Anyone had this kind of Blackout ???
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 6
Anyone had this kind of Blackout ???
I'm fully aware I'm an alcoholic and currently not in recovery. But something happened that scared me enough to know I need to quit again.
But first, I'd like to understand what exactly happened. I've experienced blackouts before but am wondering if anyone’s ever experienced this particular type.
I've researched and learned there are two types: “Complete” (En Bloc) where you don't remember anything from a certain point on while drinking. And “Partial” (Fragmentary) where you forget things but can remember after being reminded. I got these definitions off the NIAAA site. I've experienced both. But never what I’m about to explain.
Sat nite, I was drinking moderately, not to get drunk. In the course of an hour in the middle of the evening, I tried calling one friend 3 times back to back (leaving no msg), called my cell phone co. 2 times, and then an hour later, called another friend & apparently left a 1½ min. VM. But I don't remember making ANY of those calls.
I do, however, remember what I did the rest of that night. A few hours later, I posted a very coherent msg. on my cell phone msg. board. The next morning (Sunday), I clearly remembered doing that because I woke up and checked to see if I got an answer. And obviously I wasn't "drunk" because it made sense and had no typos (I'm fully aware of what my "drunk-typing' looks like). So I had not reached the point of drunkenness.
It wasn't until the next day (Monday) that I happened to check my phone call log and found that I'd made those calls. Yet I had no memory of doing so whatsoever. It really scared me since it was in the MIDDLE of the evening.
In other words, I started drinking & remember doing stuff, then blacked out for an hour, then ‘came back to reality’ and remember the rest of the evening & going to bed.
I even called the friend I’d left the VM for, embarrassed, and asked had I called her. She said I left a very coherent VM, just catching her up with what’s been going on. I asked did I sound drunk and she said no.
So my concern is – in a way, this sounds like a partial blackout – but I don’t feel it can be defined as such since even after my friend told me what all I’d said, it did not make me remember like the definition describes (also called a brownout). And neither did me seeing that I'd made those calls make me remember. The whole hour is a complete blank.
Has anyone else ever experienced something like this – losing time in the middle of drinking but then going on to function normally?
But first, I'd like to understand what exactly happened. I've experienced blackouts before but am wondering if anyone’s ever experienced this particular type.
I've researched and learned there are two types: “Complete” (En Bloc) where you don't remember anything from a certain point on while drinking. And “Partial” (Fragmentary) where you forget things but can remember after being reminded. I got these definitions off the NIAAA site. I've experienced both. But never what I’m about to explain.
Sat nite, I was drinking moderately, not to get drunk. In the course of an hour in the middle of the evening, I tried calling one friend 3 times back to back (leaving no msg), called my cell phone co. 2 times, and then an hour later, called another friend & apparently left a 1½ min. VM. But I don't remember making ANY of those calls.
I do, however, remember what I did the rest of that night. A few hours later, I posted a very coherent msg. on my cell phone msg. board. The next morning (Sunday), I clearly remembered doing that because I woke up and checked to see if I got an answer. And obviously I wasn't "drunk" because it made sense and had no typos (I'm fully aware of what my "drunk-typing' looks like). So I had not reached the point of drunkenness.
It wasn't until the next day (Monday) that I happened to check my phone call log and found that I'd made those calls. Yet I had no memory of doing so whatsoever. It really scared me since it was in the MIDDLE of the evening.
In other words, I started drinking & remember doing stuff, then blacked out for an hour, then ‘came back to reality’ and remember the rest of the evening & going to bed.
I even called the friend I’d left the VM for, embarrassed, and asked had I called her. She said I left a very coherent VM, just catching her up with what’s been going on. I asked did I sound drunk and she said no.
So my concern is – in a way, this sounds like a partial blackout – but I don’t feel it can be defined as such since even after my friend told me what all I’d said, it did not make me remember like the definition describes (also called a brownout). And neither did me seeing that I'd made those calls make me remember. The whole hour is a complete blank.
Has anyone else ever experienced something like this – losing time in the middle of drinking but then going on to function normally?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Yes i have...the body is cutting out brain function, short term memory gets "switched off" and the reason it does this is so you can keep conscious and not get to the coma stage, if this is happening mid session thats not good...so off to the docs for you and then hopefully a program of recovery...i know for me i didn't give a damn about myhealth before sobering up but in sobriety i have seen the mental problems bought on by drinking and these come up in sobriety as the damage was done...friend of mine is going to have a piece of his skull removed in a week to clamp an embolism and the doc said this was a direct result of hos alcohol abuse...hes been sober for years...get some help!
