SpanishJohnny

I've been roaming this site for awhile...but finally feel the need to reach out...further, you know?

I know it's not good to be on here and drinking...but I'm way more honest with a few drinks in me (or with weeks of sobriety)...I want the former...but really need the later. I'm down to my last 4 beers and my last .07 cents.

Recently I was kicked out of the house that I was living in (my dads) and had to move in with my mother. I went on a 3 day bender last Friday...that ended with me sitting around a fire on Sunday night sipping the last ounce of rum out of a cheap bottle...and getting kicked out after riding my bike home blind drunk. Luckily I live in a small town and the local cops know me (not for previous arrests...high school, etc.).

Now I'm living with my mother and her boyfriend...2 drinkers that have a few beers or wine here and there. The boyfriend drinks a little more than her...I've seen him cracking one open at the crack of dawn once or twice. I'm sure he has more issues than I know...but I'm going to deal with one thing at a time.

I'm going to give AA a shot. I've made of list of local meetings and really wanted to attend one tonight...but didn't think they would appreciate some kid that hasn't showered in two days reeking of booze.

Alright...I'm starting to ramble. Here is my question...I'm 32 and play guitar in band 3 or 4 nights a week in all the local bars. I'm recently out of work and it's really my only source of income (short of side jobs that I can pick up).

I'm pretty sure I should not walk into bar...and I love playing...but I guess that has to stop. I guess it wasn't really a question...just a sadness over having to lose that, you know? Anyone else play music in bars during early sobriety?

Also...I asked my mother to somehow lock up her booze...and she agreed. I know it's an inconvenience to them...but I don't trust myself. Like tonight...they're gone for the night...and I'm drinking their last 6 beers.

Tomorrows not going to be fun.

Thanks for reading/listening...just wanted to get all that out.

least

Welcome to SR. Glad you found us and joined the family. I used to wonder what I'd do if I wasn't drinking. Now that I'm ten months sober I wonder how I got anything done at all cause of always drinking or being sick. Then realized I didn't get things done, was always putting things off. My house, as well as my life, was a mess.

It's a hard habit to break but so worth the effort. Stick around here, the support is great.

ANGELINA243

Welcome! Glad you are here. I couldn't stop drinking on my own. I needed help from others. Both this place and AA have helped me alot with my recovery.

I think that most groups would be glad to have you. Alcoholism is a deadly disease and there are so many that never get the opportunity to attend a meeting. That's the reality. Most AA groups around here would be glad to see you and welcome you to the group. Most would extend that offering to help you if you wanted help to get and stay sober.

Sudz No More

Good Luck on your journey, it will all be worth it in the end.

As for the bars, I know I would have a hard time with that. I also played music out every weekend for years and always drank heavy every night. There were a few summers where I played in the band four or five nights a week and drank heavy while playing every night. I don't think I ever played sober. For me, as I got older I started to play out less and now I don't play out at all anymore. Staying away from the bar as a major trigger for me is big, if I still played in a Band I would probably still drink. I wouldn't enjoy working in a bar until 1am sober. Maybe you can but this is just my experience.

You are making the right choice to want to stop before it gets ugly. Maybe you can find some gigs at weekend afternoon spots? It would be easier to avoid drinking in the day I bet.

CarolD

Welcome to our SR Alcoholism Forum.....

Glad to know you are heading into sobriety

viavai

What transferable skills do you have? For instance, could you teach guitar lessons to earn some extra income. Are you good with computers (know the basic applications), and could you contact a temp agency? For me, I had to do something simple--retail--as my "stay sober" job. I have a friend in program who is a lawyer, and he had to work at PetSmart as his "stay sober" job. Why? Because right now, sobriety has to be your number ONE priority. Try hitting a meeting everyday--you CAN make time for this. After all, we all made plenty of time for our drinking, and AA asks for only one hour. But that one hour is precious and invaluable. Get a sponsor ASAP, listen, and follow directions. You can do this!

Anna

Welcome!

I think you are experiencing some of the changes that need to happen in early recovery. Yes, it's a time of loss in some respects, but what you gain from this will be amazing.

LexieCat

Welcome!

Believe me, people in AA don't mind stinky drunks coming into their meetings--we LOVE it.

I know sober musicians who play in bars, but I don't think it's a good idea in early recovery. You don't have to say goodbye to that forever, but why make it any harder on yourself in the beginning than it has to be?

I think viavai has some great suggestions there. Go hit anyplace that will hire you for whatever. Stock shelves, flip burgers, sweep floors. It's all respectable work. Having your own finances will definitely help with your recovery. The goal is for you to stand on your own two feet.

When you go to your first meeting, be sure to raise your hand and say that you're new. Get some phone numbers. As soon as you can, ask someone to sponsor you and help you work the Steps. That's the key to recovery.

This can be an exciting new phase in your life.

Buy a Big Book as soon as you can--most meetings have them, and will often let you pay for it later (they are cheap--about $6.80 for hardcover). Here's an online version. There are some famous "promises" in the Big Book: From pages 83-84 of the Big Book:

"If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them."

BB Quote 1st Ed.

SpanishJohnny

Hey guys/girls...thanks for the comments...I really appreciate it.

Just to answer a few questions. I've worked in finance for the last 7 years...and do have some applicable skills...when sober of course. But I have been putting in applications and looking for something just to keep me busy.

Haven't drank since Friday since I was last here...spent all day yesterday in bed (and avoided a good paying wedding gig with my band in fear of that open bar).

Going to my 1st meeting tonight...nervous but excited, you know?

Thanks again...