Any feedback for a F&F?
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
Any feedback for a F&F?
I have a 6 year old son with an alcoholic. He lived it hard and rough for 12 years.
He went into rehab on his own after weaning himself down enough to avoid severe Dts. He completed the rehab, seemed to gain a lot from the meetings...
When he came out he was supposed to go to outpatient, and continue with meetings. He skipped outpatient.
He manages 1 -2 meetings a week. When he goes to a meeting, he is like a different person for 24 hours after, he is kind, responsive, warm, communicative, etc. He is self reflecting, and learning, and I can see that...WHEN he goes. Then he kind of slides back to stinkin thinkin, and just glides by. He is afraid a lot, panicky.
Otherwise, he spent the last 8 weeks here, sleeping all day, everyday until 1-2pm, staying awake all night up til 3-4am. It has been disruptive and difficult to live with. WHen he is awake, he is OK for periods of time, then will need to retreat to the computer for chess for a few hours...
He is present with our son, for th most part, is being MOSTLY kind to me, altho sometimes he is like a teenager fighting an authority figure.
I guess I wonder if you folks, with a lot of time, or experience would say he is dry drunk. He went back to work today...8 weeks out of rehab. He seems like he will continue with it, but we will see. The only reason he did go was because he lost his UC.
I make boundaries, I am loving, but firm. I try to be compassionate without being conned, and he was quite the conman for years. '
There are a lot of betrayals that I put into the past, and I am doing my best to be supportive, but..I cannot see through as to whether I am enabling him to remain physically sober, but moving slow on the other work to be done....
BTW, I am in Alanon, I am working steps.
I guess Im just asking for a guage.
ANy feedback would be great, thanks...
He went into rehab on his own after weaning himself down enough to avoid severe Dts. He completed the rehab, seemed to gain a lot from the meetings...
When he came out he was supposed to go to outpatient, and continue with meetings. He skipped outpatient.
He manages 1 -2 meetings a week. When he goes to a meeting, he is like a different person for 24 hours after, he is kind, responsive, warm, communicative, etc. He is self reflecting, and learning, and I can see that...WHEN he goes. Then he kind of slides back to stinkin thinkin, and just glides by. He is afraid a lot, panicky.
Otherwise, he spent the last 8 weeks here, sleeping all day, everyday until 1-2pm, staying awake all night up til 3-4am. It has been disruptive and difficult to live with. WHen he is awake, he is OK for periods of time, then will need to retreat to the computer for chess for a few hours...
He is present with our son, for th most part, is being MOSTLY kind to me, altho sometimes he is like a teenager fighting an authority figure.
I guess I wonder if you folks, with a lot of time, or experience would say he is dry drunk. He went back to work today...8 weeks out of rehab. He seems like he will continue with it, but we will see. The only reason he did go was because he lost his UC.
I make boundaries, I am loving, but firm. I try to be compassionate without being conned, and he was quite the conman for years. '
There are a lot of betrayals that I put into the past, and I am doing my best to be supportive, but..I cannot see through as to whether I am enabling him to remain physically sober, but moving slow on the other work to be done....
BTW, I am in Alanon, I am working steps.
I guess Im just asking for a guage.
ANy feedback would be great, thanks...
Dear Buffallo
Well, it really sounds as though there's been a lot of progress in the past few months. I am pleased to hear that generally things are going in the right direction. There's unlikely to be an instant solution to the situation, of course.
One thought. I can relate to the idea of "doing well" for 24 hours after a meeting and then falling back into a more negative state of mind. For me, the way around that has been to keep in very close contact with other members of AA by telephone and of course especially with my sponsor. That really helps my attitude and it helps draw me back to the meetings where I can receive guidance, support and fellowship.
I'm also aware that my romantic relationships work best with people who have supportive friends around them. The same is of course true for me - if I'm isolated, I tend to be over-dependent and selfish with my partner.
Keep us posted on how things progress and well done for making it this far along the road to recovery.
Well, it really sounds as though there's been a lot of progress in the past few months. I am pleased to hear that generally things are going in the right direction. There's unlikely to be an instant solution to the situation, of course.
One thought. I can relate to the idea of "doing well" for 24 hours after a meeting and then falling back into a more negative state of mind. For me, the way around that has been to keep in very close contact with other members of AA by telephone and of course especially with my sponsor. That really helps my attitude and it helps draw me back to the meetings where I can receive guidance, support and fellowship.
I'm also aware that my romantic relationships work best with people who have supportive friends around them. The same is of course true for me - if I'm isolated, I tend to be over-dependent and selfish with my partner.
Keep us posted on how things progress and well done for making it this far along the road to recovery.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
You might want to connect to your area Al anon program.
It's free ...it's a support group for those who love alcoholics.
I did find it useful for me when I was dealing with 2 of
my young adult children's various addictions....
All my best to y'all...
It's free ...it's a support group for those who love alcoholics.
I did find it useful for me when I was dealing with 2 of
my young adult children's various addictions....
All my best to y'all...
I would suggest posting this in the Friends and Families of Alcoholics forum. You'll get a lot of feedback from people who have lived and are living in the same type of situation.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Hi
You are in al-anon working the steps...the only way an alcoholic recovers from alcoholism in AA is working the steps, can you make him rigorously honest and willing enough to do that...no, only he can do that...so keep working on yourself, thats all you can do!
You are in al-anon working the steps...the only way an alcoholic recovers from alcoholism in AA is working the steps, can you make him rigorously honest and willing enough to do that...no, only he can do that...so keep working on yourself, thats all you can do!
Glad you're in alanon. As you know, the only thing you can do, is decide what you're willing to live with in your life. I hate the term 'dry drunk'. He could just be a lazy moody jerk.. and it has nothing to do with recovery or lack there-of. Or he isn't working on his recovery, and attending meetings just to attend meetings, which is NOT the program of AA. Staying up until 3am and sleeping until 2pm doesn't give him much time for anything.. much less participating actively in his recovery, or being an attentive loving father and husband.
Maybe consider what your boudaries are.. what are you willing to live with, and expose your son to?
Maybe consider what your boudaries are.. what are you willing to live with, and expose your son to?
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