this is my life
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: peterborough Cambs U.K
Posts: 172
this is my life
right i'm 46 years old, the pic on the left is me, i havent changed much in the three years this was taken, if i tell people i'm an alcoholic they dont believe me, they say things like 'oh but you look so young' well i do but that is the only gift mother nature has bestowed upon me, my chronic alcoholism outweighs everthing else
my liver hurts, my feet hurts, my face hurts- i dont know why, neuropathy perhaps? theres a ringing in my ears, i havent had a drink for nearly 3 weeks, but i crave so desperatly, my husband moans at me if i want to go to AA, tbh i dont really see the point in going, he will undermine everything i do, he's not a drinker, is attitude is 'if you want to stop just stop' yes, like that ever worked,
i think about booze all the time, it 3 weeks on thursday since i had a drink, just letting off steam i guess, i know i've been around here for sometime and i dont seem to have made much progress,
i really hope i havent played the 'self pity' card here i really didnt mean to. i dislike self pity posts myself but i never ever say anything to make the OP feel worse, i dont know what to do next
my liver hurts, my feet hurts, my face hurts- i dont know why, neuropathy perhaps? theres a ringing in my ears, i havent had a drink for nearly 3 weeks, but i crave so desperatly, my husband moans at me if i want to go to AA, tbh i dont really see the point in going, he will undermine everything i do, he's not a drinker, is attitude is 'if you want to stop just stop' yes, like that ever worked,
i think about booze all the time, it 3 weeks on thursday since i had a drink, just letting off steam i guess, i know i've been around here for sometime and i dont seem to have made much progress,
i really hope i havent played the 'self pity' card here i really didnt mean to. i dislike self pity posts myself but i never ever say anything to make the OP feel worse, i dont know what to do next
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: peterborough Cambs U.K
Posts: 172
just to add, if anybody wishes to PM, with their thoughts, experience etc, please do!! i dont mind at all, infact i welcome it with open arms,
i've pm'd a few people on here with things, but i hate if i'm intruding - you know, typical british reserve lol
i've pm'd a few people on here with things, but i hate if i'm intruding - you know, typical british reserve lol
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi Juli
If you want to change your life, go for it.
Ok so your husbands not fully on board - it's not a dealbreaker - many members here get sober without too much spousal support.
Your husband may not understand - there's really no reason why he should - but you do.
You know how this thing is destroying you.
Reach out for anything you have available to help - whether that be AA, counselling, rehab, posting here, seeing a Dr - whatever it takes.
If you want to be sober - get sober - make some changes - and work it.
Don't let anything stand in your way
D
If you want to change your life, go for it.
Ok so your husbands not fully on board - it's not a dealbreaker - many members here get sober without too much spousal support.
Your husband may not understand - there's really no reason why he should - but you do.
You know how this thing is destroying you.
Reach out for anything you have available to help - whether that be AA, counselling, rehab, posting here, seeing a Dr - whatever it takes.
If you want to be sober - get sober - make some changes - and work it.
Don't let anything stand in your way
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 587
Juli, only you can decide if you need help. Other people that are not alcoholic may not see that you need help. If you want to change your life, you need to get active. As for your husband I am sure once he sees you are determined he will start getting active and help you. It is up to you to start this amazing journey called recovery, and believe me anything is possible during this journey, however the beautiful thing, it is yours only.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Poconos PA
Posts: 1,544
Juli, I hear you about being told to just stop if you want to. My wife finally understands it is not that easy for me. After the last relapse she read about Alcoholism and I guess it was about time. She didn't care to understand much in the beginning, she thought it was like I decided I didn't want to eat too much sugar anymore so I stopped eating candy. So, when I got two or three months in, sure she was happy for me but she didn't understand how hard it was for me. When I relapsed to the point that she became worried she finally learned about it and now she is very proud of me every day that I continue to abstain.
I was sick yesterday for about one hour thinking about drinking but it finally passed, I suspect I will have another episode before long but I guess I may have to try and get used to thinking around it.
That's the best we can do is try to stay positive and make it through to another sober day. If the other posters here are any indication, we can expect to slowly get better if we continue to abstain.