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,910
Who knows? I drank so much for so long that I probably had every kind of blackout there is. Does it really matter? Will your decision to stop drinking change depending on what kind of blackout you had?
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Yeah Brit... I've experienced those as well. Same thing. To me, that became the norm actually. A "typical" night/day of drinking would have multiple blank spots where I couldn't recall things I'd posted, calls I'd made, conversations I'd had, you name it.
I'd typically go in and out of blackouts several times - unless my drinking time was limited.
Hopefully, for your sake, that's enough of a scare to get you to do something about it. Hopefully you don't spend the next 5....15.....30yrs trying to "figure things out" from the past and are instead able to concentrate on what's happening to you in the now. That's the typical alkie though, forever trying to figure out the past, to understand it......in the misguided belief that this knowledge will somehow enable them to control their future.
If you're a real alcoholic, why and how you drank will be of little to no use to you in your recovery. What WILL matter is what you're doing not to make sure you don't repeat that past - whether you understand it or not.
I'd typically go in and out of blackouts several times - unless my drinking time was limited.
Hopefully, for your sake, that's enough of a scare to get you to do something about it. Hopefully you don't spend the next 5....15.....30yrs trying to "figure things out" from the past and are instead able to concentrate on what's happening to you in the now. That's the typical alkie though, forever trying to figure out the past, to understand it......in the misguided belief that this knowledge will somehow enable them to control their future.
If you're a real alcoholic, why and how you drank will be of little to no use to you in your recovery. What WILL matter is what you're doing not to make sure you don't repeat that past - whether you understand it or not.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 6
Suki, I knew someone was going to say that and I don't take offense. But, yes, I guess in my case since I'm not at that point where I actually do WANT to quit, it DOES matter to me because a response like Yeahgr8's will hopefully force me to take this seriously and scare me into doing something about it.
Tks Yeahgr8 for your answer !! I needed to hear that. What sort of doc were you referring to? I know when I was trying to be somewhat honest with my new FP about my drinking habits during my intake, instead of being supportive, she acted shocked and somewhat judgemental. So she's no help.
I am bi-polar and currently see a shrink but for med maintenance only. But here's where it gets sticky. I don't want to be honest with her because one of my meds is Klonapin and as soon as I admit I'm drinking again, I'm sure she will take me off it since she was reluctant to even give it to me (years ago) since alcoholism in on my record and she was concerned about me having an addictive personality.
And altho I'm not addicted to it nor do I abuse it, my body IS dependant. A couple months ago I asked to be taken off and to try something else. We tried Buspar but that did not work for my anxiety. So I don't want to open THAT can of worms with her and lose a med that actually works for me.
What sort of doc did you mean?
Tks Yeahgr8 for your answer !! I needed to hear that. What sort of doc were you referring to? I know when I was trying to be somewhat honest with my new FP about my drinking habits during my intake, instead of being supportive, she acted shocked and somewhat judgemental. So she's no help.
I am bi-polar and currently see a shrink but for med maintenance only. But here's where it gets sticky. I don't want to be honest with her because one of my meds is Klonapin and as soon as I admit I'm drinking again, I'm sure she will take me off it since she was reluctant to even give it to me (years ago) since alcoholism in on my record and she was concerned about me having an addictive personality.
And altho I'm not addicted to it nor do I abuse it, my body IS dependant. A couple months ago I asked to be taken off and to try something else. We tried Buspar but that did not work for my anxiety. So I don't want to open THAT can of worms with her and lose a med that actually works for me.
What sort of doc did you mean?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 6
Daytrader...didn't read yours until after I sent previous post. THANKS for sharing that !! Fortunately I'm past the stage of figuring out my past. Been to more shrinks that I can count and pretty much resolved my past (at least consciously). I've struggled with alcohol since my mid-20's and am now 53. I didn't realize I was an alkie until my early 30's while in a psych hospital for depression and was dual-diagnosed.
Then wasn't diagnosised as bi-polar until my early 40's while I was sober and stayed sober 5 yrs, until 2001, had a near-fatal drunk driving accident, stayed sober another year but only due to being laid up. Then once I got back on my feet in 2002, I started again and have been ever since.
As we all know, accidents, arrests (got another DUI after that), broken bones, etc. aren't enough to make some of us quit. I know I need support and possibly rehab. I just have to have to WANT sobriety and hate myself for not being at that point yet.
