What really is a sobriety date?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
In order to comply with your request for brevity, I have avoided looking at other answers to your question.
I don't know enough about non-alc beer to know whether it eventually feels like drinking (do they have one or two max once a month or a year, and treat it like they would a lemonade, ie, usually people don't down three pitchers of lemonade)? If they did, then I guess I would wonder how sober they were, but again, I don't know how much the tiny traces of alcohol add up to in terms of buzz value. But I think what "they" do is something to set aside. Let THEM work out their realities.
I would say you broke the sobriety with the first sip.
I would also say your life includes an early life, time with active alcoholism, 17 years of sobriety, that 3/4 beer, and sobriety this past month and right now. All of those are real, and they're all in one life.
How you articulate that into spoken phrases, at an AA meeting, for example, is up to you. It's also up to you how you contend with disagreements or what may feel like "stone-throwing." I feel like I am throwing a stone at someone with more seniority than I have in my lines above, but I have to tell you the truth as I understand it; and that's also the truth that I would have to hear if I went back to a first sip. A significant person in my life (I loved him) went back to drinking after 12 years of no drinking and then hanged himself. Not everyone is prone to commit suicide per se, but I obviously wouldn't want that for anyone else.
As brief as I could manage....
I don't know enough about non-alc beer to know whether it eventually feels like drinking (do they have one or two max once a month or a year, and treat it like they would a lemonade, ie, usually people don't down three pitchers of lemonade)? If they did, then I guess I would wonder how sober they were, but again, I don't know how much the tiny traces of alcohol add up to in terms of buzz value. But I think what "they" do is something to set aside. Let THEM work out their realities.
I would say you broke the sobriety with the first sip.
I would also say your life includes an early life, time with active alcoholism, 17 years of sobriety, that 3/4 beer, and sobriety this past month and right now. All of those are real, and they're all in one life.
How you articulate that into spoken phrases, at an AA meeting, for example, is up to you. It's also up to you how you contend with disagreements or what may feel like "stone-throwing." I feel like I am throwing a stone at someone with more seniority than I have in my lines above, but I have to tell you the truth as I understand it; and that's also the truth that I would have to hear if I went back to a first sip. A significant person in my life (I loved him) went back to drinking after 12 years of no drinking and then hanged himself. Not everyone is prone to commit suicide per se, but I obviously wouldn't want that for anyone else.
As brief as I could manage....
capra laeviculus
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: German Village, OH
Posts: 3,427
From reading your post, it sounds like you have your answer. If it's bothering you then maybe something's wrong.
I guess what I would ask myself, if I were in your situation (and I am definitely not -- I have never had anywhere close to 17 years of sobriety) is "why is it important to me to keep those 17 years?" What do you lose by resetting that date? really.
And do you risk fooling yourself into thinking 3/4 of a beer is ok. Then maybe a whole beer is ok... then maybe a 6 pack as long as you left a little in the last can because you decided it was a bad idea...
-Goat
I guess what I would ask myself, if I were in your situation (and I am definitely not -- I have never had anywhere close to 17 years of sobriety) is "why is it important to me to keep those 17 years?" What do you lose by resetting that date? really.
And do you risk fooling yourself into thinking 3/4 of a beer is ok. Then maybe a whole beer is ok... then maybe a 6 pack as long as you left a little in the last can because you decided it was a bad idea...
-Goat
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 196
My own opinion...for what it's worth is....it honestly doesn't matter.
I think someones soberity date can be important to them but i dont think it should become an obsession or something that you fret over. In the past when i put periods together of not drinking i noticed i fixated on the date and i would count obsessively. This may be good for some people, so they can earmark their progress but then i worry that someone may break their soberity and think **** theres no point carrying on, it'll just take to long to rack up that length again and this may make them feel worthless.
So my take is, focus on how your life has changed for the better and dont value your new attitude as days and hours but as a new mentality.
I think someones soberity date can be important to them but i dont think it should become an obsession or something that you fret over. In the past when i put periods together of not drinking i noticed i fixated on the date and i would count obsessively. This may be good for some people, so they can earmark their progress but then i worry that someone may break their soberity and think **** theres no point carrying on, it'll just take to long to rack up that length again and this may make them feel worthless.
