A simple hello
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3
A simple hello
Hi all, I am so sad to be posting here :-(
I have been reading all your posts for a while now and I think its time to say hello
:-) I am 41 and married with a little boy who is two and a half, both my husband and my son are just gorgeous and you could not hope for a better family. My husband has the occasional drink, one or two a week at most (he is, however concerned with my drinking, but then so am I!).
I cant exactly remember when I first drank alcohol. I think I was around 15 years old and didn't really like it but despite that I still drank it when I could ... messing around with friends or at parties. I now drink at least 1 bottle of wine a day, I have been drinking at this level for around 20 years, how am I not dead? I dont know! Recently I have noticed more "symptoms" yellowing for the eyes and "liver pain" but I still dont stop. I expect like many of you still drinking you look for symptoms and try to find reasons online why they may be "nothing", or even compare your symptoms with others and think that "I am not that bad".
My worst example of finding a "reason" to drink was to play a board game with my husband and say I was just having a drink in the spirit of xmas etc... I have hidden drinks in the house over the last 12 months and spent lots of time "disposing" of unwanted bottles.
Having read as many posts as I can on here it has really helped me in the past to stop drinking. Actually like many of you I have "stopped" more than once! recently stopped for 30 days (without much more than the odd intense dream at night) but then......
one reason, one excuse, one stressful day, one happy day, one hard night with no sleep, one bad dream, one argument, one tough day with a toddler, one bad work day (my husband and I work full time), one ANYTHING and I get a drink.
I want to stop and I can stop I am just being "infulenced" by a force beyond my control.
I am seeking help tonight, because it will stop! and I will be the person everyone thinks I am, one day (at a time).
x
I have been reading all your posts for a while now and I think its time to say hello
:-) I am 41 and married with a little boy who is two and a half, both my husband and my son are just gorgeous and you could not hope for a better family. My husband has the occasional drink, one or two a week at most (he is, however concerned with my drinking, but then so am I!).
I cant exactly remember when I first drank alcohol. I think I was around 15 years old and didn't really like it but despite that I still drank it when I could ... messing around with friends or at parties. I now drink at least 1 bottle of wine a day, I have been drinking at this level for around 20 years, how am I not dead? I dont know! Recently I have noticed more "symptoms" yellowing for the eyes and "liver pain" but I still dont stop. I expect like many of you still drinking you look for symptoms and try to find reasons online why they may be "nothing", or even compare your symptoms with others and think that "I am not that bad".
My worst example of finding a "reason" to drink was to play a board game with my husband and say I was just having a drink in the spirit of xmas etc... I have hidden drinks in the house over the last 12 months and spent lots of time "disposing" of unwanted bottles.
Having read as many posts as I can on here it has really helped me in the past to stop drinking. Actually like many of you I have "stopped" more than once! recently stopped for 30 days (without much more than the odd intense dream at night) but then......
one reason, one excuse, one stressful day, one happy day, one hard night with no sleep, one bad dream, one argument, one tough day with a toddler, one bad work day (my husband and I work full time), one ANYTHING and I get a drink.
I want to stop and I can stop I am just being "infulenced" by a force beyond my control.
I am seeking help tonight, because it will stop! and I will be the person everyone thinks I am, one day (at a time).
x
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 157
Originally Posted by resolve 
I want to stop and I can stop I am just being "infulenced" by a force beyond my control.
x
x
For me, your quote above sums it up perfectly. I needed help but couldn't NOT take that first drink. Again speaking for me, I needed the help of a group - and I found it in a 12 step meeting. My wife was also very supportive. There are many options for help, and I hope you take advantage or one or more. I would also recommend seeing a doc about your medical worries. Better safe than sorry.
Again welcome, and best wishes on your road to recovery!
Another Day in Paradise
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upland, CA
Posts: 900
Resolve,
Welcome, there may be as many suggested ways to deal with alcohol dependency as there are those who are dependant. May I suggest that you investigate some of these and get very close with those for whom alcohol is not the master anymore.
Just a thought, but I found the path that has kept me sober these past 11+ years right near the very front of the phone book, I mean right in the front!
Regardless the desire to stop and to put the welfare of family ahead of craving is a good beginning. I wish you all the success in the world and just as much support as you need.
Jon
Welcome, there may be as many suggested ways to deal with alcohol dependency as there are those who are dependant. May I suggest that you investigate some of these and get very close with those for whom alcohol is not the master anymore.
Just a thought, but I found the path that has kept me sober these past 11+ years right near the very front of the phone book, I mean right in the front!
Regardless the desire to stop and to put the welfare of family ahead of craving is a good beginning. I wish you all the success in the world and just as much support as you need.
Jon
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
[QUOTE=resolve;2810060]Hi all, I am so sad to be posting here :-(
Well I'm glad your posting here!
Nothing to be ashamed off. This is your battle against the bottle. You can make it as private or as public as you want.
Happy reading
xx
Well I'm glad your posting here!
Nothing to be ashamed off. This is your battle against the bottle. You can make it as private or as public as you want.
Happy reading
xx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3
Thank you both for taking to trouble to reply so quickly. I have to work tomorrow and its almost 11.00pm in the UK so I must try to sleep soon, I just wanted to say how happy I am that someone "bothered" about my post :-)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 432
If you managed to quit for 30 days before, then you know about withdrawal symptoms and how to get past them. That is often the reason people can't stop initially.
Sounds like you need a way to AVOID RESUMING, AFTER you've stopped. This is the primary purpose of AA, and they have a whole philosophy built around why people drink and how to avoid it. It works really well for a lot of people IF you are willing to take a good hard look at your insides. And it's not all hobos either. Lots of soccer moms, professionals, etc. Have you tried AA?
