tacks

Someone in detox was sharing her experience with AA meetings.

"If you're a young girl," she said, "the men will come after you!"

"You'll have all kinds of guys coming up to you...."

Come to think of it they do that to me, also.



(I'm a guy, btw)

I understand that these guys in AA are, for the most part, truly trying to help me by using effective, proven methods. But also they are really intense about it. (Granted i'm beginning to understand that they need be very intense and vigilant -- it's quite a battle.)

The one thing that puts me off a bit is that one can't always go to a meeting simply to hang out with people who aren't drinking.

"That's not enough" so to speak.

It's not enough that you've been going to work and staying sober.

"You need to attend many more AA meetings." ...need a sponsor. ...need a home group. there's a meeting right by you on route 9. no, rt 11. You can't get as much from outpatient rehab as you can from AA. the reading you did on the sober website is not as good as a meeting. no excuses about conflicting schedules. ...don't go to that meeting, because there's not a lot of sobriety there. etc, etc, etc

It can be a little much.

But on the other hand i can truly relate to much of what people are saying. And i very much appreciate them sharing their stories -- many of which are very moving -- inspiring.

JackNWA

There are many different meetings and each group/meeting is different as well. My suggestion would be to try as many different meetings as you can find in your area, and pick the one you feel most comfortable at. Be honest when approached. If you don't feel like talking or sharing just say so! Saying something like "right now, I just need to be with other alcoholics but thanks for your intrest in my recovery" should suffice.

DayTrader

The whole AA "scene" is a mind-blower at first.

I remember saying a lot of prayers to whatever God was out there to keep letting me know if this is what He/She wanted me doing. Other than the ones I created myself, I never heard anything that told me to keep coming, try to be willing to do more, and to keep working on my acceptance.

Yer right where yer supposed to be tacks.

Try this..... when they guys say that stuff, ask em why they recommend it. Ask em what their experience was and if they tried NOT doing the stuff they're not recommending. I think you'll find the meetings after the actual meeting are usually the most rewarding.

keithj

The ones I felt most comfortable at were the ones that lied to me. What I wanted to hear was that I could come to meetings when I felt like it, hang around with sober people, attend the AA social events, and do exactly what I wanted, changing little else in my life, and still stay sober.

And I, or anyone else, is absolutely free to do that.

However, that is not what the recovered alcoholics in AA did to recover. Instead, they admitted complete defeat (doesn't feel good). They came to believe that some power could solve their problem. They turned their wills and lives over to that power (doesn't feel good). They made a searching and fearless inventory of their past conduct (definitely doesn't feel good). They shared their darkest stuff with another person (not fun). And so on.

That's what they did to recover from a seemingly hopeless condition. I'm free to do those same things or not. But we can make no mistake about the requirements for recovery. It involves a lot of things that don't feel comfortable. It requires a lot of change, and doing things I don't want to do.

You don't have to do it, but that's what we did to recover.

'Almost none of liked the self-searching, leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation.'

aabb1st

tacks

Hi Jack,

Part of the problem is that i really do feel like getting out of the house, talking and sharing. Just not especially wanting to have a bunch of people telling me what to do. (and i'm trying NOT to go to a bar)

That's really and excellent idea. I'll definitely use that when the situation arises.

Jamison

I started going to AA on my own...no court order, no one forced me to go.

I had tried sooooo many times to quit on my own, I knew I needed AA.

I am also very new (54 days). The whole thing overwhelmed me.

I have an addictions counselor and a sponser who helps me sort it all out and it isn't overwhelming anymore.

I go to the meetings because I don't feel isolated and alone. I go because I can relate and learn from others.

I leave the rest.

JackNWA

Tacks,

People should be telling you what THEY did to get sober. That's the experience and program of AA. And I hope you will listen from that point of view. Take care, don't drink, and go to meetings.

keithj

You're exactly right, JackNWA, that's how the whole program is laid out, and that's how the directions in Ch. 7 read. Here is what we did. That's precisely what this book is about. Here are the Steps we took, etc.

Is that what they did to recover?

Dime

Just like everywhere else in life AA is compromised of all people from all walks of life. Try different meetings as they can vary greatly. A Sponsor can be a great help in finding meetings you are comfortable with. It is recommended that men Sponsor men and women Sponsor women for reasons such as this.

Good luck in your recovery.

yeahgr8

Get a sponsor,work the steps, get your spiritual awakening and get on with your life...thats what my sponsor told me and thats what happened...

Jeez if i was hanging my sobriety off of meetings i'd be screwed!

Paraffinalien

Great posts. AA is not a social group, it is not therapy and its not merely a stopped drinking club. The fellowship of AA of takes its name from the book, the program. AA is a spritual guidance program. When I started in AA i had to accept a lot of things on faith that seemed pointless but are in hindsight life saving. I agree that is wrong to be pushy with newcomers, it does not help with anxiety. We lay out our kit of spiritual tools for inspection we dont brandish our tools. Attraction not promotion.

stugotz

I had no idea how to get sober. I thought I did. I needed others to teach me. Just sayin...

shaun00

The fellowship of AA is great......but its a fellowship and fellowship is not something that bought about recovery from alcoholism...not in my case anyhow.

I hear what your saying......I heard it constant and it would drive me nuts.
pushy people talking about god.........leave me alone f.f.s.
do this ...do that.....blah blah blah.

I did it all.......sharing........shouting.........swearing ........making tea......empty ashtrays........sweep butts.......dump my stuff.......stack chairs.......hell someone even asked me to be greeter..lol..lol.

and drunk i got.....over and over and over and over........AA is b.s i thought.

Then some old guy tells me i wont recover from alcoholism by just doing meetings......"dont worry too much about the meetings and read the book alcoholics anonymous and we can work the steps contained in that book.
then you might stop drinking and talking crap in meetings"..he says

So thats what i did...wound back on all the meetings to maybe 1 or 2 a week and got busy with step work.
then i started to see what i was supposed to be doing and how the founders recovered from alcoholism...

I still attend AA.......mainly for one reason and thats to to look for guys that cant recover on meetings alone.
I remember what used to drive me nuts.......and i dont badger people.
I offer to help, if i can.......to share my experience with the steps and subsequent recovery from alcoholism........i also sometimes talk to guys on the street.....where my drinking took me.

The programme of recovery is the 12 steps..........it isnt vast numbers of meetings....