I am so mad and disappointed!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Thanx for this thread glitter, this is important stuff...
Yea, When I was in the treatment center a couple of the counsellors had a disagreement about whether they would discharge me on time because my wife has a drink each night... One didn't want to let me go...
Anyway, we live in a world where people drink and are not alcoholics... some of us are already married to one of those people.
I don't want to make it seem that we as recovering alcoholics should be allowed no berth on this difficult road of recovery... my wife did keep the wine bottle out of sight when she wasn't having a glass, we kept no beer in the house at first (my adult son and many of my friends drink it... so when they visited, we made it available, but then it was discarded or ... ????)... stuff like that. Now I don't know, I don't keep track of the alcohol in my house.... I think there are two or three beers in the garage and the wine is kept on the bottom shelf of the refrigerator...
...
My recovery allows for me to stay married to and live with the woman I love, my soulmate in all sense of the word... and 4 children... two still at home... I do not impose my sobriety on anyone... I am happier that way... it was a hard road, but very much worth it!
Oh... my wife did change the mouthwash to NA
Yea, When I was in the treatment center a couple of the counsellors had a disagreement about whether they would discharge me on time because my wife has a drink each night... One didn't want to let me go...
Anyway, we live in a world where people drink and are not alcoholics... some of us are already married to one of those people.
I don't want to make it seem that we as recovering alcoholics should be allowed no berth on this difficult road of recovery... my wife did keep the wine bottle out of sight when she wasn't having a glass, we kept no beer in the house at first (my adult son and many of my friends drink it... so when they visited, we made it available, but then it was discarded or ... ????)... stuff like that. Now I don't know, I don't keep track of the alcohol in my house.... I think there are two or three beers in the garage and the wine is kept on the bottom shelf of the refrigerator...
... My recovery allows for me to stay married to and live with the woman I love, my soulmate in all sense of the word... and 4 children... two still at home... I do not impose my sobriety on anyone... I am happier that way... it was a hard road, but very much worth it!
Oh... my wife did change the mouthwash to NA
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by glitterfairy 
I don’t think it’s too much to ask that he hide it from me while home.
I still have much work to do on taking responsibility for my actions.
I still have much work to do on taking responsibility for my actions.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
When I lived with alcoholics in early recovery, I didn't keep alcohol in the house. After several years, I asked my first husband whether it would bother him too much if I bought a bottle of brandy for the holidays. He said no, as long as it was gone when the holidays were over. He later told me he appreciated my being considerate when he was newly sober.
I agree that we aren't exactly in a position to make demands on anyone. And some people prefer that others in the family/household not do anything different. For me, it would bother me if my partner insisted on keeping alcohol in the house or if he drank on a regular basis at home. Fortunately, I live with no other humans and have, so far, not succumbed to my cats' catnip addiction.
It is something that needs to be worked out between the parties, like any other aspect of living together.
I agree that we aren't exactly in a position to make demands on anyone. And some people prefer that others in the family/household not do anything different. For me, it would bother me if my partner insisted on keeping alcohol in the house or if he drank on a regular basis at home. Fortunately, I live with no other humans and have, so far, not succumbed to my cats' catnip addiction.
It is something that needs to be worked out between the parties, like any other aspect of living together.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Chicago
Posts: 166
Originally Posted by glitterfairy
I haven't had a drink for 1 1/2 years until tonight. Why? Well I was carving pumpkins with my kids and husband and I needed a drink. I go into the kitchen and on the counter is a 2 liter of root beer with a glass with ice and what appeared to be root beer right next to it. I took a big swig.
Well it wasn't root beer it was rum and coke. I panicked and ran to my bathroom to brush my teeth, see the taste was bringing back just too much. I started bawling uncontrollable, my kids came in to see what was wrong and then my husband came in to yell at me. He said I was being melodramatic and I didn't know what was in the cup and that it doesn't change anything. For me it changes EVERYTHING.
Can I really be with this person who could care less about my sobriety? It seems like he started drinking more when I quit. Honestly I'm not sure if I just failed to recognize it when I was boozing too.
I did manage to pull myself together for my kids and finish carving pumpkins but I really can't comprehend the logistics of this marriage.
If anyone out there has had success staying sober when those around you fail I would love input. Also input on when you finally knew it was too much and you had to move on from a relationship.
Thanks for reading my ramblings.
Well it wasn't root beer it was rum and coke. I panicked and ran to my bathroom to brush my teeth, see the taste was bringing back just too much. I started bawling uncontrollable, my kids came in to see what was wrong and then my husband came in to yell at me. He said I was being melodramatic and I didn't know what was in the cup and that it doesn't change anything. For me it changes EVERYTHING.
Can I really be with this person who could care less about my sobriety? It seems like he started drinking more when I quit. Honestly I'm not sure if I just failed to recognize it when I was boozing too.
