Another slip, another failure..
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Don't feel bad about step 1 Sally. We're all, always, on step 1. At least that's my experience. There isn't a single thing I like about powerlessness or manageability. As true as I know them to be, when I'm not spiritually fit, every fiber of my being fights against those two tennants of the 1st step and... if that battle goes on long enough, I'll convince myself I'm neither - and that's about when the trouble starts.
If I'm into me, my power, my control, my management of my life...I'm powerFUL (so I think). And if I've got power, then a relapse is ok cuz I'll just do day 1 again and give it the old college try. I think I can take my time with recovery. I think it's ok to not pray in the morning because "I don't want to / I don't believe in it," I think I can take my time with the program, I think a lot of things that are just plain the opposite of what's been proven, over and over, to work in AA. See, If I think I have a say in my alcohol consumption and/or my alcoholism, I can do things my way....because I know best. I can not drink and go to meetings and that should work.......because I think it will.....and why wouldn't it because I'm full of power and I know what's best for me.
My experience is actually the opposite of what AA4Life posted above. For many, recovery does take time but it doesn't have to. The steps were, for years worked VERY rapidly........but they were worked under the guidance of someone who had also worked them rapidly. If I was taught it takes a week to bake a cake because you really need to take your time measuring every single thing and letting the ingredients sit in the ice box for a week before you combine them, then that's what I'm going to teach. That doesn't, of course, make it right.
Bill Wilson believed in a lot of psycho-therapy whereas Dr Bob didn't. Bill and his boys in NY preached "take your time with the steps" but over in Akron they blasted ppl through them and got you into amends and working with others as fast as they could get yer butt to do it. As a consequence, NY had HORRIBLE success rates whereas in Akron and Cleveland, success rates were up in the 90% range.
"Lack of power, that was our dilemma." That suggests I KNOW what to do (not drink, be a good husband/wife/son/daughter, be nice to other ppl, don't walk around carrying grudges, don't get upset over trivial stuff, don't sit in my head and spin over problems, etc) but just can't seem to manage to do it. If you're an alcoholic, you can take all the time you want to figure that out but it doesn't take 6 months, 6 weeks, or even 6 hours to look back over your actual real-life experiences to see if that's a problem. Many of us, however, won't completely give ourselves to the program. We hold onto reservations and re-employ our will which tells us we're doing OK and that this really isn't a matter of life and death. We also have problems being honest with ourselves about what reallyyyyy has happened in our lives. .......but there is no requirement to do it the hard way, like I just described - fighting all the steps and the program the whole way. You can, if you want, accept the principles right now, get into action, have a spiritual awakening, and be done with that old way of life ...if you want to and are willing to do the work.
And ya wanna know when you can have all this? That's really easy - you can have it all.......today. TODAY. Not after 90 in 90, not after finding the perfect sponsor, not after finding the right rehab facility..... nope, you can have it today.
That's what the program of AA is..... you can have relief and be well on your way to being a recoverED alcoholic today.
....if you want to.
Sadly, most of us would rather be right, would rather try to prove we're powerFUL, would rather try things "our way" for as long as we can.......before we finally surrender. .....but it doesn't have to be that way.
If I'm into me, my power, my control, my management of my life...I'm powerFUL (so I think). And if I've got power, then a relapse is ok cuz I'll just do day 1 again and give it the old college try. I think I can take my time with recovery. I think it's ok to not pray in the morning because "I don't want to / I don't believe in it," I think I can take my time with the program, I think a lot of things that are just plain the opposite of what's been proven, over and over, to work in AA. See, If I think I have a say in my alcohol consumption and/or my alcoholism, I can do things my way....because I know best. I can not drink and go to meetings and that should work.......because I think it will.....and why wouldn't it because I'm full of power and I know what's best for me.
