pinkfirefly

Hey. My baby is due in two weeks. I've been doing so good with the drinking. havn't touched a drop in long time now. I'm proud of myself. but I'm still really worried bout after baby is born. I was just wondering in other people's experiences what did you do or what did you replace the alcohol with. cuz I drink to fill a void in my life, cuz I'm not happy, and I just like to feel numbed out, and escape. I'm sure that's true for a lot of alcoholics, so for those people who have been successful at recovery, what did you have to do to stop this way of thinking. did you take up something different, a hobby to replace the alcohol, or did you have to get major counseling to fix your self esteem first before you could quit the alcohol. I think I have a lot of work to do still with my counselor. but I don't want to drink in the mean time after baby is born. but my mind keeps thinking about it, the next time I can drink. I want to do the right thing, and fight this. I really do. do you really believe that counseling and AA Meetings truly can help. I am still seeing my drug and alcohol abuse counselor and have went to a couple AA Meetings. They are nice I guess, but will they really help me.

SSIL75

In the early days I actively planned time. Like I'd go to the gym or I accepted every invitation or I'd go for a walk, plan a book to read etc. Now (3 months later) the time has just been filled with normal things. I put my kids to bed and talk to my husband, watch TV, whatever. I go to bed earlier b/c I am truly tired from my busy days. Not all wound up from drinking.

I know one of the first things I did when I brought my last baby home was pour a glass of wine. I didn't get drunk or anything but I remember antipating it and enjoying it so much. It was a horrible way to kick off mothering her. It took me 2 years to get where I am now. So believe me when I say I know it's hard.

I had to accept 100% that I can not and will not ever be able to drink normally. And take alcohol out of my list of possible options. I don't know how else to explain it. What do I do if I want to hook up with Matt Damon? Shrug it off. It's impossible. I had to put alcohol right there next to Matt. I know that sounds so dumb (and it's not really how I think about it) but I'm trying to illustrate how absolutely NO FREAKING WAY alcohol had to become for me. I fear you are already giving yourself permission to relapse and it scares me for you and your kids.

Enjoy your new baby and take care of yourself.

Dee74

Hey PFF

Welcome back - great news on you staying sober

I had to work hard on 'my void' too...amd thats more than filling in time.
Alcohol never stopped my inner demons or filled that void so I had to work on what caused it, and what would help fix it.

And while I was doing that I also had to remember that alcohol was bad for me, and that it was no longer an option, regardless of the thoughts or the triggers or the cravings.

Sounds like the counselling is a good idea to continue, and the AA stuff too.
Get a sponsor and work the steps maybe?

D

johndelko408

When you ask what we replaced booze with, what do you mean? I hope you're not referingbto other mind altering substances. Like most of us in AA I started drinking a lot of coffee. I don't necessarily recommend it cause its not that good for you. The void you feel is described in AA as a spiritual void. The meetings alone won't help, they are just a start. If you really don't want to drink cause of your baby then you have to immerse yourself into AA. By this i mean you will have to get a sponsor, work the steps, attend meetings and reach out to other AA's. Hey my reason for getting off of the sauce and putting down the pipe are my kids. I want to be in their lives, I want to watch them grow up, I want to be able to walk my daughter down the aisle one day and I don't want my kids to carry the same resentment towards me that I had towards my alkie mother. AA won't hurt you or anything so you might want to try it, that is if you feel like you have a drinking problem. If not try picking up a new hobby, focus on your little one thats on its way. I hope this can help you.

artsoul

Hi pink - I found I had a lot of extra time (not staying in bed with a hangover) and I've found lots to do, mainly around the house and with work. I'm a single mom trying to care for a house and kids, so even with the extra time, it seems there's always something I can do if I want to. With a newborn, I imagine you'll be pretty busy (and maybe sleep will be your favorite activity!).

I got something else from your post though and I'm thinking that it's more than just a matter of filling the void - like perhaps you need to figure out why you are so unhappy (as you stated in your initial post) and want that escape.

Also, you've been talking about wanting to drink again for a while - could it be that you think you can somehow control it this time? Or that you've forgotten the negatives about drinking, or just haven't had "enough" yet? It's not easy staying sober, for sure, but if you want to be the best you (and best mom), it's the only way to go.

Stang

I'm glad you have not been boozing lately. I have imersed myself in jujitsu and may take up Aikido (martial arts). I clean the house....it doesn't smell like cigarettes, stale beer and pee anymore.....HEY HEY!!! My 401k needs attention so that's next, I have a yard full of leaves, my car is filthy....ect. There is ALWAYS something better to do than drink....PERIOD!
I know you aren't happy well were you happy drinking? It doesn't sound like it. So you want to drink to make things better when you know it won't make them better? That makes no sense. Do ya see how twisted our thinking is? Start untwisting it!
I don't do AA but maybe it would be good for you. Whatever you do please do not drink alcohol!

LaFemme

Hi pink! Good to hear things have been going well. I'm a big fan of counseling. I drank to buryvdepression when drinking actually fueled it and I drank because I didn't love myself...it was in a way a form of slow suicide. So I work really hard on learning how to love myself...you don't harm that which you truly love...if I love myself I wont harm myself by drinking. I read a lot of self help books )not recovery books though I've read those too). At first I didn't know what to do with all my time but gradually I started doin the things I loved again...now there SR not enougg hours in the day...my life is full and healthy.


Wishing you and your family health and happiness.

LaFemme

Kmber2010

Glad you are back Pink and what helped me tremendously was getting counseling. For me it works because I had quite a bit of baggage and self-esteem/confidence issues that I needed to work with a professional on. I also have SR which is an invaluable tool in my recovery.

I will say that my first step was admitting what I knew I was and knowing that I would never drink again. I then quit and began work on me.

