SSIL75

This sentence worries me. I have said that. Two of the words in that sentence make it a non starter, IME.

TRY
TOMORROW.

Isaiah

I think perhaps keep in mind that it was nighttime when she posted and had already had it in her system. Best thing at the time probably would've been just to lie down, sleep it off, and indeed "try tomorrow."

RV GTO

In addition to your local hospital ER, this is a list of inpatient rehab facilities within 100 miles of you that accept Tricare - I cannot make the calls for you though PFF

Substance Abuse Treatment Facility Locator

pinkfirefly

thank you every one. i really regret what i did last night. its ruining my marriage. my husband is so mad at me right now. he said i ruined his whole night. and i did, and i ruined my own night. it was suppose to be a good night with out the kids. my mom had taken them over night. and i was trying to have a good night. but that back fired. now i just wish i wouldn't have drank and just relaxed and watched some tv, that would have been a better night. i thought i was in control last night, i didn't think i had that much but obviously i was wrong, and i was not in control. i hate that feeling of being out of control. i hate passing out. and waking up with the shame of knowing what i did. i really don't want to do this any more. i keep promising my husband that i'll stop. he doesn't believe me any more. he thinks its so easy. he doesn't understand. i really want help. i think i will seriously try to find an aa meeting in my city and try that. this has to end. my marriage isn't going to survive this if i don't stop. and i want to be there for my children. i don't want to be this person. thanks every one for the advice.

Britta

Pinkfirefly,
I know those feelings of despair! But, Sweetie, you must think of your little angels now. You are no longer number one in your family.... they are. For their safety and for your love for them, please take all of the wonderful advice you have been given!! Put your troubles with your husband on the back burner for now. You need to work on you. I won't lie to you, this will not be easy.... but think of what will be when you have put all that misery behind you. You are in my thoughts, Sweetie. Seriously, post here BEFORE you pick up that drink, ok?

WakeUp

"There is no try, only do."
Remember who said that? (Yoda in Star Wars)
You keep saying you'll try pink. You need to do.

least

If you call the AA hotline you might tell them you need a ride to a meeting and someone (of your gender) may be able to take you. Help IS available but you have to ask for it. Recovered alcoholics do 'service work' and one of the things they do is get new people to meetings. Give them a call right now while your mom has the kids. You can even ask them to make a 'twelve step call' on you, where a couple members visit you at your home to explain things and answer your questions. Give them a call. They can't help unless/until you ask them for it.

Kjell

I thought this thread was closed?

Or is this a different one? Oh I see...alcoholic insanity.

You're not unique, or different, or special. You're one of millions of alcoholics in this world and it's 100% up to you to get help.

Or just keep drinking. Sounds like it's working great for you and your family.

RV GTO

There's a 5:30 and a 7:30 meeting today at Alano Club - 711 McClellan St.

Tomorrow there's 11am, 5:30pm, 7pm and 9pm same place

but make that call - a 12 step call like least suggests would be a great start

GettingStronger2

Perfectly said, WakeUp. My thoughts exactly!

Pink, you either want to quit or you don't. It seems to me you are still thinking you can control your drinking, when all the evidence is to the contrary. Only you can decide what you want to do it. Once you make that decision, then do it.

suki44883

This thread should be closed too. Everyone is just saying the same things over and over. Come on, codies, let's move on to the people who really want help.

TheEnd

I thought this was an old thread, but then I realized it's a new one. That's not a good thing by the way, it just means you keep doing the same thing over and over again. You said he doesn't believe you anymore, well neither do I and I don't think anyone else believes you either.

But who cares what we think or what he thinks, the point is you have to believe in yourself. If you don't believe in yourself no one will. Prove everyone wrong and for once quit drinking......

Fandy

and it's like watching an accident, you can't look away.

or picking a scab....

but when I read through all of her posts from October through now, i don't think troll...I think foolish, immature and selfish.

OK, i'm with Suki..enough...back to productive posting.

Nikkle

Pink! I am sooo excited for you! You are getting sick and tired of being sick and tired! Yay! The fact that you feel miserable is a wonderful sign! Big hugs! Now imagine if you will with me, that today you get drunk once more and tomorrow, your husband kicks you out and files for divorce and sole custody of the kids. Your world comes crashing down around you, all your fears and warnings from others are coming true. You think to yourself, "oh God, this can't be real, this can't be happening...please, just give me one more chance. If I could just go back to yesterday before I took that first drink, if I could just tell my husband I'm so sorry for all I have put him and the kids through and ask him to help me get help because I am powerless over this disease. If there was a way to go back in time and change this, I don't wanna drink any more. If I hadn't drank yesterday, I would be home right now, snuggling with my babies...please God, don't take my babies! I'm so sorry! Well guess what Pink? Your time machine has arrived...your wish has been granted! We have been sent here to tell you it's not too late! Get the help you need now! Get off the computer, get dressed and go! You are loved and you will get better. You will be truly happy for the first time in your life. God bless you Sweetheart! Now go!

endlesspatience

I sense real progress. You're engaging with our replies and you're thinking through the emotional impact and family consequences of your actions. We know what it is like to be drunk, to be depressed and to want to make a change. And furthermore, some of us have made a change. Listen to us - we want to help. But don't ignore us because at this stage, we're about the best friends you've got!