So my take is, focus on how your life has changed for the better and dont value your new attitude as days and hours but as a new mentality.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
You've been sober for 17 yrs except for 3/4 a can of beer, that would be my answer. To me it's just like if you'd been married for 17 yrs except you had a brief separation and contemplated divorce your marriage anniversary date would stay the same.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 10
I think if you have 17 years sober and have 3/4 of a beer you most certainly do not have to change your sobriety date (it would sound like you lost all of those years, but thats just me). I agree with the marriage analysis. You said you did not get drunk and did not continue. That is good in my book. You simply had 3/4 of a beer in 17 years.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,179
I cannot take credit for this answer, in fact I read it someplace on this site a few days ago, had never heard this before, and cannot wait for my next two part dilemma in life...
Take a coin and flip it ... you will know your answer when it is in the air by the way that you "want" it to land.
I wasn't trying to make light or trivialize; it is obvious that this is important to you. What I'm saying is to follow your heart.
If I were to be so fortunate to be in your position in seventeen years minus 19 days. I would probe the why heavily and not stress on the date...easy for me to say though.
Good luck with whatever you decide...it is great to be on a sober journey with you today.
Carlos
Take a coin and flip it ... you will know your answer when it is in the air by the way that you "want" it to land.
I wasn't trying to make light or trivialize; it is obvious that this is important to you. What I'm saying is to follow your heart.
If I were to be so fortunate to be in your position in seventeen years minus 19 days. I would probe the why heavily and not stress on the date...easy for me to say though.
Good luck with whatever you decide...it is great to be on a sober journey with you today.
Carlos
I got nothin'
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Whatever you say it is.
Some people drink NA--some don't. Some drink OJ (I do sometimes)--some don't. Some use vanilla extract in baking (I do)--some don't. Some swish with mouthwash containing alcohol--some don't. Some take wine (usually in very small amounts) for religious purposes--some don't. And so on.
If I started drinking bottles of vanilla extract I most definetly would change my sober date.
I know me. I always know what my motives are. If I drank any beer I'd reset my date. Shoot, if I drank beer who knows when I'd stop. Drinking socially never worked for me...I tried it and failed. My options were 'get sh!t bombed' or....'get sh!t bombed'.
Some people drink NA--some don't. Some drink OJ (I do sometimes)--some don't. Some use vanilla extract in baking (I do)--some don't. Some swish with mouthwash containing alcohol--some don't. Some take wine (usually in very small amounts) for religious purposes--some don't. And so on.
If I started drinking bottles of vanilla extract I most definetly would change my sober date.
I know me. I always know what my motives are. If I drank any beer I'd reset my date. Shoot, if I drank beer who knows when I'd stop. Drinking socially never worked for me...I tried it and failed. My options were 'get sh!t bombed' or....'get sh!t bombed'.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
For me, if I purposely pick up a drink and take even 1 swallow I'm not within a 100 miles of being truly sober so it's time for a new date. No, one swallow won't necessarily get me any sort of buzz - especially if I put it down. Like I said earlier though, "sobriety" means more than just "not drinking." To me, those who are sober (of sane mind and body) CAN cook with vanilla extract, use Listerine or whatever......but to each his own.
Around AA in my line of sponsorship, the only days we count are # of days of continuous sobriety since my last drink - just like Dr Bob and Bill W did it.
Who cares about the date anyway, in AA we learn to be free of ego and self-centeredness....... and only when I'm in one of those modes does my sobriety date mean anything to me.
Around AA in my line of sponsorship, the only days we count are # of days of continuous sobriety since my last drink - just like Dr Bob and Bill W did it.
Who cares about the date anyway, in AA we learn to be free of ego and self-centeredness....... and only when I'm in one of those modes does my sobriety date mean anything to me.
The truth shall set you free
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: United States
Posts: 5,267
This is for the OP. Every one else, take what you need and leave the rest.
I have over six years clean and sober. If I shoot up 3/4 bag of dope do I lose my sobriety date?
The answer is........absolutely.
I have over six years clean and sober. If I drink 3/4 of a can of beer do I lose my sobriety date?
The answer is........absolutely.
For me, as the BB says, I'm sober if I don't put alcohol in my body.....per AA....and I'm clean because I don't put any mind-altering chemicals in my body, per NA.
TB
I have over six years clean and sober. If I shoot up 3/4 bag of dope do I lose my sobriety date?
The answer is........absolutely.
I have over six years clean and sober. If I drink 3/4 of a can of beer do I lose my sobriety date?
The answer is........absolutely.
For me, as the BB says, I'm sober if I don't put alcohol in my body.....per AA....and I'm clean because I don't put any mind-altering chemicals in my body, per NA.
TB
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
