really enjoying the sobriety, and wanted to say thanks.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
really enjoying the sobriety, and wanted to say thanks.
i took a long walk this morning. my wife went to work early and my daughter spent the night at her grandparent's house.
after my walk, I was taking in an amazing sunrise when i realized in a couple of weeks. i'll have a year.
i can't believe how much my life has changed. when i got home i looked in my journal from last year and this was my entry....
october 7, 2009
"things are really scary. i can't keep food down and my heart races constantly.
i started making dvds for Mackenzie (my daughter) this week.
i need to explain to her why i died so she'll get the real story and understand why i never got to see her get married or get her first car or watch her soccer games or just be there....i can't do this anymore.
i had another seizure yesterday and i was vomiting blood this morning. i itch everywhere. i hear things that aren't there. i never intended for things to get this out of control. i think i'm dying"
i remember that day. i was using my video camera to make videos for my daughter so when she got older i could explain to her how and why i was dead.
a month and a couple of weeks later, i had a spiritual awakening and put my old life behind me and started to live again.
i went through a solid month of withdrawal. stroke level blood pressure. hallucinations, violent shaking, vomiting, days and days with no sleep...the list could go on. i lost 35+ pounds during the detox...i flipped through my journal and saw another entry that must have been written during one of those sleepless nights of withdrawal. there was no date to it. it was written in red ink and the lettering was really shaky.
it just said....PROGRESS....i'm still alive....ENDURE.
one of my next entries was the day i had my spiritual awakening....
here's the background information from it:
for me, it was what i believe was a case of divine intervention.
i was detoxing from prescription medication and booze at the same time. So when you abuse prescription drugs, the nasty part of them is the withdrawal. what alot of doctors don't tell you about is the withdrawal from these meds can last for months....it's called protracted withdrawal syndrome and it can be equally as dangerous as alcohol withdrawal.
So, i had been detoxing for a good 30 days + and my body was giving out.
i had just had a day of multiple alcoholic seizures with stroke level blood pressure, and a dangerous pulse when i woke up in the morning for another day of pure hell.
When i woke up, i had a bible verse stuck in my head. i figured it was my mind coming to grips with what my body was doing.......dying.
this verse kept running and running through my head through seizure after seizure that day.
it was Psalm 23 ....
"The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want;
he makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters;
he restores my soul.
He leads me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil.
for thou art with me;
thy rod and thy staff,
they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
thou anointest my head with oil,
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life;
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.
i was shaking violently as i pulled into my local grocery store to get some booze. i had enough of this. i was pounding on my dashboard with my fists begging for mercy when i asked for any sign at all that i should keep going on with this.
In that moment an old beat up car pulled directly in front of me.
the license plate read...Psalm 23
in that moment, a warm sense of calm overtook my body and i pulled my car into a parking spot and cried like i had never cried before. God had heard me-
that day was Decemder 23, 2009. that day for me is more special to me than my sobriety date. i slept that night for the first time in a month. my body stopped shaking my heart stopped pounding, my blood pressure was under control.
i was lucky enough to be given this gift at the lowest point in my life. it was a miracle to me and now i try to live gratitude in every aspect of my life.
that story in short has been my signature since the day i joined these boards.
December 23....
" i think God just spoke to me...i don't feel sick anymore. i'm speechless. what a miracle 2 days before Christmas. "
11 months later, i'm doing fine. no more withdrawal, i sleep like a baby and my family and me are solid as a rock.
I don't think i've thought about getting drunk in months. it just isn't there for me anymore.
i've seen probably 50+ new members come and go in these forums since i signed up in mid May, and to me it's still very important that i come here every day to see that all in all the statistics for me staying sober increase when i have a base of people around me that know exactly what i'm going through.
I just wanted to say thank you to all who have been a rock for me over the months. i don't get alot of time to reflect because the house is usually very busy but i had some time this morning and just wanted to express my gratitude.
after my walk, I was taking in an amazing sunrise when i realized in a couple of weeks. i'll have a year.
i can't believe how much my life has changed. when i got home i looked in my journal from last year and this was my entry....
october 7, 2009
"things are really scary. i can't keep food down and my heart races constantly.
i started making dvds for Mackenzie (my daughter) this week.
i need to explain to her why i died so she'll get the real story and understand why i never got to see her get married or get her first car or watch her soccer games or just be there....i can't do this anymore.
i had another seizure yesterday and i was vomiting blood this morning. i itch everywhere. i hear things that aren't there. i never intended for things to get this out of control. i think i'm dying"
i remember that day. i was using my video camera to make videos for my daughter so when she got older i could explain to her how and why i was dead.
a month and a couple of weeks later, i had a spiritual awakening and put my old life behind me and started to live again.
i went through a solid month of withdrawal. stroke level blood pressure. hallucinations, violent shaking, vomiting, days and days with no sleep...the list could go on. i lost 35+ pounds during the detox...i flipped through my journal and saw another entry that must have been written during one of those sleepless nights of withdrawal. there was no date to it. it was written in red ink and the lettering was really shaky.
it just said....PROGRESS....i'm still alive....ENDURE.
one of my next entries was the day i had my spiritual awakening....
here's the background information from it:
for me, it was what i believe was a case of divine intervention.
i was detoxing from prescription medication and booze at the same time. So when you abuse prescription drugs, the nasty part of them is the withdrawal. what alot of doctors don't tell you about is the withdrawal from these meds can last for months....it's called protracted withdrawal syndrome and it can be equally as dangerous as alcohol withdrawal.
