Back again...DAY 3
 

I can't believe how many different day 1's I've had in the past year. It is ridiculous. I am done. I don't want to die. Suddenly the idea of powerlessness over alcohol makes more sense to me. Yes, I am the person who ultimately picks up the drink, but it is like I am possessed by some demon in the minutes leading up to the first drink. Then I end up on a daily drinking spree for a week or two.

No sense beating myself up over this chronic relapse thing. I am not sure I should even call it relapse...how serious have I ever really been? Is anything different now? I can't tell just yet, but I sense that there is. Some things about sobriety seem inherently right and aligned with the person I want to be, not the person I was.

Welcome back Lilac, Let's all keep moving forward together. It sounds like you are reaching the point of surrender and I think I have too.

As your Avatar says, one day at a time...

lilac. I'm on day three as well. I've had so many "day 1's" I'm on my 3ed username here!!!!! The bottom line is we can't stop unless we try and stop. Over the past year I've tried to just "accept" the fact that I like to drink and just forget about getting sober. The problem is I am miserable when drinking and why wouldn't I be. Consuming large amounts of poison frequently will do that to a person. Just take it one day at a time that's what I'm trying to do. Best of luck...