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Did I cause my own alcoholism?

Old 11-08-2010, 12:40 PM
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Did I cause my own alcoholism?

I'm not even sure if there's ever a way to answer the question, but I really do wonder... did I cause my own alcoholism?

In my mid-teens, I was on a mission to get as messed up as possible as often as possible. And I certainly did exactly that. Once I was old enough to buy beer, I kept up that mentality. I knew that I loved the "altered" feeling and since I could get it from the store any time it seemed like paradise.

I continued with this idea of "I LOVE getting ****-ed up all the time!" throughout my twenties and into early thirties. That's when I first tried to stop and found I couldn't do it. That's when I first noticed the "other person" inside of me that I've written about in some other posts.

I clearly have a problem. I'm taking it day by day and I made it through this weekend sober so I'm really proud of that.

But back to my original question, did I do this to myself? Did I get trashed so often and so deeply for so long that it flipped some kind of switch in my brain?

Or was I doomed to this right from the first drink going back to my teen years?

I don't know if anyone has an answer to this, but I do wonder about it rather often... especially when I want beer so bad I can taste it.

LT
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Old 11-08-2010, 12:49 PM
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For me, the only way I would have been able to not "be an alcoholic" would have been never to drink. But I really have no idea what "causes" alcoholism, other than for me, it's drinking
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Old 11-08-2010, 12:54 PM
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For me, I know that I'm the one that was pouring the endless alcoholic liquids down my throat, no one else was.. Although there were other underlying circumstances to why I drank, I would have to say that atleast for me, I indeed caused my own alcoholism.. I don't believe that it is hereditary, but I do believe there are influances that helped me turn to alcohol, but again I am the one that decided to go overboard.. Why I couldn't handle it, and why when I try to just have one beer or one drink I continue in to a whole fifth or more of liquor is beyond me.. But no one else caused it but me, I wasn't told to drink to excess, to become addicted, so to me atleast I can't see any other thing besides myself deciding to drink in the first place to become the cause.
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Old 11-08-2010, 12:54 PM
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Hey, LT....that is the sort of rhetorical question that serves no purpose. It cannot be answered, and even if it could, it would make absolutely no difference. All that matters is today, and what you choose to do with it!
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Old 11-08-2010, 01:13 PM
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Thanks, GreenAces, that makes sense to me.
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Old 11-08-2010, 01:15 PM
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I heard someone share once... I don't know if I was born alcoholic or not, but I was definitely born curious.... That sums it up for me perfectly. Liking a good buzz, in my opinion, is not alcoholism... needing one, well...
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Old 11-08-2010, 01:39 PM
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I definitely think I caused my own alcohol problem, I also do not think it is hereditary because there are loads of alcoholics who were born of teetoling parents and lots of children of alcoholics that don't drink at all. There may be a genetic predisposition to alcohol related problems but we all choose to drink in the beginning. I take total responsibility for my own problems, I chose to drink in excess over and over again and then I chose to stop.
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Old 11-08-2010, 02:02 PM
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I believe I was born and destined to be an alcohol. Take the time to read the drs. opinion in the big book. Gain knowege of your condition (alcoholism); then you can make a better self diagnosis because alcoholism is self diagnosed. We must concede to our inner most selves that we REALLY have this "thing." If we are to live happy and useful and whole lives.

Best to you!
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Old 11-08-2010, 02:04 PM
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Did you like getting dizzy when you were a child; so much so that it made you sick; and then you did it again and again! haha That was me!! My brothers and dad would hold me one arm and one leg and spin me around! I LOVED it! haha Once I gained knowledge of my condition, it was a huge relief to find out, I was just an Alcoholic! haha WHO KNEW?!
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Old 11-08-2010, 02:09 PM
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Definitely a rhetorical question, one that I'm sure we could all answer to fit our own reasons for asking it.

As far as choosing to drink... that woulda been nice to have the power of choice over my drinking. Once I crossed that magical line, that power of choice was gone. I wish I could have chosen to drink too much, or chosen to drink too often, and especially wish I could have chosen to not drink. For me, I have proven to myself, repeatedly, that choice as an alcoholic plays no part. Even today I wouldn't say that I "chose" not to drink today, its not a choice. For me it has been a spiritual experience that has removed that drive to drink from me.