I did manage to pull myself together for my kids and finish carving pumpkins but I really can't comprehend the logistics of this marriage.
If anyone out there has had success staying sober when those around you fail I would love input. Also input on when you finally knew it was too much and you had to move on from a relationship.
Thanks for reading my ramblings.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,237
When I first quit drinking, my hubby still drank alot....we were drinking buddies...and from me being sober his alcohol consumption is waaaaaaay down.....and he is thankful for that... I don't police his drinks, but at the same time I won't put up with obnoxius drunk behaviour..... One would think that as a partner, a partner would be supporting us in our sober living...I don't think that is self centeredness in expecting that...but rather self love.
I don't police his drinks, but at the same time I won't put up with obnoxius drunk behaviour..... One would think that as a partner, a partner would be supporting us in our sober living...I don't think that is self centeredness in expecting that...but rather self love.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Between Serenity and Despair
Posts: 522
Perception is everything. We alcoholics are a self-centered lot. We tend to make things about us. After all, the world revolves around us, does it not? Or perhaps I'm the only person who ever catches herself at this.
I can look at it like a self-centered person:
When I'm not being self-centered, I can look at it this way:
My husband drank when I met him. Because of this, I consider it part of the package if I want to continue to be married to him. If he were an abusive drunk (or abusive at all), that would greatly change things. As is, his drinking is a little thing. It only effects me as much as I let it affect me. I choose not to let it affect me at all.
Now let me make one thing clear: I wish my husband didn't drink. I would love to have an alcohol-free home. Unless our marriage ends, I do not predict this will ever happen.
One more thing just for clarity: I will never choose to co-habitate with another daily drinker. I do not like it. However, I love and respect my husband more than I don't like his harmless drinking.
I can look at it like a self-centered person:
If the husband drinks, he's purposefully rubbing it in my face. He probably got out of bed this morning and said, "I think I'm going to drink tonight to hurt Lil Dawg." He drinks to torment me.
If I do think this way about it, though, I'm only making myself miserable. And I'm probably lying to myself, to boot. After much kicking and screaming, I learned to accept that I cannot control other people. My reward is that I feel much more at peace when I remember that I am not Queen of the Universe. When I'm not being self-centered, I can look at it this way:
Husband is having a drink because he enjoys it. That is his right. He works hard. I am the alcoholic, not him. He can drink without acting like a sociopath on LSD; I can't. I'll enjoy my chai tea and mind my own beeswax.
You know how you buy something as is? That's sort of how I see this. My husband drank when I met him. Because of this, I consider it part of the package if I want to continue to be married to him. If he were an abusive drunk (or abusive at all), that would greatly change things. As is, his drinking is a little thing. It only effects me as much as I let it affect me. I choose not to let it affect me at all.
Now let me make one thing clear: I wish my husband didn't drink. I would love to have an alcohol-free home. Unless our marriage ends, I do not predict this will ever happen.
One more thing just for clarity: I will never choose to co-habitate with another daily drinker. I do not like it. However, I love and respect my husband more than I don't like his harmless drinking.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 139
Originally Posted by Isaiah
Wow.
A. I think we all seem in agreement that you didn't do a single thing wrong. There has been times when I was out with my girlfriend that I asked her to "test" collective beverages for me. Are you going to hire a private tester.
B. I think this all comes down to talking to your significant other about alcohol in the house. Alcoholism doesn't just impact us, it impacts our families too. We have a modicum of a right to expect them to quit, keep the house clean, etc.
A. I think we all seem in agreement that you didn't do a single thing wrong. There has been times when I was out with my girlfriend that I asked her to "test" collective beverages for me. Are you going to hire a private tester.
B. I think this all comes down to talking to your significant other about alcohol in the house. Alcoholism doesn't just impact us, it impacts our families too. We have a modicum of a right to expect them to quit, keep the house clean, etc.
If you have quit drinking and it was an addiction for you in the past, its not unreasonable to ask that someone not participate in that behavior in front of you.
AAudrey
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Stamford, CT
Posts: 209
If you took a sip by accident and spit it out immediately, it's not a slip. If you took another GULP as you referred to it, it's a relapse.
For me, nothing comes before my sobriety. My sobriety is my priority in life. If his drinking makes you uncomfortable, make a decision and live by it.
You cannot force your new lifestyle upon him. Put your sobriety first. Remember, we MUST be willing to go to any lengths to stop AND STAY STOPPED.
For me, nothing comes before my sobriety. My sobriety is my priority in life. If his drinking makes you uncomfortable, make a decision and live by it.
You cannot force your new lifestyle upon him. Put your sobriety first. Remember, we MUST be willing to go to any lengths to stop AND STAY STOPPED.
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