Che

My favourite thing to do on my birthday is to be miserable, drink vodka (to enhance my misery), and then stand in the rain in the middle of the night thinking about life. I guess I won't be doing that this year.

I'm not really asking 'what can I do on my birthday without alcohol.' The answers I would get for that question are to obvious. 'See friends,' 'eat junk food' etc... Neither can really apply to me, since I don't have dependable friends or like junk (especially on my birthday when I have no appetite).

So my question to myself is how do I deal with it emotionally? Do I deny the importance of the day? It is important to me because I desperately need some mark of progress. My body is rotting and growing feebler, yet I have no way to say 'look at all I've done so far with it.' It just continues its existence unnoticed, unevaluated. I don't enjoy being meaningless.

Well, I guess the only thing to do is to keep trying to do things that will make me important to someone. 'Better luck next year.'

yeahgr8

This is why it is crucial to do work on ourselves and change inside...then you won't regret the past at all and look towards your birthday with excitement whilst deciding what to do on the day...if external things didn't make a person happy when drinking why would they magically do so when that person stops?!

That said hope you enjoy your birthday anyway:-)

pinkfirefly

I know how you feel. but don't give up. I know its hard, and I still struggle with drinking myself. but try to do something on your birthday, something totally different that you've never done before. some thing to get your mind off of, how you usually always spent your birth day in the past. Good luck to you. I hope you have a happy birthday. and remember that your life is not meaningless. It may feel that way sometimes, but life always has meaning.

Supercrew

Maybe you could help somebody in need and make yourself feel more meaningful. Maybe you could donate your time at a shelter, or adopt a pet, or become a bigbrother or bigsister. Maybe you could go to the local AA and listen to people who are worse off than you and maybe some of your kind words might help them.

For your birthday do something that adds meaning to your life. That would be the best gift you could give yourself.

I hope you have a Happy Birthday!

Che

I help people all the time. I have people that are important to me. I don't selfishly just want someone to love me while I do nothing for anyone. It is just that is has not come back around. I don't do things because I want people to return favours, but I can't say it doesn't hurt a little to feel unappreciated.

I'm sorry if I sound bratty for shooting down ideas... I haven't given up trying, birthdays are just the moment of self-reflection where I wonder what the results of my efforts are. I wrote a book this summer, what I've been trying to do 3 years, and it doesn't feel like anything has changed.

I suppose what I should do is make some new goals and see if they bring me happiness.

Supercrew

My post wasn't meant to say you don't help people, but I know when I help others it makes me feel meaningful. Your life is obviously meaningful to you and to many other people. I'm not sure how to help you feel appreciated.....I do appreciate your posts and your keen writing style!! And I hope you have a wonderful Birthday!!

LaFemme

Hey Che! Happy Birthday:-)

I here you...my last birthday I drank and smoked and cried (no rain though ).... I have no idea Where my head will be at my next birthday...I would like to treat it like a non-event...pretend it isn't happening...but I am hoping my head will be in a different place by then. Considering all the work I'm doing on myself I am hopeful that will be the case.

Dee74

Hi Che

I guess we're not on the same wavelength but I'm just happy to see another birthday - it was touch and go there for me for a while.

D

leo21

Instead of just birthdays, make each day count as a moment of self-reflection and where you are in life. 12 months is a large gap to take a personal inventory. Remember, you are worth more than anything in the world. You are priceless and you deserve freedom from addiction. My opinion is that maybe you don't wait 11 months and 364 days to pass for the next time you measure yourself.

least

I hope your birthday is a happy one and I pray for peace of mind for you.

jamdls

I celebrated my birthday alone a week ago, I even took the day off of work, I live alone (except my dog) I have no close friends nor family; it was an awesome day! I didn't have to do anything I didn't want to do I got up early and watched the sun come up, took the dog for a walk, went to the gym for 1.5 hours, did a little shopping, then got take-out food from a very nice Italian restaurant and brought it home and ate alone. It was a MEMEMEMEME day and I loved it.

Happy birthday love yourself and be your own best friend.

wildart

You're not rotting yet.

Some day we all will be, but you're not yet.

Enjoy it.

loveon2legs

Hi Che and Happy Birthday....my birthday is in a week and like u, my very first one without alcohol!! I''m looking forward to it!! I'm going away a few days after my birthday...so I plan to indulge myself in some long overdue pampering!! you should too!!

Che

It went better than I thought. I went adventuring around alone and listening to music outside. I normally don't like going anywhere alone, so I stay in if I don't have a responsibility to go out. I think that it is a good thing to have had a sober birthday, because if I didn't I would have just stayed in (my house, my backyard) and drank.

There is some disappointment that one person I was really counting on to remember me didn't, but it's lessened by at least having done something with my day.

To leo21, I'm not sure I understand your logic. I'm an introspective person all year round, but I treat birthdays as a time when I want to be able to look 'before and after.' More often, I have to force myself to not wallow in self-reflection so that I am actually doing something productive... I think it's something I can't describe with justice in a single paragraph.

Although I was rolling in bed all night and got maybe 30 minutes sleep (I wonder what I looked like haha...), with a positive attitude I was able to enjoy the fresh air.

Thanks for your well wishes, all. loveon2legs and LaFemme, I hope your upcoming sober birthdays are satisfying as well

artsoul

Happy Birthday, Che! Look at it as the beginning of a NEW year, one that is filled with possibilities because of sobriety. Maybe it's supposed to be a "quiet one" this year (?). Next year, plan your own party and make sure everyone knows!:day1

Che

Last year I thought to myself 'okay, it's unfair for me to expect people to plan a party for me... Everyone has their own lives, so I have to make this happen myself.' So I invited people over a week before (instead of during Canadian Thanksgiving) and basically people showed up late and left early... So F people lol. They have a saying in the military "Hurry up and wait." I'd rather not do that if I'm trying to make myself feel better.

I'm afraid the reality for some people is a poor reflection of what you see in the movies