I'm with you.
I was sick yesterday for about one hour thinking about drinking but it finally passed, I suspect I will have another episode before long but I guess I may have to try and get used to thinking around it.
That's the best we can do is try to stay positive and make it through to another sober day. If the other posters here are any indication, we can expect to slowly get better if we continue to abstain.
I'm with you.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Juli,
I suggest you find an AA meeting. The program of recovery is designed to give you the peace you are longing for--without ever having to take another drink. It isn't just a way to quit drinking, it's a way many people have found that gives them a WHOLE life--peace of mind, peace in the heart, joy in living again.
What have you got to lose but your misery?
Your husband's support would be nice to have, but unless he is actively sabotaging your recovery (e.g., encouraging you to drink), it isn't crucial. As the others have said, he may well come around once he sees you are serious. Let's face it--we alcoholics generally have a history of saying, "Never again," and then going out the next day for more. Actions speak louder than words.
I suggest you find an AA meeting. The program of recovery is designed to give you the peace you are longing for--without ever having to take another drink. It isn't just a way to quit drinking, it's a way many people have found that gives them a WHOLE life--peace of mind, peace in the heart, joy in living again.
What have you got to lose but your misery?
Your husband's support would be nice to have, but unless he is actively sabotaging your recovery (e.g., encouraging you to drink), it isn't crucial. As the others have said, he may well come around once he sees you are serious. Let's face it--we alcoholics generally have a history of saying, "Never again," and then going out the next day for more. Actions speak louder than words.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
First off in my experience normal temperate drinkers dont understand alcoholism.
Most see it as a moral fibre issue......"just stop why dont yer"....or a "he is nuts" issue.
and why should they anyhow.....support from loved ones is great but in my experience a drunk will drink period.
Next, again in my own experience.........AA meetings wont keep a drunk sober.
bam......there it is.....
It might be great for a while......swap war stories.......get some fear going but bottom line is the alcoholics ive seen try to stay sober by meeting alone get drunk or go nuts......or both.
Heres my history.....i got sober and done thousands of AA meeting alone.
and got drunk everytime.....maybe a week....maybe a month but got drunk everytime.
My mind was sick........i cant get better by sitting in a room drinking crap coffee.
by "better" i mean treating the mind......and its your mind that driving you nuts for a drink......your body dont need it...so it must be your mind.
I suggest seeking out a good AA meeting in peterborough.......big place..there must be some decent AA meetings.
Go and grab a sponsor that has experience of the 12 steps and has recovered from alcoholism.....
Go to AA with the sole intent of doing that........in my experience its the 12 steps that will relieve the agony of wanting to drink.
I walked into AA and did the above.........and never drank again....since 2000.
and i aint special........look around 12 step support....load of guys/girls recover by implementing the 12 steps.
Pm me if i can be of any help to you.......im in the sw......
names shaun......a drunk that dont drink.
Most see it as a moral fibre issue......"just stop why dont yer"....or a "he is nuts" issue.
and why should they anyhow.....support from loved ones is great but in my experience a drunk will drink period.
Next, again in my own experience.........AA meetings wont keep a drunk sober.
bam......there it is.....
It might be great for a while......swap war stories.......get some fear going but bottom line is the alcoholics ive seen try to stay sober by meeting alone get drunk or go nuts......or both.
Heres my history.....i got sober and done thousands of AA meeting alone.
and got drunk everytime.....maybe a week....maybe a month but got drunk everytime.
My mind was sick........i cant get better by sitting in a room drinking crap coffee.
by "better" i mean treating the mind......and its your mind that driving you nuts for a drink......your body dont need it...so it must be your mind.
I suggest seeking out a good AA meeting in peterborough.......big place..there must be some decent AA meetings.
Go and grab a sponsor that has experience of the 12 steps and has recovered from alcoholism.....
Go to AA with the sole intent of doing that........in my experience its the 12 steps that will relieve the agony of wanting to drink.
I walked into AA and did the above.........and never drank again....since 2000.
and i aint special........look around 12 step support....load of guys/girls recover by implementing the 12 steps.
