Sally1009

Just when I thought I was beginning to see daylight, this illness reared its ugly head and landed me on my back again. I'm running out of hope...maybe I'm one of 'those unfortunates'..Or maybe I'm just trying to fool myself that I'm 'special and different'. I don't know..I just have the horrible feeling I'm not going to get better. So tired of it all - getting my hopes up; thinking I'm making progress, doing the right things. But then - bam - it's back to square one, and Step One.

least

Stop feeding the illness. It will die if you refuse to feed it. I was once where you are now and felt hopeless and worthless. But I gave it One More Try and stayed sober just for today, over and over again, until I realized I no longer wanted to drink. I hadn't worked the steps as laid out in AA but I had been working on myself with the help of my fantastic addiction counselor and I had my own spiritual awakening, which I call a complete attitude adjustment. And whatever you call it, I am no longer the same person I used to be.

Please don't give up. Try something different this time. And give it your all cause your life does depend on it. I hope this can be your last relapse. My life is so much better now that I'm sober and yours can be too.

soberdude70

The most important part of a relapse is getting back on the wagon.

bellakeller

Every time I relapsed, it all happened so quickly before I had any warnings. Like not feeling desperate, or particularly craving a drink. Usually it was an opportunity that presented itself and one too good to turn down because I refused to believe that "just one" would have any consequences but it did sometimes in small, but mostly in big ways. Each time I slipped it took another bite out of my soul. My slips were like sniper fire. Without warning and before i could stop the insanity by myself.

My sponsor at the time told me it would be a good idea to pay attention to my "slip style". To be aware of what I told myself that made the slip "OK". To make a change to the situation in which I found myself that allowed for the perfect storm to take place. To try to eliminate the possibility of the same thing happening again. That meant I had to watch my people, places and things and make changes there to the best of my ability.

It's so disheartening to slip but we can learn from it as long as we get back here.

Much love.

Isaiah

Hi, Sally. I'm sorry things are hard right now.

I can think of one thing worse than trying to get out of the hell of drinking and failing, that's the hell of drinking.

Hope is hard, but you can never run out of it. There are no rules in the universe to say how many times it has to take. I guarantee that around here everyone is going to forgive and welcome you back into sobriety as though it were your first time. If there were a limit to how many times you slip then I'm sure I'd have used mine up.

You have nothing to lose by dusting yourself up and trying again today.

Take care of yourself and let us know if there's anything SR can do. We're here and we care a lot.

-Isa

CarolD

After my decision to quit....I often returned to drinking.
Heck....I was in AA for 4 years before I finally quit....

However....each time I drank the time was shorter ...my AA
periods longer.

In '89.....the infomation from "under The Influence" turned the
key for me. Geez! I no longer processed alcohol correctly.
That was something I'd not considered.

I re-connected to my God....went back to AA...
the Steps shifted me from sometimes sober
to solid recovery......

I've not had another drink nor do I expect to.

Sally.....regardless of what has happened to me...good
and bad......I met without clouding events with drink.
This can be true for you as well.....

Sudz No More

Don't despair Sally, many of us have fallen numerous times. It's how we get back up and go back at it that counts the most.

TorontoGuy28

Hi Sally - I've been where you are now, too many times to mention.

Each time I got up, dusted off and started again... From each experience, I learned something and that is priceless...

All the best.

tjp613

Sally, come back to the October Sobriety Group thread and check in with us daily -- it will help! I know you can do this...I know you can. (((Hugs)))

BullDog777

i relapsed for a decade before i got a month of sobriety. it takes what it takes.

however, one thing is for sure. you can't get "struck" drunk. this is a sickness unlike cancer where you can have a relapse no matter how healthy you are. if you don't drink, you can't get drunk. you always have the choice of not getting sick again.

LexieCat

Sorry about the slip, Sally,

But so many people I know with good, solid sobriety had a few slips before they "got it".

Do you have a sponsor yet? Times like this is when it's really good to have someone to turn to, to help get you back on track.

Start with Step 1 again. You are powerless over alcohol, right? We ALL are. You aren't unique or "special" in that respect--you're the same as the rest of us. Alcohol just got up and proved it to you again, that's all.

Look around you at the people who have good, solid, happy sobriety based on their relationship with their Higher Power. If you want what they have, you can get it. Do you believe only a Power greater than yourself can restore you to sanity?

Hugs, you'll get there. Keep working.

debs

Your story ain't as original as you might think! We've all been there. We all thought we were different.

It's pretty cool when you finally realize that you're not any different than the rest of us. And you CAN and WILL beat this thing.. believe me.. if I can do it, ANYbody can.

Just pick up the pieces and start again. Don't waste your energy beating yourself up.. use it to start again instead. :-)

fragrantrose

Dear Sally,
please dont beat yourself up I have just had a slip after 101 days sober, started with 2 drinks at funeral, then bottle each time on 2 occasions. I have learnt yet AGAIN (so many agains) to put sobriety no 1 and be very wary of people,places,things that wil lput my fragile sobriety at risk...I was in the pits from alcohol and it still astounds me how i can just throw it all away!
Back on the horse for us Sally!

SSIL75

You'll get there, Sally. Any idea what's standing in your way? How is your support IRL?

skg

I don't know what your story is, but I tried a thousand times on my own to get sober--and met the Four Horsemen (Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration and Despair), pp 151, Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition regularly on my path into oblivion. "Shivering Denizen of his mad realm" comes to mind...

Without knowing what your recovery consists of, it's hard to offer any suggestions on what to do, but I can tell you that I was unable to do it by myself. THE biggest realization for me was that I was going to be unable to get sober all by myself--and that I was going to have to try something different. I was going to have to ask how others did it--and do the stuff they did that kept them sober.

What do you what you plan to do differently this time?

lilac0721

Sally, ME TOO! I have completely lost track of all my slips/relapses. But I no longer label them as failures. That just makes me feel worse, more hopeless, and more likely to give up trying. Change takes time, patience and perseverance.

Just learn from the slip. And keep picking yourself up and trying again. And maybe try some different things.

Forwards

Hi Sally,

Just to say I was in your part of the country today and thought of you. I hope you managed to get out in the sunshine - I found it gave me some perspective.

Onwards we go on this adventure... there's always hope.

Dee74

Hi Sally

I just wanted to add I had about 15 years worth of regularly repeated day ones...I use to think I was doomed too...but I got there in the end.

Think about what you need to add to your programme - do you have enough numbers to call when you feel weak, do you have a plan for when you have cravings, a plan for going out in social situations..have you considered counselling as well?...

there's probably a hundred more things you can think of...there's always something we can add

Glad you're back on the right road, Sally
D

sobermax

Hey Sally,

I understand just how you feel - just picking myself up from a similar spill.

There is hope for those of us who are struggling, although it didn't seem so to me 24 hours ago.

Don't despair, and neither will I.

AA4life

What is the longest you have ever been sober recently. Do you make it a few months or a few days?

I have learned that healthy sobriety takes time. Give time, time. I have heard that at meetings.

Some people have to go to rehab, then to a sober living house and slowly start their new lives back up. This can take six months for some people and other people it could take 2.5 years. It isn't easy to be patient and let yourself get better.

I myself keep thinking that I need to go back to grad school to move up the ladder. But, that can happen next year.

I could be talking out my a** but maybe something I said will help you.

I don't know why, but I got the impression that you were trying to rush sobriety along, that might not be true. But hopefully I helped.

S