please help
 

please help me. i don't know what to do. i'm just so sad and depressed. my husband is yelling at me and he's so mad. he doesn't care any more. to him, its the same old **** all over again. i am so lost and sad and depressed. life seems so bad, so hard. i have been drinking. i feel horrible. i feel like im about to pass out, it hurts. i don't feel good. i feel like crap. i feel like scum of the earth. i'm a bad person. why did i do this. please. i dunno.

You've been given lots of help and lots of advice Pink.

Please - see your Dr, or a counsellor, or look into rehab, or look into a recovery group like AA...
I saw someone gave you an AA link in your last thread, & someone gave you rehab options in your area in an earlier thread in the sub abuse forum.

We can give you support and advice until the cows come home - but it all means nothing if you do nothing but the same things you've been doing.

D

Are you interested in quitting drinking? I am sorry you are feeling so awful. Yes, it does hurt. And sometimes it hurts others as well. Take care tonight and let us know how you are.

Hi Pink,

I can completely relate to where you are right now with all the emotions and feelings. You are not alone, everything you are going through right now, all active alcholics have rode that rollercoaster before but it can be removed by surrendering to the disease and making that first step to reach out for help.

I know you might be scared but it's a huge sign of strength when you can admit you have problem and ask for help to recover from these awful consequences of alcoholism.

You will make such a better life for yourself and your loved ones without alcohol.

I feel for you right now and hope you can find the strength and courage to reach out for help, it will make a world of difference for you.

Pink - we choose to drink because we're alcoholics. Alcohol causes depression, anxiety, takes away our sense of self, destroys relationships, and causes untold misery in our lives. Yet we continue to drink. That's addiction.

If we don't stop, it only gets worse. The only way to stop the pain is to stop the drinking, and if you can't stop on your own, please get help. Like Dee said, there are lots of options, including inpatient treatment. But it requires action on your part. I hope you do something soon.

Pink,
I'm so looking forward to a day when you come here and say that you're moving forward. It gets to the point where the pain can help you to move on. Please find the strength to use the medical benefits and support systems you have to explore the possibility of change.

Dee's post said it all...

Pink, you are not the scum of the earth. You are here for one of two reasons: you want help, or you want to vent. Either way, you are reaching out. It's up to you whether you want to truly stop or not. You could get a million responses to this post but none of it will matter unless you really are seeking for help. Everyone who posts wants to help you, but you have to want to help yourself first. Otherwise none of this is *going* to help.

You mentioned in your previous post that you are seeing a counselor every three weeks. May I suggest that you call your counselor and see if you can bump that up to more frequent visits?

If you don't want to do AA, then call North Central Health Care. They have out patient alcohol counseling as well as inpatient. That may scare you, but really, what do you have to lose? Give it a shot.

You can be so much more sober than you are drunk. Keep that in mind dear.

when you read through all your posts tomorrow, you'll see that your cutting back drinking to one night a week just isn't a good option.

I hope your babies are being cared for by your husband....getting purposely drunk enought to be passing out while being responsible for a newborn?

think about it...there are many women who would never have an alcoholic beverage again if they had your opportunities....2 beautiful healthy children conceived normally....others try so hard to achieve a family...you are throwing yours away with booze...they deserve a chance and so do you...stop being so SELFISH.

please listen to Dee and Anna.

Pink, I am not sure if your husband is still military and if you have Tricare but here is the info on substance abuse, what they cover (yes they cover rehab and various services for families) and contact info:

Treatment for Substance Use Disorders

I am a military wife, overseas and I got help. Excuses are what I gave when I drank and was controlled by the bottle. Look around here and you will see folks with some of the most difficult scenarios finding and celebrating recovery.

You feel hopeless and desperate - that is the nature of an alcoholic and the uncontrollable lifestyle that goes with it. There is no moderating in my experience at all.

I can't say much more without rehashing what has already been given.

Pink firefly - I read back over my old diary entries over the years before I stopped drinking and got into AA and they are pretty much in the same vein as your post. I really feel for you. The emotional pain and self hatred is pretty much intolerable. I can only do the same as the others and encourage you to get some help IRL. AA could save your life, or at least make you feel a bit better.

