done it after 20 years of batteling the demon.. pm me if you need to talk..
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Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: A van...down by the river!
Posts: 108
D,
Listen to Chy. It's even scarier to go 2 weeks out of a month, and not be able to remember what happened!!! I know, because that's what happened to me right before I went into detox. Please do something now to put an end to the madness, before it's too late.
What you're feeling is normal. We all feared sobriety before we stopped drinking. I did, but within a week or two after my detox, my thinking started to change. I think you will be suprised at how yours does too. Sobriety can become a way of life, and once you get a taste of it, compared to being drunk all the time, you will never want to go back.
First things first. Take it one day at a time. Right now, you're probably scared that you can't live the rest of your life without alcohol. BUT, Don't look 50 years down the road everyday. Just look at what you can do TODAY to improve your life, and wait for the good effects to kick in. They will. But, you have to knock over that first domino yourself....
PG
Listen to Chy. It's even scarier to go 2 weeks out of a month, and not be able to remember what happened!!! I know, because that's what happened to me right before I went into detox. Please do something now to put an end to the madness, before it's too late.
What you're feeling is normal. We all feared sobriety before we stopped drinking. I did, but within a week or two after my detox, my thinking started to change. I think you will be suprised at how yours does too. Sobriety can become a way of life, and once you get a taste of it, compared to being drunk all the time, you will never want to go back.
First things first. Take it one day at a time. Right now, you're probably scared that you can't live the rest of your life without alcohol. BUT, Don't look 50 years down the road everyday. Just look at what you can do TODAY to improve your life, and wait for the good effects to kick in. They will. But, you have to knock over that first domino yourself....
PG
Member
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Australia
Posts: 610
Hi Dmorgan,
I have to agree with what's been said here, drinking can and does get worse. Sobriety is scary, but the blackouts even more so.
In the end I was losing weeks at a time and just existing day by day to keep drinking. I too was terrified of sobriety, I wondered how I could ever last a day without alcohol and thought that sober life would mean day after day of cravings and anxiety. But the cravings went away and the anxiety lessened dramatically and before I knew it, I was feeling pretty good.
AA meetings is where I found the strength to stay sober. I didn't know how to do it, so I leaned on the experiences of others and did what they did. I haven't had to have a drink and as a bonus I have learned to really live for the first time.
Hope to hear more from you.
Amy
I have to agree with what's been said here, drinking can and does get worse. Sobriety is scary, but the blackouts even more so.
In the end I was losing weeks at a time and just existing day by day to keep drinking. I too was terrified of sobriety, I wondered how I could ever last a day without alcohol and thought that sober life would mean day after day of cravings and anxiety. But the cravings went away and the anxiety lessened dramatically and before I knew it, I was feeling pretty good.
AA meetings is where I found the strength to stay sober. I didn't know how to do it, so I leaned on the experiences of others and did what they did. I haven't had to have a drink and as a bonus I have learned to really live for the first time.
Hope to hear more from you.
Amy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 31
I'm new here and i can't believe that people actually have blackouts that last more than one day. Am I understanding correctly?
I have blackouts several times a week, but just for several hours. I do, however find it almost impossible to sleep. I'm up all night drinking water.
I hope I'm not offending anyone, i guess I just didn't realize how much worse it scould get for me. I can't imagine how much you'd have to drink to black-out for such a long time.
I learned something here - scary!
Good luck to you all!!
I have blackouts several times a week, but just for several hours. I do, however find it almost impossible to sleep. I'm up all night drinking water.
I hope I'm not offending anyone, i guess I just didn't realize how much worse it scould get for me. I can't imagine how much you'd have to drink to black-out for such a long time.
I learned something here - scary!
Good luck to you all!!
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