pinkfirefly

hey. I just had my baby about a week ago. i now have two kids. who i love so much. I can't believe how much i love them. they are my whole world. but i'm still worried about my alcoholism. My new born and daughter are with my MiL for the night, cuz i'm still recovering from my c section. I'm in a lot of pain. and tonight, I have been drinking some vodka. I feel really bad and guilty. I don't want to do this. i want to be a good mother to my children and sober. I have this idea in my head where I can moderate my drinking. i have had a few drinks to drink tonight, and am getting drunk i guess. do you think its possible I could moderate the drinking, or am I just wishful thinking. my kids mean every thing to me. but i don't want to stop drinking completely unless i have to. what do you think. my husband is giving me one last chance to control my drinking, before I have to stop it altogether.

TheEnd

You now have 2 beautiful reasons of why you shouldn't be drinking, but you will of course drink, because that's what you have been doing this entire time. If you want to be a good mother then stop drinking, you stated you're worried about your alcoholism, then don't drink, I guess your kids don't mean enough for you to stop drinking. It's hard for me to even be supportive of your efforts at this point. I wish you the best of luck, but I fear you will fail.....

yeahgr8

I remember thinking about moderating and trying it...i must have tried a thousand times...the insanity of alcoholism is that normal people would try maybe a handful and accept it doesn't work and try something else...the delusional thinking of the alcoholic finds something different about the new attempt at moderation, it could be anything, maybe the number 10 bus route has changed and thats why this time it will work and everything will be fine...sucks when you're in active addictionm dry or drinking, cos you want see this but if you want to try to moderate again...try it and if it doesnt work scrub that out as an option and get some face to face help!

Dee74

hey PFF

I'm pretty sure you've asked this before.

Your husbands giving you ultimatiums - one last chance at control.
What are you going to do differently this time to make sure you control yourself?

Willpowers no good, fears not effective for long - nothing ever worked for me - until I accepted I couldn't moderate.

If you don't want to drink - get some help.
D

johndelko408

The great obsession of every alcoholic is to be able to drink normally or moderate their drinking. I don't mean to offend you or anything so please don't misinterpret this as my being cruel or harsh. If you have to ask if its possible for you to moderate your drinking it kind of sounds like you are not able to as of now. I've tried every trick in the book to moderate my drinking and I couldn't. I don't know, may you're different, but to me it sounds like you can't moderate your drinking and your looking for someone to tell you that you can, that it is possible. My reason for getting into recovery is my children. There is no way in hell I could ever be a good father to them if I continued to drink and use. But then again, that's just me.

Cobalt

I thought I could moderate my drinking but in the end I always ended up drinking more than I wanted to. When the alcohol takes over we cast aside all rational thought so we can justify having "just one more" drink even if that "just one more" turns into 15 more. You can try moderation, but I personally have had no success with it. It's all or nothing for me, and thankfully lately it has been nothing.

drumstick

If you are an alcoholic (which you stated in your post) which is that you have the disease of alcoholism then the answer is "No, you cannot drink in moderation" since this is a disease of the brain, once alcohol is put into the equation for someone with alcoholism then it's inevitable that you will go right back to the level of drinking when you last stopped.

Alcoholism is an irreversable progressive disease. Abstinence and a solid recovery program is your solution.

If you are just a problem drinker and not alcoholic, "Yes, you can drink in moderation"

Isaiah

Whether you can or not is something you'd have to test to know. As was said, if you're an alcoholic, then no you cannot. As Dee said, willpower would mean nothing; it's in your physiology and you can't alter that any more than you could willpower your way out of high cholesterol.

In my opinion it's not so much about whether you can but whether you should? I mean if alcohol use makes you worry about your mothering abilities and creates ultimatums from your husband, that sounds pretty serious. I would really be asking myself if it was worth taking the risk.

MsCooterBrown

Gotta jump in here Pink..and get it out because I want to SCREAM it out...
Moderation to an alcoholic is nothing but CONSTANT WITHDRAWAL! Give it up. You have drank your quota! You have suffered enough guilt and turmoil to kill an elephant. Quit before you lose EVERYTHING you have. Each time you quit..then start drinking again your tolerance increases. Meaning you will drink more and more.
And that...is the end of that story!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

artsoul

I think the only reason we try to moderate is because we don't really want to give up our alcohol, which is a problem in itself. My pattern wasn't to have a glass of wine occasionally (and leave it half empty if I was done with dinner). I drank to get that feeling of numbness, of temporary relief, to feel carefree. For that, I had to drink more than the recommended one per day for a woman.

