How do you sit through boring meetings?
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: CA
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How do you sit through boring meetings?
I'm not sure if it's me or the meeting. Last night I was bored and wanted to leave. Part of the reason was there were no men there to pay attention to me (I talked about this on another thread and am trying to work on it.)
After the meeting the secretary (he is also a friend of mine) pulled me aside and asked me what was wrong....now that I am writing this, I think I made sure he knew something was wrong so I could get SOME attention.
...sometimes the truth justs start spilling out when I write this stuff down. No wonder people advocate journaling.
Why do I want/need so much attention? I don't remember being this way before sobriety - I could take it or leave it, but now I almost crave it.
Tomorrow is my 90 days - does this have anything to do with it?
After the meeting the secretary (he is also a friend of mine) pulled me aside and asked me what was wrong....now that I am writing this, I think I made sure he knew something was wrong so I could get SOME attention.
...sometimes the truth justs start spilling out when I write this stuff down. No wonder people advocate journaling.
Why do I want/need so much attention? I don't remember being this way before sobriety - I could take it or leave it, but now I almost crave it.
Tomorrow is my 90 days - does this have anything to do with it?
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,243
I felt desperate for acceptance early on. My self worth and self esteem were devastated. It took time but the process of working the steps has helped me to get a proper perspective on myself. I hope you have a Sponsor because this is exactly the kind of thing a Sponsor can help you with.
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Originally Posted by nacona 
Why do I want/need so much attention? I don't remember being this way before sobriety
IDK, just a thought.... I in no way mean to be mean.... we are on the same side. But if you crave attention and approval from others....???
Congratulations on your 90 days, that's awesome. Get into those steps and get recovered...
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,954
Well within any group...I suspect...there can be a popularity contest going on between the various members. Most usually a group thing that have been documented as. Some member want to out perform the others and gain more group recognition.
I sometimes feel that some AA members need to have the attention of the group. That they perform nerveless a valuable service as an example of group norms...that is to show how 'well' they are. I think there might be a hidden pressure on some to prove their wellness (or progress) within the group. And when that expectation is not fulfilled there might be a feeling of loss.
Not saying this is the case for you...just some of my observations regarding group dynamics.
I sometimes feel that some AA members need to have the attention of the group. That they perform nerveless a valuable service as an example of group norms...that is to show how 'well' they are. I think there might be a hidden pressure on some to prove their wellness (or progress) within the group. And when that expectation is not fulfilled there might be a feeling of loss.
Not saying this is the case for you...just some of my observations regarding group dynamics.
rode hard and put away wet
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 999
I think it's so cool that you recognize this in yourself. Not too many people have the courage to put their finger on something like this much less think about it enough to get some help for it. Not too many people even get to your first step of even seeing the narcissism in themselves.
Maybe it's newbie-ness and perhaps the more time in sobriety you have the more it will shed from you?
Maybe it's newbie-ness and perhaps the more time in sobriety you have the more it will shed from you?
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Originally Posted by Mark75
Because you aren't drinking alcohol to treat your lack of inner peace, low self esteem and lack of self confidence?
IDK, just a thought.... I in no way mean to be mean.... we are on the same side. But if you crave attention and approval from others....???
Congratulations on your 90 days, that's awesome. Get into those steps and get recovered...
IDK, just a thought.... I in no way mean to be mean.... we are on the same side. But if you crave attention and approval from others....???
Congratulations on your 90 days, that's awesome. Get into those steps and get recovered...
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Join Date: Apr 2010
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Originally Posted by bellakeller
I think it's so cool that you recognize this in yourself. Not too many people have the courage to put their finger on something like this much less think about it enough to get some help for it. Not too many people even get to your first step of even seeing the narcissism in themselves.
Maybe it's newbie-ness and perhaps the more time in sobriety you have the more it will shed from you?
Maybe it's newbie-ness and perhaps the more time in sobriety you have the more it will shed from you?
I PMd Carol asking if she would delete this post because it's embarrasing.
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Originally Posted by keithj
What Step you are (or are not) on probably has even more to do with it.
He just had 65% of his pancreas removed and is still on a ventilator.....so all I can do is visit him, go to meetings and analyze my thoughts....basically going a little crazy.
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Originally Posted by Dime
I felt desperate for acceptance early on. My self worth and self esteem were devastated. It took time but the process of working the steps has helped me to get a proper perspective on myself. I hope you have a Sponsor because this is exactly the kind of thing a Sponsor can help you with.
And I haven't talked to my sponsor about any of this, because I don't know her very well and I have been betrayed by a sponsor in the past...plus it's easier to post this stuff anonymously.
rode hard and put away wet
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 999
LOL. Honey. I had to learn this particular lesson the hard way! Meaning - some old timers had a "come to Jesus" with me about my own narcissism. I didn't even have the balls to face it without having someone else point it out to me!
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 395
Try doing the opposite; be attentive, instead of craving attention. Craving attention is a sign of self-absorption, which I can totally relate to. One way to fight self-absorption is to be in the 'here and now'. I find that when I am attentive to the point where I can read between the lines of what people are saying, it places me in the present and it gets me out of myself.