There are many options out there but many of us need help in learning to live life after alcohol. Takes time and work but the blessings are many in recovery.

Wish you well and know that whatever route of recovery you go that you need to put 100% into it and believe.

You can do this!!

c49

If you can connect with the idea of actively finding activities and ways of thinking to keep your mind above water than any activity will do.

I hear Yoga is great and if you cannot get out to a class then there may be some free vids to walk you through on Youtube etc.

The three things I actively do to keep my mind centered are biking and running, 15 mins of a rocking chair (to unwind) with club soda with lots of lime.

Drinking falls into that category of "instant gratification" that often enough costs you more when you are trying to fill a void. Drinking, fast food, pills, cigs, driving short distances instead of walking, too much candy, too much internet are all examples of instant gratification that have side effects.

Bamboozle

I had to go to therapy and get on meds to stay sober. It's a must that my depression remained treated or I'm in big trouble.

Other than that I filled the time with other things. Reading, internets, video games...walking, taking photos...etc.

least

I too drank to mask/bury depression and anxiety - silly me cause that just made it worse - so had to work on my 'self' and learn how to find happiness within myself. It was still there, I just had to find it again.

I'm glad you're in counseling - that's helped me a lot to see her once a week and can talk to her about anything that's bothering me. What a relief!

AS to filling the space that drinking used to fill... now that I'm not too drunk/too sick anymore I'm finding that I can do anything at any time and do a good job to boot. And if I'm bored I can take a nap or walk the dogs or visit my little grandkid.

Stick with the counselor, for sure. And maybe give AA a good try. Go to several different meetings until you find some that 'fit' and feel comfortable to you. Keep an open mind and ask for help when/if you need it. Your kids need a sober happy mommy!


Another thing I did to replace drinking was being grateful for my blessings. I had to force myself at first cause I was such a miserable wretch, but kept on expressing my gratitude and it became a happy habit. And the more I'm grateful, the more I find to be grateful for!! Try it! Replace your negative feelings with positives, like gratitude, and see if it doesn't make a difference. It did for me!

yeahgr8

For the first few months AA meetings and working on the steps of AA with a sponsor...then after i saw thingsvery differently so wasnt the same anxious got to be doing something guy!

Before when i stopped for 3 to 12 months at a time i would go to gym, eat healthy, work hard, get a new hobby...problem was i didnt change just my circumstances so at some point i was back to thinking well this is boring i might as well havea drink...itll be ok now anyway...

WatchTheSky

I'm 15 days sober and still very much in the phase of trying to fill the void with other things that just make me feel good. I drink a lot of coffee and drive around aimlessly at night. I don't recommend either of those things-- not good for the body or the environment! I'm being easy on myself for now, but eventually I'd like to change those things. I'm trying to avoid filling the void with food. That's tempting as well.

Toronto68

SSIL, your reply came out like Rock N Roll to me.

Isaiah

At first it was just soda, ice cream and cigarettes for me. And a lot of AA meetings too.

These days I try to keep my focus on various forms of self-improvement and relationship improvement.

I am addicted to books (literally, I think I may need help.) I love to read challenging, academic and classic stuff.

I come here to offer assistance to others a lot lately (which is as much for my sake as anyone else's.) I do some scattered volunteering and charity work. I'm about to cut a small check (I'm poor) to help build drinking water systems in Haiti. It's $25, not small cash on my very small budget, but I could've spent that kind of money in two days in drinking. I like the feeling of charity more than the alcohol buzz though.

I also love to cook. It's a great way to be creative while doing something practical and everyday. I try to make everything I do interesting somehow. It's been a long learning process, but I'm getting used to fighting the notion of being bored.

TheEnd

I could tell you about all the things I do, but I think all that stuff is rather irrelevant, because you're not me.

Best solution is to find something you truly like to do and go nuts for it.

What won't work is sitting around thinking about drinking, that's not going to work, so occupy your mind some other way.

Oh and I do believe that it works if you work it.......

flutter

I couldn't replace what alcohol did for me, the high, the numbness, the 'checking out', I had to learn to live my life without those things completely, otherwise I would have just ended up addicted to something else and never learned how to live a totally sober life in recovery. I also went to a counselor 2x a week for about 6 months, went to the gym every single night during the 'witching hours', and read.. a lot.

Pink, I'm glad you keep coming back here..

I found out I was pregnant about 4 months after I entered recovery, we had only been 'trying' for a month or two. I had to spend the time before baby came here working my ASS off to make sure I knew how to live my life, forever, sober and healthy. Jameson turns 1 in 2 weeks, and he is the most beautiful blessing I could have ever hoped for in life. I am able to give him my full being, all my attention, from a clear and safe place, I couldn't do that if I was drinking or drugging again. I also grew up in an alcoholic home. I know and still feel the hell that can cause for a child, and it's entirely preventable. All you have is now, all you have is this one blessed life.. all your baby has is one childhood and you're the creator of that experience. In 20 years, what type of mother do you want to be remembered as? I know you have 2 more weeks (or less... ), and I think it's good you're worried. I know from your older posts that you've spent some time looking forward to the birth of your baby so you can drink again. I hope that by coming here you're at least somewhat motivated to learn to live your life sober.

jamdls

I spent a lot of my time just trying to figure out who the heck I was, getting to know myself; I did that by journaling, reading self help and recovery books, meditatation and prayer. I also ate a lot of chocolate! chocolate became my reward for not drinking, eventually I started working out a gym a lot to lose the weight from the chocolate... With a new baby I can't imagine you'll have a whole lot of 'free time' to worry about.

mcdonald2

What do you like to do in your spare time? Is it reading, watching movies, baking. I know that these few things have helped me in the past.

keithj

A completely new life, based in living by spiritual principles.