So, was I born an alcoholic.... I don't really know. I certainly did things "alcoholically" as a child, but I was not a daily drinker from the get go. However at some point along the way I lost the power of to control or make and choices regarding my drinking.
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Old 11-08-2010, 02:21 PM
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Loved your share spirit... Me too... I used to love hyperventilating, so much that I would do it in class... I remember passing out at my desk, which was in front ... In 8th grade... Coming to with my teacher looking down at me... She just shook her head and went back to the lesson.

Anything at all!! Anything to relieve the monotony I felt and to change it ...

Good stuff... I was born curious, don't really have an opinion as to whether I was born alcoholic, except to say that full blown addiction came much much later.
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Old 11-08-2010, 02:27 PM
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Definitely a rhetorical question...imo everyone has the potential to become an alcoholic although we all have different points of getting there...for some people its more work than its worth...others get there easily. So yes...my actions led to my problem...ditto on recovery:-)
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Old 11-08-2010, 02:27 PM
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With all respect Tom S. maybe the question serves no purpose to *you*. Everyone's different.
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Old 11-08-2010, 02:55 PM
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You may have missed this article......

How We Get Addicted - TIME

hope you give yourself time to discover how interesting
a healthy sober future can be....
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Old 11-08-2010, 04:39 PM
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That was good Time article about addiction. However, I don't think it explains why a person switches their drug of choice. For example, a cocaine addict (upper drug) switching to a depressant like alcohol or heroine. Or even the recovering alcoholic who goes to meetings daily and stays sober but gambles his house away playing blackjack at the local casino.
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Old 11-08-2010, 04:49 PM
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Hey LT,

Looking back it seems almost blatant to me that I intentionally might've triggered my own alcoholism. I spent years and years drinking like any normal college kid would, in fact probably drinking less than the people I hung out with. I made a decision one month to just drink straight to numb a very painful emotional situation I was going through and I never recovered from the effects of that self-imposed binge.

But what I hear constantly from people in my AA program that I think is incredibly wise advice: I am an alcoholic. It doesn't matter how I got here, I am here. And that's all I have to work with.
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Old 11-08-2010, 05:08 PM
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If so, God we are stupid!

OK, I drank and got "messed up" with a lot of people.
Most are now married with kids and have toned it down.
I, and a few others kept up the "party" and got hooked.
Why? Because some of us are wired that way.
Like all abused/bullied people don't go "postal", some were just wired that way.
I met my barman in AA, 7 yrs sober! This guy would smoke the leg of a chair!
He is completely turned around! That is what is good. We know what is wrong and we can fix it. As Ron White says; "You can't fix stupid" so we are lucky.
So, no, I do not believe I caused my alcoholism.
It is physical, spiritual and emotional. Of all the things I have done wrong, this was not one of them.
: e136:
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Old 11-08-2010, 05:19 PM
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So far I believe the cause of addiction is sill poorly understood. There seems to be many factors that could contribute to becoming addicted. Such as genetic, environmental, personality, social, and the substances action on the brain, alone or in combination these things could lead to addiction I guess.

The real deal is once a problem is identified, what is one willing to do about it.
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Old 11-08-2010, 05:34 PM
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This is an interesting question that I've pondered, as well. I was on the phone recently with a drug and alcohol resource line, and the woman I talked to said that there was a study with mice that possessed certain genes and that they were attracted to some while the other mice were not. However, she said that when the other mice were injected with alcohol on a regular basis, they developed the same attraction to alcohol. So, this seems to suggest that one can become alcohol addicted no matter what their genetic makeup. I think it makes sense that there are a variety of triggers, but that anyone could potentially become "alcoholic" if exposed to the substance long enough.
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Old 11-08-2010, 07:46 PM
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I learned about my condition through AA and hearing others share their ES&H not in an article OP.

We have a spiritual illness, a subconcious and concious mental craving and a physical phenomen of craving. The phenomen of craving is what got my attention. Without that knowlege, I'd still be "out there" drinking.

Also, what got my attention was, "as we look back on our drinking histories, we can see that it was simply the beginning of a mere fatal progression."

My ALCOHOLISM is still progressing and I don't drink it anymore. Don't know about addiction, just alcoholism and the ISM factor. INTERNAL SPIRITUAL MALADJUSTMENT.
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