Then wasn't diagnosised as bi-polar until my early 40's while I was sober and stayed sober 5 yrs, until 2001, had a near-fatal drunk driving accident, stayed sober another year but only due to being laid up. Then once I got back on my feet in 2002, I started again and have been ever since.
As we all know, accidents, arrests (got another DUI after that), broken bones, etc. aren't enough to make some of us quit. I know I need support and possibly rehab. I just have to have to WANT sobriety and hate myself for not being at that point yet.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Originally Posted by brit5467 
Suki, I knew someone was going to say that and I don't take offense. But, yes, I guess in my case since I'm not at that point where I actually do WANT to quit, it DOES matter to me because a response like Yeahgr8's will hopefully force me to take this seriously and scare me into doing something about it.
Tks Yeahgr8 for your answer !! I needed to hear that. What sort of doc were you referring to? I know when I was trying to be somewhat honest with my new FP about my drinking habits during my intake, instead of being supportive, she acted shocked and somewhat judgemental. So she's no help.
I am bi-polar and currently see a shrink but for med maintenance only. But here's where it gets sticky. I don't want to be honest with her because one of my meds is Klonapin and as soon as I admit I'm drinking again, I'm sure she will take me off it since she was reluctant to even give it to me (years ago) since alcoholism in on my record and she was concerned about me having an addictive personality.
And altho I'm not addicted to it nor do I abuse it, my body IS dependant. A couple months ago I asked to be taken off and to try something else. We tried Buspar but that did not work for my anxiety. So I don't want to open THAT can of worms with her and lose a med that actually works for me.
What sort of doc did you mean?
Tks Yeahgr8 for your answer !! I needed to hear that. What sort of doc were you referring to? I know when I was trying to be somewhat honest with my new FP about my drinking habits during my intake, instead of being supportive, she acted shocked and somewhat judgemental. So she's no help.
I am bi-polar and currently see a shrink but for med maintenance only. But here's where it gets sticky. I don't want to be honest with her because one of my meds is Klonapin and as soon as I admit I'm drinking again, I'm sure she will take me off it since she was reluctant to even give it to me (years ago) since alcoholism in on my record and she was concerned about me having an addictive personality.
And altho I'm not addicted to it nor do I abuse it, my body IS dependant. A couple months ago I asked to be taken off and to try something else. We tried Buspar but that did not work for my anxiety. So I don't want to open THAT can of worms with her and lose a med that actually works for me.
What sort of doc did you mean?
Change docs if the one you are seeing is judgemental! Blood tests would be in order i would imagine they would suggest this and who knows they might suggest something else but go and get properly checked out...as you say recovery wise you have to want it but hitting an AA meeting wanting it or not will not hurt at all...who knows you might hear something and think wow i want that!
All the scare stories and events never stopped me drinking for long so i hope you do reach out face to face whilst you are thinking about it:-)
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
If you're a real alcoholic, why and how you drank will be of little to no use to you in your recovery. What WILL matter is what you're doing not to make sure you don't repeat that past - whether you understand it or not.
What matters is what you're doing now to help insure you don't repeat the past....
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by brit5467
But, yes, I guess in my case since I'm not at that point where I actually do WANT to quit, it DOES matter to me because a response like Yeahgr8's will hopefully force me to take this seriously and scare me into doing something about it.
I did the steps with the firm belief that they were BS and I didn't need to be there with all those dopes. I didn't believe I'd experience the promises and I didn't believe I'd live the rest of my life without drinking again.
That was over 3 years ago and I now have come to believe the exact opposite of everything I typed in the paragraph above. Reality didn't change.........my perception of it did though. That's what the steps do though.....working them put(s) me(us) in touch with a power that's so far beyond any of the paltry bs-willpower we're capable of that our entire outlook on life changes...... and before I knew it, I was LOVING sobriety and getting a 1 year coin.
That's why the phrase is, "it works if you work it" and not "it works if you believe it will." I didn't believe in AA, didn't want to quit drinking forever, and didn't think the steps would work for me (I was reeeeeeally sure of that last one.......lol). Once again.........WRONG.........TOTALLY DELUSIONAL.
(thank God).
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Klonapin and Alcohol .............................. a very BIG NO NO.
You are an accident waiting to happen.
Been there, done that, have the T-Shirt and the ER paperwork where the ER Doc was putting the TOD on my chart.
I would seriously suggest you re-think your want or need to stop drinking and do it quick!