There are also outpatient programs at many hospitals and other facilities that are totally anonymous, covered by insurance, and can get you an excellent start. Your physician can hood you up with these. Have you tried marching into your doctor's office and leveling with him / her?
Sounds like you need a way to AVOID RESUMING, AFTER you've stopped. This is the primary purpose of AA, and they have a whole philosophy built around why people drink and how to avoid it. It works really well for a lot of people IF you are willing to take a good hard look at your insides. And it's not all hobos either. Lots of soccer moms, professionals, etc. Have you tried AA?
There are also outpatient programs at many hospitals and other facilities that are totally anonymous, covered by insurance, and can get you an excellent start. Your physician can hood you up with these. Have you tried marching into your doctor's office and leveling with him / her?
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome resolve! Glad you're posting instead of just reading. It sounds like you're ready to make a commitment to sobriety - that's wonderful.
I found that I was unable to stop on my own (like most alcoholics), or at least stay stopped, so getting support here made a huge difference for me. There are lots of programs out there too.
My drinking pattern was very similar to yours and I doubted whether I could quit (or even wanted to). I just didn't realize how much better life could be sober. Hang in there (one day at a time!).....
I found that I was unable to stop on my own (like most alcoholics), or at least stay stopped, so getting support here made a huge difference for me. There are lots of programs out there too.
My drinking pattern was very similar to yours and I doubted whether I could quit (or even wanted to). I just didn't realize how much better life could be sober. Hang in there (one day at a time!).....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3
Thank you everyone. Well today is day 1 again! My most recent attempt to quit was just before the holidays when I managed 27 days and I felt good, I gave in to the pressure of the Holidays and now regret it but whats done is done and I cant change the past only the future.
I have not tried AA, my reasons are that I work full time and have a young child so I leave the house at 7.30am and arrive home at 6pm when I have to get dinner and get my little one to bed, after that I am usually shattered. I know its not an excuse and I should get help but findng a meeting in the evening near to home that works with my husbands schedule (so he can babysit) is quite difficult if not impossible, meetings here in the UK do not seem as widespread as those in the US. I will keep looking and posting here, my last attempt to quit was helped greatly by all the goodwill and encouragement available on this site.
I have not tried AA, my reasons are that I work full time and have a young child so I leave the house at 7.30am and arrive home at 6pm when I have to get dinner and get my little one to bed, after that I am usually shattered. I know its not an excuse and I should get help but findng a meeting in the evening near to home that works with my husbands schedule (so he can babysit) is quite difficult if not impossible, meetings here in the UK do not seem as widespread as those in the US. I will keep looking and posting here, my last attempt to quit was helped greatly by all the goodwill and encouragement available on this site.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 432
Sister, have you thought about taking some vacation time so you can get some inpatient treatment, or more intensive outpatient treatment? You'll learn a lot of the same principles you might learn in AA, but much faster. It might give you a better start.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Welcome to the family! I hope you can get help to stop drinking as it's progressive and will only get worse. There are many methods of staying sober once you've gotten safely thru withdrawals. It doesn't matter so much which way you choose to stay sober, only that you put all your effort into it.
I've been sober a year now and don't regret a minute of it. It's the best thing I ever did for myself.
I hope you can get help to stop drinking as it's progressive and will only get worse. There are many methods of staying sober once you've gotten safely thru withdrawals. It doesn't matter so much which way you choose to stay sober, only that you put all your effort into it. I've been sober a year now and don't regret a minute of it. It's the best thing I ever did for myself. Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
Hi resolve, welcome to SR. Don't be sad about reaching out be proud of yourself. Like you I drank around a bottle of wine a day, not every day, and on the weekends it was more like 2 bottles, but I went to work and had a nice home and nice life, but I was slowly killing myself. I drank for so many years that even though I didn't drink when my daughter was young (I started heavily drinking when she was around 12) I don't remember those years because the years of alcohol abuse seem to have obliterated memories, dont let that happen to you. If you can't get to AA meetings there are other ways of recovering, I didn't attend AA meetings but I did read and practice a lot of what they 'preach' and the last 3 years of my life have been the best. I missed my daughters childhood but I am getting a 2nd chance with her children my grandchildren, and I don't want to miss a second. You can be free, you deserve it as does your family.
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Hi Resolve-
I know the feeling and I was sad when I realized I might just be an alcoholic.
I was TERRIFIED when I realized I cannot drink, ever again.
AA took away the obession of drinking (along with logging on to SR a lot) and it can work for you too.
Most of us "AA'ers" thought we didn't have time for the meetings either, but it's been my experience it only enhances your life, it doesn't take away from it.
Also, how much time did you normally spend drinking, hiding bottles, lying to yourself and others, being hungover, etc.. a night? Now don't you think you can fit in an hour meeting?
We alcoholics are funny creatures. We make ourselves miserable with our thoughts, our actions, our fears, but when a plan of recovery is suggested, one that has worked for millions, we say "well, I'm not gonna do that"
Kjell
I know the feeling and I was sad when I realized I might just be an alcoholic.
I was TERRIFIED when I realized I cannot drink, ever again.
AA took away the obession of drinking (along with logging on to SR a lot) and it can work for you too.
Most of us "AA'ers" thought we didn't have time for the meetings either, but it's been my experience it only enhances your life, it doesn't take away from it.
Also, how much time did you normally spend drinking, hiding bottles, lying to yourself and others, being hungover, etc.. a night? Now don't you think you can fit in an hour meeting?
We alcoholics are funny creatures. We make ourselves miserable with our thoughts, our actions, our fears, but when a plan of recovery is suggested, one that has worked for millions, we say "well, I'm not gonna do that"
Kjell
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