Early Sobriety & Cruise
 

So our friends are pressuring us to go on a cruise with them next month, and while I didn't want to initially go on this cruise, because of the headache it would be to get things finished right at the end of the semester for school, it is possible if I want to do it.

Then I started thinking, do I even want to be on a cruise at this stage in the game. I remember how the last cruise went, and needless to say I did loads of drinking. My friends and my partner say "Oh, but they have friends of Bill W meetings everyday", it will be no problem for you. Honestly, who gives a damn if they have friends of Bill W meetings all day long, what I really want to say is "Do I feel like being trapped aboard a moving boozescapade?"

I have no problem being around people drinking, I deal with it everynight, but people drink differently on vacation, like the liquor will run out or something and I don't know if I need to be around all that for 7 days.

I tried explaining this to my partner, but he had a codependent attack and was pissed that I didn't realize how supportive he has been and that I'm taking this out on him. This isn't even about him, but some how I'm the bad guy. Sigh............

hmmm..... that's a tough one. I can't imagine going on a cruise at 6 months sober unless it was with my parents/kids (in other words people who don't drink). I'm glad your partner has been somewhat understanding - does he understand your feelings about this, too?

:ghug3

Hearing about that Carnival Cruise ship stuck out at sea without electricity, toilets or food kind of squelched any desire I have ever had to go on a cruise. :lmao

Not really, he acts like I'm blowing it out of proportion, and maybe I am to a point, but he doesn't understand. So I try to explain this to him but with no avail, and I get it, he doesn't understand because he's not in my situation, but if he put down that scotch and wine he drinks every single night he might understand or be willing to be a little more open minded to what I'm saying.

LOL...:c011:

It would certainly not be an enjoyable vacation for me TheEnd :no:

D

Most cruises today have AA meetings. You can also put a note on the Bulletin board saying something like:

"Looking for friends of Bill W."

Also, meetings are usually listed at the bottom or the back of the daily flyers of events.

The final decision, of course, is yours, however you might want to look at this as a wonderful opportunity to have a great time sober.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

Personally, I wouldn't go, but I'm sure my answer is tainted by the fact that I doubt i'd enjoy a cruise! If it's something you really want, it could be good for you to relax. I think that the important questions are...

1) What are your reasons for wanting to go? For yourself or for your friends and boyfriend? Would you be going out of guilt?
2) Will you enjoy being around a bunch of people who are drinking? You might be more bored than you would be at home (even though you deal with it every night) because you won't have the distractions of daily life.
3) If you are tempted, will you have somewhere to go and alternate activities planned? How willing are your friends and boyfriend to stay busy on the ship and not just hang out by the pool? I've never been on one but I've heard there are plenty of things to do.
4) Do you believe that you will go to the meetings that are available?

Just some stuff to think about if you haven't already considered it!

if your gut is telling you this is a bad idea. listen to it. there will be other vacations, other cruises, you might not get another shot at sobriety.

i don't know how you might be blowing it out of proportion either. you're trying to save your life and as such you're being cautious. i understand his want for you to go and have fun, but if this is only going to make you miserable, then how considerate is he really being about your feelings?

why not offer to meet him halfway and suggest to take a vacation with just you and him somewhere you don't have to feel so vunerable?

I think you should go with your gut. I think at this point in my recovery, I could go. But my husband is very supportive. Going with someone who was dismissive or otherwise unsupportive is a very different thing for sure.

I had similar situation...i didnt go...im still sober...plenty of time for cruises once you have finished the work necessary to provoke a drastic personality change enabling you to recover from alcoholism:-)

I personally would pass on it. If the cruise required me to be laid up in counseling the entire time then it wouldn't be much fun. Plus, open bars and heavy drinking isn't my type of vaca.

All the best!!

Wow. What a bummer of a position to be in. You're not being a drama llama at all.

The first vacation my husband and I took after I got sober was tough. We had a lot of adjusting to do. We drank all the time, but we really drank on vacation. I think I stayed sober that year more out of mule-headedness than anything else. ;)

A cruise vacation is a big drinking occasion for many people. It sounds like you will be with people who will be drinking a lot. On a vacation like this, I, personally, would have to find a lot of ways to keep busy. I don't think the desire to drink would be very strong. I just think I'd be bored witless.

Deep down, you know what you can stand. If you think the temptation to drink in this situation would be too strong to resist, bow out of the trip. I have had to learn to send my husband on Main Event: Drinking occasions by himself. At first, he didn't understand, either. We argued a good bit.

There are sober cruises out there. Maybe try to find one of those.