I am glad you have decided to post here .................. now how about figuring out what you can do to put down the booze and get some help, be it AA, SMART, Rehab, or whatever other program appeals to you ........................ but do it for you, you can have a great life ahead of you without booze.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
You are an accident waiting to happen.
Been there, done that, have the T-Shirt and the ER paperwork where the ER Doc was putting the TOD on my chart.
I would seriously suggest you re-think your want or need to stop drinking and do it quick!
I am glad you have decided to post here .................. now how about figuring out what you can do to put down the booze and get some help, be it AA, SMART, Rehab, or whatever other program appeals to you ........................ but do it for you, you can have a great life ahead of you without booze.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
2nd chance at a 1st cl*** life
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: San Jose, Ca
Posts: 492
I've had plenty of blackouts like you described. I call them "time travel". Most particularly what would happen to me is that I would be in a bar, look at my phone and the time would be say about 9:30-10ish. The next thing I'd know the lights would be coming on and they'd be announcing last call. I don't think its unusual. I had them quite often but my blackouts progressed into complete blackouts where I wouldn't remember anything. Good luck and I hope you get into recovery before it gets any worse.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: California
Posts: 39
Blacking out is a bad bad thing completely. I've had your kind of black out and still do. Its way creepy. I have to look at my credit card receipts, phone log, facebook etc to figure out what I was doing and when. And what I said! Sheesh.
I'm an alcoholic. So are you. :-) Your blackouts are only gonna get worse if you keep drinking. Have you tried AA?
I'm an alcoholic. So are you. :-) Your blackouts are only gonna get worse if you keep drinking. Have you tried AA?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Huntington, WV
Posts: 225
I have had hundreds of blackouts and many match your description. I was asked if I had ever had a blackout, meaning even one. One blackout suggests alcoholism; I cannot pronounce you a drunk, only you can do that ;but I would run to the nearest AA meeting and stay for the whole thing; try to relate to the sharing, not compare yourself to the others; you can buy the Big Book of AA for less than 10 bucks at most meetings; buy it and read it and see if it affects you; it sure did me. I know it took years to get me to admit being an alcoholic; I am just trying to save you more misery. Don't be afraid to ask questions and thanks for posting!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 6
I truly appreciate everyone reaching out to me like you have !! It’s very comforting.
Yeahgr8, I’d wanted the judgmental doc to order tests to check out my liver, etc. but so much for that. I’ll figure something out with a doc. Thx.
Daytrader, figured it was a typo . I know AA does work. It’s what got me sober for those 5 yrs but prob. cuz I went by choice. I’d hit bottom. But after a couple years sober, I turned to spirituality and felt that worked best for me.
My life DID change like they say. Bought a home all by myself, got new truck, good job. Was very happy being sober. But not content with my life, therefore made a bad relationship decision. Had I had a support system the nite of my wreck when that relationship blew up in my face, I would have had somewhere to turn to versus getting behind the wheel. I know that now.
I’m sure what I’m about to say will be viewed as an excuse. Maybe it is. But I just didn’t feel AA worked for me after awhile. I loved what I learned and really tried to get involved but eventually the meetings became like soap operas. And confidences were betrayed. THAT is what really put me off. Sharing something and then having it be repeated – and NOT because it could help another. It left a bad taste in my mouth.
Still, I tried other meetings and to make new friends but felt I never could get close to anyone (and I’m a very likable and outgoing person, so I’m told). I felt left out. Like I was on the outside, looking in. It felt very clique-ish.
So at this point, having been thru those doors that “swing both ways” sooo many times (mostly DUI related) even tho I know there are still things to be heard and learned, it just feels like a “been there, done that” situation to me. I admit. I never got a sponsor. I tried, but females were limited and they already had their plates full. And I didn’t finish the steps.
I did go to a meeting in the past year of so. One that I used to go to regularly. I tried speaking to people, being friendly, I participated. But once again, I felt lonely and left feeling empty. I felt no one reached back when I was reaching out.
I know the answer. Keep trying meetings until you find one you like. But I feel I did that. I tried and tried. Even drove to other cities. This was back when I was READY and really wanted it. So altho I like the principles, I just never got the ‘family’ feeling everyone else seemed to have.
Laurie – I Googled SMART and there’s no meetings in my area but I will check out the online support. That may be more up my alley. Rehab isn’t an option, at least in-patient since my Mom depends on me daily. And I appreciate the concern about the drug/booze mix. I do know better but since I’ve never had any bad reaction, I just kept on doing it.
