Stress, Anger and Depression as Triggers
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Poconos PA
Posts: 1,544
Stress, Anger and Depression as Triggers
These three are by far the worst mechanisms for me. As I go further into recovery this time out I need to focus on why these triggers push my buttons the most and what I can do to stop them from making me act.
I know why they are causing relapses too, I feel the need to numb these strong unpleasant feelings and I don't know another way. Today, I ate like a horse and drank a ton of seltzer, then two cups of coffee. Knowing I have had the Xanax in the cupboard since my detox back last December I decided to take one.
I hardly took them when I detoxed and thought I would throw the rest away but today I decided to give one a try as they still sat in the house. I'm not sure if it helped at all but nonetheless my obssession to imbibe went away and I going to head for sleep soon.
This is the second time in three days that one of these triggers brought me to the brink.
On a good note, I no longer crave on a daily basis like I used to and stopping becomes easier with each try. Staying stopped, that is the last hurdle for me and unfortunately the biggest. So far, my sneakers have only clipped the top.
I know why they are causing relapses too, I feel the need to numb these strong unpleasant feelings and I don't know another way. Today, I ate like a horse and drank a ton of seltzer, then two cups of coffee. Knowing I have had the Xanax in the cupboard since my detox back last December I decided to take one.
I hardly took them when I detoxed and thought I would throw the rest away but today I decided to give one a try as they still sat in the house. I'm not sure if it helped at all but nonetheless my obssession to imbibe went away and I going to head for sleep soon.
This is the second time in three days that one of these triggers brought me to the brink.
On a good note, I no longer crave on a daily basis like I used to and stopping becomes easier with each try. Staying stopped, that is the last hurdle for me and unfortunately the biggest. So far, my sneakers have only clipped the top.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Treat your depression? Maybe talk to a physician/psych...
Having those xanax around could be the express lane to relapse... maybe not, they have their place, but only use them under the supervision of a physician who knows and understands alcoholism.
Having those xanax around could be the express lane to relapse... maybe not, they have their place, but only use them under the supervision of a physician who knows and understands alcoholism.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
This hit me from your post Sudz
It took me a long time to realise we're not meant to numb these feelings - that was like a lightning bolt to me...
normal folks *experience* these things - they either get through them, or they seek professional help - they don't habitually seek to numb themselves or avoid the feelings.
I think seeking some counselling or something would be a better alternative than drinking or taking the odd xanex you have lying around, Sudz
D
I feel the need to numb these strong unpleasant feelings and I don't know another way.
normal folks *experience* these things - they either get through them, or they seek professional help - they don't habitually seek to numb themselves or avoid the feelings.
I think seeking some counselling or something would be a better alternative than drinking or taking the odd xanex you have lying around, Sudz
D
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Taking a xanax to cope with uncomfortable feelings isn't really any different from taking a drink to do the same thing. Either way, you're escaping them.
For me, and I'd say for probably the vast majority of us, those feelings are the reason we drank to begin with.
In the beginning, we have to learn to ride them out. Later, if we are recovering, we will find other ways of coping with them without the extreme discomfort.
For me, and I'd say for probably the vast majority of us, those feelings are the reason we drank to begin with.
In the beginning, we have to learn to ride them out. Later, if we are recovering, we will find other ways of coping with them without the extreme discomfort.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
I have found the practice of disassociation to be helpful in dealing with strong emotions...you still feel them but at a remove. Pm me if you want the name of a couple books.
I agree...we are supposed to feel strong emotions (i had trouble with joy...go figure)...and we are supposed to experience them and not let them make us drink.
I agree...we are supposed to feel strong emotions (i had trouble with joy...go figure)...and we are supposed to experience them and not let them make us drink.
ANewBeginning
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,822
LaFemme - dissociation is yet just one more coping mechanism that may help in the short-term, but it won't get one through the issues. I know - I dissociated to the max (DID/MPD) from the moment I was 3 until early twenties. I'm 43 now and whole by the grace of God and have dealt with my upbringing on an intellectual viewpoint, but now it's come full circle back to the beginning of the mess and my emotions are spewing out.... enter next step...
I choose not to dissociate, I choose to go straight into the well of emotion and simply feel and learn what I'm supposed to, so I can move on in life - just a teeny bit easier is you have a supportive friend, or God to talk with. But it usually doesn't happen fast. Numb is good for a time, but eventually we have to thaw and when we do - it's all still there. Being numb is just a cover-up. I'm tired of covering the pain - emotions - I want to get it done and get on with life and what I'm supposed to be doing with it.
