BigTex3

Need some help.

34, great family, 3 kids, great job. I have everything to be thankful for. Instead, this is at least the 10th time I'm posting a "DAY ONE" thread on here. And i just can't take it anymore.

I'm almost to a point of just saying I GIVE UP. But I don't want to!!!

So here I sit at 7am with total confidence I'll stop today, and yet in the back of my mind, I know that I'll have a little excuse by noon formulated in my head, and by 4pm, I will have given into it. AND I"M SO DAMN TIRED OF IT!!!

I want to quit. With every fiber of my bones, I WANT TO STOP. I want to be strong enough to pick my path and just make it happen. I'm not big on AA, but I just don't know what else to do.

I read on here about "What did you learn the last time you failed and what are you going to do different?" and I don't know the answer to that. I try, and I fail. I have a counselor, I have a supportive wife, and I have desire. I pray, I talk to myself, and I fail.

Some encouragement needed on my 2,583rd "DAY ONE".

DayWalker

A desire to quit is the main thing which it sounds like you have. So next thing to do is to put together a "plan" because if you do nothing new then you will just fall back to what you know. It doesn't have to be AA if that's not your thing, but there are many alternatives that worked for many people here.

Here's a list of some of them for you http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

Steve

Dee74

I really wanted to quit too Big Tex - but I never did until I acted on that want and did everything that was required for me to quit and stay that way

I can't tell you what that will be for you but obviously what you've been doing so far needs something different or something extra in the mix, Tex.

I hope you'll look at that link Steve provided - and don't discount anything...look at it all. If you really want to quit and make this your last day one it makes sense to me that nothing should be out of the equation, man.

good luck
D

BigTex3

thanks guys. one tough spot for me is that i live in a rural area with little access to support groups. I meet weekly with my pastor, whom I have been brutally honest, but outside of that, it's SR and prayer.

will just have to figure it out. one way or another...it simply MUST happen.

bellakeller

Maybe you're not big on AA but AA could be big on you. Sometimes we have to stretch beyond our comfort zone to make the difference happen. Our distorted realm of a comfort zone is what landed us all here. Maybe it's time to find another.

Much love
Another Drunk

RobbyRobot

Since you've tried so many day ones, you've likey learned to get real good at blaming yourself, blaming others, and blaming circumstances as to why you fail to stay sober and get the good life.

IMO, you're failing because you have not decided what gets you back to drinking. You'll need to become honest with yourself about what gets you back to drinking WITHOUT blaming whoever and whatever. For myself, admitting that i am an alcoholic pure and simple is what made the difference for me staying sober. Learning what alcoholism is made me staying sober all the easier even though it was still the toughest thing i have ever accomplished. I was totally surprised to learn that my alcoholism was what was getting me drunk time and again. I had always thought it was all about me and myself and my sorry state of affairs. I was wrong. It was my alcoholism. Period. I am an alcoholic. A sober one now.

Hope things get better for you, BigTex.

Rob

doggonecarl

Tex, there are wiser heads than mine posting to this forum but I wanted to add my two cents. Like you, my committment to quit would fall to the wayside time and time again. I wanted to quit...I just wasn't committed to quitting FOREVER! Until I realized that I could NEVER drink again, I couldn't really grasp what quitting entailed. Second thing that helped me, I came to understand what the mental obession to drink was, what you call that "voice in your head" making the excuses to drink. The following is a quote from a Squidoo web article on How to Quit Drinking:

"The conscious part of our brain knows that drinking has many negative consequences, but the animal brain does not understand this. It thinks this way: "Alcohol = good feelings = survival." In other words, it is convinced that you need alcohol to survive. This is why it can be so hard to to quit drinking once you are addicted. The animal part of you brain thinks it will die without alcohol. Because of this, you could call it the "booze brain."

The booze brain doesn't care about what alcohol will do to your life. It doesn't care if you lose your job, your home, your family, your health, or your mind. It doesn't have the ability to even consider any of that. Its whole function is to convince you to do things for your immediate survival, and because alcohol makes you feel good when you drink it, it thinks you need alcohol to stay alive. Because it is a primitive part of the brain, that's all it knows or cares about.

