Shame and fear..
Sally1009
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 467
Shame and fear..
Hello Friends
Well, I haven't been here for a while. The usual suspects-I relapsed a few weeks ago, and have been drinking about 3/4 bottles of wine a day. My mother has been visiting and she and I don't have an easy relationship, to say the least.
I have been too ashamed to go back to AA. Put on weight, feel like everyone will be sick of me as the typical revolving door alcoholic. I know I need to go back, but I have stage- fright. Tomorrow I intend to stop drinking completely, but am worried it could be dangerous. Or is that another excuse?
Am so mixed up. Very little support where I live. My sons are bearing the load of this and I hate myself for what I am putting them through. ( They are 23 and 26).
Can I give up drinking tomorrow; stop smoking (essential as I have Emphysema), get to a meeting and ride through the shame?
Well, I haven't been here for a while. The usual suspects-I relapsed a few weeks ago, and have been drinking about 3/4 bottles of wine a day. My mother has been visiting and she and I don't have an easy relationship, to say the least.
I have been too ashamed to go back to AA. Put on weight, feel like everyone will be sick of me as the typical revolving door alcoholic. I know I need to go back, but I have stage- fright. Tomorrow I intend to stop drinking completely, but am worried it could be dangerous. Or is that another excuse?
Am so mixed up. Very little support where I live. My sons are bearing the load of this and I hate myself for what I am putting them through. ( They are 23 and 26).
Can I give up drinking tomorrow; stop smoking (essential as I have Emphysema), get to a meeting and ride through the shame?
Grateful Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: MI
Posts: 1,080
There are many people who have gone out, and then come back into the meetings. People will be glad to see you back. Don't worry what others think anyway. Start reading your BB, and get back in the game. You can do it!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,385
AA is there for people struggling Sally - just like we are here 
Good to see you back
I would see a doctor, though, especially if you have other health concerns. It's simply best to be safe.
D
Good to see you back
I would see a doctor, though, especially if you have other health concerns. It's simply best to be safe.
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,237
I don't attend AA meetings, I am certain people will accept you just as you are!! HUMAN...bound to make mistakes...the mistakes can be learned from....relapses are there to teach you...not make you feel bad....so be easy on yourself......because you deserve it!!!
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
Yes, come back to us. "Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics achieve sobriety." You're half the reason why AA is there in the first place.
Pretty much all of us feel shame after a relapse. But that shame will pass in sobriety. In a state of drinking there's bound to be shame that'll never go away while the bottle is still there. So do what you need to stay sober, and if that's AA, do AA.
Glad you're back.
Pretty much all of us feel shame after a relapse. But that shame will pass in sobriety. In a state of drinking there's bound to be shame that'll never go away while the bottle is still there. So do what you need to stay sober, and if that's AA, do AA.
Glad you're back.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Sally, I hope you do whatever it takes for you to get and stay sober. You don't have to go through this alone, and SR is always available too.
And, good for you for deciding to quit smoking too.
And, good for you for deciding to quit smoking too.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 107
Hi sally
I also had quitting smoking as a goal along with quitting drinking. There were a lot of people who said that I should try to quit one at a time. In my experience, direct experience, this is a load of rubbish.
My first few attempts i babied myself, i smoked as much as i wanted (pack a day, 10 years), I gave myself a free pass on junk food, caffine, the works, all in an attempt to appease the alcoholic monster inside me. Guess what, it didn't work.
Only when I decided to completely change my lifestyle including quitting smoking was I able to really kick my addiction to alcohol in the teeth. The difference was like night and day, the anxiety became manageable, I wasn't as manic, my energy went through the roof, and I started sleeping again (this took a while though). Basically eating well, cutting out the crap and exercising helped me get a few months of sobriety under my belt and that is priceless because in my opinion early recovery is all about time.
If you haven't tried this approach please give it a shot and be ruthless about it, I can promise you it makes early recovery easier. Also, give meetings another shot, I can't image anyone in my home group looking down on someone for relapsing, and if someone did it means they suck so who cares what they think.
Ps ... Not smoking feels amazing after about four months when your lungs start cleaning out.
I also had quitting smoking as a goal along with quitting drinking. There were a lot of people who said that I should try to quit one at a time. In my experience, direct experience, this is a load of rubbish.
My first few attempts i babied myself, i smoked as much as i wanted (pack a day, 10 years), I gave myself a free pass on junk food, caffine, the works, all in an attempt to appease the alcoholic monster inside me. Guess what, it didn't work.
Only when I decided to completely change my lifestyle including quitting smoking was I able to really kick my addiction to alcohol in the teeth. The difference was like night and day, the anxiety became manageable, I wasn't as manic, my energy went through the roof, and I started sleeping again (this took a while though). Basically eating well, cutting out the crap and exercising helped me get a few months of sobriety under my belt and that is priceless because in my opinion early recovery is all about time.
If you haven't tried this approach please give it a shot and be ruthless about it, I can promise you it makes early recovery easier. Also, give meetings another shot, I can't image anyone in my home group looking down on someone for relapsing, and if someone did it means they suck so who cares what they think.
Ps ... Not smoking feels amazing after about four months when your lungs start cleaning out.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 46
I can absolutely relate to that! Quitting smoking and drinking at the same time makes both easier, no question, if you have the right attitude. Exercise too, always helps, and strengthens the mind and body.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 226
Please come back to us (AA). We are here to help you get back on your feet--for good, I hope. However, first things first: Go see your doctor (or go to the ER) and be honest about how much you've been drinking so that they can do a risk assessment and really help you detox safely and comfortably.
Today is a new day! Now that's something to be grateful for!
Today is a new day! Now that's something to be grateful for!
DOS: 11/6/10
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Florida Panhandle, USA
Posts: 736
If you broke your leg, then broke it again, would you feel shame about that? Alcoholism is an illness of mind, body and soul - so something IS broken- and my experiences have shown me that shame does nothing but make me feel bad.
The rooms of AA are full of people who share your experience, relapse and all. No one will judge you for what they themselves know they are capable of without a program of every day action. Just go- you don't even have to speak- but don't let shame stand in your way.
The rooms of AA are full of people who share your experience, relapse and all. No one will judge you for what they themselves know they are capable of without a program of every day action. Just go- you don't even have to speak- but don't let shame stand in your way.
Today's Muse
Join Date: May 2007
Location: West end
Posts: 1,081
Tomorrow...I was always going to quit tomorrow, but tomorrow never came. I had to endure some pretty dire consequences before I committed to finally quitting. If you think about it, if you keep trying to quit on your own, but can't, that must mean something. Quit with the help of others. Most can't do it on their own.
The New Me starting 1/11/09
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: California
Posts: 678
Hi Sally -
When asked about failing so many times to invest the light bulb, Thomas Edison said ...
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Relapse is just you finding something that won't work.
What were you doing when you relapsed? And more importantly, what was your thinking in the days and weeks leading up to you relapse?
Remember, alcoholism is a disease of the mind and body.
And please, go back to AA. Don't feel shame, just turn that feeling into action. We stay sober by helping other alcoholics. It gets kind of boring when there are no newcomers. You will be helping us!!
When asked about failing so many times to invest the light bulb, Thomas Edison said ...
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Relapse is just you finding something that won't work.
What were you doing when you relapsed? And more importantly, what was your thinking in the days and weeks leading up to you relapse?
Remember, alcoholism is a disease of the mind and body.
And please, go back to AA. Don't feel shame, just turn that feeling into action. We stay sober by helping other alcoholics. It gets kind of boring when there are no newcomers. You will be helping us!!
Love, courage, and gratitude keep me sober.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
