kiki5711

Part 1

I had an incredible experience!!!

When I first got there and got admitted paperwork etc,, and John (my husband) left, they took me to the area known as "section C" which is the side for addiction of any kind. Alcohol, drugs, prescription meds, street drugs or any other variety of addictions. The other side of the building was another "section" for psyche problems such as bi/polar, severe depression, suicide attempts etc... We shared the same building but different sides.

They took my luggage and told me to sit down and wait while they find a room for me and go through my stuff. I sat at the nurses station and was observing like a hawk everything around me. Some time passed, I don't remember exactly how long and started thinking that this was not for me and was not going to be worth the $760.00 co/pay that we already gave to them to stay here, what I thought was going to be only 5 days.

I told the nurse politely that I changed my mind and that I would like to call my husband to come back to pick me up. The nurse said since I was already admitted, that I cannot leave before seeing the doctor that was assigned to me. Ok, I accepted that but when I was told that they "don't" know where the doctor is and they have left him a message, I didn't know he was going to be available TWO days later and basically in one way or another telling me "lady! you AIN'T going anywhere till you see the doc!" I got really pissed and felt like a prisoner going through booking and started raising hell with the nurses. They still told me I had to wait.

Then one of the staff comes and tells me that my luggage is in a certain room and that it was going to be my room and I could wait there.

I really can't remember from that point what happened in my thoughts. Then someone came down the hall speaking loudly "meds time, line up, meds time!" I guess I went to that line and got my meds. After I got the meds, (and I didn't even ask what they were!) 10-15 min later, I felt chilled out and didn't care where I was. Yup, they had me, line, hook and sink her! I forgot about calling my husband, and next thing I knew there was a meeting and I needed to attend and which room it is etc...I was in my first meeting.

I don't remember the rest of that first night.

I woke up as someone was calling down the hall "vital signs! line up, vital signs! I go out in the hall and in the dining room was a line to get your blood pressure and temperature taken (about 10-15 people or so) before breakfast and then meds time again.

A staff member came and introduced himself, welcomed those that were new and told us the schedule for the day. I started talking with the people around me and found out that they were here for their addiction of choice as well. Anyway, I started thinking this just might be a very good experience for me and forgot about the fuss.

So, now is the second day, no word or sight of my doctor I just went along with the program. As I said, there are meetings to attend all day long on different topics and give people a chance to share about their situation or if anyone had any questions.

Soon I started realizing that I ...DID in fact have a problem and that it was not only alcohol, emotional pain, prescribed medication abuse, stress and depression (just to name a few)!!. As people shared more and more what they have been going through in their lives, I was seeing myself and I started sharing all the things that I have been going through as well, and other people related to my story in turn. I still didn't want to admit that I was an alcoholic and I would only introduce myself with my name and that the reason I was there like (hi my name is Anna and I'm here for alcohol abuse) and then whatever I was going to share.

I also realized that it did in fact come to the point in my life where I was abusing and overusing prescription drugs and booze and for some reason was not able to kick it back even though I tried on my own. I figured my physical body had been restored from all the cancer and that it was time to get back on track. But every time I said I was going ease up on booze, I found myself standing at the gas station at 7 am waiting for them to open the beer and wine cabinet. They don't sell it before that. So, I had my coffee, something sweet with it following up with a six pack of beer or bottle of wine, and if that didn't get me the mellowness I wanted, I took a couple of my stress pills as well. My stress pills (Adavan, or also known as Lorazepen) went from taking 1 to get the effect to 4. And even 4 did crap because my body had built up resistance to it, and I was wondering as to how many pills, downers a day I was going to have to take to chill out. I was hooked on these once before and quit cold turkey, but this time I just couldn't do it. Too much crap in my body. I just felt I knew I had to do something with all this confusion in my head and body but this time I couldn't figure out how. The last two years have been extremely overwhelming, not to even mention the 10 years before that.

After the first meeting is a SMOKE BREAK for 15 min. There are 5 smoke breaks throughout the day. They know that people come here with some heavy **** and that you can only deal with one problem at a time. Smokers would go ******* wild if they had to give up their ciggies while detoxing from all the other stuff. I was part of that smoke group and we all bonded and shared cigarettes and made jokes and fun of the staff and some of the REALLY wacky people there. We were not allowed matches or lighters so there is like a sort of cigarette lighter bolted in the post or one of the 3 staff members give you a light. Everyone is watched by staff members 24/7!!! Even when we are sleeping they come into your room with a flash light to make sure you are in your bed. They do this ALL night long every 15 freakn minutes.

