nacona

I hear this a lot and am not completely sure what it entails. Can you post what you do/did to "specfically" change your life style?

Dee74

For me my whole life revolved around drinking - either with my drinking buddies or by myself - so I had to break away from my drinking buddies, not accept any invitations out where I thought there may be alcohol (at least initially) or alcohol centered (I still avoid those).

So as to not become a hermit, tho, I re-established old friendships and made new ones that weren't alcohol based...

I also had to totally change my routine at home - I used to mostly sit in front of the TV and drink...so I made myself be busy and productive.

I also spent a lot of time here...I made a promise that I'd do anything, go to any lengths but drink - helping others helped me get past the first few months.

It was a complete life change - but I was, finally, that committed to not living my old life anymore

D

24hrsAday

i Heard Long ago in A.A. "all you have to do is Change Everything" it used to **** me off.. i "get it" now though.. i have a Completely different life Now than i did 4 years ago!

nacona

I know this sounds silly but....do you let yourself sleep for only so long - do you get out of bed on the opposite side of normal - do get right into the shower in the morning, or read/watch TV fist - drink tea instead of coffee - hang out in the living room instead of the bedroom - drive a different route to work - make your bed the minute you get out of it or not at all - do the dishes right away or wait until they pile up - allow yourself to watch TV all evening or only a show or two?

I guess what want to know is how do you disipline yourself? I have no one to answer to - no one to feed other than the pets - no one I have to drive anywhere or do anything for as I live with my dog and cat only and I find myself being very lazy and undisiplined.

I keep hearing that people have made behavorial changes or lifestyle changes or changed EVERYTHING, but I want to know specifics.

24hrsAday

i understand nacona.. for me it really has been Attempting to "work" the A.A. program that has been the Change that has led to Many Other Changes!

Dee74

There are really big substantial changes - the life changing ones - and then there are cosmetic ones Nacona

You know yourself - getting out of bed on a different side and drinking coffee instead of tea isn't really going to get you anywhere with recovery.

I think we can overthink stuff sometimes - I tend to believe all we really have to worry about in early recovery is not drinking - thats a big enough task...for me, once i got that down, then I knew it I was ready and it was time to start work on all that underlying stuff...so I could be happy staying sober.

What does your sponsor say?
D

nacona

I haven't found one yet.
I'm not explaining myself correctly if you think that I thought drinking tea instead of coffee would keep me sober......

Taking5

For me a lifestyle change was changing my playground (bars) and playmates (drinking buddies). Of all of the people I considered friends (drinking buddies) that I would see about every day there turned out to be 2 or 3 real friends in there. The rest I don't even see anymore.

Dee74

I was just explaining that, to me - these kinds of changes you mentioned

are not really lifestyle changes - they're cosmetic.

As I said in my previous post, we both it's deeper than that.

I hope you find some answers

D

VeeTee

Hi nacona,
it's early days here too, but I think I know what you mean. I have similar questions: Should I now magically turn into a different person? I have a non-drinking colleague at work and I sometimes can't help thinking: How would she do this now? As she's a bit of a goody two shoes the answer usually is: Yes, she'd pay the bills now, yes, she'd make her bed immediately...

But I guess we shouldn't fret about these things and just focus on staying sober today - the changes will come automatically

But I have noticed, giving my days some structure helps a lot. I don't have to get up at 6.30, but I don't want to lie in too long... I try to do things as I think I should do them (playing the person I would like to be)..

take care
vee

Bamboozle

Who or how do you want to be?

I do pretty much everything I did before except drink. I'm a loner, so my big drinking thing was to get smashed and play video games or goof on the internets. I don't find myself wanting to drink while I do these things now, so it's all good.

I guess if something is bothering you, you can change it, but if you're happy the way you are, good.

stugotz

The change occurs after you start to recover, not before. Its a product of recovery. You cant force it.

least

Since I always drank at home by myself my biggest 'life' change was my attitude. I had to change my thinking, had to learn to be comfortable with myself sober... and it took a while, but I had the help of my addiction counselor and that was a huge help.

My life changes were really changes in attitude. And at first I had to consciously work on it, but now my attitude is different, more healthy, and it feels normal now to feel a part of life and not want to isolate and drink. I'm still at home alone much of the time, I'm just happier doing so and feel no need or desire to drink as I'm feeling too good these days to want to mess it all up with drinking.


Like Stugotz says, I had to force myself to stay sober at first until I realized that staying sober felt normal and happy to me and I no longer had to force myself to stay sober, it was my new normal way to be.

smacked

I'm guilty of saying this alot.. that it's a total life change. I think that from my perspective, its because I centered my life around drinking, hangovers, drinking more for SO long I couldn't stay sober unless I changed everything. I had to find new tools to replace the old ones.. new ways to celebrate, tend to upset, squash boredom, etc. Specifically, I dumped my toxic friends.. the friends I drank with, that I thought were my friends, who haven't bothered to call me in the 2years plus since I quit. I stopped hanging out in bars, clubs, going to happy hour. I made new friends. I got some counseling and read a lot of books about how to make my life better.. new approaches to things that didn't involve drinking my life away. I started eating healthier, and cleaning my house more. I started sleeping well, and exercising during times I'd normally drink. I changed the way I drove home to avoid driving past "my" bar, and "my liquor stores". I stopped lying to people, and myself. Along with time I realized my entire thinking had changed, how I react to things in my life.. how I go about my day.

