nacona

I am wondering what are newcomers (27 days today) supposed to do before they finish the steps and have a spiritual awakening? Do we go to meetings 7 nights a week or 3 nights a week or what? What do we do before we have found a sponsor to guide us through the steps? I am hanging on here (not wanting to drink, but never knowing when that monster will awaken) going to meetings, reading the BB, listening to speaker meetings and reading posts on SR, but I'm not addressing the underlying issues of being an alcoholic and feel fearful of when my brain will convince me that taking one drink won't be so bad....or telling me that I AM an alcohoic but NOT a drug addict, so take that vicodin.....or the other way around. (been there many times.)

I didn't go to a meeting last night (stayed in and watched movies) and now I am afraid that my old patterns are creeping up again. Am I running my life again by choosing NOT to go to a meeting?

skg

"You wanna be right or you wanna be happy?" I had to learn to allow others to be wrong (in my opinion) with grace--and not keep digging at it. New life without alcohol meant living a new life without all the answers because my best answers bought me a seat in AA.

Nacona, when I started going to meetings they told me I should work my program like I worked my drinking, and I thought about my drinking every waking moment (and in my dreams, for a while). After six months of working "MY Program," I took a few suggestions, got a sponsor, and worked the steps--in order. The first three are about coming, coming to, and coming to believe (in a power greater than me) (Trust God); the next six steps are about acknowledging who and what I am, followed by a sincere effort to be all that I can be (Clean House); and the last three are learning to develop a daily program of maintenance, spiritual connection and growth, and service to others (Help Others). For those folks who are sincere about staying sober, it's found that the Twelve Steps are a design for living and become a framework for continued growth.

RobbyRobot

Sobriety is such a personal journey of experiences that no other person can tell you if your running your own life by missing a meeting. I can tell you that if you set meetings as a foundation of your sober journey, then missing them will have a huge impact of course. Miss too many, and you'll be in serious trouble I would think. We really have our own choices to make about meetings. We just have to be honest with ourselves. Some of us need alot of meetings, some of us need a little. Some of us need none.

One of the greatest gifts we get back for ourselves when we quit the booze is the gift of free choice. Its ours to use, guided by rigorous honesty, responsibility for acceptance and change, and humility in our success. Giving back to others with service work is also a sure fire way of helping to ensure we are not returning back to our old ways of living.

For me, meetings were a cornerstone of my sobriety, but my foundation was simply not drinking again no matter what. As things progressed, I did the AA program and I did 3 months residential rehab. I started back in 1981. I was a street drunk. Been sober ever since. I go or don't go to meetings as I choose. Just like what was promised to me: I am free.

Rob

LaFemme

I'm not in AA so I wont comment on that. I will say that the most important aspect of my sobriety is working on my emotional health and well being. I make it a priority. And as long as that is my focus sobriety doesn't seem too difficult.

As for a spiritual awakening...do you have amy idea what might be holding you back in that area? Have you tried meditation?

nacona

According to AA we don't get a spiritual awakening until we have finished the steps.......more confusion. I haven't tried meditating, but I will. I've read a lot of good stuff on SR this morning (firestorm's post and responses have been great)....thank you for your suggestion -

RobbyRobot

Sure you can have a spiritual awakening before you finish the AA steps. Actually, people have spiritual awakenings and they've never done any of the steps in AA. It's a big world, and there's many paths to living spiritual.

Members who are still waiting for their awakening after finishing the 12th step need to revisit their original foundational early days, with an honest awareness that it is possibly required to be more rigorous than originally they had prepared for. With that said, the AA program is a daily program. We are never really "finished" the steps. There is always more room for progression.

Robby

glitter

Exactly what I was thinking. Great post.

skg

We don't get to choose, and if Appendix II is any indication, not everyone gets an experience, but rather, an awakening. Doing the steps is about 'clearing the mechanism,' so that you can develop the relationship with your personal understanding of a Higher Power. Just a note: My experience is that it will constantly change, morph and grow if you're doing it right.

