Need to reach out
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 806
Originally Posted by ChangeIsGood123 
I really need some help/advice on a situation that I have. I will try to keep it short. I am sober almost a year, 11/21 will be one year. Previously I had made it over a year, about the same time and slipped up.
The night before I decided to try sobriety again, my boyfriend and I went out. Of course, I drank too much and so did he. He decided that we should walk home from the bar (not too long of a walk but when you are really drunk and in very high heels its not too easy). Well, being my usually stupid drunkin self, I decided I could not walk anymore. He got angry, desperate to get us home and was drunk himself and I guess just lost it because of how I was acting. He started pushing me and pulling me, pretty much dragging me across the grass and sidewalk, really not giving me much of a chance to get up. I tried to go to someones house and get help, but of course they would not answer (who would really cant blame them). I had bruises on my arms and was all dirty and muddy. I did manage to flag down a car, who turned out to be an off duty cop. Told him what happened, he called locals, brought me home and I went to stay with my parents for the night. I personally view this as abuse regardless of how drunk I was. This man has never ever done this before and has not since. While I do know that acohol can make us do things we never would, coming up the anniversary of this time, I am harboring resentment and cannot let go of it. Its hard because this is also a time I should be happy to have a year of sobriety.
At the same time, I feel as though maybe my drinking contributed to it? Is there anyone else who thinks that maybe their drinking contributed to someone elses behavior? I am also angry at myself for staying because I always said I would never let anyone do that to me.
Thank you all for reading if you do and just being here. Even feels good just to post.
The night before I decided to try sobriety again, my boyfriend and I went out. Of course, I drank too much and so did he. He decided that we should walk home from the bar (not too long of a walk but when you are really drunk and in very high heels its not too easy). Well, being my usually stupid drunkin self, I decided I could not walk anymore. He got angry, desperate to get us home and was drunk himself and I guess just lost it because of how I was acting. He started pushing me and pulling me, pretty much dragging me across the grass and sidewalk, really not giving me much of a chance to get up. I tried to go to someones house and get help, but of course they would not answer (who would really cant blame them). I had bruises on my arms and was all dirty and muddy. I did manage to flag down a car, who turned out to be an off duty cop. Told him what happened, he called locals, brought me home and I went to stay with my parents for the night. I personally view this as abuse regardless of how drunk I was. This man has never ever done this before and has not since. While I do know that acohol can make us do things we never would, coming up the anniversary of this time, I am harboring resentment and cannot let go of it. Its hard because this is also a time I should be happy to have a year of sobriety.
At the same time, I feel as though maybe my drinking contributed to it? Is there anyone else who thinks that maybe their drinking contributed to someone elses behavior? I am also angry at myself for staying because I always said I would never let anyone do that to me.
Thank you all for reading if you do and just being here. Even feels good just to post.
concrats on your one year
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
Hi Change,
Congratulations on your year sober!
I know when I was drinking, I didn't like myself. I allowed people to treat me badly. Allowing people to treat me badly, caused me to be depressed and to feel worse about myself. No one, should ever put his hands on you or threaten you in any way, for any reason. It's unacceptable, and it doesn't matter what the reason was. There is no reason that makes abuse acceptable. I hope that you can help yourself by forgiving him and thereby lightening your load. I hope that you can like and love yourself so that you are never in such a situation again.
Congratulations on your year sober!
I know when I was drinking, I didn't like myself. I allowed people to treat me badly. Allowing people to treat me badly, caused me to be depressed and to feel worse about myself. No one, should ever put his hands on you or threaten you in any way, for any reason. It's unacceptable, and it doesn't matter what the reason was. There is no reason that makes abuse acceptable. I hope that you can help yourself by forgiving him and thereby lightening your load. I hope that you can like and love yourself so that you are never in such a situation again.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 139
Originally Posted by ChangeIsGood123
I really need some help/advice on a situation that I have. I will try to keep it short. I am sober almost a year, 11/21 will be one year. Previously I had made it over a year, about the same time and slipped up.