RobbyRobot

Putting down the drink is the first change that creates the starting point of all the rest of the changes needed to keep that drink off the menu. That action gets us sober for a day. To live a life that has meaning and purpose requires creating that needed meaning from additional changes we make in that same sober day.

Some of those changes are absolutely required or we will relapse. Some changes get us past relapsing okay, but keep us on the edge of the abyss. Some changes get us into a well lived life. These last are the ones that require going to any lengths to realize them and live with them daily.

Recovery is a journey, a personal journey, and only by actually living it, experiencing it, can anyone really have it, and even then, only for a day.

Rigorous honesty will discover what is what as we look at ourselves to know what to do and how to move forward throughout the day. This creates growth and growth leads to more change and so now recovery is well into its own and the gifts are now ripe for the taking.

It's a somewhat different and very personal journey for all of us, even though we all started from the same orgins: putting down that last drink for good and all.

Rob

zbear23

I regard my problem as one of thinking, not drinking. Drinking was a self destructive pseudosolution. If I can't change my thinking, then nothing else can change either. And since it is pretty difficult to simple decide "I'm going to think differently" all of a sudden....and do it....I had to bring in outside help.

So I became engaged in a process...a journey....called AA, with its 12 steps of recovery. Gradually my thinking changed in proportion to my willingness to give up my old ideas and be openminded and honest with myself. I learned that the most important thing was not WHAT I did...but how and why I did it. Until I became self observant and honest enough to be able to define the purpose for whatever I did....and realize that I could do "the right thing" the wrong way....I didn't make much progress.

Of course, it all started for me by realizing that my purpose in drinking was to escape from the imaginary, awful, shameful self I'd come to believe I was....to stop the pain....to feel good (or at least not bad). Nothing wrong with feeling good, but it turned out that drinking was a losing proposition....and everything in my life (my thinking, feeling and behavior) was totally wrapped up in drinks and drug.

Once I stopped, my thinking changed. And AA helped me channel those changes in a spiritual, life fulfilling direction. It doesn't matter which side of the bed I get up on...what matters is my attitude when I do get up.

blessings
zenbear

leo21

We all have varying degrees of the illness. Alcoholism has many, many layers. Some fall to the very bottom, some nip it in the bud, etc.

It requires a true and honest self examination of where you are in life - and your people, places, and things. For me, I nipped it in the bud - that's just where I was - and gave myself a "tune up" like a car. Some need to abandon so many things and start with a clean slate, others need to do some serious internal housecleaning.

Read between the lines and listen to yourself, and I believe you will find your answers there. Just don't go looking for instant gratification. That frame of thought doesn't go too well with this disease.

Jomey

I had to get sober first. Put down the drink. Then, the process of changing my entire life began to come naturally, and being sober a little over three years, I know the changes are still happening.

As far as this goes, perhaps you might want to look into some volunteer activities? If there is something that speaks to your heart, like helping the poor, battered women, abused children, the hungry, so much the better. Not only will you have commitments to other people, but you will be distracted from your own problems by caring for others, and it will benefit your self esteem, as well as helping the people you are serving.

I have found volunteering to be a huge part of my recovery.

Good luck!
Jomey

jamdls

In the end I did 99% of my drinking home alone, I too had no one to answer to as I lived alone with just my dog. I still live alone with my dog (different one), in the same house, and go to work every day at the same job. The few “friends” I had were hard drinkers and I had already gotten sick of them before I quit drinking. Initially I made no physical changes but I did read everything I could on addiction/recovery, prayed/talked with God a LOT, and within a few months of stopping drinking I started attending church (I didn’t feel worthy of being in a church, I cowered in the back row and spoke to no one). I also spoke on the phone almost daily to someone who had been sober for 25+ yrs and who understood where I’d been and where I wanted to be. During the first 12-18 months I did tons of self analysis and worked on coming to terms with the damage I had caused to myself and others and tried to make amends where I could (the making amends is ongoing), for the first time in my life I was honest with myself and so the changes for me were all in my attitude and self-worth. Eventually (I wish I’d started MUCH sooner), I began living a very healthy lifestyle with exercise and diet. I truly feel that I’m a completely different person than I was when I was drinking, I no longer even recognize my former drunk self; 5 months into recovery my mother passed away and I was with my family whom I had not seen and barely spoke to (except when I called drunk in the middle of night) in 10 yrs, they all commented on how I had changed and I heard from my dad that 1 sister said “Judy was so grown up, she’s matured”, I was 51 at the time…definitely was time for me to grow up.

dubbguy

For me it was going back to the lifestyle I had before I started drinking..
Quit smoking cigarettes, done with the people I had nothing in common with besides drinking, done with "parties", going to the gym 4 days a week, running the days I don't go to the gym, going to the library and actually reading books instead of staring at the wall blasted out of my skull...
Biggest change though was purely attitude wise that I was gaining something(a ton really) by quit drinking and not losing something.