walkingwithgod

I am new here and not sure what to think. I am 32 a dad and a husband. My wife and I always had a drink in the evening, but she can have 1 or 2, and I seem to drink 6-12 a day. I am successful and my drinking has never affected my work, but I feel that this is becoming an issue. I get home and drink 6-12 beers until I go to sleep. I have social anxiety and depression issues and I am in therapy for them. I never disclosed to my therapist about my drinking as I did not think it was an issue. But, I realize that at a minimum 6 beers a day is not healthy and or a normal thing that people do. I have noticed that I cannot remember what I watched on TV the night before, and that I am sluggish and exhausted every day, but I keep doing the same thing. I am sorry for rambling but I don’t know what to do. I would love to be able to be a social drinker, not sure I can have just one or two. I am scared of doing things sober, and the stigma that is attached with being an alcoholic. I am also worried that friends won’t want to hang out and watch a game, because I will not be dirking. These are just a few initial thoughts. God Bless

Paraffinalien

The great obsession of every abnormal drinker is to be able to control their drinking. Many alcoholics spend many, many years in denial ( dont even no i am lying ).

There is a solution but first I found I had to be entirely convinced that my will power is useless in combating an obsession, trying to fix my broken mind using my broken mind is insane and it is why i continued to drink against my will for so many years.
I would suggest you read a lot here and come up with a plan of ACTION that suits you.

Paraffinalien

Oh, and welcome Walkingwithgod. It was really helpful for me in early recover to live only in today, taking on tomorrows problems such as how your friends will behave is just that little bit more than i can handle and may well make it tougher for me to stay away from the first drink. I cant have even one.

Believe it or not a sober life is far more fullfilling, the best year of your life CAN be ahead of you. Of course so can the worste years, good luck to you and remember, plan of action.

Isaiah

Welcome, glad you're here.

I think it's a common and forgivable stumbling block for beginners, the notion that you have to 100% know you must quit to start. If that were the case I and most the people I know in AA would never have had any sobriety. Sobriety isn't supposed to be an instant miracle.

I look at it like having a severe toothache. Your tooth is killing you, does that mean you have to *really want* and strongly desire to get a root canal? Heck no, but we do those things anyway. We wake up and we don't feel like going to work, but we do it anyway. Such is the case with sobriety. Sobriety is the only relief for someone with an alcohol problem, but that doesn't make it entirely pleasant.

Some kicking of your own butt is necessary. You don't have to be 100% to start. You might find the rest comes with time. But if you really don't feel you can handle your drinking then chances are you can't. Stigma or otherwise, you can't.

And it takes time to adjust to being sober, but you give up very little in such a life. All you have to surrender is drinking. And most of us discover that we were the most stigmatic of all; most people, our friends and family, really don't care if we're drinking a beer or a soda.

Glad you're here, stick around, we're happy to have you with us.

walkingwithgod

It seems that everything since college has involved alcohol concerts, sporting events, holidays. I feel that I am week and that is why I have allowed myself to have this problem. I guess I fear what being or doing things sober will be like.

Isaiah

You can consult AA testimonials, you can read psychology/medical literature, and you can hang out here enough... the message will be the same: you are not an alcoholic/problem drinker because you are weak.

It is not a failure of character, there is much more going on that you didn't cause and you can't control. Alcoholics do not allow themselves to be alcoholics. Many of us express determination and character far greater than your average person, it's not because we're unique, but because we simply have an addiction and it's do or don't.

You don't have to fear being sober. This will probably sound blatantly DUH! and obvious, but it's very true all the same, you don't need alcohol to live happily. You don't need it any more than you need coffee or brussel sprouts or heroin or cigarettes. You might have become dependent on it, but you can become independent without it. There is no natural law that you can't, no social reason you can't, and lots of people here have happy and lengthy lives in sobriety. There's nothing alcohol can give you that you can't get yourself. Promise.

PHRD

I too worried for a long time before quitting that people would think ie. she must be an "alcoholic" or a "problem drinker" if she had to quit. When I did quit, I did it because I needed to be healthier and it is an individual decision. You are your own person, don't make your decisions based on what other people will think of you. You won't even have to deal with the social aspect of it for a long time because you'll be home, doing it on your own, avoiding social situations that you would feel uncomfortable in, etc Get through a few days of quitting just to try it and see how great you feel. More energy, no running to the bathroom all morning, clear headed, HAPPY! Alcohol is a depressant yet people drink it to excess to try to "medicate" and feel better, yet for myself, I have recently found that when I am not drinking any more, I have instantly felt better about myself and my life. You came here, that is a big first step! Congratulations!

bellakeller

If it were only the case that you were weak, you could easily fix that. But it seems that it's not. Alcohol is putting a damper on your life and causing you to be sluggish and exhausted - that's a problem, unless you want to be sluggish and exhausted.

