Snow - the strongest trigger yet
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 782
Snow - the strongest trigger yet
I really hate snow... it has triggered some crazy thinking this weekend and I thought I'd share.
Waking last Saturday to a good few inches coverage filled me with dread. When my drinking was at its worst in February 2009 (day and night vodka) I suddenly found myself 'snowed in' while visiting my family. My alcohol supply was immediately cut and at that time I'd go into withdrawal within hours. I remember vividly standing in the freezing cold eeking out the last of a rough bottle of vodka from the back of my car, vomiting on the ground and wishing I could somehow just stop.
And so to last weekend when this memory was suddenly recalled. I'm ashamed to say I jumped into the car (before even breakfast) and bought a big bottle of booze from the convenience store. Having returned home it was a huge relief just to have it sitting there. Now I could survive the snow! Of course the bottle was opened and a drink turned into a drunk.
It's insane that having a bottle of poison next to me made me immediately feel so much more secure. Alcoholism truly is madness - in this case the exact opposite of reason. I wish I could say that my commitment to sobriety had been strengthened, but frankly I'm just becoming tired of the whole situation lately. I'll try to find some gratitude from somewhere today. I'm grateful to be here for a start. Thanks guys.
Waking last Saturday to a good few inches coverage filled me with dread. When my drinking was at its worst in February 2009 (day and night vodka) I suddenly found myself 'snowed in' while visiting my family. My alcohol supply was immediately cut and at that time I'd go into withdrawal within hours. I remember vividly standing in the freezing cold eeking out the last of a rough bottle of vodka from the back of my car, vomiting on the ground and wishing I could somehow just stop.
And so to last weekend when this memory was suddenly recalled. I'm ashamed to say I jumped into the car (before even breakfast) and bought a big bottle of booze from the convenience store. Having returned home it was a huge relief just to have it sitting there. Now I could survive the snow! Of course the bottle was opened and a drink turned into a drunk.
It's insane that having a bottle of poison next to me made me immediately feel so much more secure. Alcoholism truly is madness - in this case the exact opposite of reason. I wish I could say that my commitment to sobriety had been strengthened, but frankly I'm just becoming tired of the whole situation lately. I'll try to find some gratitude from somewhere today. I'm grateful to be here for a start. Thanks guys.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hey forwards!
Sorry you are having problems. What have you been doing to stay sober? Gratitude is good...my coach gave me an exercise where I was to focus on the feeling of fear, how it made me feel physically And emotionally...after a minute I was to take a few cleansing breathes and then repeat the exercise but feel gratitude...letting it fill me up and inspire me....really feel how it made me feel. Going forward when ever I feel anything like the greasy fingers of fear....I am to stop take those cleansing breathes and then focus on that feeling of gratitude. It takes a lot of practice but after some time you get to the point where it becomes second nature.
Have you always disliked snow? Maybe going out and playing in snow would be beneficial?
Hugs.
Sorry you are having problems. What have you been doing to stay sober? Gratitude is good...my coach gave me an exercise where I was to focus on the feeling of fear, how it made me feel physically And emotionally...after a minute I was to take a few cleansing breathes and then repeat the exercise but feel gratitude...letting it fill me up and inspire me....really feel how it made me feel. Going forward when ever I feel anything like the greasy fingers of fear....I am to stop take those cleansing breathes and then focus on that feeling of gratitude. It takes a lot of practice but after some time you get to the point where it becomes second nature.
Have you always disliked snow? Maybe going out and playing in snow would be beneficial?
Hugs.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,364
Hi Forwards
I've never experienced snow, much less dealt with it as a trigger - but I know looking back that whenever I relapsed, whatever the cause, whatever the trigger, I needed to redouble my efforts to stay sober.
What have you been doing so far to keep yourself sober? Are you doing any counselling - that snow incident from the past might need some looking at, quite apart from working on your alcoholism.
Still working AA? going to meetings?
Changing our life is hard - it requires continued commitment and effort.
Think about what you need to add now so that no trigger can bring you undone
D
I've never experienced snow, much less dealt with it as a trigger - but I know looking back that whenever I relapsed, whatever the cause, whatever the trigger, I needed to redouble my efforts to stay sober.
What have you been doing so far to keep yourself sober? Are you doing any counselling - that snow incident from the past might need some looking at, quite apart from working on your alcoholism.
Still working AA? going to meetings?
Changing our life is hard - it requires continued commitment and effort.
Think about what you need to add now so that no trigger can bring you undone
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 782
Hi LaFemme, thanks for your reply. I really needed to get this off my chest this morning.
The whole snow thing seems ridiculous but I was genuinely startled by how much it affected me. That moment in 2009 was when I realised without a shadow of a doubt that not only was I an alcoholic but heavily physically dependent. Alas, I'm all to familiar with withdrawals these days but this was my first time around - forced by the snow drift I was standing in. I literally could not stop drinking for more than a few hours even though it was obviously killing me. I had no advice from anywhere. Not the happiest association then...
Anyway, moving on I used to love playing in the snow as a kid. Maybe it's something I can rediscover. Dodge a virtual snowball from me
The whole snow thing seems ridiculous but I was genuinely startled by how much it affected me. That moment in 2009 was when I realised without a shadow of a doubt that not only was I an alcoholic but heavily physically dependent. Alas, I'm all to familiar with withdrawals these days but this was my first time around - forced by the snow drift I was standing in. I literally could not stop drinking for more than a few hours even though it was obviously killing me. I had no advice from anywhere. Not the happiest association then...