My experience is actually the opposite of what AA4Life posted above. For many, recovery does take time but it doesn't have to. The steps were, for years worked VERY rapidly........but they were worked under the guidance of someone who had also worked them rapidly. If I was taught it takes a week to bake a cake because you really need to take your time measuring every single thing and letting the ingredients sit in the ice box for a week before you combine them, then that's what I'm going to teach. That doesn't, of course, make it right.
Bill Wilson believed in a lot of psycho-therapy whereas Dr Bob didn't. Bill and his boys in NY preached "take your time with the steps" but over in Akron they blasted ppl through them and got you into amends and working with others as fast as they could get yer butt to do it. As a consequence, NY had HORRIBLE success rates whereas in Akron and Cleveland, success rates were up in the 90% range.
"Lack of power, that was our dilemma." That suggests I KNOW what to do (not drink, be a good husband/wife/son/daughter, be nice to other ppl, don't walk around carrying grudges, don't get upset over trivial stuff, don't sit in my head and spin over problems, etc) but just can't seem to manage to do it. If you're an alcoholic, you can take all the time you want to figure that out but it doesn't take 6 months, 6 weeks, or even 6 hours to look back over your actual real-life experiences to see if that's a problem. Many of us, however, won't completely give ourselves to the program. We hold onto reservations and re-employ our will which tells us we're doing OK and that this really isn't a matter of life and death. We also have problems being honest with ourselves about what reallyyyyy has happened in our lives. .......but there is no requirement to do it the hard way, like I just described - fighting all the steps and the program the whole way. You can, if you want, accept the principles right now, get into action, have a spiritual awakening, and be done with that old way of life ...if you want to and are willing to do the work.
And ya wanna know when you can have all this? That's really easy - you can have it all.......today. TODAY. Not after 90 in 90, not after finding the perfect sponsor, not after finding the right rehab facility..... nope, you can have it today.
That's what the program of AA is..... you can have relief and be well on your way to being a recoverED alcoholic today.
....if you want to.
Sadly, most of us would rather be right, would rather try to prove we're powerFUL, would rather try things "our way" for as long as we can.......before we finally surrender. .....but it doesn't have to be that way.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by DayTrader 
Don't feel bad about step 1 Sally. We're all, always, on step 1. At least that's my experience. There isn't a single thing I like about powerlessness or UNmanageability.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Somewhere out in the ether
Posts: 7
My experience, every recovering alcoholic is always on the first step, but has one thing going for them. They've accepted the first step. The admission will only get you started, I knew I was an alcoholic long before I ever seriously attempted to stop drinking.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 226
I don't know about you, but this thread has helped me a lot this evening. I am just back from a long relapse (starts and stops), and am finally done--but I can only do this one day at a time. (I have just four days now.)
Thank you EVERYONE who posted. You motivated me to email my new sponsor to tell her that I'm ready to work the steps (starting from Step 1), and this time I plan on getting all the way through (I've never gotten past 4, and even that I didn't finish!).
Best to you. You are not alone.
Thank you EVERYONE who posted. You motivated me to email my new sponsor to tell her that I'm ready to work the steps (starting from Step 1), and this time I plan on getting all the way through (I've never gotten past 4, and even that I didn't finish!).
Best to you. You are not alone.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
Many of us returned to drinking in the beginning..
I bounced around plenty... till desperation drove me to look for answers as hard as i look for booze.
You mentioned step 1.......how you doing with it and direction from the BB.?
Like you i was desperate, i found the answers laid in the big book.
If i can be of any help with that.......your welcome to pm me.
shaun.
I bounced around plenty... till desperation drove me to look for answers as hard as i look for booze.
You mentioned step 1.......how you doing with it and direction from the BB.?
Like you i was desperate, i found the answers laid in the big book.
If i can be of any help with that.......your welcome to pm me.
shaun.
Sally1009
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 467
Thank you!
I just want to say thank you to everyone who replied to my post. There were so many good suggestions, thoughtful comments and intelligent questions which have really inspired me. I don't have a sponsor yet, though I have one or two people in mind.
