CarolD

Welcome to our recovery community.......

All my best to you and your family...becoming a
non drinker will benefit everyone in your life.

I hope you will win over alcohol

Kmber2010

Glad you are here Ten. You are reaching out and that is what I did and it was the beginning of something new.

Looking forward to you returning tomorrow with a clear head - perhaps you will log on before you have a drink and it can be that first day of change.

Many responses here from folks who have been there including myself. Had many years of living similar to what you posted. Situation and details different but at the core of it....all the same.

We are here for you and looking forward to your update.

least

I didn't want to admit it either, but finally had to, and asked my doctor for help in stopping. Now, almost three years and a lot of relapses later I have nearly a year sober. And my life is better than I'd ever thought possible for a loser like me.

Because, you see, I'm NOT a loser. I am an alcoholic, albeit a grateful recovering alcoholic. Makes all the difference in the world. I didn't think I'd ever be happy or satisfied with my life. But tho it took a lot of effort and big changes, it was worth the effort as I'm now happily sober and living life to the fullest.


You CAN get yourself out of this deep dark hole you've dug for yourself. But you've got to DO something, anything, to change. You've come to a great place for support. I hope and pray you are willing to do whatever it takes to get rid of the alcohol and learn to live without it.

I'm proof that it can be done and that life is way way better without the booze.

Welcome to the family!

julez

Ten, my heart broke with everything you've written. If you are really as self loathing as it seems that you are, then you MUST make a change. I have 2 teens myself, and I thought they had no idea of my drinking, but they are smarter than you think they are. Today is a new day. One full of opportunities. Today you can take the first step. Stop by an AA meeting maybe. There are tons! Go to the bookstore and check out some of the self help alcoholism books there. Talk to a friend about your drinking, and ask for support, maybe ask permission to call any time of day or night, for him to talk you down from a craving. It can be a big step or a little one. You will feel better once you are actively seeking some help. SR is a wonderful resource also. Take an hour or two and read the forums. Make sure you read from the Newcomers, and the Alcoholism forums. And know this....WE WILL NEVER JUDGE AND WE CARE MORE THAN YOU KNOW!! Don't underestimate the power of this community. You are in the right place. Please come back and update us.

TheEnd

If you took the time out to search on the net and found this site, then I'm betting money you probably belong here

tsmba

That pretty much spells things out!

Ten0fnine

Good morning everyone.

Thank you, sincerely, for the warmth of your outreach. I've been a solo, closet drinker for a long time, and really didn't think there were people out there who Could care, let alone Would care.

Last evening, I called my cousin and talked to him for about 20 minutes. I told him that I'm an alcoholic...

And then we cried.

After talking to him, I found myself feeling terrible. I didn't feel the sense of relief that I had assumed would come from the acknowledgment.

I got really low, and angry... and felt... embarrassed and ashamed.

And so I drank even more, because, after all, I'm a drunk, right?

I guess I was saying things that concerned him, and without my knowledge, he called my wife, awaking her from her sleep. She came down to talk to me, which she doesn't often do when I'm drinking, because she doesn't really like it.

She sat on the floor at my feet, looked up at me, and asked... "What's wrong baby? What's got you so twisted up? What's hurting you?"

And... it ALL came out, in a raucous, blubbering mess of cries and tears and sobs and... I was broken.

I have never before in my life, allowed myself to be that completely vulnerable, and abandon all my safeguards and methods for pushing people away.

I felt like a child again. I didn't like that. It reminded me of sobbing, begging my mother not to hit me... all the ugliness I've seen in life came out, all at once.

Except instead of begging for my mother to stop, I found myself begging my wife to help.

Somewhere along the line, I literally forgot that I'm sharing this life with a simply incredible woman.

And then, I blacked out. I don't remember... I guess we had talked another hour, and she got me to bed.

I woke this morning, feeling... well, horrid doesn't begin to describe how crappy I felt. Headachey, nauseous, heartburn...

And terribly emotional.

I got my youngest off for the day. Then crawled back into bed with my wife, and once again, began to cry. And we held each other, and we both sobbed, and there was... honesty.

Today, I made a promise to myself, to take a step forward. I am so fortunate for so many things- I can't even count the ways in which I am truly blessed. Today, I start to appreciate It, be thankful for It. Be humbled by It. Embrace It.

NOT be AFRAID of It.

Today, I begin my journey to become someone I can respect. Someone... with integrity and dignity and...

Someone I can love.

And guess what? My wife has committed, and will stand beside me, not only for this first step, but for each step to come. Because she loves me, even when I don't.

I guess when you're low, and not really caring a whole lot about yourself, you tend to not see others around you. And that's sad- really, very sad, because I take a step back with a clear head- and what do I see? I'm SURROUNDED by people who LOVE me.

Today... All the bottles have been emptied.
Today... I am scared.
Today... I am loved.
Today... I am humbled.
Today... Is the first step.

least

Happy hugs for you.

Sudz No More

Well done Ten, you are on your way. We're here, just give us a holler when you need it.

susanlauren

Ten. I am so glad you reached out for help. You have taken the first step toward healing. Knowing that you are loved unconditionally even when you are having a hard time loving yourself is transformative you are on your way. You have admitted to yourself and to someone you love that you are struggling. You don't have to walk the path alone. All the best. Susanlauren.

julez

Ten, that was a brave, vulnerable, emotional, and real post. I couldn't be more proud of you for it. Your wife sounds like a wonderful woman who truly loves you. I'm glad you don't have to be alone in your struggle. I'm wishing you all the best in the journey of your recovery.

Kmber2010

Ten what a wonderful update. I am so glad you are with us and have the support at home. Today is that new day for you.

You sooo deserve better for yourself Huggs.

Dee74

Today's a new day, Ten

D

tjp613

You're gonna make it Ten... I just feel it. You are very brave and you have a loving wife and a family who loves you. I know you can do this if anyone can....and they do every day.

Please let us know how you're doing. We really do care.

LosingmyMisery

It's just that... right now, I can't feel anything but the pain and hurt I'm carrying in my heart, and the anger that comes from once again disappointing myself because I fell into the "buying alcohol to numb the pain".

Yep, I sure can relate to this. I read your last post where you talked, opened up, and revealed yourself. That is a good thing. I hope this opens the door to your recovery. Keep in mind, the drinking will only keep you in your pain and anger and will generate more. Life doesn't have to be that way. There is a solution. You have made the realization and you have reached out to others. It does get better with time and tools. Great start and best to you.

Kjell

Ten-

It's simple. Deep down. Deep within yourself...you already know.

Try not to complicate things with what you don't know about sobriety or what you think an alcoholic is or isn't.

Kjell

DayWalker

I think Dee summed it up best with the above.


I think you found the right place 10o9...no matter where your at right now with drinking/getting sober...your at the right place here at SR.

Steve