So - no dissociation - no alcohol - my defenses have officially come down - so now the healing can begin without me being a distraction - like most people do anyway (well, at least those who really want to change).
I saw a sign beside the road tonight -- it said "The road to healing is painful." True.
What helps is journaling, walking, talking to others, praying (if you so desire).
Good night!
I choose not to dissociate, I choose to go straight into the well of emotion and simply feel and learn what I'm supposed to, so I can move on in life - just a teeny bit easier is you have a supportive friend, or God to talk with. But it usually doesn't happen fast. Numb is good for a time, but eventually we have to thaw and when we do - it's all still there. Being numb is just a cover-up. I'm tired of covering the pain - emotions - I want to get it done and get on with life and what I'm supposed to be doing with it.
So - no dissociation - no alcohol - my defenses have officially come down - so now the healing can begin without me being a distraction - like most people do anyway (well, at least those who really want to change).
I saw a sign beside the road tonight -- it said "The road to healing is painful." True.
What helps is journaling, walking, talking to others, praying (if you so desire).
Good night!
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Sudz,
I had some anxiety and severe frustration yesterday, and had to do some progressive relaxation and get to where I could laugh at myself. My wife still drinks and smokes neither to excess and she is normal, not an alcoholic. So I have those in the house all the time. I was laughing at myself because I got the urge for a smoke and drink, as if drinking would solve the problem. Drinking is just running away from it. And, no matter where you run, or how far, you always bring yourself with you.
I am afraid that taking a xanax would be a faster slippery slope than alcohol was for me. I don't do drugs except ethanol, nicotine, and caffeine I used to say. I saw first hand what they did to my friends several of which died before they were 22. Remember we are addictive personalities and self medicators for avoiding dealing with a full life. I would avoid any addictive mind altering substance for life too. Using is using just like drinking is drinking, both the slippery slope we are trying to climb back up. Why start a new problem that can be worse than alcohol? The problems are still there right?
I had some anxiety and severe frustration yesterday, and had to do some progressive relaxation and get to where I could laugh at myself. My wife still drinks and smokes neither to excess and she is normal, not an alcoholic. So I have those in the house all the time. I was laughing at myself because I got the urge for a smoke and drink, as if drinking would solve the problem. Drinking is just running away from it. And, no matter where you run, or how far, you always bring yourself with you.
I am afraid that taking a xanax would be a faster slippery slope than alcohol was for me. I don't do drugs except ethanol, nicotine, and caffeine I used to say. I saw first hand what they did to my friends several of which died before they were 22. Remember we are addictive personalities and self medicators for avoiding dealing with a full life. I would avoid any addictive mind altering substance for life too. Using is using just like drinking is drinking, both the slippery slope we are trying to climb back up. Why start a new problem that can be worse than alcohol? The problems are still there right?
ANewBeginning
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,822
Oh.... my bad LaFemme - sorry.
I just see the word dissociation and it brings negative connotations with it for me. Lots of years in therapy in order to stop doing that and find other means to deal.
Have a wonderful night!
I just see the word dissociation and it brings negative connotations with it for me. Lots of years in therapy in order to stop doing that and find other means to deal.
Have a wonderful night!
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Sudz, I think you'll find.....if you can find the honesty within yourself and the willingness to really look that the ONLY "trigger" that's out there is found in one word: SOBRIETY.
Sobriety is an alcoholic's trigger or a drug addict's trigger. Live on life's terms SOBER is our trigger.
See, when I'm "medicated" it's ok....until I come down or sober up. I'm ok for a bit - once I get past the shame and guilt of failing yet again....but then life just get "ON" me. It envelopes me. It suffocates me. It gets to the point where I can't take sobriety ONE MORE SECOND.....so I got loaded to give me that ease and comfort.....just this once....it'll be ok....I'm just going to do a "little."
I guess there's one more "trigger" that I could say is true: being awake. At least when I'm passed out or asleep, nothing TOO bad happens.
so....it boils down to just solving our inability to be awake and sober. Word is, there's a book written about how to handle those two dilemmas.
Sobriety is an alcoholic's trigger or a drug addict's trigger. Live on life's terms SOBER is our trigger.