The night before I decided to try sobriety again, my boyfriend and I went out. Of course, I drank too much and so did he. He decided that we should walk home from the bar (not too long of a walk but when you are really drunk and in very high heels its not too easy). Well, being my usually stupid drunkin self, I decided I could not walk anymore. He got angry, desperate to get us home and was drunk himself and I guess just lost it because of how I was acting. He started pushing me and pulling me, pretty much dragging me across the grass and sidewalk, really not giving me much of a chance to get up. I tried to go to someones house and get help, but of course they would not answer (who would really cant blame them). I had bruises on my arms and was all dirty and muddy. I did manage to flag down a car, who turned out to be an off duty cop. Told him what happened, he called locals, brought me home and I went to stay with my parents for the night. I personally view this as abuse regardless of how drunk I was. This man has never ever done this before and has not since. While I do know that acohol can make us do things we never would, coming up the anniversary of this time, I am harboring resentment and cannot let go of it. Its hard because this is also a time I should be happy to have a year of sobriety.
At the same time, I feel as though maybe my drinking contributed to it? Is there anyone else who thinks that maybe their drinking contributed to someone elses behavior? I am also angry at myself for staying because I always said I would never let anyone do that to me.
Thank you all for reading if you do and just being here. Even feels good just to post.
The night before I decided to try sobriety again, my boyfriend and I went out. Of course, I drank too much and so did he. He decided that we should walk home from the bar (not too long of a walk but when you are really drunk and in very high heels its not too easy). Well, being my usually stupid drunkin self, I decided I could not walk anymore. He got angry, desperate to get us home and was drunk himself and I guess just lost it because of how I was acting. He started pushing me and pulling me, pretty much dragging me across the grass and sidewalk, really not giving me much of a chance to get up. I tried to go to someones house and get help, but of course they would not answer (who would really cant blame them). I had bruises on my arms and was all dirty and muddy. I did manage to flag down a car, who turned out to be an off duty cop. Told him what happened, he called locals, brought me home and I went to stay with my parents for the night. I personally view this as abuse regardless of how drunk I was. This man has never ever done this before and has not since. While I do know that acohol can make us do things we never would, coming up the anniversary of this time, I am harboring resentment and cannot let go of it. Its hard because this is also a time I should be happy to have a year of sobriety.
At the same time, I feel as though maybe my drinking contributed to it? Is there anyone else who thinks that maybe their drinking contributed to someone elses behavior? I am also angry at myself for staying because I always said I would never let anyone do that to me.
Thank you all for reading if you do and just being here. Even feels good just to post.
When I finally dialed 911 due to him throwing things at me,(I was scared,he carried a gun even in the house) he told the police I was an alcoholic and that is why he was acting like that. I had not had drop to drink in 3 weeks at that point (though I did get drunk later that night).
Currenty, he is telling everyoone I am an alcohlic and that is why it ended. he is gettng tons of sympathy. Now that I am out of the situation and stress,I have had no problem not drinking.
My mother too went through it. Her boyfriend broke her arm. She was drunk when it happened. It was bad enough that she had to have surgery and pins put in her arm. My cousin and I stayed by her bedside in the hospital for days begging her to get restraining order but she was hung up on the fact sh was drunk when it happened and felt like it was her fault even though she did not hit him and did nothing to provoke him.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 82
I do know and he knows that his actions that night were unacceptable. He has indicated to me many times that he was so panicked and afraid that he just wanted to get us home and I was like sitting down on the grass refusing to go anywhere, apparantly I was hysterical (we were walking along a main road near our home). I know my behavior that night was not acceptable either, which is why I now do not drink now. But it does not excuse his. Two wrongs do not make a right as they say. Over these last few days I have been able to kind of start a process of forgiving. Its funny because just talking to him about it has helped. I know it is not something he will ever to again. I just wanted to clarify that this is not a situation of repeated abuse. And I am very excited that I will be going to my first AA meeting on Friday, after a year. I really think it will help me with everything.
AAudrey
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Stamford, CT
Posts: 209
Originally Posted by ChangeIsGood123
I do know and he knows that his actions that night were unacceptable. He has indicated to me many times that he was so panicked and afraid that he just wanted to get us home and I was like sitting down on the grass refusing to go anywhere, apparantly I was hysterical (we were walking along a main road near our home). I know my behavior that night was not acceptable either, which is why I now do not drink now. But it does not excuse his. Two wrongs do not make a right as they say. Over these last few days I have been able to kind of start a process of forgiving. Its funny because just talking to him about it has helped. I know it is not something he will ever to again. I just wanted to clarify that this is not a situation of repeated abuse. And I am very excited that I will be going to my first AA meeting on Friday, after a year. I really think it will help me with everything.
It's great that you are looking at your role in the matter. We can only change our behavior. Good for you. You will help a lot of people and BE A SHINING POWER OF EXAMPLE.
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