There was this one girl, (looked about 19, 20 or so yrs) a smoker but not really part of our group, and she called herself "Mother Earth". I don't really know what she was there for cause she was on the other side on the psycho's side and not the addicts side. She had braids, I don't know how many, (a white girl) but most of the time wore her hood on her head and always looked down like she was trying to hide her face or something. We were watching her one day and she picked up this dead bumble bee and put it in her empty cigarette box and buried it in the ground and put a flower over it. Then she started picking up any cig butts that she could see on the ground and cleaned them up to the garbage, but one day I saw her pick up this big rock on the way in from the break and put it in her purse and I said to myself (I think I'll stay clear from her for a while!).

One of the smoker ladies was there for extreme depression going through divorce. She was really nice but was really having a rough time coping with her situation. We became good friends and joked around all the time. There were some people there for their second, third or fourth time.
It's really interesting how closely we all bonded in my group and when someone left we hugged and with tears said good by.

I started to open up and looked at this experience with a whole new perspective.

The first day or two nobody gets cafeteria privileges and you get no choice standard lunch such as sandwich with whatever, I can't even remember what it was. I wasn't hungry anyway, so I didn't care. I was in my room reading a great book and actually finished it in two days.

Looking forward to those smoke brakes, and chatting with everyone, I got to know more about this place and the feeling how it's run and the type of people that come here. At first I thought it was like for skid row drunks and weird mental cases but it turned out much different. There were people there from all walks of life, rich and poor sharing something in common. Their addiction or some kind of mental disorder or both.

Meetings and more meetings and MORE meetings!!!!! At first I thought, to hell with all these meetings, but it turned out each had a different theme regarding what brought us to this point in our life and I found myself raising my hand to say something almost in every meeting.

Part 2

Part Two:

One man in our group that was there for alcohol (he looked about in his early 60s) said he had been drinking straight half a GALLON of vodka for about 20 years and did not have a liver disease surprisingly, but had other stuff that he was sick with. WOW!! that's a lot of vodka!! I'm not sure if he meant half a gallon gradually or the whole time.

One lady who is a real estate agent had been drinking mostly wine all day long for the past few years and wanted to quit. She has a son with Asperger syndrome who acts out violently at times and her husband makes her write down in a notebook what she's doing every hour of the day. (Talk about being controlling! No wonder she drinks, who the hell can live with that and not go nuts!) I called her the bunny girl. Actually she moved so slow that I thought I was seeing things. It was like slow-mow movie mistake or something. Must be some heavy drugs she was on.

My room mate was a very smart lady who worked for an insurance company and was going through a divorce that was getting very ugly and she couldn't handle it. We became very good friends and she did not snore at night which was my worry when I was told that I was getting a room mate.

Another person that was interesting was a young man (18 yrs) who was addicted to constantly playing video games to the point that he had no friends and didn't even know how to make any and depression was setting in. He was very shy and also extremely smart. We talked a lot about his problems and after having several conversations together, I saw him trying to speak out and talk in the meetings and make friends with some other young people he saw there. I was happy to see that he was actually starting to enjoy this new liberating self as he was beginning to have lots of fun talking and discussing issues and stuff with them.

A Chinese girl, not from my group but I saw her a lot, just walked around and looked like she was ready to attack somebody any minute. I guess some major anger issues there. One day while we were all lounging around in the main area (with chairs and place where everyone can hang out in between other stuff we did) she had a cup of orange juice and went up to this other young black girl (looks from the hood) and threw it in her face. The black girl got up and said (You bitch, I'm gonna kill you) instantly there was about 20 staff members on top of both of them before any fights or riots started. The story got around in 5 min flat and we were all saying "did you see what happened?"

Yes, at times it felt like I was in that movie "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest,". Weird, but funny as hell.

Some of the speakers in the meetings were very interesting with how they presented their point of view and opened the floor for discussion. Some were just plain boring and liked to hear their voice the most. I didn't find these very productive because they gave no time for discussion.