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Join Date: Jan 2009
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i never felt like a whole person.
great big gaping hole in the soul.
would try and fill it with anything primarily alcohol (being an alcoholic and all)
shoes,men,food,sex,attention (bad or good) the list goes on.
its not like that today thanks to the 12 steps.
the hole in the soul has been filled by the God of my own understanding.
when i went through the steps with my sponsor she taught me about our instincts,we all have them,they are God given.
when im not living on a spiritual plane and doing my best to be at one with God and His will for me then my instincts are out of control...i want more more more....
then if i arnt being satisfied which i never will be my defects come out to play and boy is my life unmanagable.
so,my suggestion is seek and you shall find,if you dont feel the sponsor you have at the moment is the right one,pray on it.my guess is you could maybe jut pray for the willingness to get hoenst with her and get moving with the steps.
if this aint happening then find one that will take you through them and get to the bottom of your behaviour.which is not sitting right with you,you posted about it and good on you!
great big gaping hole in the soul.
would try and fill it with anything primarily alcohol (being an alcoholic and all)
shoes,men,food,sex,attention (bad or good) the list goes on.
its not like that today thanks to the 12 steps.
the hole in the soul has been filled by the God of my own understanding.
when i went through the steps with my sponsor she taught me about our instincts,we all have them,they are God given.
when im not living on a spiritual plane and doing my best to be at one with God and His will for me then my instincts are out of control...i want more more more....
then if i arnt being satisfied which i never will be my defects come out to play and boy is my life unmanagable.
so,my suggestion is seek and you shall find,if you dont feel the sponsor you have at the moment is the right one,pray on it.my guess is you could maybe jut pray for the willingness to get hoenst with her and get moving with the steps.
if this aint happening then find one that will take you through them and get to the bottom of your behaviour.which is not sitting right with you,you posted about it and good on you!
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Awesome awesome replies.
I'm with ya Bell!!! I was a mess too and didn't realize it until a therapist started pointing it out to me! I guess I was just so accustomed to feeling like a train-wreck I didn't notice it was tearing me up.
Identifying it is a huge step.....we don't know where we stand until we know where we stand, yanno?
Getting past that stuff...that comes with the steps and with making as many positive changes to your behavior that you can muster. Some go to LOTS of meetings, some do lots of reading, some paint bedrooms (hehehe, I painted 4 of em in my house), some join gyms, and so forth. Some of that stuff will help, some won't. Some of yer "issues" will lighten up, some you'll have no measurable effect on....so we use step one, recognize our powerlessness/manageability in that area and use the other tools of the program to grow in spite of them or just plain outgrow them.
......tools for living!
LOL. Honey. I had to learn this particular lesson the hard way! Meaning - some old timers had a "come to Jesus" with me about my own narcissism. I didn't even have the balls to face it without having someone else point it out to me!
Identifying it is a huge step.....we don't know where we stand until we know where we stand, yanno?
Getting past that stuff...that comes with the steps and with making as many positive changes to your behavior that you can muster. Some go to LOTS of meetings, some do lots of reading, some paint bedrooms (hehehe, I painted 4 of em in my house), some join gyms, and so forth. Some of that stuff will help, some won't. Some of yer "issues" will lighten up, some you'll have no measurable effect on....so we use step one, recognize our powerlessness/manageability in that area and use the other tools of the program to grow in spite of them or just plain outgrow them. ......tools for living!
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by nacona
I PMd Carol asking if she would delete this post because it's embarrasing.
No way nacona.
Yer not THAT unique!! lol No need to be embarrassed by something that everyone who's replied readily admits to feeling early in their sobriety too!
(and some of us aren't afraid to admit we sometimes feel those things in spite of having 3 1/2 YEARS in the program.
--some defects, they die slowly.)
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Join Date: Apr 2010
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Originally Posted by DayTrader
......and deny the next person who's in your shoes the ability to find the same question they're wrestling with......and all these fine answers???
No way nacona. Yer not THAT unique!! lol
No need to be embarrassed by something that everyone who's replied readily admits to feeling early in their sobriety too!
(and some of us aren't afraid to admit we sometimes feel those things in spite of having 3 1/2 YEARS in the program. --some defects, they die slowly.)
No way nacona.
Yer not THAT unique!! lol No need to be embarrassed by something that everyone who's replied readily admits to feeling early in their sobriety too!
(and some of us aren't afraid to admit we sometimes feel those things in spite of having 3 1/2 YEARS in the program.
--some defects, they die slowly.)Thank you DayTrader - I don't feel so stupid now that others have posted that they have felt similarly....and thank you all for doing that. I was going round and round wondering why the heck I post crap like that. I feel better now.
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Originally Posted by DayTrader
Yer not THAT unique!!
Thanx DayTrader...
Remember, Nacona, I hit it only because I recognized that very thing within myself...
No, Leave this thread up, As I said.... we are all on the same side... And this helps us all!!!
Mark
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,954
Originally Posted by nacona
Zencat - Did you know the Queen Mary is haunted????? did you feel it when you were there?
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Originally Posted by Zencat
No way. Ive been on the ship after hours ripping it off. Back when I could run fast...all kinds of sea food in my greasy little arms. Never once did I think it was haunted...pier rat infested maybe...LOL...and I got busted after the second pilfering.
I spent the night there once too, but I was drinking then - so I wasn't scared..haha
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