And to the others – I KNOW I’m an alcoholic. Admitting it’s never been my problem. ACCEPTING it IS. That’s what sucks. Why was I able to WANT sobriety before but now, with all these facts staring me in the face is it so hard for me to not want to give up drinking? The insanity of alcoholism, I guess, huh?
I know my first step IS to go to a meeting. Thanks for all the encouragement !!
Yeahgr8, I’d wanted the judgmental doc to order tests to check out my liver, etc. but so much for that. I’ll figure something out with a doc. Thx.
Daytrader, figured it was a typo . I know AA does work. It’s what got me sober for those 5 yrs but prob. cuz I went by choice. I’d hit bottom. But after a couple years sober, I turned to spirituality and felt that worked best for me.
My life DID change like they say. Bought a home all by myself, got new truck, good job. Was very happy being sober. But not content with my life, therefore made a bad relationship decision. Had I had a support system the nite of my wreck when that relationship blew up in my face, I would have had somewhere to turn to versus getting behind the wheel. I know that now.
I’m sure what I’m about to say will be viewed as an excuse. Maybe it is. But I just didn’t feel AA worked for me after awhile. I loved what I learned and really tried to get involved but eventually the meetings became like soap operas. And confidences were betrayed. THAT is what really put me off. Sharing something and then having it be repeated – and NOT because it could help another. It left a bad taste in my mouth.
Still, I tried other meetings and to make new friends but felt I never could get close to anyone (and I’m a very likable and outgoing person, so I’m told). I felt left out. Like I was on the outside, looking in. It felt very clique-ish.
So at this point, having been thru those doors that “swing both ways” sooo many times (mostly DUI related) even tho I know there are still things to be heard and learned, it just feels like a “been there, done that” situation to me. I admit. I never got a sponsor. I tried, but females were limited and they already had their plates full. And I didn’t finish the steps.
I did go to a meeting in the past year of so. One that I used to go to regularly. I tried speaking to people, being friendly, I participated. But once again, I felt lonely and left feeling empty. I felt no one reached back when I was reaching out.
I know the answer. Keep trying meetings until you find one you like. But I feel I did that. I tried and tried. Even drove to other cities. This was back when I was READY and really wanted it. So altho I like the principles, I just never got the ‘family’ feeling everyone else seemed to have.
Laurie – I Googled SMART and there’s no meetings in my area but I will check out the online support. That may be more up my alley. Rehab isn’t an option, at least in-patient since my Mom depends on me daily. And I appreciate the concern about the drug/booze mix. I do know better but since I’ve never had any bad reaction, I just kept on doing it.
And to the others – I KNOW I’m an alcoholic. Admitting it’s never been my problem. ACCEPTING it IS. That’s what sucks. Why was I able to WANT sobriety before but now, with all these facts staring me in the face is it so hard for me to not want to give up drinking? The insanity of alcoholism, I guess, huh?
I know my first step IS to go to a meeting. Thanks for all the encouragement !!
Last edited by brit5467; 12-07-2010 at 01:30 PM. Reason: boo boo
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I've had every kind of blackout there is I think.
I have experienced what you did.
The way to solve the problem...well, you already know that
hope you find that meeting Brit - good luck
Welcome to SR
D
I have experienced what you did.
The way to solve the problem...well, you already know that
hope you find that meeting Brit - good luck
Welcome to SR
D
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
It was very hard for me to muster up much enthusiasm for sobriety while I was drinking. I remember posting on here even saying how I was drinking way less than I used to but I wasn't as happy as I was when I was totally sober. And someone said "if you were happier then why don't you quit again?" and I was like 'um i dunno'. Just.. apathetic. I think ploughing toxins into your (my) brain day after day just stopped me from being able to make a logical decision such as "I am happier when I am sober therefore I should be sober all the time" lol.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,064
The very first time I ever drank age 17, and I had a blackout. I was at a party and was drinking that punch that has who knows what in it and was happy dancing, I woke up out in the yard under a truck. I have no idea how I got there. Missed a good chunk of time. Maybe some people are super sensitive to the effects of alcohol. I also blacked out on narcotics apparently went about my business even told a person what I really really felt about them, yeah it was a career ender. Do something about this while you still have time and a mind to fix it. Before you decide to drive in a blackout state.
Absolute Evil
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Charlotte NC
Posts: 206
I have a buddy that I would call while drunk & barely speak...
I would never remember making these calls, but they swear I did. Oddly enough I would remember most of these evenings.
I just thought I was crazy.
I would never remember making these calls, but they swear I did. Oddly enough I would remember most of these evenings.
I just thought I was crazy.
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