Miela

Well, I screwed up - I drank after over 3 weeks of sobriety and I'm SO, SO angry with myself, disappointed, disheartened....

A friend who lived abroad came over for a brief visit and wanted to meet me after work on Friday, in a bar. I knew I was going to drink because I had no idea how I was going to explain why I wasn't going to drink and I thought it would be weird for both of us if I was sitting there, not drinking. Anyway, I drank quite a bit and it continued the next evening (yesterday evening) when I drank a bottle of wine. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Well, back to square one. Feeling like a complete failure.

viavai

Dear Miela,

You are not a failure, you're an alcoholic, and you did what alcoholics do: drink. Don't beat yourself up, as shame is a useless emotion. Get back on track today, and think of the things you can do for your recovery that will prevent such a situation in the future.

I know your friend was in town, but the bottom line is that you wanted to drink: You know in your heart of hearts that's true. When I recently had an old college friend visit, I had to beg off her insistence that I join her for a drink, until I finally lied and said that I was on antibiotics and that I couldn't drink. Now, by no means am I advocating lying, but I had to do what I had to do to stay sober and keep my anonymity with someone who simply would NOT understand that I had quit drinking (she never saw me at my worst).

Anyway, I just want you to know that you have my support 100%, and if there's anything you need, please don't hesitate to ask.

Have you tried AA yet? Just wondering....

V.

CarolD

Please quit again quickly...no need to go deeper down the
road to destruction....

Ever heard of H.A.L.T.?
Each time I returned to drinking...at least 2 of those elements were in place.
The idea is to not let yourself become overly
Hungry...Angry...Lonely or Tired.

I added an S...for sad...because I quit to stop my situational depression.
Sooo.....HALTS....worked out for me...
Maybe you felt shame that your drinking had caused problems?

Yes ...you too can win over alcohol!

GettingStronger2

Ditto on what Carol said!

You are not a failure, you stumbled on the road of recovery. Put it behind you, learn from it, be prepared for these situations, get honest with yourself and others and just don't drink.

Thanks for the honesty.

FBL

You are NOT a failure! Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try it again. It took me nearly 30 years to finally get it, so it's never too late.

artsoul

hey miela - You're not a failure, OK? (let's just get that straight right away!)

Everyone has those weak spots and sometimes we find out the hard way what they are. The times when I feel the most tempted are when I'm with a friend who's drinking or a small group of friends. So I can really relate - now you just have to think ahead of time so you have a plan when those situations come up.

You may be at day 1 again, but you still have the success of 3 weeks to be proud of! Hang in there - one day at a time!!

loveon2legs

It was explained to me that relapsing or slipping is just part of the disease....and if you can do some soul searching and learn from this slip then you will be better equipped next time...

Wishing you well xo

nacona

I heard that in rehab in 1999 and my f'd up brain told me....hey, green light, if relapsing is a part of recovey, then I can relapse...yay for me!! and I did and I did and I did and I did......slow learner..very slow.

Opivotal

Miela, as long as you learn from your experience it's a positive. I agree with the others. pick yourself up and continue on the road to recovery. I personally could not be around alcohol when I first quit. You may have to make some adjustments in your social life. If going to a bar makes you want to drink. I would think twice about doing so.

Best Wishes To You

loveon2legs

I thought that to when I first heard it.....so far to date no slips....but I sure know Im not immune to it!!!

MsCooterBrown

Ditto..Opivotal nailed it. I make it a plan not to be around any event that includes alcohol. Well..any bar type or party type. Somehow I stay on track around family. They have a couple of drinks..I always make sure to bring my tea bags or club soda and juice! I know to do this..my 1st AND LAST relapse was at a birthday party at a bar..I had like almost 6 weeks sobriety and had to RESET MY DATE! Man..still spitting on myself for that one. BUT as long as you learn what your triggers are you get no demerits..Hang in there.

sunrise1

I agree with the others.. seems like maybe you gave yourself the green light to drink because you knew you weren't going to NOT drink. Hopefully you'll learn- as I have- that relapses are never worth it and they suck. Next time, if you must meet someone in a bar, think about what you'll have ahead of time... diet coke, etc... and I have no problem lying and telling someone I'm on medication that prohibits drinking.

Best to you and get back on that horse.

JohnBell

Dust yourself off and get back on that wagon.

Toronto68

This shows you the kinds of things to be mindful of, and it's good that you see how the return to drinking started. Of course a visiting friend who drinks is not an "excuse," but it's one example of a person/place/thing that can take you off track. That person will always be them and you will always be you, drinking seems to be an option for them, and drinking is not an option for you. That difference is what you will want to hold on to, so that you can manage to stay on track..

TheEnd

You are not a complete failure, a complete failure would continue drinking. That to me would be a complete failure, but you failed, and now you are ready to try again. Hopefully you have learned from this mistake.

I really hope you get past what other people think about you not drinking, as this seems to be the trigger that caused you to slip up. If you had just been honest from the beginning with your friend, this unfortunate incident might have been avoided.

Dee74

Some great advice here

Learn from your mistake, think about what you need to add to what you've been doing, then pick yourself and move on.

D

oakleaf82

I think we've all been there. I have thought about quitting many times over the past few years. Then I would find myself at a restaurant or bar, the whole time leading up to it intendin to stay sober, and before I knew it, I was ordering a drink. It wasn't until recently I did some serious soul searching, and thinking about my life and how I want to live it...I found this forum and I'm hoping it's for good this time.

Pick yourself up and try again. Don't beat yourself up.

rws177

I had a lot of relapes when I first tried getting sober. Use this as a tool to move on. Think about how your feeling today the next time you want to drink. I had 90 days at one point and then relapsed. That was over a year ago but I still think about it and how that made me feel. Your not a failure! Dust yourself off and try again.

GreenAces

Relapses happen.. We live for today... I am sober today.. I don't know about tomorrow... But today I am sober. Simple as that.

BoozeFree

You are def not a failure. I have had some relapses recently and would beat myself up over it the next day but instead when I drank last thurs I woke up friday thinking I was glad that I still wanted to give sobriety another shot and thought about what I could do differently this time. I know it may be hard but try to think positive and look at it as a learning experience.