See, when I'm "medicated" it's ok....until I come down or sober up. I'm ok for a bit - once I get past the shame and guilt of failing yet again....but then life just get "ON" me. It envelopes me. It suffocates me. It gets to the point where I can't take sobriety ONE MORE SECOND.....so I got loaded to give me that ease and comfort.....just this once....it'll be ok....I'm just going to do a "little."
I guess there's one more "trigger" that I could say is true: being awake. At least when I'm passed out or asleep, nothing TOO bad happens.
so....it boils down to just solving our inability to be awake and sober. Word is, there's a book written about how to handle those two dilemmas.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Ahhh Bella I was going to say it in my previous post but for me at the last breathing was a trigger, work was guaged by how many beers it would take to finish, like that is a six beer project or another is a two beer quickie. I was only half joking back then when I said it.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
Anxiety and depression were my biggest triggers. In the beginning of recovery I just had to get thru them somehow, without getting numb, and tho it was rough at first, it did get easier. Now ten months sober I find that both are more manageable now and my meds for both conditions actually work like they should - now that I'm not drinking a depressant every day.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Poconos PA
Posts: 1,544
Thank You everyone for your thoughtful posts, I am doing better today.
No need to worry about the Xanax as I was never a pill popper. As I mentioned, that bottle was prescribed for me last December and I think I took three during the first week. They have sat there ever since. Yesterday was the first time I decided to try one and I have no plans to take one today. I never even take pain relievers unless I feel extreme pain, I was always afraid to anyway having heard that they are toxic when taken with Alcohol.
Well, at least I am headed for another Alcohol free day to add to the string. Before you know it I'll be well on my way again.
No need to worry about the Xanax as I was never a pill popper. As I mentioned, that bottle was prescribed for me last December and I think I took three during the first week. They have sat there ever since. Yesterday was the first time I decided to try one and I have no plans to take one today. I never even take pain relievers unless I feel extreme pain, I was always afraid to anyway having heard that they are toxic when taken with Alcohol.
Well, at least I am headed for another Alcohol free day to add to the string. Before you know it I'll be well on my way again.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Eastern, PA
Posts: 112
Originally Posted by Dee74 
This hit me from your post Sudz
It took me a long time to realise we're not meant to numb these feelings - that was like a lightning bolt to me...
normal folks *experience* these things - they either get through them, or they seek professional help - they don't habitually seek to numb themselves or avoid the feelings.
Originally Posted by Sudz No More
... I feel the need to numb these strong unpleasant feelings and I don't know another way.
normal folks *experience* these things - they either get through them, or they seek professional help - they don't habitually seek to numb themselves or avoid the feelings.
I would strongly agree. Someone impressed that upon me at a fairly young age.
"If something is going wrong you're supposed to feel bad about it." That's your minds way of focusing on which problems need most attention. We're not meant to always feel good about everything
Hence i credit that line of thinking to my situation. I was in pretty much in complete control from 22 years to 35 or 36. Then i lost it.
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Alabama
Posts: 239
Originally Posted by Sudz No More
I feel the need to numb these strong unpleasant feelings and I don't know another way.
If I had to put in one sentence what I am going through, this statement is perfect. I guess we all have to find that replacement to handle life without self medicating.
Toss
ANewBeginning
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,822
I agree also, Dee, Tacks and Toss - covering the emotions up doesn't help anything - it's just momentary. The issues are still there.... they're being uncovered so that you can feel them, deal with them in order for them to heal.
Like today, work really stressed me out - caused my anxiety to get so bad my head felt like there was molasses inside -- really thick. I wanted to really slam a couple after work, but decided I'm not giving in and went out for a run to calm down.
Granted, the anxiety is sign that there's something there that needs my attention - but running calmed me down enough to where I can now maybe take a teeny-weeny look at what is going on inside. And I do have Ativan, but it's purposefully at a low level and I take it only when things get bad (not everyday).... I don't like pills either.
Have a good night.
Like today, work really stressed me out - caused my anxiety to get so bad my head felt like there was molasses inside -- really thick. I wanted to really slam a couple after work, but decided I'm not giving in and went out for a run to calm down.
Granted, the anxiety is sign that there's something there that needs my attention - but running calmed me down enough to where I can now maybe take a teeny-weeny look at what is going on inside. And I do have Ativan, but it's purposefully at a low level and I take it only when things get bad (not everyday).... I don't like pills either.
Have a good night.
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