Pm me if i can be of any help to you.......im in the sw......
names shaun......a drunk that dont drink.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
Hi Juli. Recovering from alcholism is never easy and doing it on your own with no familial support is even tougher but you can recover. You have to make your recovery the most important part of your life. I recovered on my own but I didn't just sit around waiting to feel better I read everything on recovery I could get my hands. I googled the "12 steps" and modified them to suit me and practiced them, I worked on my recovery and continue to do so 3 yrs later. SR is a great place to gain a lot of information and communicate with people who are going through or have gone through the same things you are, is also a great place to vent.
You do not have to go through this alone.
You can PM me anytime I'm a pretty good listener.
You do not have to go through this alone.
You can PM me anytime I'm a pretty good listener.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: peterborough Cambs U.K
Posts: 172
last time i went to a meeting a lovely lady , who also happened to be in my neighbourhood at the time, gave me a lift to meetings, i was a complete newcomer and she said i just needed to attend and i would recover, great , i thought,
i would attend meeting after meeting, and if i'm honest grew more than a little pi$$ed off!
nothing was happening, i would go out and get drunk after very meeting, all they did was sit around swearing and moaning,
i kept on at Margaret who (she says) has been sober 7 years,
and said 'arent i supposed to be doing steps?' she said 'no. dont worry about that! i'm only on step 4' this was after 7 years!!
i'm sorry but that little experience put me off.
how on earth could she be sober for 7 years , just sitting in meeting after meeting, discussing the weather, gardening etc, and not doing the steps, not doing them but almost encouraging me not to either,
does anyone have any thoughts on this
i would attend meeting after meeting, and if i'm honest grew more than a little pi$$ed off!
nothing was happening, i would go out and get drunk after very meeting, all they did was sit around swearing and moaning,
i kept on at Margaret who (she says) has been sober 7 years,
and said 'arent i supposed to be doing steps?' she said 'no. dont worry about that! i'm only on step 4' this was after 7 years!!
i'm sorry but that little experience put me off.
how on earth could she be sober for 7 years , just sitting in meeting after meeting, discussing the weather, gardening etc, and not doing the steps, not doing them but almost encouraging me not to either,
does anyone have any thoughts on this
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
Again my experience.......alcoholics dont recover on meetings alone.
Some problem drinkers do.......and problem drinkers are different from me.
problem drinkers stop drinking and guess what.......the problems gone.
Alcoholics need to engage in a program of recovery.......with me it was the 12 steps.
Im a gutter drunk........i stopped drinking and my mind got worse...plagued by an obsession.
What you got to lose?.......if you are an alcoholic of my type..there is nothing to lose......Again this is my experience of 10 years happy contented sobriety.
maybe look for a closed big book meetings??......in your area and ask for a sponsor.....female would be good...
Some problem drinkers do.......and problem drinkers are different from me.
problem drinkers stop drinking and guess what.......the problems gone.
Alcoholics need to engage in a program of recovery.......with me it was the 12 steps.
Im a gutter drunk........i stopped drinking and my mind got worse...plagued by an obsession.
What you got to lose?.......if you are an alcoholic of my type..there is nothing to lose......Again this is my experience of 10 years happy contented sobriety.
maybe look for a closed big book meetings??......in your area and ask for a sponsor.....female would be good...
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I agree with Shaun.
Your first experience in AA showed you very clearly that just going to meetings isn't enough. That isn't what recovery in AA is.
Find a good meeting, find a sponsor who has worked the Steps with a sponsor herself, and have her take you through them.
Your first experience in AA showed you very clearly that just going to meetings isn't enough. That isn't what recovery in AA is.
Find a good meeting, find a sponsor who has worked the Steps with a sponsor herself, and have her take you through them.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
I'm like jamdls..i don't have a formal program but working hard on my life to make my sobriety awesome...so far its working for me. Sorry your first experience with AA was a wash...from what I've learned from the fine folks here...going to meetings is nit the point...doing the work is:-)
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by shaun00 
Again my experience.......alcoholics don't recover on meetings alone.
Some problem drinkers do.......and problem drinkers are different from me.
problem drinkers stop drinking and guess what.......the problem's gone.
