Isaiah

Hey Tenofnine, welcome to the post-alcohol storm of emotions.

Normal? It's very normal. Fun? Heck no. Just try to keep things easy for a while. This isn't the time for solving every problem that's built up over years. There's a saying in AA "no big changes for a year." It's all a matter of keeping things simple until you get comfortable in a life without booze. Half of it is your brain revolting against this lack of chemical. Another half is actually coming to a sober realization that there have been problems.

All things in time.

Cherish these revelations, but don't think you need to fix everything here and now. It'll all resolve itself in time.

keithj

Ten0fnine,

If it helps at all, the last time I was arrested for a DUI (been a while) my 4 year old son (at the time) was in the back seat. That doesn't say anything about the probably hundreds of times I drove drunk with him or other family in the car and wasn't caught.

I'm not in any way proud of that history, but I also am not dominated by shame because of it. That shame and guilt did not lift because I wallowed in it or buried it and tried to forget. I accepted it as the truth about my behavior, I inventoried it and made amends to the best of my ability as part of AA's 12 Steps. I've never had to repeat that behavior.

That is not an AA saying, nor is it an AA principle. Sobriety for me required monumental changes in perception and behavior. It required dedicated and intensely focused action in taking the 12 Steps. The idea that I can just sit back and wait for things to get comfortable is an illusion in AA that prevents many from ever achieving lasting sobriety. This illusion is an opinion that is not backed by AA or by practical experience. It's fine to have that opinion, but it's false to attribute that opinion to AA.

DayTrader

The initial onslaught passed for me......sure enough.......BUT.....it came back with a vengence a couple weeks (maybe it was months, I can't recall) again - after it passed. Kinda like round 2. Round 2 didn't pass. It hung in there for the long haul. I kept waiting for it to go away but it didn't. I don't say this to scare you but to tell you that it might go away only to come back again. Round 2.....that one didn't go away until I started really making concrete changes in my life. For me, that meant really digging into the steps - not because I wanted to but because everyone I knew in AA was telling me that's what they did to get healthy again (aka, restored to sanity).


Another great revelation you've made..... alcohol is NOT your problem - alcoholism is. If alcohol was your problem then "not drinking" would solve your issues - you'd feel better, your emotions would level out, you'd have nothing to "hide from" or to "escape from." Chronic alcoholism (aka "a real alcoholic" in the AA book) is the type of alcoholism that'll get ya' even when you're not drinking. Some have described it as an invisible spring in your gut that seems to get twisted juuuust a little tighter every day.....until you're ready to snap. And we alkies don't "snap" when we know we can instead go drink again because we know we'll feel better - at least temporarily.

That exact same stuff happened to me.... and like I said above, it went away but then it came back. And it didn't come rushing back either....it crept back, it inched back...so slow and secretly that I didn't even notice it while it was happening.

The 12 steps.......the program of AA........it's custom made to make sure that spring doesn't get re-tightened again.

Ten, you don't have to feel this way for long if you don't want to...... I haven't felt "that way" in several YEARS and, so long as I keep taking the actions I've learned to take, I don't suspect I'll ever feel that way again for the rest of my life. --and that's a promise I'm living that you can live too.

Mark75

That's a good place to start! Many of us have found that alcohol is not the problem, it's us. Alcohol was the solution... some solution, huh? You have made a very important breakthrough... go with it. I see you are going to an AA meeting.... you can find a solution there. Also don't rule out professional help, many of us seek that as well.

Hmm, I always hated being me, not so much that I hated me.... I don't know if there is a relevant difference... not enough of a difference though to stop me from identifying with your statement... big time!!

Mark

Isaiah

Keith,

A great reminder. Alcohol, being a habit, does require some pretty immediate changes to kick. There's definitely no floating by until things change.

I would think that the wisdom behind that phrase, that I've heard a hundred times at AA and on SR, is that one needs to be mentally stable to deal with the effects of big changes before we make them. One can't just sideline sobriety while working on an interprersonal issue.

DayTrader

Wasn't it "wanting to feel comfortable" that GOT me (us) into this mess in the first place?

I've come to see that "feeling comfortable" and "living comfortably" aren't necessarily one-in-the-same.

......that was yet another delusion to toss onto the scrap pile - because what that which feels good isn't necessarily good for me (us).


My experience was a little different. I didn't start feeling stable until I started making big changes. For an alkie, new to the 12step program, there wasn't much comfort for me in taking the 12 steps....but by taking them (aka doing them, working them, incorporating them...etc) in spite of feeling uncomfortable, I came to feel comfort as I got closer to a God of my understanding as the result of having taken the action.

flutter

When it comes to things that I'm shameful about, from my drinking past.. my regrets, my 'I can't believe I did that'-s, I feel ok if I commit to living my life in a way that guarantees I will never, ever find myself in situations like that again.