Weird Thoughts today
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 375
Weird Thoughts today
I met an old coworker for lunch today. I no longer work with that company, but my alcoholic ex still works there, who I broke up with about the same time I decided to quit drinking. This coworker transferred away, so is no longer working in the same office as my ex.
He knew I was a heavy drinker. I've been known to be a partier. He knew that I struggled to quit a year ago when my liver got sick and that I've finally quit for good. I was never too close to him as I never really felt a connection, but he was a true friend and a nice person.
Something about being with him just brought me back to my old persona. The feelings I mean. I've been working hard on finding myself and finding new interests...but meeting up with him, I could feel my party ego wanting to emerge. It was weird. He didn't say anything wrong - I just felt like he had a hard time not seeing me as the party person. Or maybe I was just feeling that, who knows.
When I left, I was thinking how I wish I could just go back to that. I drove around running my errands thinking of how much easier it would be to just do what I used to, get drunk everyday and go out to restaurants and just go home. Everyone sees me as a partier anyway, how am I going to be different? How am I going to fight that image? Gee, wish I could call the abusive ex and go back to that lifestyle, but I know that's not good. It's like for a few hours I didn't know who I was or how I was going to be...not sure how to describe it.
I sat it out for a few hours and now it's gone.
He knew I was a heavy drinker. I've been known to be a partier. He knew that I struggled to quit a year ago when my liver got sick and that I've finally quit for good. I was never too close to him as I never really felt a connection, but he was a true friend and a nice person.
Something about being with him just brought me back to my old persona. The feelings I mean. I've been working hard on finding myself and finding new interests...but meeting up with him, I could feel my party ego wanting to emerge. It was weird. He didn't say anything wrong - I just felt like he had a hard time not seeing me as the party person. Or maybe I was just feeling that, who knows.
When I left, I was thinking how I wish I could just go back to that. I drove around running my errands thinking of how much easier it would be to just do what I used to, get drunk everyday and go out to restaurants and just go home. Everyone sees me as a partier anyway, how am I going to be different? How am I going to fight that image? Gee, wish I could call the abusive ex and go back to that lifestyle, but I know that's not good. It's like for a few hours I didn't know who I was or how I was going to be...not sure how to describe it.
I sat it out for a few hours and now it's gone.
I understand those feelings. I've had them before. Not so much the drinking thing, but feeling a little nostalgic when seeing someone from my past.
The good thing is, you have moved past that party person you used to be. Not sure how long you've been sober, but you'll find, in time, that you can have just as much, if not more, fun as you did back then without the alcohol.
The good thing is, you have moved past that party person you used to be. Not sure how long you've been sober, but you'll find, in time, that you can have just as much, if not more, fun as you did back then without the alcohol.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Perhaps the drinking ambience was not condusive to
remembering why you decided to quit....
When I was doing restaurant/bar work...it was easy
to spot the "I'm still a party harty" drinker.
Age had nothing to do with their desire to be noticed.
Glad you came home sober...
remembering why you decided to quit....
When I was doing restaurant/bar work...it was easy
to spot the "I'm still a party harty" drinker.
Age had nothing to do with their desire to be noticed.
Glad you came home sober...
No, I don't think I had a party ego. I don't know about any grandiosity, I just know that I always over did it when I was out and drinking. I thought I was having a great time, but I was really just making a fool of myself.
Hi golden. Change is hard, especially when otherS expect us to be a certain way, only having seen one side of us. You did a great job! In time I got more comfortable with being more myself and less the "fun" drunk person (not really all that fun!). I hope you will too!
Glad those feelings passed goldengirl. I think it's fairly common. My drinking experience was much less exciting than yours as I didn't party...still, when I get stressed I sometimes miss the escape I would get daily or nightly from my drinking. I had that escape almost every day. Of course then it would lead to strong depression, being completely out of shape...and frequently embarrassment. I don't want to go back there.
Good luck.
Good luck.
Congrats on getting through that, GG. It's not easy to erase our past lives. You miss the old GoldenGirl. I sometimes miss the familiarity of my drinking patterns. We are still fairly new to sober living, but as we go on we create new patterns that will replace the old ones.
When I left, I was thinking how I wish I could just go back to that. I drove around running my errands thinking of how much easier it would be to just do what I used to, get drunk everyday and go out to restaurants and just go home. Everyone sees me as a partier anyway, how am I going to be different? How am I going to fight that image? Gee, wish I could call the abusive ex and go back to that lifestyle, but I know that's not good. It's like for a few hours I didn't know who I was or how I was going to be...not sure how to describe it.
I sat it out for a few hours and now it's gone.
I sat it out for a few hours and now it's gone.
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