We cannot help you until you help yourself. The first thing you need to do is stop pouring booze down your throat. It is making you depressed, jeopardizing your children's safety, and straining your marriage.

You may need more help than what SR can give you at this time. People here will be supportive and offer wonderful suggestions, but it is up to you to take them and act on them. Given your current record, you may benefit from outside help, whether its AA, SMART, in-patient, out-patient, or professional.

Nonetheless, you need to stop what you are doing. It is not working for you. Your current pattern is drinking, feeling remorseful and helpless over it, making a new thread about it, then disappearing until the cycle begins all over again.

As the saying goes, "If nothing changes, then nothing changes."

Bests,

i am sorry every one. i feel so embarrassed for even posting again. it was stupid. i was drunk and upset. and drank way more than i thought i did. tha'ts why i should never have vodka. i feel horrible right now. i ended up passing out, i don't remember. it was horrible. i shouldn't have posted. i'm sorry. i hate it, the stupid alcohol. i don't want to do this anymore. starting tomorrow i'm gonna try not to drink. i can't keep doing this. thanks every one and sorry.

Don't, don't, don't, don't beat yourself up over this. Guilt and remorse can kill alcoholics.

If I can offer a simple suggestion, it would be to keep posting. However, post BEFORE you start to drink, not after. Perhaps, we can help you get through those difficult cravings.

Don't worry about the post. It may be hard to tell, but just about all of us are alcoholics or alcohol abusers, and we have all said our share of foolish things while intoxicated. I mean you're hanging out in a zoo, don't feel sorry for eating like an animal.

Vodka does not cause people to drink to excess. Trust me, I am Polish, my family has been drinking the stuff for centuries. What is causing you to drink so much is alcoholism.

Blaming the type of alcohol is a pretty universal act of denial on we alcoholics' part. If SR could pull together a petition, I'm sure there are a thousand here who thought if they just avoided one type of alcohol that we could drink as much as we wanted with no problems. It doesn't ever work, Pinkfirefly. Beer is just watered down vodka with a different flavor, alcohol is alcohol.

And I wish you all the best in not drinking tomorrow/today. You can do the sobriety thing, and you can cope with depression/anxiety without it, in fact even better because alcohol causes both. It may be tough, but so would be a lifetime of repeats of last night, right?

Just one thing though, people here are very wise that if you just keep trying the same method that hasn't worked in the past, it might not work the 100th time around. If your last tries haven't worked then maybe soon it will be time to try something else. It's not a sign that you've failed either, not one bit. Stepping up to the kind of recovery that will work, especially as a young mother, is a sign of great strength.

:cheer

BEFORE you pick up the first drink today...come here ad post how you feel. better to get your feelings out here then take the drink....it is NOT going to be easy to "just stop". but you can...take it hour by hour.

again, we are re-hashing...only you can break the cycle if you want to. i agree that you really should consider medical intervention if you can't do it on your own....

You can make a plan for childcare and go to the ER, be HONEST about the amount of alochol you consume daily, whatever you drink ...10 glasses of wine or 10 ounces of vodka and tell them you drink to the point of passing out....but again the decision is up to you.

Vodka is not the issue.

You are an alcoholic, that's the issue.

What are you going to do to change your life today?

Call the AA hotline, call your counselor, call to find out about inpatient rehab - just DO SOMETHING to stop this cycle before something terrible happens to you or your kids. We cannot really 'help' you other than giving the same suggestions over and over. You have to make the effort to change. You have to do something to help yourself. Perhaps find an AA meeting tonight and go there. What better way to start the new year off right than by doing something to help yourself. You cannot continue as you're doing right now. Something will happen that you'll regret and will not be able to 'undo'. PLEASE GET REAL HELP NOW!!


Don't start tomorrow, start TODAY!!

Are you acknowledging fully now that you cannot ever drink again? In any quantity?

Your AA Hotline is 715-297-8897.

Give them a call and get back to us.