DayTrader

I've had continual "awakenings." The first couple came when I was still drinking - they were those small thoughts or voices I'd hear that told me what I was doing didn't make sense anymore. I had another awakening when I heard that voice say "you should probably try AA out - even though you don't want to." I just had another couple "spiritual awakenings" over the last couple days. You can have spiritual awakenings before you start the work, during the work, and as the result of incorporating the steps into you life. -IF you can incorporate the first 11 steps into your life, I don't think it'd even be possible to NOT have had many spiritual awakenings.

I used to think of "a spiritual awakening" as differently than I do now. I thought of it as a permanent conversion once that happens, everything is cool cuz I'll have been forever altered. I guess it'd be like thinking I'm going to change from being a white guy to a black guy. What I've found out though, is that it's really more like getting a tan than a full pigment change. Some days I get some sun and I get tan.....other days, I stay inside (my head) and don't go sit in the sun (hang-out with God). So my "tan" (spirituality) is always evolving....it's growing and changing and sometimes it's even dissipating. So I've got to play a role in my spirituality....I've got to have the courage to change the things I can / to do the work I know to do / to be open to change the things I need to change / to be humble and accepting / and so forth.

You've had a spiritual awakening Nacona.... you have or you wouldn't be where you are now- seeking sobriety, seeking knowledge, trying to better yourself and your life, and maybe even seeking some sort of Higher Power that you don't understand any better than I do ( ). That stuff's the result of a spiritual awakening. The key now is to stay awake......and to get more conscious and aware (to get more awake).

nacona

Wow - well said. Thank you.

LawMama

I'm sorry this happened to you. Right or wrong, if this had happened to me when I was in my first month of sobriety, I would've walked out. I probably would have gotten drunk, and you should be proud you didn't! Call it ego, self-centeredness, call it whatever, but newly sober people are fragile. I have been taught that our job in AA is to reach out to the newcomer. I have been taught that the way to stay sober is to help the newcomer! Obviously by behaving this way, this woman is not helping the newcomer.

There are LOTS of different kinds of groups and meetings. Some are hardcore by the rules types like this (although the BB says NOTHING about requiring people to stay on topic in a meeting, just saying). Some are really lax and involve a lot of cross-talking and people talking about how they feel. PLEASE don't give up on AA. My sponsor is always reminding me that in AA we are ALL sick, even those with long-term sobriety. The woman who was rude to you does not represent AA or the BB ... she represents one alcoholic.

Sorry to be contrary, but I think it is counter-productive to take a hard line with someone in their first 30 days of sobriety. Yes, we are learning that when we feel negative feelings, it is our issue. That doesn't mean we expect a newcomer to learn that and understand it from day one.

If there is a meeting with that many newcomers .... the person chairing should probably find a topic that is better suited to newcomers.

Dominica

I know how you feel about not wanting to do anything. I feel the best that I can do is about a week and then it's like relapse is inevitable out of boredome. I am trying and congrats o the 24 days.

Dominica

Toronto68

DayTrader, that kind of speaks to what I was telling/asking myself in a post earlier today, when I was grappling with recurring memories - it doesn't feel right to call it nostalgia. I was seeing the memories that keep following me around like a shadow as somehow connected to a fear, and like I want to just drop and snuggle next to the past. Some sort of shutdown that is calling my name. But I guess what goes along with that is a laziness, because I know I need to keep doing the work, to stay up and moving spiritually.

CarolD

Dominica.....
Welcome to SR and to our Alcoholism Forum

Glad you are here....many of us are winning over alcohol
Yes...you can too

Please keep posting with us....why not begin a thread of
your own so more members will see it and reply?

Kadybug

Okay, here's how I see it: Ms. Secretary takes herself too seriously, and evidently thinks "scolding" is in her job description. Newcomer needs to talk about how she's noticing herself changing (used to be able to do all these things when she drank, now she feels like she can't do anything) - this sounds like a PERFECT addition to the "surrender" topic announced earlier in said meeting! Where was the leader in all this?