It's been difficult to get to meetings these last three weeks as I have had a massive chest infection. Then my phone was cut off, so I couldn't call people. So there have been some external obstacles, which only goes to show that although I thought I could manage by missing some meetings, not callng people etc, I was wrong. I couldn't.
I was very much in danger of relapsing before I did, and I realise that when I am well, I need to work harder at building my ammunition against relapse. I should have worked harder at forming some solid relationships BEFORE I got ill (and it's something I am prone to as I am severely asthmatic, and very vulnerable to these crippling chest infections), so that when I am ill people can call me, or if I miss a meeting that will alert myself and others that I am at risk.
So the lesson is: I really must take every opportunity to shore up my sobriety when I am well; find some strategies to cope when I am ill (maybe when bed-bound just read the BB, and never take my sobriety for granted.
Anyway, thanks again folks, for your amazing responses and kindness.
It's been difficult to get to meetings these last three weeks as I have had a massive chest infection. Then my phone was cut off, so I couldn't call people. So there have been some external obstacles, which only goes to show that although I thought I could manage by missing some meetings, not callng people etc, I was wrong. I couldn't.
I was very much in danger of relapsing before I did, and I realise that when I am well, I need to work harder at building my ammunition against relapse. I should have worked harder at forming some solid relationships BEFORE I got ill (and it's something I am prone to as I am severely asthmatic, and very vulnerable to these crippling chest infections), so that when I am ill people can call me, or if I miss a meeting that will alert myself and others that I am at risk.
So the lesson is: I really must take every opportunity to shore up my sobriety when I am well; find some strategies to cope when I am ill (maybe when bed-bound just read the BB, and never take my sobriety for granted.
Anyway, thanks again folks, for your amazing responses and kindness.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
[FYI, from the NHS website http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Chest-i...evention.aspx]
Excessive and prolonged alcohol misuse is known to weaken your lung’s natural defences against infections (their immune response), making you more vulnerable to pneumonia.
One study found that 45% of people who were admitted to hospital for pneumonia had an alcohol misuse problem. Alcohol misuse is defined as regularly drinking over the recommended weekly limits (14 units of alcohol for women).
Not only does alcohol misuse increase your risk of developing pneumonia, but it also increases your risk of it being more serious. It is estimated that people who misuse alcohol are three to seven times more likely to die from pneumonia than the general population.
If you drink alcohol, do not exceed the recommended daily limits.
Excessive and prolonged alcohol misuse is known to weaken your lung’s natural defences against infections (their immune response), making you more vulnerable to pneumonia.
One study found that 45% of people who were admitted to hospital for pneumonia had an alcohol misuse problem. Alcohol misuse is defined as regularly drinking over the recommended weekly limits (14 units of alcohol for women).
Not only does alcohol misuse increase your risk of developing pneumonia, but it also increases your risk of it being more serious. It is estimated that people who misuse alcohol are three to seven times more likely to die from pneumonia than the general population.
If you drink alcohol, do not exceed the recommended daily limits.
Sally1009
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 467
Thanks tjp613 - that's really interesting about the pneumonia. I actually had it back in the spring, but had no idea that there was a link between lungs and alcohol. It's very frustrating not being able to get out of bed atm., but I am just too breathless. Will see doc again on Monday.
Re: the October group - thanks for inviting me back, but I think my last slip disqualifies me now
r
Re: the October group - thanks for inviting me back, but I think my last slip disqualifies me now
r
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
I'm with Lexie here - Still October Sally so keep on with the group. We are all here for you and the goal is to help each other. Glad to see the updates and the positive attitude. Excuses are endless and we have them everywhere in our lives. It is on us to keep the change going and keeping with support.
I too was a headbanger...took me quite a long time to get but I did. Keep it going.
I too was a headbanger...took me quite a long time to get but I did. Keep it going.
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