Anyway, moving on I used to love playing in the snow as a kid. Maybe it's something I can rediscover. Dodge a virtual snowball from me
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
We are having lots of discussions about snow in the AA rooms here: snow came early to Sweden and we are really snowed in! (It's snowing right now!)
It is always surprising how winter weather can be a trigger.
If you are not used to it and come from a warm climate, it seems to be a trigger because it is such a hassle: the risk of falling, the inconvenience, driving problems, (not alcohol related!), etc. etc.
Hmm: speaking from a recovery point of view: most holidays are like a mine field for alcoholics.
The holidays often bring back sad memories from childhood for many of us. Drunk parents fighting 'round the Christmas tree for example.
There are expectations, too: we are given an idealized idea of holiday happiness from the media and the merchants, when often our lives are full of problems that fleeting holiday happiness cannot solve.
so, we talk a lot about tools for "surviving" the holidays.
If you feel depressed, have a plan: go to a meeting, develop friendship ties in the fellowships of AA or other recovery programs, and meet those friends over the holiday.
I am going to midnight mass on Christmas Eve with 2 other friends from the AA fellowship.
It's a pretty simple tool: I committed to go and that means I will have to stay sober all day!
also: see the boundaries between what you are expected to do over the holidays and what you need to do to recover. Say no to obvious alcohol-related events. Say no to committments that will make you upset and irritable...and make you want to drink. you CAN say no: your life depends on it. For alcoholics, to drink is to die.
You can find new sober ways of experiencing the holidays.
It is always surprising how winter weather can be a trigger.
If you are not used to it and come from a warm climate, it seems to be a trigger because it is such a hassle: the risk of falling, the inconvenience, driving problems, (not alcohol related!), etc. etc.
Hmm: speaking from a recovery point of view: most holidays are like a mine field for alcoholics.
The holidays often bring back sad memories from childhood for many of us. Drunk parents fighting 'round the Christmas tree for example.
There are expectations, too: we are given an idealized idea of holiday happiness from the media and the merchants, when often our lives are full of problems that fleeting holiday happiness cannot solve.
so, we talk a lot about tools for "surviving" the holidays.
If you feel depressed, have a plan: go to a meeting, develop friendship ties in the fellowships of AA or other recovery programs, and meet those friends over the holiday.
I am going to midnight mass on Christmas Eve with 2 other friends from the AA fellowship.
It's a pretty simple tool: I committed to go and that means I will have to stay sober all day!
also: see the boundaries between what you are expected to do over the holidays and what you need to do to recover. Say no to obvious alcohol-related events. Say no to committments that will make you upset and irritable...and make you want to drink. you CAN say no: your life depends on it. For alcoholics, to drink is to die.
You can find new sober ways of experiencing the holidays.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Hull, England.
Posts: 169
I only ever had one trigger. I drank when it was snowing or a summer day, didnt really need a reason but could always find justification. I have alcoholism, my only trigger is leaving it untreated or resting on my laurels.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hmmm....just a quick second thought...if depression is a problem...talk to your doctor about seasonal sadness...there are some pretty easy things to help with that.
I just saw my first snowflake this morning...snow always makes me happy...I wish I could send some of that to you:-)
I just saw my first snowflake this morning...snow always makes me happy...I wish I could send some of that to you:-)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 6
Hi forwards. I understand where you're coming from. I would "stock up" all the time and for many reasons. If company was coming over or if I was going out of town for business with another co-worker and they were driving or if it was too hot outside. I would even stock up for a whole weekend so I wouldn't have to leave my apt. I would feel anxious when I didn't have any around me and I would get a feeling of calm as soon as I walked through the door with my bottle. I'm am only on day 3 and haven't been to a meeting yet. But I'm tired of being sneaky, hungover, exhausted, anti-social, lonely, a liar and everything else that comes with being an alcoholic. This website and the chat room has been a huge help and distraction. So happy I found it and grateful. You should give it a try! xoxo
April 18, 2010
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,117
I know what you mean, Forwards, about hating snow. I hate it too. Hate feeling house-bond, afraid of slipping, cold, wet . . . so, I empathize. But we've gotta get through the winter, no? What I hope to do is bring plenty of books and other solitary activities (like a netbook with internet access) when I travel later this winter to snowy places . . . it's possible to "escape" the cold if you have something to engage you. And invest in some good boots an a good coat so that you can go outside comfortably even if it's very snowy. That helps me a lot in winter. I think many of my bad associations with snow come from the days when I wasn't taking care of myself properly enough to dress for the weather, etc.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Italy
Posts: 287
Snow in London is absolutely dreadful. It invariably turns to filthy slush and the transportation system grinds to a halt. Total nightmare.
Check out light therapy, Forwards.
I was always depressed in London because of the dreary light levels in the winter. Eventually I moved to Italy cos I couldn't stand it any longer. Here we have snow a meter deep at times but the sun is often shining as well which makes all the difference.
Originally Posted by LaFemme 
if depression is a problem...talk to your doctor about seasonal sadness...there are some pretty easy things to help with that
I was always depressed in London because of the dreary light levels in the winter. Eventually I moved to Italy cos I couldn't stand it any longer. Here we have snow a meter deep at times but the sun is often shining as well which makes all the difference.
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