I'm driving myself crazy!
 

Hi all, so grateful to be sober and to have found such a wonderful community. I've been reading posts here for about six weeks and decided to officially sign up today. I was hoping for a little reassurance or help from others who share a similar experience. I am newly sober (November 14). I am driving myself absolutely crazy worrying about my health. I went to the doctor and all labs and a sonogram came out perfectly normal and she literally laughed at me when I asked about cirhossis (sp.). I was a heavy (4-10 drinks/day) drinker for about ten years. I have a little bit of pain about where my gallbladder is and while the sono showed no stones, she suggested another test for function and wants to do a CT to check out a kidney stone that showed up on the sono. Long story longer :)... I have no real medical basis to think I have serious liver damage but I am losing sleep over the possibility. I'm even worried about a little brown color in the blue of my eyes - google made me afraid it was copper deposits from liver malfunction. I think I need a 12 step program to help me quit google-ing! Most importantly, though, is the fact that I no longer have to drink today to quell my anxieties and I am so, so grateful for that!

I have had a similar experience. I have also received a clean bill of health from the doctors. ;)

You know, try to relax and enjoy relative health. If you can't then perhaps you need a counselor, pastor or therapist to help you work out why you want to find yourself sick. Just don't let stress over a lack of sickness make you sick.

Hi, SevenWindows, welcome "officially" to SR!

In my experience, I also had anxiety after I quit drinking... long story short (LOL), Part of my issues with alcohol were anxiety. Sort of like the chicken/ egg dilemma. Was the drinking caused by the anxiety, or was did the alcohol cause me to be overly anxious when I quit? I have done some work with my shrink, and am on some meds that quell that part of me that would be tempted to do what you are doing.

So- I feel what you're going through.. are you following any particular program or path? After medical science has done all it can do to show you you're ok, you need to look elsewhere- perhaps your answers don't lie in a test or an x-ray. Any thoughts about that?

Best, S

I went thru the same worries whenever I stopped drinking. Also I find that googling any health related thing makes me feel like I am dying so I would advise against that....What helped me in early sobriety was knowing that drinking would only make my "potential" problems worse so the best thing to do is not drink and let my body heal up. It’s been over a year and I am still a vitamin freak and try to be as healthy as possible since I lived many years being not health conscious at all.

One thing drinking does do is that it numbs us.....it mellows us out (it's a depressant, that's what it's supposed to do). Take away that "medicine" and you're going to have some "freak outs" until you start to learn how to live life without the escape-hatch of alcohol.

My early sobriety was plagued with constant attempts to be/feel in control, like I had a handle on things, like I had this big game-plan and knew right where I was going, how to get there, and what to do once I arrived. The reality was, I felt totally out of control and uncomfortable.

The steps and the program taught me that it was my out-of-joint ego and my self-centered thinking that led me to believe I had to "know everything" and had me believing that someday I'd actually get everything figured out and executed perfectly -- then I'd be able to sit back and relax. Of course, nobody get's there.... life is dynamic. It's lived forward but it's really only understood backwards. One of the coolest things I learned in recovery is that I DON'T need to really know ANYTHING about what's coming, how to control "it," or any of that stuff to get the sense of ease and comfort I was always chasing......but never really found.

As for losing sleep.....just tell the Doc you want your liver checked. They'll draw some blood, run it, and if there's some damage.....at least you know where you stand. That's another thing in recovery.....sitting back, freaking out, "hoping" it'll all just go away on it's own is no longer a viable plan of attack.

Haha - I know the feeling. This is what made me stop the beer drinking. I too was about 6 to 10 beers a night for about same time frame - somethimes liquor in the winter months.

Goggle will scare teh hell out of you. I have a doctor appoinment in a few weeks for a physical but I have already started to let some of these feelings go because even if there is some liver damage the only thing you can really do is simplly stop drinking.

Yeah I second that, whenever I google stuff, I end up with some terminal disease. If the next set of tests come back OK, I would leave it alone or you will end up driving yourself crazy.

Hi seven! Nice to meet you. I think if you're concerned about your doctor's willingness to do certain tests etc it might give you peace of mind to seek a second opinion; however, i hope you can also take comfort in the amazing ability of our bodies to get healthier and also take comfort knowing you aren't doing more damage. congrats on your six weeks!

Early sobriety was like having 24 hour per day PMS in a full moon. Feelings all over the place, fear about everything (health is always a good one). What I realized later that, for me at least, fear is about trying to have control. If I keep thinking about something it won't happen. Well, it doesn't work.

My sponsor told me fear is: false evidence appearing real. Perhaps you can step back and realize you have no basis for this specific fear and none of us are good at predicting the future.

You're doing great!!!

I like your sponsors take on fear, sometimes I build these crazy scenarios in my head involving someone not liking me or worse and the only thing they are based on is false evidence and some crazy script I build in my own head...

Welcome!

I am the queen of googling-random-symptoms-and-thinking-I'm-dying. Most recently it was some stomach issues I've been having-- I googled, and the first thing I came across was a guy who was diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer-- had his entire stomach removed, and was given 6 months to a year to live! Why do we do it to ourselves?

I not only googled whatever ails me..I printed it out and brought it in to the doctor to make sure he knows I know what he knows. Every illness has symtoms the same as other illnesses. I quit doing that after getting the look over the top of his glasses as he explained in no uncertain terms that I didn't know sh!t. Of course..he used other words but that was the gist of it.

I would think Alcohol "causes" anxiety. About a good 30 days after I stopped drinking, the anxiety and jumpiness I would regularly experience went away. While life its self still causes bouts of anxiety, it's not the same as the anxiety of waiting and wanting, and wanting and waiting for THAT time, where I drank. Yes, alcohol caused me to be uptight/anxsious until I could satisfy it's demands. It was the cause. I wouldn't at all be surprised if that very same anxiety was the direct cause of my stomach getting the short jabbing sensations I used to get, which are rare if ever today.

Welcome to the sharing side of SR.....:wavey:

Well done for seeing your doctor and for your sober time
:yup:

Hi 7, welcome to SR and congrats on your sober time. Remember to breathe.... just take deep breaths and relax. In sobriety I've gotten healthier and better fit than I think I ever was because I now have an appreciation of my God given life, I eat healthy and exercise regularly and due to those 2 things I no longer worry about anything to do with my health I'm taking good care of me. Take care of you.

Wow you guys, thank you so much for your replies. I'm really taking to heart all you've said. Something that especially stands out is fear: false evidence appearing real. I have to remember that! I think I'd be much less nervous if this stomach ache (on the right!) would go away...but I'm hoping it's just from the nerves. Good labs, good sono...so hopefully a good liver. Seems like I should be fine, right? I'm just at the point of being horrified at what I could potentially have done to myself and my family...what an insane disease. I think someone asked what I'm doing to stay sober - AA and something at my church called Freedom Ministries. These forums are a huge help though - I have three small children so getting out the door for a meeting is logistically challenging to say the least. I'll do whatever it takes to stay sober, though. Thanks again guys --- back to the Christmas clean up for a bit. Toys everywhere :)

There are some AA meetings that allow you to bring
children...and some have child care on the premises.

My home group did have a playroom..parents took turns
watching the little ones.
we stopped when there was no apparent need...years later.

Please check with other AA members to see if that is true
in your area.
Glad you are being pro active about your recovery...:yup:

Blessings to you and your family

Thanks CarolD! I didn't know that - I will call our local main office to ask. I was hoping to make a few "mommy friends" there so we can arrange sober playdates as well. Thanks again, that would help a lot!

Welcome to SR sevenwindows :)

D