Weelllll ... I can't say I'd enjoy it, either, but it's the "floating boozescapade" part that would probably be the most irritating. Not tempting, mind you - just off-the-charts crazy-causing irritating.
BUT: if your partner really wants to go, maybe you could consider utilizing the time to make some amends to him. Or to yourself - which is never wrong! If you drank like it was gonna run out last time you went on a cruise, and you're not happy about that, give yourself a fun time without it. Regardless, your HP will be there, and you will be shown the opportunities to grow and make amends as they appear.
Really, for me, it would be about attitude: can I try to find some fun, opportunity, chance to make some interesting (sober) friends ... or am I going to dwell on the irritation/temptation of the whole thing? I couldn't say I would be successful in keeping an open mind about all that, but I could commit to trying (honestly) to do so!
As far as the whole "bad guy" thing: that's on him. You are not responsible for how he feels, any more than he is responsible for how you feel. Your feelings are your business, and his feelings are his business. If feeling like a "victim" is on his side of the street, he needs to sweep it.
Just my opinion - but try to keep all things in perspective.
:discuss

Lot's of good stuff said here already... When you are ready to go on a cruise with your partner, you'll know it... Are you ready now? Doesn't seem like it... This whole thing has become a resentment-fest ... for you, for your partner. But we are talking to you, not him. This recovery thing, it's never easy, there are lots of stumbling blocks... and they keep coming... I know this to be true ;)... it's not just about not drinking, especially when loved ones are involved.

Priority one is your recovery, put anything before that, and you might lose it... maybe not permanently, but, how many recoveries does one person have in them?

If you are ready and want to go, go... If not, don't. Like Laurie said, this is an opportunity, but it could be one that you are not equipped for, yet... there will be others :)

Mark

Alot of great advice, let me see if I can respond to some things that stuck out at me:

Probably for my friends and partner out of guilt, because I don't want to be the party pooper. I don't even care about going on vacation, never really did, but I always had a great time when I went. Also, when the legal system catches up to me, I might not be able to leave.

Not sure about this one, I go out with them now every week when they drink and I'm usually fine, but one night vs 7 nights is a big difference. After a while I'm worried it might all wear thin, mabye it wouldn't.

I think they just see that I'm doing good now and don't realize all the hard work that I had to put in to get to this point. They don't understand that I'm stil very, very green in this whole sobriety thing, and kind of just act like things should continue as before, just don't drink

They drink a ton, and even the sensible drinker of the group will let everything go on vacation. Like I said being around them 2 or 3 days with this behavior usually doesn't faze me, but I'm young and won't want to go to bed at 12 at night, I will be up roaming the ship looking for things to do, and all I did at this point in time last cruise was visit different bars till 4 in the morning.

Kind of my thoughts, don't think it will be as tempting as irritating.

This is an idea, we shall see.

Well it so happens that today I have an appointment with my therapist, so I will get to hash some of this out, he has more of an idea of what I would be getting myself into, because he met my partner and knows about my friends drinking behavior. Thanks for all the great ideas, will keep you posted.

I can understand your dilemma. I've been on 2 cruises before and both were before I got into recovery and like you I drank like a fish the whole time. I would have my reluctance in going now because I'm still very young in my recovery. There are plenty of activities you can do on the ship that you don't have to involve drinking, but yes the temptation is there. There are regular Friends of Bill W meetings. I know that if I had to go on a cruise now that that would be the very first thing I would look into. Like many have said it could be a bad idea to go if you don't feel ready to put yourself in that situation. All I could suggest is that if you do decide to go make sure you take some tools with you (ie your Big Book, 12 by 12, other reading material) to get you through it. Definitely look into the Friends of Bill W meetings, you never know, it could be a blessing in disguise, you might have a chance to make some new friends in recovery. That could give you an alternative to hanging around people that are going to drink the whole time. People in recovery tend to want to "stick with the winners". So if there are others in recovery on the ship, I really doubt that they would tell you that you couldn't hang out with them. Just remember ABOVE ANYTHING ELSE, YOUR SOBRIETY COMES FIRST. If you feel you're putting your sobriety in jeopardy by going, then don't go. If you feel that this could be an opportunity for growth then great. I hope everything goes well for you.

I'm 11 months sober. I don't think I'd want to do a cruise, especially if the folks I was going with were going to be boozing it up. What would really be the point in that? Now if the group I was going with was more interested in the land excursions and doing activities while on the ship, that would be a totally different story. ...but again, if it's basically a drinking trip, why go?

Are you in AA by chance or any sort of recovery program? I only ask b/c in AA we believe once we go through the steps, we can go anywhere and do anything. I'm almost there myself and I'm looking forward to that promise coming true.

I know in life, we'll have many chances to do a lot of things, but I also try not to pass this by, especially a cruise (or stuff like that). However, in saying that, our sobriety must come first or else we have nothing.

Tough decision...or is it?

I can sympathize. A few weeks after my first quit attempt, my (NOW EX)fiance' family came into town. They were drinkng nightly, offering it to me too. I was fine the first few nights.I felt left out, but OK. Then when the raw oysters came out, I was DYING for a beer to go with them. I ended up buying some nonalcoholic beer, which got me through the rest of it OK. I know a lot of people say you shouldn't do that, but it didn't do me any harm. Thing of it is, it does cntain a very small amount of alcohol, and with your recent health issues, might not be the best idea. Good luck whatever you decide to do.