Vesna

Hi, Pink. This is something I know *absolutely nothing* about from personal experience, but I'm going to throw it out there...I'm sure others can relate personal experience on how or if this might help: Have you considered marriage counseling for you and your husband? Your comment that he doesn't like to talk about your feelings...I'm not married, but aren't spouses supposed to be able to talk with each other about anything? He married you "for better or worse," etc., and you're going to need his help kicking this.

Isaiah

Hey Pink,

You know, don't even worry about the apologies. People here should recognize and remember how it is starting off in sobriety. None of us were saints then, only a rare few are saints now. When we're drinking, even if we're not drunk, it often brings out the worst in our personalities sometimes. You and everyone here.

And even though it might be hard for you to see now, people can be tough and a little mean, but it's not because we don't like you or want the best for you. But part of getting sober means no b.s. Often brute honesty works better than niceness when working with alcoholics and addicts. Truly, I would rather upset you than tell you what I didn't feel was true (of course, I don't want to upset you.)

Most of all remember, we don't need you to get sober to make us happy. We're encouraging you to get sober for your own life. Do it for you, so you can get yourself in order, so you can go on to take care of your kids, your marriage and whatever else. And we'd all love nothing more than to hear you start to say things are getting better.

TheEnd

After reading this, I realized I too was stuck in a similar cycle as Pink, except I never posted about it so I didn't have to deal with the back lash. So I'm sorry if I was hard on you, but I think the reason why people are so hard on you is when you actually stop drinking and step on the other side, you realize how great it is and wonder why you waited so long, you also wonder why other people are having a hard time joining you.

I get that, and I understand it's hard. However, it took almost a ton of bricks to fall on me before I got the message. I'm just hoping that you don't need to go through so much heartache before you finally get it, but sadly enough sometimes it takes a house to fall on us before we see the light..

SSIL75

Be careful - no excuses! Your husband is not deployed, right? Is he home today? Go today. Tonight? Tomorrow morning?

You seem to be able to ship your kids off to your MIL or mother so you can drink at night. Don't let your alcoholic voice tell you that getting one of those people to watch them for a couple of hours so you can go to a meeting is any different. (but then pick them up again. The last thing you need is entire nights 'off', left to your own devices. And your tiny newborn needs you as much as he can get you!).

Keep us posted.

least

Don't find the time, make the time. Don't put it off. Go today! Get started on a new better life as soon as possible. It's worth it. I love my sober life. It takes a lot of effort and changes but is so worth it and makes me mad I didn't get sober earlier!

Call that hotline number today. Get started today. What a great gift to give yourself and your family than to start on a new life today!

bdiddy5522

2011.... a good year to start fresh, and to start sober. Sounds like you have parents in your area since they had your kids last night? Could they watch them while you go to an AA meeting? I understand the insanity of this disease. But you have to be willing to do ANYTHING to get and STAY sober. Sounds like you are at that point.

Do you know what the true definition of insanity is? Continuing to do what you have always done and expecting different results. This disease is pure insanity. Until we take control over it, it keeps controlling us.

There is a better life out there, I promise. I pray you get to experience it.

juliwuli

you sound exactly like me, only difference between us is my kids are all grown up, alot of which i missed in my drunken stupors, please dont miss out on your kids growing up like i have, how i havent killed myself with booze i'll never know, looks like god did not abandon me after all,

mercurial me

You sound lost in a vicious cycle of despair and self loathing and it's near impossible to get out of that cycle without professional help.

Your own guilt is taking you back to the bottle every time you're embarrassed and feel sorry about your actions. You need a better support system than just yourself and booze or the consequences will start to mount. It's inevitable. Please get help. Don't keep putting it off until the timing is just right or your circumstances are perfect or it will never happen.

julez

If there's time to drink, there's time for a meeting...
Just sayin'...

nvrbeentospain

Pink, I'm glad you're posting. AA sounds like a good start. As others have mentioned, surely your mom, mil or spouse can watch the kids while you're there. Also, definitely call your counselor and try to arrange more frequent visits. Every few weeks isn't cutting it for you right now. If counseling with this counselor isn't working, look for a new one. Maybe continue to talk to your doctor about treatments, too. It sounds like your medication is not working too great, either, but then drinking can cause that.

It sounds like you're living a very hard life right now, alcohol or no. What else can you do to improve your life, so alcohol won't be the only thing you can look forward to? Getting out of your house for meetings is a good plan. Maybe you can investigate other things like moms days out and even parttime babysitting for your kids. You have the power to make your life better -- you really do.

Justfor1

I feel that some posters have judged you rather harshly. The "tough as nails" approach never worked with me. I felt like a piece of crap already. You are not unique and not the first women to be drinking while watching your children. Of course it's dangerous and if Child Protective Service ever becomes involved it will be horrible. I'm sure you love your kids more than anything. We always get to choose whether or not to pick up the drink, however, we do not get to choose the consequences resulting from that first drink.

Paraffinalien

An active alcoholic of my type has absolutely zero choice in taking a drink.
Fear of other peoples experiences meant NOTHING to me, the 'yets' are BS.
I wanted to stop for the sake of my children but I didnt have the power, lack of power was my dilema.
I needed to be granted the gift of desperation. I wanted to stop a long, long time before i was actually ready to take certain steps.
How may i best be of help to this person? Surely not by encouraging everyone to ignore the cries for help, shame.

Spirit08

Get to a meeting NOW. Call a taxi.

Spirit08

Here's a suggestion: don't drink for the rest of the evening or night. That's what they will tell you at AA. in the meantime, call the hotline for strength and hope

Spirit08

GiftOfDesparation! = GOD - What a blessing it is! xoxo

nacona

I think that people are trying everything thing they can to get through to Pink. I don't think any of the posters seriously want to ignore her, but everything else has been said so many times, that maybe they thought ignoring her would help...who knows.

NYCDoglvr

You must understand that it is your decision to pick up a drink each time you do it. It sounds like you may be on a fast track to loose everything and that can easily happen.

Only you can decide today I am not drinking. Then you don't drink. If you do that there's a chance you're life will get much better.

But if it's your choice to continue, it can get much, much worse than it is now.

nacona

There is another school of thought that states that if she is a "real" one then she has lost all power, choice and control over drugs/alcohol and only a power greater than her can restore her to sanity.....but who knows.

NYCDoglvr

Oh yes, I'm in AA and this is the foundation. I'm powerless over alcohol in that I can't have one or two drinks. One drink and I typically end up in a blackout. And I can't think myself sane -- my best thinking let me right to the rooms of AA, lol.

What I meant in the earlier post is that we must make a decision to not drink today. To do whatever it takes to stay sober. AA makes it easier because one is surrounded by loving people who have walked the same road you're stumbling around on.

Or, this can happen. I have many years of sobriety but I can decide to cut back on meetings. The old "isms" return so I become miserable. Denial takes over, something bad happens, I decide that maybe I'm really not an alcoholic and I decide to have one drink. My life spirals quickly out of control and perhaps I die. Some can get sober again, some can't.

julez

I love this.