"Surrender" doesn't mean "I give up, and I don't feel/think/want anything anymore" - "surrender" means "how I was doing it wasn't working, and I want to change". So, leader or someone should have mentioned that yes, you did do all those things while you were drinking. And you can do them now, too - you will just have to figure out a different way/time/place in doing them. Also - being new in recovery feels very much like being in pea soup or a very heavy fog - brain cells are banging into each other, some recover quite nicely, some take longer ... and it is quite normal to feel unmotivated to do anything, or feel like you just can't get started! How come nobody mentioned that?
Nacona, I say this: you're right that you learned something - "not to be like her!" Good for you. Sober or not, we're all human beings, and we all make mistakes. Be grateful she's not a member of your family or something. It might be interesting to consider that she "feels God 24/7" because He's kickin' her butt!
Anyway- hang in there. It gets better, honest!

nacona

LawMama and Kadybug - your posts made me laugh and feel like it's okay to be where I am right now. Thank you both for posting.

Welcome Dominica - I'm on day 28 today and could barely make it through the day. I have no energy and seem to be a slave to my emotions. I like what CarolD said about starting a thread of your own so the others can get to know you.

My supervisor is letting me get off work at 4:30 on Wednesday, so I can attend the business meeting (my employer is so good to me)....I know she will be there, but I am going to speak up. The other newcomers didn't come to last night's meeting either. I was the only one out of the 7 who was there. I'm not saying she chased them off, but it wouldn't surprise me.

DayTrader

well, it could be laziness (God knows that's a trait I seem to just loooooove - lol) but sometimes I think we like to shutdown, to let things pass us by, to live in the past and feel out of control.....

there's something nostalgic - almost therapeutic (for us alkies) to feel crappy. I catch myself doing that all the time man....I don't "like" that I do that but I don't hate myself for doing it anymore. Sometimes I just like hanging out in a haunted house and getting scared...... like it brings back memories of the "good old days." (like there were all that good - lol).

So far for me anyway, when I notice I'm doing that stuff, maybe more frequently than normal, there's something in my subconscious that wants to get out -- so I know it's time to start writing (or doing more writing). I've been getting a lot of clues in MY life to get back into my journaling and inventorying (I'm pretty constant in working the 4th step...except for the past month or two). I've been getting "that feeling" that it's time to get back into it and then .....bam..... you and 2 other ppl point out things in your life that I'm doing too and I tell you to write.......so i KNOW it's time for me to write again too.

Don't sit in your head......in your thoughts..... MAKE yourself "treat" them. Get a pen out and start writing. Doesn't have to be 4-column inventory....but get it on paper. God wants you to take a look at something.......so listen to Him. ....otherwise his "nudges" get less subtle and more painful.

littlefish

Hi nacona, how are you today?
One thing about that spiritual awakening: if you have a big book, look at the appendix II and it is titled: "The Spiritual Experience".
That appendix in the BB is one of the things that kept me in AA after I had spent months thinking I was going to quit.
Reading that helped me enormously, and I learned about it by listening to XA speakers on Big Book studies.
It refers to the fact that we may not all have a dramatic spiritual awakening, but may have a slower and more gradual spiritual education. That really worked for me and helped me in my sober journey.

And I sure know how you feel about newcomers not coming back. The good thing about that: you are caring about others, huh? that is excellent!

nacona

Hi littlefish - I am doing well today. I have 30 days tomorrow.....so exciting..haha.
When I get home tonight, I will read what you told me to in the BB.
Thank you for the nice post.
I hope you are doing well.

HidLid

It sounds like you are entirely focusing too much on yourself, not to say you are being selfish, more that you need a distraction. I've heard and seen it many times that if you find someone and listen to their problems you will help yourself by thinking about others. If you have one of the other newcomers numbers give them a call and see how they are doing.