So, i had been detoxing for a good 30 days + and my body was giving out.
i had just had a day of multiple alcoholic seizures with stroke level blood pressure, and a dangerous pulse when i woke up in the morning for another day of pure hell.
When i woke up, i had a bible verse stuck in my head. i figured it was my mind coming to grips with what my body was doing.......dying.
this verse kept running and running through my head through seizure after seizure that day.
it was Psalm 23 ....
"The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want;
he makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters;
he restores my soul.
He leads me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil.
for thou art with me;
thy rod and thy staff,
they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
thou anointest my head with oil,
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life;
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.
i was shaking violently as i pulled into my local grocery store to get some booze. i had enough of this. i was pounding on my dashboard with my fists begging for mercy when i asked for any sign at all that i should keep going on with this.
In that moment an old beat up car pulled directly in front of me.
the license plate read...Psalm 23
in that moment, a warm sense of calm overtook my body and i pulled my car into a parking spot and cried like i had never cried before. God had heard me-
that day was Decemder 23, 2009. that day for me is more special to me than my sobriety date. i slept that night for the first time in a month. my body stopped shaking my heart stopped pounding, my blood pressure was under control.
i was lucky enough to be given this gift at the lowest point in my life. it was a miracle to me and now i try to live gratitude in every aspect of my life.
that story in short has been my signature since the day i joined these boards.
December 23....
" i think God just spoke to me...i don't feel sick anymore. i'm speechless. what a miracle 2 days before Christmas. "
11 months later, i'm doing fine. no more withdrawal, i sleep like a baby and my family and me are solid as a rock.
I don't think i've thought about getting drunk in months. it just isn't there for me anymore.
i've seen probably 50+ new members come and go in these forums since i signed up in mid May, and to me it's still very important that i come here every day to see that all in all the statistics for me staying sober increase when i have a base of people around me that know exactly what i'm going through.
I just wanted to say thank you to all who have been a rock for me over the months. i don't get alot of time to reflect because the house is usually very busy but i had some time this morning and just wanted to express my gratitude.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Bulldog....thx for sharing and way to go and well done my friend.
I couldn't help read through and feel as though you were reading my mind and understood what I went through prior to sobriety.
I remember making endless videos on my pc.....which are still there and thinking I am a goner....I am sure of it. All over itching which was a daily thing for me and it drove me crazy. I looked on the web and could find nothing really....until I got sober and the itching went away and I found that is common to chronic excessive alcohol abuse. I had the shakes and convulsions....my life was sincerely out of control.
While I lied there after my last bender.....already poured out the booze....terrified....I had nowheres to turn but my faith and ask the Lord to please see me through this and don't let me die. Give me the strength to get help and never take another drink.
I am working it everyday and am a better person then I could've imagined prior to sobriety and my life everyday is blessed.
All the best!!
I couldn't help read through and feel as though you were reading my mind and understood what I went through prior to sobriety.
I remember making endless videos on my pc.....which are still there and thinking I am a goner....I am sure of it. All over itching which was a daily thing for me and it drove me crazy. I looked on the web and could find nothing really....until I got sober and the itching went away and I found that is common to chronic excessive alcohol abuse. I had the shakes and convulsions....my life was sincerely out of control.
While I lied there after my last bender.....already poured out the booze....terrified....I had nowheres to turn but my faith and ask the Lord to please see me through this and don't let me die. Give me the strength to get help and never take another drink.
I am working it everyday and am a better person then I could've imagined prior to sobriety and my life everyday is blessed.
All the best!!
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by BullDog777 
............ i was pounding on my dashboard with my fists begging for mercy when i asked for any sign at all that i should keep going on with this.
In that moment an old beat up car pulled directly in front of me.
the license plate read...Psalm 23
in that moment, a warm sense of calm overtook my body.......
In that moment an old beat up car pulled directly in front of me.
the license plate read...Psalm 23
in that moment, a warm sense of calm overtook my body.......
Same exact sort of thing happened to me. Un-frickin-real, isn't it? What an absolute blessing that was - I was in a similar spot.....begging for SOME sort of sign to keep going forward with this AA stuff...... I'll be darned..... He replied and there was NO question where it came from.
/.nocoincidences.\
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 2,216
That was truly inspiring! Ah, that elusive spiritual awakening...probably not many have had such a dramatic experience, but it doesn't have to be dramatic...as long as it is heartfelt. Personally, I think that we addicts have a profound appreciation of the Source (for lack of a better term) precisely because we have experienced a dark night of the soul.
for sharing your miracle with us.Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Regina, SK
Posts: 57
WOW! Reading this has given me the hope i need for my ABF. It's nice to read that someone is actually doing ok. I'm sure its tough for you but even though i don't know you, i'm super proud of you. Thanks for giving everyone here hope!!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 711
Oh my.......I will never be able to express how much your post just moved me. If anything else, I'm speechless. That was the most beautiful blessing I have received bulldog. Man.....
thank you for writing those powerful words for us.
thank you for writing those powerful words for us.
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