nacona

I was soooo turned off by the readings and the prayers they say, but I was dying from this disease, so I FORCED myself to do 90 in 90 and learned to love all that feaky stuff.....haha

Plus I am NOT a joiner and the thought of being a "member" of the Alano Club or a "member" of AA was, well......embarrassing to me and my huge ego.

Sometimes when I am saying the prayers right along with my fellow AAers I picture my freinds from the old days watching me and I start laughing....it's SO SO SO unlike me....but honestly I really LOVE it.

It's so nice to have a place to go at night and meet up with my fellow sufferers - that's the part I miss the most when I start using/drinking again...the fellowship.

Toronto68

Nacona, I think that's great that you forget once in a while it's not "an AA site" per se. That has to mean it's a good resource for you as someone who does use AA. I have no idea how many do and how many don't (or how many use a combo of approaches).

Nyte Byrd

Of course, it's not....but I believe it's perfectly fine in sharing one's experience concerning 12 step if that is part of their recovery.

I certainly have no qualm with those who choose not to partake in meetings. I can only share what worked for me.

I may sound stern with being suggestive about meetings but I don't wish to be critical of anyone who has found other means of finding their sobriety work outside of meetings.

I only would appreciate the same in return from some without some trying to discourage others from trying AA just because of their own bad experience based on a few meetings or something like I come across at times.

Let's put it this way. My old way without meetings or hardly any meetings didn't work too well.

It's been a lot nicer being able to say or post....I'm stil sober these past 23 years...rather than "I'm back" every few weeks, like I used to when I didn't have AA in my life.

nacona

I feel so cautious now about mentioning AA or 12 steps and funny thing - I don't see others being cautious about posting what works for them.

Dee74

One of the great things about SR for me is that there is no 'one way'.

From our Policies:

back to the topic....hope you're doing ok Pink

D

nacona

Thank you - that's exactly what we were saying, Dee. Or at least I was - please respect my approach to recovery as I don't want to feel cautious about speaking of the 12 steps or AA/NA. I'm not sure how discussing different approaches to recovery is getting off topic. This is what Pink is asking for, or so I thought.

Nyte Byrd

No need to be. I'm not here to share about how I spent my time home that got me sober. If the meetings helped you, by all means, feel free to discuss it. If sharing on SR helps you....do the same. I use SR as a supplement. Some use it as a sole means. And they should discuss that too.

And I am just as interested in reading what they have to offer. I can see some have picked up through other ways a path to sobriety and somehow learn the same process as they speak of amends and other matters.

And if some truly tried AA before, went for some time, and for whatever reason, it just wasn't their cup of tea, and something else worked, that's cool, too.

What I am not interested in at times though are the few negative naysayers, who based on maybe 3 meetings in six months, instead of simply sharing what IS working for them......just HAVE to throw some negative dig in about 'this is why I don't go to AA' trash....which only sounds discouraging to others, and isn't exactly helping anyone because of their obvious resentment they left the rooms with, when they are not even qualified to speak about AA based on such minimal experience. What kills me sometimes is how someone on occasion has the gall to make it sound like it is the ones in those rooms who are the ones being judgmental when they themself lacked the patience and maturity to sit in a chair for an hour just to listen without criticizing others! One thing they should have looked at. Many of those people in those chairs have been sober for some time.

Nyte Byrd

Thank you as well.

Duly noted after my last post.

Zencat

Unfortunately there are many with an addiction that exhibit one of the more profound symptoms: being unaware of why they drink. I hear/see it all the time. Someone would say "I don't know why I picked up that first drink". And they honestly do not know why. What is the exact psychological mechanism that would account for that? It seems for now that is unknown. One possible answer would be due to where addiction resides in the brain. The pleasure centers (reward pathway) from what I know operate mainly at the unconscious level. Its neurological systems like those that can direct behavior nerochemically, bypassing the frontal cortex (reasoning centers of the brain) all together.

That whole deal makes it difficult for alcoholics to no only explain why they pick-up in the first place, but to resist by willpower alone. In all likelihood the brain regions that constitute "willpower" are damaged much like a stroke victim has suffered some or all incapacity with language or movement.

IMO addiction is a brain illness (or if you like disease) causing all sorts of disorders in mood, thinking and behavior. No wonder addicts have a extremely difficult time explaining their thoughts and actions.

tmbg

And that's just the way it is, right? The thing would be to say some pertinent AA slogan (progress, not perfection; similarities, not differences). The naysayers make the world go round. Acceptance is just that.

Fandy

PINK, you started this thread and abandoned it when so many have expressed the desire to help you....i hope you have read and and are thinking about what works best for you and your family.

to NyteBird....i would NEVER attend any meeting in my place of employment....that kind of shoots down the Anonymous factor....

Nyte Byrd

Sorry, but I am confused as to what you are saying here.

That's just the way 'what' is?

Nyte Byrd

I understand that. I wuz just teasing ya about going in to grab a cup of dat good coffee.