The last meeting of the day was usually AA Alumni meeting where they give out these what looked like poker chips, for amount of time people were able to stay sober. I thought it was stupid but went along with anyway. The old timers would introduce themselves and share about how they were able to stay sober and clean for years, whatever the amount each different one and so on. This one very pretty young blond hair, tanned skin etc...got up and she says with this ULTRA perky voice "Hi, my name is Sally and I am definitely an alcoholic!" I'm looking at her and thinking what the hell is she so god damn happy about saying it that way!

They were constantly talking about taking advantage of the outpatient one week program after this week is over. What they don't tell you is that they demand a $1,400 deposit and then $85.00 a day to be in that program. Yup taking my check book out anytime now!! NOT!

Comes Wendsday my doctor finally shows up. Instantly I dislike him for some odd reason. Well maybe I know the reason. I felt like he made himself unavailable on Monday on purpose so that I would be forced to stay. So yea, instant dislike.

So, here I go telling him my story and what ever, how I ended up at this place and he says "Well, looks like you had a pretty tough time for the past few years". I'm thinking, no **** sherlock!! I already know that. I said to him that my plan was to stay here 3-5 days as it was explained to me that was the amount of time needed to detox. He starts going off into the wind about how I should consider staying longer and that to save my family I need to take care of myself first, and that alcoholism is not a joke and ruins families etc...etc.... I said to him: My plan is to stay 5 days as that is what we already paid for and not sure if the insurance covers any longer. He starts repeating on the importance of staying sober and that he thinks I should stay longer for my own good and my families own good and that if I was serious about helping my family I would take care of myself first and even if I had to file bankruptcy to stay and continue the program blah blah, blah.

Now picture this! I'm sitting there listening to him, my blood start to boil, My face is turning red, AND I'M ABOUT READY TO CHOCKE THIS MUTER ****** TELLING ME WHAT IS GOOD FOR MY FAMILY!!!! (make a note to yourself: do not mess around with an alcoholic/drug popper with an attitude going through detox!)

However, being the smart lady that I am, I tell him very politely again: I came here to stay 3-5 days to detox my body so I can move on with my life and that if the insurance is not going to pay for more, that I will not be staying longer and if he still insists that I stay longer he can pay for it. He says he's pretty sure that the insurance will pay and that I need to stay. I ask him: Well what if I disagree with your opinion and decide to go home on Friday? Will you give me the discharge orders? He says no, and that if I don't agree with his decision, which was for my own good, I can ask for another doctor, which will take until Monday anyway.

Blood boiling, steam coming out of my ears!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I politely say "Thank you". In other words I'm staying there come hell or high water, because that is what the doctor says I must do.

The meeting with the doctor was over and I went to call my husband immediately and told him that I felt I was being held here like a prisoner, hostage and forced to stay through the weekend against my will. He understood me. He called the insurance right away and asked them if they do cover the weekend. They did as long as I was in-patient. Still, only 80%, so the weekend was not going to be free but there was little choice.

I figured I was stuck here for the weekend, I might as well make the best of it.

I actually had a great time. Since I got to know a lot of people, I had fun with them and it turned out wonderful, but I hated this doctor's guts for this manipulation.

The doctor came in on Saturday to see me and made the appointment right during the time we would go to the gym. I know he did that on purpose because I was challenging him and his authority and he was going to put my sorry drunken ass in place!!! Gym was only on weekends, and only for those here 3-5 days or more, so I was in that category and now he took that privilege from me to show me who's the boss.

We did have Kareoki night on Friday and it was a lot of fun. We sang and danced. I felt so good that I was able to have such a good time without a drink in my hand. The Kareoki went so well we talked the staff into letting us have another one Saturday night which was also fun.

Monday, anticipating my discharge orders I went to the nursing station to see if they had it. Nope, they don't have it yet. I'm thinking "are these people going to pull another stunt on me to stay longer?" And the answer is yes they tried. They tried to make me commit to another week of "counseling" but it would be out-patient which my insurance does not cover.

It got UGLY, I'm telling you it got UGLY. By noon I think they finally realized that they had better let me go or I was going to call the police, the swat team, the governor, WHOEVER, but I was leaving on Monday.

My husband came to pick me up. He was even allowed to come by him self, not escorted by staff to my floor and the nurses station where I was waiting for him. They did not even escort us out of the building and usually everybody is watched every moment of the day, but I think they had enough of me. It took me a few hours to calm down when I got home.

CarolD

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