debs

...yet it's just so profound...

At least I thought so!

I had my first experience the other day being around several people who were drinking responsibly at a restaurant.. The guys at work were throwing a birthday party for the guy I'm seeing... so we all went out to eat at On the Border.. (Texmex restaurant)...

They were all ordering beers, margaritas, etc... having one or two... (before sobriety, I never could understand why the hell you'd even bother to drink if you were gonna stop at two!!!)

I won't lie.. I struggled... not with abstaining.... no, my will to not drink was strong as ever.. there was no way I was going to order one.. but I DID struggle with the all-too-familiar feeling of... 'Why can't I just chill out and have a few with my buds? This is just not fair!' ...

I texted a recovered alkie friend of mine... just to let him know what was going on and to ask him to shoot up a few prayers for me.. it must have worked cos shortly after I felt such a strong peace come over me.

I started thinking about what it would be like if I DID have 'just one or two'... I knew exactly what would happen. I'd have that one or two.. then it'd be time to leave.. then I'd need more, More, MORE.

Then I'd have two options:

1. Not drink further. Be miserable. Suffer.

2. Drink further. Feel relentless guilt. Disappoint my friends. Hate myself.

Now why the hell would I want to put myself through that?

So the epiphany?

They can drink cos they can drink two. And stop.

I can't drink cos I can't have just two.

Simples!

So here I am.. another day sober, another day smiling.

NellieM

Good for you, having that insight and texting a friend. Congrats on your success.
Nellie

CarolD

Thanks for sharing another one of your victories with us
Always good to know you are doing well.....

artsoul

You described it perfectly! I feel that twinge of jealousy sometimes, too, and then think it through just like you're doing. It's so nice to have some semblance of a rational brain these days, instead of being on alcoholic autopilot....... Whew!

FBL

Way to go, Debs! If we could drink like "normal people" we wouldn't need SR

AlcoholicOrNot

Way to stay strong Debs!

Mark75

Awesome debs... seems you are doing GREAT!! Yea, I know those pangs, I am not sure they will go away completely, and that's OK... Texting another who understands was a good idea.

Remember, you are never alone on this broad highway.

LexieCat

WTG, Debs.

You handled the "pang" perfectly. You got it--they can, you can't. Oh, WELL. Lots of things other people can do, that I would be a fool to try. If you've got lously coordination and balance, surfing probably isn't something to try.

TheEnd

That's awesome. Oddly enough, when I'm with my friends and they're drinking the thought never really crosses my mind, but when I'm alone sometimes it does. I also realized through working with my therapist and being honest that most of my drinking occurred when I was alone or sneaking drinks, so it kind of all makes sense when you think about it.

Glad you were able to resist the temptation...

Zencat

Its always refreshing to read stories like yours, where strong determination coupled with resourcefulness can keep a person safe from relapse. Good going Deds

reggiewayne

Congrats... Also - there is no way to know if they are "normal"... For all you know one of the people bought beer and had a few on the way home then drank whisky until 2am... I know that's what I used to do. I was very capable of drinking a few "after work" drinks and parting ways. Bottom line, we don't have to live that way anymore. As for what's normal, I don't think there are "normal" drinkers. I do know this, you felt better after the meal than they did! Keep it up and congrats...