Isaiah

Check your resentments at the door, folks. Twelfth steps are not meant for those who are already willing.

Pink,

Saying you'll consider AA is already a step in the right direction. All you have to do is follow through. It just means walking into a building and then an hour of your time. Listen to what goes on, listen to people talk about their life, decide if they seem miserable or not.

And believe me, it's okay to be nervous or scared to go to AA or start any recovery. I was, many people are. Courage, it's been said, isn't not being scared. It's being scared and carrying on anyway. Like 90% of people in AA are people who did not want to go, but felt they had to anyway.

If nothing else, look to all your posts: it's clear to all here that you're in a cycle of drinking, feeling guilty, hating yourself, your husband getting mad at you and not trusting you, and the uncertainty regarding your ability to be a fit mother. You might not like the idea of doing a recovery program, but I don't believe what you have now is any future you want so what could you lose?

It is a challenge to get sober, but I don't think you have a better choice. You sound like your life is hell. So was mine. I am not any braver than you are, I just got past the point of hesitating and tried it. And it works, it really does.

Vesna

Pink, you can only worry about NOW...the past is in the past. It's all about what are you going to do next. I spent many years trying to be "moderate," thinking "it's only light beer," or that chardonnay is OK because it's a girly drink and I'm a girl, and that if I just stayed away from liquor all would be well...but it wasn't. I've gotten very, very sick, driven drunk, injured myself (thank god I didn't hurt anyone else) and done other stupid things from chardonnay and light beer. Vodka, forget about it, but the others are right...beer is just watered-down vodka. All of it is bad news for me.

Since doing a lot of reading and coming here over the past month, I've realized that it's not how much I drink, or what I drink, that indicates that I'm an alcoholic. It's the fact that when I drink that "little switch" goes on that tells me, "Hey, this is fun...have more...have 5 more...have 8 more..." until I am passed out on the bathroom floor between episodes of throwing up, and feeling like crap for days, physically and emotionally. Of course that doesn't happen every time I drink. Like everyone else, I've had times of drinking 1 or 2 and calling it a night. But it happens enough that I know I don't have control. Based on how unhappy you are and how much you don't want to drink, it sounds like you also have that "switch"...the only way to turn it off is to stop drinking, completely.

When I stopped 25 days ago, I poured out every drop of alcohol in my house. I poured out a whole bottle of expensive vodka, the rest of the "box wine," the light beer I was keeping "just in case someone stopped by"...let them bring their own d**n beer, because I'm not having it in the house. I even poured out the sherry in the fancy decanter...who am I kidding, I'm not making any cheesecakes.

I am so grateful that something...I guess God...finally opened my eyes that this isn't fun and games, it's dangerous. ALL the alcohol has to leave your house...it can't be an option.

This is probably the hardest thing you'll ever have to do...I wish you well.

least

I too get frustrated with you Pink for coming here with the same ol' same ol' week after week... until I remember that I did the same thing myself, over and over. Getting sober then relapsing and posting drunken depressing, even suicidal posts about how I couldn't stop, wanted to stop but couldn't. It took me most of two years to finally get my sh!t together and actually finally stop and stay sober.

I only hope it doesnt' take you that long to actually do something to stop drinking. With your young kids you do'nt have the luxury of that much time to quit. You need to stop now, for their sake as well as your own, and I pray you will do whatever it takes to stop and stay sober.

Call that AA number and ask for a ride to tonight's meeting or a twelve step call at your home. AA helped me a lot in the early days of my recovery. It can help you too, but you've got to reach out and accept that help. You've made your own prison but the door isn't locked, you only have to step thru it.

pinkfirefly

thank you every one. i'm sorry for coming here and posting the same old thing all the time. i don't mean to annoy any one or anything. i just need some one to talk to sometimes. i don't really have any friends, and my husband doesn't like to talk to me about my feelings. i'm just so lost and lonely. and this stupid disease is killing me. i have to get control over it. i really am serious about starting the AA. as soon as i can find time, get someone to watch my kids for a little while i'm gonna find a meeting, and go and just try it. i'm nervous about it. but i know its what i need to do. i need to at least make that first step. thank you. i'm sorry for posting so much, and being immature and selfish. your right. i know i am. and i want to change that about myself as well. i know i'm a good person deep down, and i want to prove it and become better.

Nikkle

Look up Celebrate Recovery in your area on the computer. They most likely have childcare. All the ones around here do. It is like AA only more uplifting -but that is just my personal opinion.