Juneof44

OK, so this is kinda touchy, but I'm coming up on 2 weeks, and I have no desire for intimacy. None. I am completely attracted to and in love with my wife, but I have no urge whatsoever to get physical.

Has my drinking ruined it for me? Is this a permanent thing? Heck, I don't even think about sex anymore. It's like it doesn't exist. I try to explain to her that it's not her fault, yet she still internalizes it and blames herself. I hope this is just something time will heal.

Has anybody else experienced this? Any other males experienced this?

NewUser

Hmm, not as touchy a subject as one would think, I think there are a great many people in your situation.. I know sex was definitely not on my mind the first weeks in. To be honest, there are probably too many things going on in your head to even worry about something as trivial as that, not to mention there is plenty of time for it later when you have fully recovered... you are already married, you already know you are attracted to each other, so just let some time go by while you sort yourself out, you will feel 'sexual' again before you know it. That's my take.

BellaTeal

Yeah, that happened to me during my recent 10 day stretch of sobriety. I guess the first few days I didn't want to was because I felt like crap but the rest of those days...I don't know why. And during those 10 days my boyfriend and I were hanging out A LOT more than usual. Even if this is a "touchy subject", it's good to know this isn't something that only happens to me!

I would assume it goes away with time, although I don't know how much time. Have you told your wife what you've told us? Maybe it will help her understand better?

sazza

Hi I am 6 weeks sober and so far haven't felt like sex at all. In fact it has been years since I had any kind of sober sex with my husband ........Yikes, a bit terrified at the thought of it all

Assume things will sort themselves out with time, well I hope so!

mercurial me

just give it some time. a healthy sex life is important and it will improve with a longer stretch of sobriety. sober sex and sex under the influence will always be different, but the intimacy level of sober sex is way better than a blur of passion. this is just my experience.

SSIL75

I have no sex drive, either. Part of it is just recovery I think (no room in my head) but for me anyway I need to deal with sex without alcohol (real intimacy, in other words). And I'm scared I need to talk to my husband.

flutter

Your body and your mind need to heal from the trauma of drinking the way you were. I think we all go through a roller coaster of emotions, thoughts, physical changes in the first weeks, and months into sobriety. My counselor once related it to having gone through a devastating event, physically and mentally. There's not a switch in us that once the liquor is cut off, everything is fixed.. it's just the beginning. Maybe make some effort to show your wife how special she is, that isn't quite as physically and emotionally intense as sex. Reconnect, spend some of this now clear-headed time getting to know each other again.. I know it sounds sappy, but you're needing to focus on your recovery for now.. if you keep some balance it can all fall back into place again I bet.

LexieCat

I think what you're experiencing is pretty common AND pretty temporary. I think as with a lot of things about sex, the more you worry about it, the worry itself can contribute to problems.

I'd suggest some really good communication with your wife to reassure her that this has to do with your recovery, and not with her.

jazzz

Hey June

Don't worry. I didn't feel like sex either in the beginning. Came back after some months in recovery and it came back "better" than ever. I mean, the quality of the sex had increased

This takes some time, brother..hang in there, give it time. If there's one thing I've learned for certain with recovery it's to have patience. The payoff is immense!

I'm sorry your partner feels that way. I suggest you maybe explain her about alcoholism, maybe give her something to read, perhaps she could come on here and read some of the posts?? Hope you work it out

Love,

Jazzz

DayTrader

Don't sweat it June... same thing happened to/with me. It would turn on and turn off... and it was the turning off that freaked me out. I never had an hour in my life leading up to sobriety that I didn't "want some." All of a sudden, I got sober and I didn't want ANY! lol

I thought it was some sign from above that AA was a cult and they were robbing me of my sex drive - LOL. It bounced back though...eventually. For what it's worth, my cold spell lasted the better part of 6 - 8 months....maybe a year.

Mark75

It took mine longer than two weeks! It was, and is, a gradual process. Quantity and quality change... You bet... But it's not worse, just different. Relax, both of you! Let things ride for awhile... Give each other space, do not put blame or unrealistic expectations on yourself or your partner.

Now, get recovered and work on that, other things will fall into place... You've got the rest of your life .

Mark

Taking5

Speaking just for myself, I had pretty low libido when I first sobered up. After about 2 months of sobriety, I felt like I was in my 20s again.

notsoeasy

This is such a great website and community. I had just been thinking the same thing over the last couple of days. I am 10 days sober, and normally my libido is enough to drive me crazy, let alone my wife. And I have had ZERO desire for sex.

I'm confident it will come back though. The great thing is, I have felt healthier than I have in ages!

Kjell

I made a commitment to my sobriety to not date for 1 year. This was also a suggestion from my sponsor. This helped me to work on myself without any outside interference.

Of course this only works if you're not married or currently dating someone.

I think you can see my point though. Try to concentrate on yourself as getting and staying sober takes a lot of work, but worth it if you do it right.

yellowtail

Thanks for posting this question June. I have 51 days sober today and have been experiencing the same thing. Almost no desire, not even fantasizing anymore. I am also having problems with my short term memory and still a bit short tempered.

I think it may have to do with PAWS (post acute withdrawl syndrome). Our minds and bodies are adjusting to operating without alcohol. From what I have read things start to significantly improve after about 6 months. I use it as a deterrent from relapsing. I don't want to start the clock over at one.

endlesspatience

As the last poster mentioned PAWS, I thought I'd Google it and came up with this fascinating piece. Don't get me wrong - I'm not a doc and I doubt a doc wrote it but there's a lot of things in there that seem to make sense.

Help for Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) after Opiate Withdrawal - Drugs Forum

yellowtail

Another good article about PAWS; http://digital-dharma.net/addiction/...r-immediately/

NewUser

Link doesn't work Yellowtail.

shegirl

I havent really felt like it either, it hasnt been a priority

firestorm090

Sorry to tell ya, yep, it's permanent!!


Just kidding, lol. Scared ya huh, lol.

It gets better, sometimes the mind is willing but the body is weak, lol.