sailorjohn

And unless you've been in a relationship with an active addict/alcoholic, you have absolutely no idea of the hell that they can dish out.

You'll notice I didn't use the words 'put us through'.

There are a fair number of us here that have been there.

All you have to do is look at the info in the user profiles.

findingt

No I do not, I have no idea what it was like for my loved ones to be around me in a drunken state, that's why I do not go around placing labels on someone or something I do not understand.

I've often wondered why would anyone put up with a drunk, just because I wonder and I don't understand doesn't give me the right to go around making generalizations about people who love alcoholics.

MaryAnn100

OMG what a mad statement!!!! Our addiction makes us manipulative, controlling, defiant, and selfish. BUT there are plenty of people out there who are not alkies/addicts who are manipulative, controlling, defiant and selfish. Being manipulative et cetera when gripped by our addiction does not make us unable to empathise.

So some alkies may be sociopaths just in the same way some of the general population are sociopaths. Alkies are sociopaths??? Utter codswallop!!!!

The only difference between alcoholics and the rest of the world is how we metabolize alcohol. We have an allergy. Alkies have feelings too ya know!!!

Mark75

This is why, IMHO, we should stick to our own experience when sharing our ESH... that goes for the families too...

LaFemme

I find the statement that Al-anon and AA don't mix interesting. Disclosure: I don't do either and have never read the big book. What I find interesting is that many alcoholics are also the offspring of alcoholics or married to other alcoholics. I know I would qualify for both, as would several of my family member. I don't consider my family members sociopaths either:-)

A little peace, love and understanding goes a long way towards healing, IMHO:-)

meditation

I don't see any defiant attitudes going on in this thread. I learn the most in meetings, in life and on forum threads when people don't pound me with lectures, big book thumping, but give me their personal experience dealing with their disease or how they are experiencing the disease as a family member. Nobody likes to be lectured.

Zencat

Ah yes, good ole lay people putting on the psychologist hat and tossing about the psychiatric disorders label too and fro.

Wonderful!

blackstrat6

Don't drink that, you might turn into Charlie Manson!!! hahahaha

AmericanGirl

Ditto. Well said. If you aren't an alcoholic, you may not be in a position to fully understand alcoholism (my jury is out on this). Alcoholics, on the other hand, often do know what it is like to have close relationships with alcoholics . . . just like the "normie", we know what it is to be hurt by aspects of the disease in our loved ones that affect their actions. Many of us, before we ever drank, knew this.

On the topic of blanket generalizations about the psychological descriptors of alcoholics . . . I think this comes from both inside and outside, and yes, it can seem harmful, especially the idea that if I am an alcoholic, and I deny having had certain "characteristics" while drinking, then I am somehow either (a) in denial now or (b) never was an alcoholic. Acknowledging a spectrum is important.

Zencat

Imagine a Histrionic co-dependent person living with a alcoholic Sociopath. That would be rough.

Boleo

Can't say as I have met many Sociopaths in recovery. 99.9% of the ones I have met have been Attorneys (LOL!).

LaFemme

Had to look up Histrionic, never saw that one before!

bubblehead

I have known a large number of alcoholics, including many family members and friends. Most are not/were not mean drunks, nor were any sociopaths. Nor am I.
Some of the nastiest people I have ever known did not drink at all.
I read the post. I especially found this part funny "lack of guilt, shame or remorse". UH OK. There is more guilt, shame and remorse on this forum than I have seen anywhere.
I stay off of those forums.The temptation to say"oh yeah you're absolutely right. Us "A's" are the root of all evil and all the problems in the world." is a bit much.
I understand some of these people have had to deal with a lot, but that is not the fault of every alcoholic everywhere, nor does it man we are all crazy/abusive. I think some would do better to work on their own issues, such as personal responsibility in whom they choose to deal with.

keithj

Screw the label and the generalization. When I read that list of traits and the description following, it's a pretty accurate representation of my drinking daze.

'The alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot-though he usually doesn't think so.'--aabb1st

I wonder what would happen if we plotted acceptance of this comparison against length of sobriety or some other recovery progress metric?

Fandy

well worth repeating.....

LaFemme

Especially the parts that are highlighted....thanks!

Dee74

The more I get into this recovery thing, the more I realise I don't get a say in how other people think or react.

I know I'm not a sociopath - if anything my drinking was fuelled by the remorse, guilt, shame, self loathing I felt at the way I was treating my then partner....

but it would not surprise me in the slightest to hear her say she thought of me as a sociopath - but I'll never know what she thinks cos I hurt her so badly with my drinking and drugging she cut me out of her life forever.

This is one of those topics that IMO can never reach resolution.

I'm calling Rule 2 on it and I suggest we all get back to helping someone else.

D