Things could be worse; believe me; so much worse. Attacking this now before you're even convinced of your earning the title of "alcoholic" is the best thing a husband and father can do.

If you're wrong about your inclinations, then it shouldn't be hard for you to quit.

smacked

I never get why people want to be able to have only one or two drinks. What's the fun in that? I liked getting DRUNK! That being said.. you don't have to TELL people you're an alcoholic re: your fear of stigma. A lot of people don't drink.. way more than I ever noticed while I was drinking. I have been sober for over 2 years, and I think I have been asked one time about my not-drinking. Your friends are not friends, but simply drinking buddies if they lose interest in you for quitting drinking.. that's common (and ridiculous) unfortunately.

It's a hard fight, but totally worth it. Try it for a month.. heck try it for 2 months! I bet you'll find some positives to replace your worries.

smacked

Oh, and you aren't weak. I know I'm not.. but I know I'm an addict, and an alcoholic. And I know that if I kept doing what I was doing, I'd end up in a place I don't want to be, and never want to find out. I know that I risked losing precious things in my life due to the way I was living and it took STRENGTH to recognize what was going on, as you have, and to change my life, as you have the opportunity to now.

CarolD

Alcoholism is all about chemistry.....please read this

How We Get Addicted - TIME

When my doctor diagnosed me with situational depression
it was caused by my drinking.
He suggested AA.....and off I went..not expecting
much of anything.

It was the wisest move I ever made...and I've never
regretted chooseing recovery,,,
My depression lifted rather quickly...vanishhed by the end
of 2 months in AA....has not returned.

This may not be true for you...but please go find out.
I've not met anyone who said they were proud and
pleased that their parents were drinkers


Welcome to our recovery community....

least

Welcome WWG. The fact that you're here on a recovery site says a lot to me. And the fact that you're having nagging doubts about your drinking means that you think you might have a problem. I'd suggest giving it up for a period of time, say a month or two or three. Give yourself time to adjust to a sober life. You may like it a lot. I know I do. I wondered too what I'd do with myself and my time if I wasn't drinking... and found out that I can do anything, at any time, and do it better sober and enjoy it more.

And giving up alcohol will do wonders for your overall health. You're not likely to feel sluggish and crummy when you wake up sober.

I've been sober a bit over a year now and find that my life is more rewarding and happy then ever before. I don't miss it at all anymore, nor do I miss the risk involved with drinking or the money spent on it.

LaFemme

Hi walking with God! And welcome.

If you are in doubt about whether or not you have a problem give it up for 6 months and see how it goes.

If your friends wont hang out with you because you don't drink...maybe you should rr-evaluate your friendship.

Alcoholics aren't weak...in fact they are the strongest people I know...the only weakness lies in hidlng from your problem and pretending it doesn't exist....that is weakness.

Hugs! LaFemme

LawMama

Welcome, and you will find lots of like minded people here. If you aren't sure you are an alcoholic, it might be worth your while to try to control your drinking and just have one or two and see if you can. I know I can't. If you can't, then maybe that will help you "convince yourself," because admitting it is a problem is important.

Stick around!

Dee74

Hi walking with god - welcome!

lots of good advice here

I'd just like to add - regular drinking is not good for with depression or anxiety - on that point alone, you might want to reconsider your drinking habits - and tell your therapist/doctor.

My life didn't stop when I stopped drinking - there were changes for sure - but I don't regret any of them.

I've gotten back things tenfold for all the stuff I had to change - drinking took over the steering wheel...I was not the man I wanted to be for a long time.

D

GettingStronger2

I wish i had stopped when i was in your shoes. I didn't let it go much longer or further, but when i started recognizing those things, that is when i really started thinking i had an issue.

I tried to control it, didn't lose a job, etc., but it got worse.

Hope you find what you need!

walkingwithgod

Thanks for all the thoughts and advice. I came home and did not drink, and I am going to take this one day at a time. Not sure if I can be a 1 or 2 beer guy, but I am going to quit for a while.

Isaiah

One day at a time. That's the alpha and omega of our whole shebang!

Quitting, either from addiction or abuse, is an all or nothing thing. You don't want to be one of those people who struggle with moderation if you quite simply can't. Total sobriety is a bigger commitment, but I assure you the rewards are full and plenty. Tis a good life we lead!

oakleaf82

Welcome! I can relate to a lot of what you are saying. I think if you aren't telling your doctor how much you drink it is because you know it's too much. I too am very anxious about doing things without alcohol socially (concerts, sporting events, etc.) I also think that other people may not even notice you aren't drinking...like smacked said. You don't have to advertise it. If asked, say whatever you feel comfortable with, but you're friends shouldn't care whether or not you are drinking and if they are, maybe they are just insecure about their own drinking.

TheEnd

You mean to tell me that you're in therapy and the subject of substance abuse never came up? Being in the field I find that slightly hard to believe. Is it possible you never "disclosed" your alcohol use with your therapist because deep down inside you knew something was wrong???