LifeBlows

I have a meeting with my bankruptcy trustee tomorrow whom I have not paid in like 5 months. I know that if I had money to drink now I would drink and most likely not show up for the meeting. You know put it off till whenever.

But since I am sober, and probably will be until Friday when I get my paycheque, when I feel anxious or afraid my tendency is to actually get off my *ss and do something about the situation to relieve the anxiety.

I'm going to go. Part of the problem was that I got a job which was work to rule or something. Basically they offered shifts and if you wanted to work you could and if not it was all good. Terrible thing for me because it meant that I just stopped showing up. Anyway I have a full time job as a customer service rep now.

I've made up a budget with a plan of how to get out of debt but I'm so afraid that I will drink again and just never get around to doing it. I am three months away from being able to sign up for school. I will only have the money to sign up for school if I stick to my budget. On my budget I cannot afford to drink. If I drink something doesn't get paid. I'm scared I won't make it. I'm excited at the possibilities. I'm afraid that I'm going to lose my house. I feel like such a failure.

Anyway. I think I'm going to see the trustee tomorrow and just explain the situation, prove that I have a steady job now and see what happens. What else can I do except stay sober.

sailorjohn

I firmly believe that if I am sober, I have everything.

Without my sobriety, nothing.

LaFemme

Hi LB! I agree with John, with sobriety all things are possible. By worrying about drinking in the future you are setting yourself up for failure. Live in the moment if that helps.

I also made a mess of my finances when I drank, its going to take time to straighten things out, but no matter how bad it gets, drinking will only make it worse!

DayTrader

Wow... soooo much to say but I just don't have the time right now.

I will say this though: NOT dealing with that stuff WILL get you drunk again - no question about it.

The deal, at least how I look at it now, is that the more things crumble around me the more I grow in my faith in my HP... and sadly...that's about what it takes for me to up my game a little.

gotta run..

Shoei

I totally understand when you talk about facing fears, especially financial ones. When I stopped drinking 16 weeks ago my finances were in a mess. I was too anxious to check credit card statements and bank balances and would not open any mail from financial institutions. Slowly but surely I have faced each individual case and dealt with them. The challenge has actually become quite a fun process as another situation is rectified and ticked off. Sixteen weeks ago things were a disaster and now one credit card is paid off, I have avoided court on another by talking to the bank after months of silence. That second card is almost paid off. My bank account is in credit and debts/bills have been paid off. At the moment I am dealing with the final issue in this area. I bought a brand new sports car about a year ago. Because of my drinking I have only driven about 400 miles in it during this time (simply too drunk). The insurance has lapsed, the registration and tax has lapsed and the car had become a white elephant. This week I have visited the relevant places and will have it all sorted out by mid next week. The thing I have found is that if I take one things at a time it all becomes much more manageable. The other thing is that I found if you communicate with people (bank managers etc) then things are never as bad as perceived. The money saved from not *****ing and drinking has more than covered the debts I had, which inturn has relieved me of most of my anxiety and really helped me with my self esteem etc. Carpe Diem! Sieze the day!

gravity

If you're serious about sobriety, get some help. I use counselling, AA, talk to my Elders...all kinds of stuff. I've had to deal with some tough things in my sobriety but I made it through without drinking. While I don't take my sobriety for granted, there isn't really anything anymore that could "make" me drink. Just don't want to!

LifeBlows

Thanks all,

especially Shoei. I think that its probably not going to be as bad as I am imagining. I am so tired of the free floating anxiety that I am feeling. I'm glad that I have no money to drink because the anxiety that I'm feeling is making me feel the pressure to do something about it.

Cottonwoodchris

Hi, LB. I'm a short timer here and I see you have been here a while. I read in your first post in this topic that you are excited about all the possibilities that are coming up. And your finances need immediate attention. Not trying to be harsh, BUT, won't drinking totally screw all that up for you? You will miss a meeting, not respond to the bank or a creditor, and get deeper in the hole. Not to mention the guilt, the hangover, and all the associated baggage after getting buzzed/ drunk again. It's just not worth it.

You have a chance to get it together. Just do it. If there is no money for booze in the budget, don't buy it. I'm at 34 days sober now, I have almost $400USD saved because I'm not buying that poison anymore. I know, saying "just do it" is very simplistic. But, you can "just do it" Support is the most important thing right now. If AA is not your thing, try a NA meeting. This site as well. NA and SR have saved my life (my kidneys can't take any more abuse)

Try to turn your thoughts away from drinking. Clean house, do laundry, watch a movie. If I can get my act clean and sober, you can too!

LexieCat

One of the main reasons I drank was avoidance. I never got too messed up in my finances (though I did make some poor decisions while drinking), but I always had to wait until I'd had a few to cope with the anxiety of financial stuff.

Most of what I worried about were merely "what-ifs". I'd let my imagination go to town, and get all overwhelmed. Now that I'm sober financial stuff doesn't seem as scary. I've had enough experiences where I've resolved a problem (usually something small) by picking up the phone and working it out immediately.

You've got a good plan in place. Staying sober will add immeasurably to your financial peace of mind.

LifeBlows

I got there late. I was sorely tempted to just miss the appointment like I always do. I just made myself do it. turns out I owe a heck of a lot less than I had thought, and if I get serious I can have my bankruptcy discharged by the end of December and still go to school.

I am so relieved, so so relieved and so glad that I went. Also, when the counsellor asked me why I had missed my appointments and not made any payments I just told her the truth. She was very nice to me and told me that her niece was struggling with the same problem. She said that the first time that I came into her office she thought that something was wrong but thought that it was just the stress of dealing with filing.

I am so happy that I went. That is one HUGE thing off my plate. I wish that I had just faced it sooner. I've been on pins and needles for the last couple of months whenever I was sober enough to remember it. Anyway,

I have to head back to work. Thanks all for your support.

DayTrader

Amazing what a HP can do for ya when you face your fears, isn't it? EVERY time I duck something it eats and eeeeeeeeeats at me. MOST of the time, when I finally face it, it's not as bad as I suspected. And heck, even when it IS as bad as I thought "it" would be.....dealing with it isn't as hard as I thought it'd be. The majority of the problem is and was in my head from the get-go.

glaaaaaaad things worked out for the better.

thanks HP. u-da-man!

mercurial me

stay strong. thinking of you

Shoei

Good work LifeBlows. As I said I have found that these things are rarely as bad as we think they will be. I'm pretty sure, because of the type of people we are we magnify the problems in our own head. Onwards and upwards now!

Dee74

I'm glad you have some good news LifeBlows

D