If you don't understand how the booze brain works, it can easily trick the human brain (you) into drinking. That's why so many people who have a drinking problem often wonder why they keep doing it even though they know better."
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Hope that helps a little. Good luck.

CarolD

I'm guessing that you make a weekly run into the nearest
town for suppplies. If so.....look for an AA meeting there
and meet sober people willing to assist you.....

You could take along your wife to an open meeting for support.
Or your Pastor or both.

I was not keen on AA either at first.....but it's an awesome way
to learn how to enjoy a healthy future.....

No .... AA is not the only way....but it certainly
can be for you. Millions of us are sober alcoholics.

All my best to you and your family

EricL

I feel for ya, I remember clearly what it was like living with that obsession. Swearing to myself and everyone around me that I was done drinking, and I meant it.... I really was done, I didn't want to drink ever again. However, at the same time I was terrified because I knew that it didn't matter what I wanted, or how I felt. I was in the grips of an obsession that had me beat. I knew that even though I had lost the desire to drink, it didn't matter, I would wake up the next morning and begin drinking without even thinking about it. It was as if the decision was already made. Before I could stop myself the bottle would be at my lips and once again I would be off to the races.

I wasn't big on AA either, I fought it, tried everything else I could find until I was desperate enough to really try AA myself. To really admit I had no idea how to stay sober and I was desperate enough to not keep dying of untreated alcoholism that I was finally willing to follow the lead of the recovered alcoholics I found in AA. There they let me into their lives, their homes, their inner sanctum so to speak, and showed me exactly how they lived the program of daily action found in AA. They showed me precisely how they recovered and found a power greater than themselves that removed the obsession from them. I did what they did and got the same relief from the insanity that they had.

Obviously people will have differing experiences, but this is mine and its also the experience I've seen played out countless times. This **** really works if I'm willing to be open minded to doing some things that make me initially uncomfortable.

I wish you the best on your journey, thanks for sharing your experience.

Zencat

I know how its like that. Sometimes I would plan my relapse or other times I would find myself drinking for no reason at all. What I need was to take the power away from the drink and empower myself with a set of recovery skills.

I use SMART Recovery (among other things) as a program to treat alcohol addiction. I also go to AA meetings because there are a lot of friendly people there and they and I have plenty of things in common. One skill I have acquired is, I do not have to give in to any urges to drink. Sure the urges to drink can be compelling and difficult to stop. Yet it is possible to learn how to take their power away and regain control of ones life direction. One skill to learn is: The Crash Course On AVRT. Its about learning to recognize and stop the Addictive Voice or as its called 'The Beast' in AVRT.

SSIL75

zencat - thank you so much for the RR link. It really speaks to me. The disease model of addiction has never felt right to me so I am very much enjoying this alternative. Thanks!

BullDog777

it took me more than a decade to get a month of sobriety. i too had thousands of day ones and for me it was almost losing my life that finally opened my eyes.

i kept saying "tomorrow" or "next week", or whatever. it came down to me having to make a choice between living and dying.

i have a 4 year old daughter that i love more than my own life. the sun rises and sets with her. she's my heart and all the joy in my life.

the last weeks i was drinking, I knew i was dying...

So I started filming videos of myself to give her when she was older trying to explain to her why i was dead and that i was sorry that i couldn't be there for her birthdays or Christmas or her prom or her wedding day or her sweet 16...that i just couldn't stop drinking.


the bottom line was that i was a selfish ba$tard that couldn't man up and face my life without booze....that i was going to subject this wonderful little girl to her growing up without her daddy. it would be my fault that she had her father die. F that.

i endured a month of detoxing, and it did almost kill me. but no more would i live on my knees and be a slave to this obsession. if i was gonna die, i was gonna do it fighting to live with my family.

soon, i'll have a year. you can do it too.

Mcribb

I was willing to worship a bag of bannanas if it ment quitting that is why AA works. I don't worship a bag of bannanas anymore, but a God, but the bannanas got me through th day.