Send good thoughts...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Rooster Poot, Texas
Posts: 76
Send good thoughts...
Tomorrow, Thursday Sept 30th, at 9:00 a.m. I will learn exactly what my punishment will be for the mayhem I created for myself at my job before I got sober.
Possibilities are termination, demotion, probation, time off without pay. The time off without pay can go hand in hand with any of the other determinations except, of course, termination. That IS time off without pay, pa dum pum! For-ev-AR.
I broke trust, lied, embarrassed my department, humiliated myself, & flirted with the possibility of something horrifyingly catastrophic happening on my shift when I was either slightly buzzed trying to maintain for 8 hours, or miserably in the grips of DTs when I could not manage the Beernomics well enough. I drank on duty. Eventually, of course, I got caught at it & the only thing that saved my job at the time was that I had gone to my supervisors 6 weeks prior to that night & told them I was an alcoholic & needed help. (Their solution was stop drinking... I bet there are lots of people here who have been told that & howled in anguished laughter just like I did that day: So simple! So utterly IMPOSSIBLE!)
It is 6 months later now~~ On Oct 1st it will be 6 months since I got busted (April Fool's Day. How perfect is that?!) & on Oct 6 I will have 6 months sober. I work for a department in which there is a procedure for everything & so for the last 6 months my 'case' has been being passed around on up in the chain of command & now, tomorrow, I'll find out what they decided to do with me. Right now, I feel fairly calm about it. There is a huge part of me that just wants it over, one way or the other. It is incredibly stressful to get up & go to work & be cheerful, optimistic, positive, congenial, productive when the reality is you don't even know if you're really employed there or not & you know that any day could be your last~~ all while you're also dealing with the normal Recovery things we all have; cravings, old drinking buddies showing up, not knowing what to do with yourself sober, being lonely, PAWS, surrounded by all the crap that always sent you bottle diving.
I'll admit I am afraid, but I am also ready. I surprised myself by calling my sponsor last night, & telling her. I've always been a Take it Alone kinda person. But I remembered I don't have to now, which is one of those tricky things for me in Recovery. Sounds weird, but the concept of not being in this alone, doing this alone is odd for me. So now, I'm bringing it to you guys too... just send me backup vibes if you are so inclined. Thanks.
Possibilities are termination, demotion, probation, time off without pay. The time off without pay can go hand in hand with any of the other determinations except, of course, termination. That IS time off without pay, pa dum pum! For-ev-AR.
I broke trust, lied, embarrassed my department, humiliated myself, & flirted with the possibility of something horrifyingly catastrophic happening on my shift when I was either slightly buzzed trying to maintain for 8 hours, or miserably in the grips of DTs when I could not manage the Beernomics well enough. I drank on duty. Eventually, of course, I got caught at it & the only thing that saved my job at the time was that I had gone to my supervisors 6 weeks prior to that night & told them I was an alcoholic & needed help. (Their solution was stop drinking... I bet there are lots of people here who have been told that & howled in anguished laughter just like I did that day: So simple! So utterly IMPOSSIBLE!)
It is 6 months later now~~ On Oct 1st it will be 6 months since I got busted (April Fool's Day. How perfect is that?!) & on Oct 6 I will have 6 months sober. I work for a department in which there is a procedure for everything & so for the last 6 months my 'case' has been being passed around on up in the chain of command & now, tomorrow, I'll find out what they decided to do with me. Right now, I feel fairly calm about it. There is a huge part of me that just wants it over, one way or the other. It is incredibly stressful to get up & go to work & be cheerful, optimistic, positive, congenial, productive when the reality is you don't even know if you're really employed there or not & you know that any day could be your last~~ all while you're also dealing with the normal Recovery things we all have; cravings, old drinking buddies showing up, not knowing what to do with yourself sober, being lonely, PAWS, surrounded by all the crap that always sent you bottle diving.
I'll admit I am afraid, but I am also ready. I surprised myself by calling my sponsor last night, & telling her. I've always been a Take it Alone kinda person. But I remembered I don't have to now, which is one of those tricky things for me in Recovery. Sounds weird, but the concept of not being in this alone, doing this alone is odd for me. So now, I'm bringing it to you guys too... just send me backup vibes if you are so inclined. Thanks.
Jomey
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