kargy

I went out to the store with no intention of drinking today. This morning I had been surfing SR and planned what meeting I would be going to tonight. I was approaching a corner where there is a bar I used to get six packs in. It just kind of washed over me, "one six pack wont hurt". "Its been seven days." I was trying and trying to play the tape in my head. I even threw a half hearted prayer "God I shouldn't do this." My will not being strong enough I turned into the parking lot, which was eerily empty. There was a sign on the door saying that the bar was closed until four o'clock due to a water leak. As soon as I read the sign the obsession went away. Now there are many other places I could have gone to get beer, but after that I didn't want it. Whatever form my HP may be, and I still have no clue what my HP is. He/she/it apparently has my back whether I like it or not.

Kerbcrawler

Hi Kargy, thats happened to me so many times..even walking in a store to get a pint of milk, then becoming obsessed with,one little bottle wont hurt, for old times sake, we can call it quits tommorow lines of obsessive old habitual thoughts, playing out the tape,but not acting upon until it dissolves in power over us,and we reach the point were were not really bothered with anyhow! thats how ive found it worked for me last time round..
congrats.

Anna

I'm glad that you got through that!

TheEnd

One six pack probably wouldn't hurt, but what happens after that six pack, does it end there??? I think it's great that the bar was closed and and kept you from getting that six pack, but what happens next time you are walking by and the bar is open, just something to think about...........

kargy

Yeah, I have been thinking about that. If the bar had been open, I would have gone in. I need to figure out what efforts I need to change to cover myself.

LexieCat

Yeah, I don't think you can count on a water leak (or an electrical problem, a business bankruptcy, a tornado) to "save" you every time the insanity takes over.

If you don't have a sponsor yet, I suggest you get one ASAP and start working the Steps. It's your best defense.

viavai

I almost drank on Friday when I was at the mall. I had some errands to run (I actually hate shopping, so only go to the mall when I need to), and the first place on the left as you come up the escalators is a bar/restaurant. I momentarily thought that "just one glass of wine" couldn't hurt, but I decided to do my errands first to try to put off the insanity--at least for a little while. Well, long story short, I decided to get my rings cleaned, and when I put the now sparkling wedding ring back on my finger, I was reminded of all that I would be risking by taking that first sip, and the obsession lifted (at least for that day).

kargy

Yeah, you're probably right. I had hoped I could track down my old sponsor but he just hasn't turned up. Hope he's ok, but I need to give that up. I spoke to a couple of good guys a meetings this past week. At the time I wasn't thinking of them as sponsors, so I need to go back and find out if they have time and sponsees.

The incident both enlightened and scarred me once I thought about it. I came home and tried to find the step work I've done previously but can't find it. I know all I need is a BB and a sponsor to get started, but I thought it might be helpful to see where I had been before. Guess I shouldn't be trying to recreate that sobriety but rather seek a new one. Its weird, I was thinking about triggers and way back Sundays used to be a favorite day to get blasted. It always seemed like a day where not much is expected of you.

viavai

In the meantime (while you wait to get a sponsor), you can maybe open the BB and read A Vision for You or one of the stories. Also, re-read Step One out of the 12 and 12. I did that just this morning, and I've been on and off here all day for my study breaks, so I've managed to steer clear of triggers. I'm sorry Sundays are one of yours. Can you get to a meeting tonight?

Sally1009

WELL DONE!!

Dee74

I'm glad you had the god shot - but the thing about them is we need to take full advantage of them, y'know?

You know you're vulnerable and shaky right now - so do whatever you need to in order to shore up your foundations Kargy - use this chance to the full

D

aasharon90

Even at 20 yrs sobriety
thoughts of alcohol
pop up emmediately,
especially when I am
walking in Walmart
picking up a few odds
and ends.

This is the time of the
year that you begin
to see alcohol gifts
ready, wrapped and
waiting for pick up.

They are at every
turn, end caps of
the isles. Displays
decorated seasonably.

Even tho I practice
my program to the
best of my ability
each day, I am no
exception to the
rule that I am only
one drink away
from a drunk.

Holidays will go
on with stores
stocking up with
oodles of a persons
favorite pour.

I too remember
the delight of a
good drink, however
I too remember
vividly how it
tried to kill and
destroy me.

This time of the
year like any other
day, I have to be
on my guard for
the cunningness,
baffling, and power-
ful strength and urge
alcohol plays on
my mind.

It sneeks up on you
like a snake in the
grass. One bite of
it's poisonous venom
and it will kill you.

kargy

Thanks all. This is such a great site. I went to a meeting and I feel better. The rest of the night til bed is in the BB. Tomorrow is another day and thank God its day 8.