Alcoholics need to engage in a program of recovery.......with me it was the 12 steps.
Some problem drinkers do.......and problem drinkers are different from me.
problem drinkers stop drinking and guess what.......the problem's gone.
Alcoholics need to engage in a program of recovery.......with me it was the 12 steps.
I wouldn't say I was "gutter drunk" but I tried the "meeting makers make it" route and it "worked" (kinda) for about 3 months. Started and did my first inventory and that helped for another 3-6 months.....then "life" started to close in on me. I was MISERABLE....and I couldn't figure out why (at first) - I wasn't drinking....I was going to meetings.....life should be feeling better, right?
Nope, not for me. I needed something more. I needed this "recovered alcoholic - enjoying life - happy to be alive - happy, joyous and free" stuff I was hearing. The ONLY way I get that is by living the 12-step program, working the steps (CONTINUALLY), helping others and by trying to live acording to my Higher Power's will for me rather than MY will for me. --heh, that last one's a kicker too: don't do what you want to do....and you'll be happy. lol - it even "sounds" funny to type it.....but it's sooooooo true.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
Juli:
sounds like margaret was full of it. There are lots of people in AA who aren't alcoholics and like the social activity, they are joiners who want something to do. There I said it. But, it's true. If I were driving you around in my car, I would be asking if you got your sponsor yet and if you had started the steps, and if not, why the H not!
My husband is unsupportive and a sabotager. It's been really hard and sometimes I want to kill the guy.
But, it's my journey. I take measures to deal with it: a Friday meeting without fail, because thats when he starts his weekend drinking. I don't get home till 10PM and then he is usually sleeping on the sofa. He is not an alcoholic, but he does not have a clue what is going on with me. But, he doesn't have a clue what is going on with anyone so, I realize it's not just me.
sounds like margaret was full of it. There are lots of people in AA who aren't alcoholics and like the social activity, they are joiners who want something to do. There I said it. But, it's true. If I were driving you around in my car, I would be asking if you got your sponsor yet and if you had started the steps, and if not, why the H not!
My husband is unsupportive and a sabotager. It's been really hard and sometimes I want to kill the guy.
But, it's my journey. I take measures to deal with it: a Friday meeting without fail, because thats when he starts his weekend drinking. I don't get home till 10PM and then he is usually sleeping on the sofa. He is not an alcoholic, but he does not have a clue what is going on with me. But, he doesn't have a clue what is going on with anyone so, I realize it's not just me.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 268
I was taught if I worked all three sides of the triangle - unity, recovery and service that I would stay sober. Unity= taking my body to meetings (body) Recovery= working the 12 steps (mind) Service= working with others (spirit).
When I did all 3, I was able to stay sober for 14 months. I met "him" at 6 months sober and my focus left the triangle and went to him. 8 months later I was drinking again. I stopped working the triangle and fell down HARD.
I have been trying to get back to Unity/Recovery/Service for 15 months and am having a difficult time of it. I have 22 days sober today.
I tried the "only meetings" approach and drank. I tried JUST reading the BB and drank. I tried hanging out with newcomers (giving rides to meeting…) and drank. I find that if I do all 3 I am pretty safe. I am doing that now and actually not only feel good - body at ease - my mind is rather peaceful as well.
I have been listening to the Joe and Charlie BB study and they say that getting into the steps is very very important, if we want to be sane as well as sober.
Teri
When I did all 3, I was able to stay sober for 14 months. I met "him" at 6 months sober and my focus left the triangle and went to him. 8 months later I was drinking again. I stopped working the triangle and fell down HARD.
I have been trying to get back to Unity/Recovery/Service for 15 months and am having a difficult time of it. I have 22 days sober today.
I tried the "only meetings" approach and drank. I tried JUST reading the BB and drank. I tried hanging out with newcomers (giving rides to meeting…) and drank. I find that if I do all 3 I am pretty safe. I am doing that now and actually not only feel good - body at ease - my mind is rather peaceful as well.
I have been listening to the Joe and Charlie BB study and they say that getting into the steps is very very important, if we want to be sane as well as sober.
Teri
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