I agree with the other posters that it's just not worth risking your life and your relationships for. Have you tried counseling (like with an addiction specialist?).

You know, the buzz always wears off, which means we're back where we started from (obsessing about the next drink). We have to break that cycle if we want to live a sober life. So really, moderation isn't helpful at all, in my opinion.

Sasha4

Google moderation management and have a good read.

bassist85

From what I've read you're not going to be able to moderate your drinking. If you're feeling feelings of guilt and are drinking even with the threat of losing your family it's obvious you can't moderate yourself.

Your family is more important than the bottle. I think you should seek some kind of help if your facing these kind of ultimatums and still can't quit. Please seek help.

least

You've asked this before and gotten the same answers. Given your history it's not likely you can moderate successfully. Seeing as how your family is threatened by your drinking I'd say you're an alcoholic who cannot control her intake of alcohol. If you were not an alcoholic I'd think that the ultimatum of losing your family would be enough to keep you sober. Obviously it's not.

I'd recommend a good addiction counselor to help you stay sober. Your kids need you sober and "all there" to raise them right. And if you blow this chance at being a good mom, this time will never come back to you. Your kids will never be young again. Don't ruin their chance at having a happy productive sober mom. It ain't worth it. Give it up for good. Your kids are depending on you to 'mother' them with all your effort and energy. Drinking takes away that focus and energy - why not get help to give it up? Better to give it up than to regret wasting their childhood years drinking and being a half-assed mom.

SSIL75

I think we can all relate to how you're feeling/thinking and it's just madness. You're not even a week after having your new baby and you're getting drunk. Even the fact that you don't have your baby at the moment is a red flag to me. I never heard of sending a newborn away overnight. Why wouldn't your MIL stay with you so you'd be near him? Were you excited to have the time alone so you could drink? I can relate to that. The pit of excitement in my stomach realizing I'd be FREE to drink as much as I wanted.

When I brought my daughter home (2 years ago) my husband went to get me my painkillers from the pharmacy and I immediately poured a glass of wine. A huge one. I can actually remember what it looked like. I drank half of it quickly so it would look like a normal size when he came back. Not to mind that he was coming back with idk.. percocet or something so I shouldn't have been drinking at all.

The next day a friend came over and I was excited because it was an excuse to drink during the day. I have lots of memories like that. Pockets of alcohol centered joy. Isn't it sick? A new baby. A miraculous new life and the joy I remember is from the booze. Of course I have nice memories of my baby, too but the wine is pretty vivid.

Your in trouble, girl. Please reach out before it's too late.

Fandy

you're in pain from your c-section....your MIL has both of your children, one of whom is only a week old....taking the newborn out in wisconsin weather???...and all you are doing is drinking vodka and contemplating your version of *moderation*.

I hope you realize that this push-pull you have between your family/children/alcohol is making your life more difficult than it has to be...please take yourself to get help and counseling, you can't keep asking the same question and think you will get a different answer.

SSIL's experiences are similar to mine too....you aren't alone.

smacked

Well, hopefully that one last chance to control your drinking doesn't result in anything tragic happening to that baby. I will pray for your children.

TwelveSteps

Agree with the other posts but just wanted to add that as a short-term matter -- alcohol thins your blood. You're recovering from major surgery. Drinking not only increases your chance of internal bleeding but will slow your recovery. If all the "big picture" reasons to not drink feel too abstract, there is a very concrete one for not drinking right now.

GG

Anna

If you are in so much pain a week after your C-section, that you can't care for your children, then you should be in the ER.

Your newborn belongs with you.

Lenina

pinkfirefly,

Have you ever been able to moderate your drinking before? I know I couldn't moderate.

Have you been to rehab before? Now might be a good time for you to go.

Love,

Lenina

reggiewayne

pinkfierfly - I have tried to moderate my drinking so many times I finally found out how to do it. I did this successfully for the past year. I wanted to come up with a maximum amount of booze I could drink at a sitting and here is what I came up with.

No more than a fifth of whiskey in one night and no more than 3 beers on top of it... Not much of "moderation" is it. For me, the only way to moderate my drinking was to raise the bar on what moderation was. To some it meant 2 drinks, for me it meant a fifth of whiskey...

The point I'm trying to make is when you like to get drunk (which is ultimately what we alcohlics like to do) the only moderation that is acceptable is a number that will still allow us to get drunk. So, to answer your question, I highly doubt that you could moderate your drinking to just 1 or 2 per night....

Best of luck and congrats on your new baby!