Dearyme

Just read this thread with interest. I can relate to the vicious circle Pink - I have been treading it for years now - I have had enough - its time to take action - i'd be happy if you wanted to join me. I hope you are ok. Thanks to everyone else for the helpful posts - some a little harsh perhaps but its easier to take when its meant for someone else but you can see that it relates to you? Humbly looking forwards to being a valued member of this site - feeling very very ill on day 1 but wanting to join in and move forward.

Nyte Byrd

Welcome Dearyme and I am sorry that you feeling ill this day but I do understand. I know my body went through quite some changes early on but I had to go through what I had to go through and had to trust it would get better, too.

I see sometimes people seem to think that when someone offers honest feedback to another, it is taken or considered as perhaps too harsh on this forum. It is beginning to give me second thoughts as to whether this may or may not be a good forte for me after all to spend some time on. That along with the constant anti-AA rhetoric that is slung by some but yet who can't seem to get two months together.

I thought maybe after being sober in AA for the past 23 years, I could be of some service here as well, as I see many posters with one month or a bit more sobriety, but it is beyond me how I could ever have stayed sober on sole internet support if I did have another choice of meeting with others in some form of live support.

Early on, there may have been those who 'coddled me' and told me 'it's gonna be okay' and all that....but I was just as thankful for the ones who had the guts to be honest with me and told me like it was after a meeting, and told me to stop being so dang selfish, and to grow up, and realize I was not the only person in the world with problems. What they were doing was preparing me for what I was going to have to deal with in 'real' life.

People at my job or home weren't going to be 'coddling' me and the people at the meetings weren't going to be there at those times to hold my hand. I had to learn to deal with those situations and sometimes those situations were unfair. And sometimes I had to eat s--t.
But at least I got to stay sober.

Before I checked myself into rehab my last time in 1987,
I called NYC intergroup to talk to someone. I told this guy, I didn't even know, I was having second thoughts about going. My life was a mess, I told him, but I hadn't drank or shot dope for THREE days now. He asked me, "You didn't drink for THREE days, huh?" Proudly I said.."No!". He asked, "You didn't shoot any dope for THREE days, huh?" Again, I responded, "NO!".

There was a long silence and he responded...."What the fk do you want? A medal on your a$$?"

Of course, I thought he, too, was harsh. But ya know, he was ryte!! Here I was thinking that was something to be proud of. He knew darn well I would have used again if he had 'coddled' me and agreed that I shouldn't go to rehab again! Yes, I am thankful for those who had the guts to be honest and up front with me. If some think that is being harsh, sobeit. That 'harsh' is what saved my life.

Things on a forum board can be too deceiving. The harshest sounding people, can simply be the more honest ones, and actually be the nicest people you may ever know at a live meeting, and for all you know, some of the most coddly ones may be the total opposite of the facades they could just be playing.

I love sobriety just like I love baseball.

YouTube - No Crying in Baseball

My best to you, and I do hope you get to feeling better soon. Hang in there.

Dearyme

Thank you Nyte Byrd - I didnt mean my "harsh" comment as it being a bad thing - I know I need a good kick up the a*** - at the moment I am getting that from my body's own reaction to what I put it though. I look forward to receiving many more if I begin to falter in future

Nikkle

Welcome Dearyme! Hope you get to feeling better real soon. Make sure you drink lots of liquid and rest as much as you can. There is a page on here somewhere about what you may expect as you go through the first days of withdrawal. All this talk of tough love reminds me of an old song called "Cruel to Be Kind". I sing it to my kids sometimes when they think I'm being too hard on them! I tell them being harsh is not a hobby of mine and that they should feel more hurt if I didn't holler at them once and a while, because that would mean I wasn't paying attention or didn't care.
Hope you are still hanging around here Pink. There's quite a few people thinking about and praying for you everyday, Love!

Kmber2010

Dearyme - Welcome and glad you are with us. Way to go on Day 1 and know your have our support.

Look forward to your journey and your posts

pinkfirefly

I Didn't mean to abandon the thread sorry. i've been busy, and i thought people had pretty much had it with me and this thread. i do appreciate all the advice every one has given to me, it is good advice. and i am trying to take it. i still find i'm having a hard time. been drinking every night this week. i feel so weak and powerless. and people are so frustrated with me, i know. i am sick of this ****, but i'm just so miserable, i just want to feel better and be happy. i'm sorry if i'm wasting every one's time. i am trying to reach out for help, but i'm the dumb one who can't take advice. i just keep screwing up over and over again. you'd think i'd learn.

Isaiah

Pink,

Your well-being, your happiness and your sobriety are in my heart. But Pink, you really have to ask yourself, do you really want to quit drinking?

You might think I'm not, but I am reading all your thoughts. You talk about wanting to quit, and I know a part of you really believes in that, but you also really want to keep this cycle of drinking and depression going. You can't live in that paradox, Pink. If you want to get happy you have to get off that fence. And you know everyone here is hoping and cheering that you will make the solid choice to just give it all up completely.

A lot of people here have successfully quit and found a better lives for themselves despite having been deeper into alcoholism than you. You can, you so can, but you are going to have to put yourself in one direction. You can't be going two ways at once.

Please, let yourself do what's best for you. You know what it is. The only thing we're sick of is sick of hearing you being miserable. You don't deserve that, but you're going to have to move your feet if anything is going to change.